Finding You

by Elizabeth Holland

  “Yeah, sure. Hopefully, all the neighbours will be indoors by then, I don’t want any of them recognising me.” As Laura said the words out loud she realised that the chance of anybody recognising her was very slim - she was far from the happy woman that had once lived there with the love of her life. At the most, they might mistake her for a distant relative of the Laura Harper that once lived there.

  They finished their meal in silence before agreeing to have a nap so that they were wide awake for their trip that evening. Once in bed, Laura couldn’t switch off. Her brain had thoughts whizzing around at a hundred miles per hour. Eventually, she fell into a fitful sleep that was peppered with memories of her and Sean.

  ◆◆◆

  20th August 2019,

  The sun shone down on Laura's back, making her smile. She was sitting on the edge of a river bank, enjoying the peace while Sean unpacked the picnic basket next to her. It was a rare day where the sun was shining and they both had the day off. They had packed a picnic and travelled to their favourite spot just outside the city.

  “I don’t think we’ll ever need to eat again!” Sean laughed as he kept pulling food out of the basket. The chef inside of Laura had gone a little overboard when she packed their lunch. They had quiche, sandwiches, salads, pasta salads, olives, cheeses and fresh macarons for dessert.

  “There’ll be nothing left by the time you’re finished." Laura teased him. Sean loved her cooking, and he had an enormous appetite.

  "I can’t help it, you just make such delicious food.” Sean’s reply was muffled as he took a bite out of one of the sandwiches. It was mustard and cured ham on fresh granary bread, his favourite.

  They had laid in the sun for hours, slowly grazing on the feast. The stresses of their working days ebbed away, and once again they were their carefree selves, enjoying each other’s company with endless jokes and teasing.

  "Laura, promise me if anything ever happens to me you’ll protect yourself. Don’t go looking for me." Sean had suddenly become serious - ruining the playful atmosphere that they had been indulging in all afternoon.

  “Sean, don’t be silly.” Laura had disregarded his comment and leant forward to squeeze his hand. Nothing would ever happen to Sean. They had a lifetime together, and she intended to make the most of it.

  “No. Laura, please, I need you to be serious for a moment.” There was a look of desperation on Sean’s face as he put down his drink and grasped both of Laura’s hands in his.

  “Sean, what’s going on?” she asked him. The sudden shift in his mood had worried her. It was no secret that Sean’s job was dangerous, but that was the risk that every police officer took. His face was scaring her, he looked so worried and stressed.

  "It’s just work, Laura, but you know how I worry and how much I worry about you. I love you so much, you have to promise me that if anything ever happens, you’ll prioritise your safety above anything else."

  “I promise,” whispered Laura. She moved next to him and laid her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. She laid there listening to his heartbeat for what seemed like forever.

  “If I’m ever not there, keep Mr Ted safe.” Laura had laughed at this remark. Mr Ted was a teddy bear Sean had won for her at the local summer fete. He had been incredibly proud of his win and had made sure everyone knew he had won it for Laura.

  ◆◆◆

  Laura woke with a jolt, the room was dark but she could just about make out Luke’s silhouette, sitting at the table looking at something on his phone. It took a moment for Laura to organise her thoughts. That dream had brought back the memories of that sunny August day that she had completely forgotten about. With the advantage of hindsight, Laura now wondered whether Sean had been giving her a clue. Could the teddy bear help her understand what was happening?

  “Claire, you’re awake. It’s almost midnight." Luke smiled over at her, waiting for her to get ready to leave. Laura wasn’t sure why, but she didn’t think she should tell Luke about the teddy bear, at least not until she knew whether it was a clue.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Laura cursed the cast on her leg as she tried to keep up with Luke as they walked up to the entrance to the block of flats. She was about to walk back into her old life and back to the scene of the most traumatic event that she had ever experienced. Laura’s heart was pounding in her chest, but she had to ignore it. There was no time for her to have an emotional breakdown - it would have to wait until later. Tonight was about finding out what happened to Sean.

  “Do you have the fob to get in?" Luke asked her, reaching his hand out for the keys. Laura kept her grip on them and walked past him to open the door herself. These keys were the only item she had connecting herself to this flat and to Sean. She would keep them firmly in her own hands.

  "It’s this way.” For once, Laura took the lead. This was her territory, and she had to show Luke that. He had shown a harsher side to himself, and Laura was starting to want to distance herself from him.

  “It’s a lovely building.” Luke commented as he followed her into the lift. Laura had never really used the lift before, she was usually one to take the stairs.

  “It is. We would walk past the building on our way to the pub and we’d always comment on how much we wanted to live here. It was like a dream come true when one of the flats came up for sale. Sean had already put an offer on the flat before he even took me to view it.” A ghost of a smile crossed Laura’s face as she thought about how Sean had surprised her on her birthday. He had pretended to take her to the pub, however as they walked past the building he buzzed the bell, took her up to the flat and announced that they were buying it.

  "He sounds like the perfect boyfriend.” The lift opened and Luke walked out first, holding the doors open for Laura to exit.

  “He was.” she replied, making her way towards the front door. Her front door. She knew she would have to be quick to scoop up any post to ensure that Luke didn’t catch sight of her real name. That would raise too many questions and ones she didn’t want to answer.

  With a deep breath, Laura put the key in the lock and opened the door to her old flat. A musty smell hit her senses as she opened the door and swiftly bent down to scoop up the post on the welcome mat. There were only a few envelopes, Laura suspected that either her or Sean’s parents had been coming and going from the flat. Pushing thoughts of her parents to the back of her mind, Laura promptly hid the letters from sight and breathed a sigh of relief that her and Sean hadn’t been the type of couple that bought personalised gifts.

  “Where should we look first?” Laura asked. She wanted to station Luke in another room so she could grab a backpack and put the teddy bear safely in it, ready for her to inspect at a later date.

  “I’m not sure, Laura, it’s your flat.” Despite his apparent reluctance to rifle through her drawers, Laura could see Luke’s eyes roaming around the flat. He was eager to pry into her personal life to see whether he could unearth some clues. Something about his tone threw Laura, but she quickly composed herself, ready to give him a task.

  “You start in the living room and I’ll look in the bedroom.” The decision to send Luke into the living room went beyond just trying to get him out of the way. Laura wasn’t sure whether she could face walking into that room, knowing it was possibly where Sean had lost his life.

  They went their separate ways and Laura slowly wandered into the bedroom. She had to keep a tight grip on her emotions as the memories came flooding back. All the times she had come home from work late and Sean had already been cuddled up under the duvet. Or the mornings when he was on the late shift and he would wake her up with breakfast in bed. Why did her memories have to paint Sean in such a positive light? Yes, he had been an amazing boyfriend, but he wasn’t without fault. However, losing him had highlighted just how insignificant those faults were.

  Before Luke came looking for her, Laura grabbed a backpack from the wardrobe, a black Nike one that had been Sean’s. Mr Ted was sitting on
her bedside table and she quickly stuffed him into the bottom of the bag, alongside a framed picture of them. The picture had been taken at Sean’s cousins’s wedding. They were both beaming at the camera after a day of happiness and even talk of their own wedding. Laura had left that wedding feeling on top of the world and excited for their future together.

  "Have you found anything?" Luke called, pulling her back to the present.

  “Not yet, have you?” She shoved some clothes into the backpack and started going through drawers.

  “Nothing of any significance.”

  As Laura went through the drawers in the bedroom, she noticed things were missing. She couldn’t be sure it hadn’t been her or Sean’s family, however she doubted they would have taken iPads and fitness trackers, and left pictures. Perhaps Sean had information stored on them that people wanted. The gang had already ransacked the flat and Laura knew the police would have searched it too, and so it wasn’t unusual that a few items had gone missing.

  Once Laura had searched the bedroom, she went out into the hallway and opened up the cupboard where they stored their coats. She went through the pockets of all of Sean’s jackets, but there was nothing there. However, there was something that caught her eye. There was a panel at the back of the cupboard that looked loose. Nobody else would have noticed it, however Laura had spent hours sanding and painting those panels when they first moved in. She was a perfectionist, and she never would have left the panel like that. There had to be something behind it.

  “Still nothing!” Laura called out, hoping it would stop Luke from coming to see what she was doing. With her cast sticking out at an awkward angle, she knelt and pulled up the floorboard. Laura suppressed a gasp as she saw that behind the board was a safe. Fear ran through her. Why would Sean have kept this a secret from her? She tapped away at the numbers, trying to crack the code. She tried his birthday and her birthday, but neither worked. Then she tried their anniversary and to her surprise the door swung open.

  “Is it worth checking the kitchen?” Luke called, his voice sounded closer.

  “Yes, please. I’ll be there in a second, just grabbing a coat for myself.” Laura hoped that was enough to stop him wondering what she was doing. She listened for a moment. With relief, she heard him enter the kitchen and start opening cupboards.

  Turning her attention back to the safe, Laura pulled out a wedge of paperwork and stuffed it straight into the backpack, hidden beneath the clothes. To her surprise, she discovered bags of white powder behind the paperwork. Was it drugs? She didn’t have time to explore any further as she heard Luke’s footsteps coming towards her. Laura stuffed the drugs back in the safe, and locked it. She would find herself in more trouble if anyone found her in possession of cocaine. She then grabbed a coat from the cupboard and quickly made her way towards Luke before he became suspicious.

  "Did you find anything?” she asked him, although she already knew the answer from the stoney look on his face.

  “No, nothing. You?” he asked, eyeing up the bulky backpack on her back.

  “No, just grabbed some new clothes for myself.” she said, trying to distract his attention away from the backpack.

  “What now?” he asked, running a hand through his hair. Luke looked stressed, although Laura couldn’t blame him. He had probably been hoping they would stumble across clues that would lead towards them solving this, and he would be safe again.

  “Why don’t you just leave me here and head home? I’m sure they’ll soon realise I’m no longer with you and leave you alone.”

  “No, I’m not leaving you.” The ferocity of Luke’s reply took Laura by surprise. She thought he would be happy to see the back of her.

  “Sorry, I’m just stressed. I know I’ve only known you for a short while, Claire, but I really do care for you.” A smile broke out across Luke’s face and the butterflies in Laura’s stomach awoke. The harsh edge had disappeared from his voice and a softness had returned to his face. She wanted to enjoy the moment and revel in someone caring about her, but there was something gnawing away at her. She just couldn’t put her finger on what it was.

  “Let’s head back to the hotel, get a good night’s sleep and come up with a new plan in the morning.” Luke nodded in agreement and they both walked out of the flat, locking it behind them.

  As they climbed into the lift together, Laura’s brain began to piece together information. It wasn’t until the lift doors shut firmly behind them, and she was trapped in a confined space, that she realised what was playing on her mind. He had called her Laura. As they walked into the flat, he had referred to her as Laura, not Claire. There was no way he could have seen her name on the post, she had scooped it up too quickly. If he had seen her name on a letter, surely he would have questioned why she had lied to him and told him she was called Claire?

  Laura broke out in a cold sweat as she struggled to catch her breath. He must have known who she was all along. She was trapped in a confined space with the enemy.

  Chapter Fifteen

  She had to escape, but how? Running away was hardly an option with the heavy cast on her leg. With the aide of crutches she could hop away. Laura knew she would have to wait until Luke was asleep tonight and hope for the best. She wanted to scream and cry at him. He had been the first man she had trusted since Sean’s death. The first man she had kissed! The first man she had been attracted to, and yet he was one of the people responsible for Sean’s death. At least, he could be one of the men responsible, and that alone made Laura want to get as far away as possible from him.

  “Do you need help to get into the car?” Luke asked her as they walked out of the block of flats. She did struggle with getting in and out of the car, but would not admit this to Luke. She no longer wanted any help from him.

  "I’m fine, thanks.” she replied, as she made her way round to the passenger side of the car. Laura kept a tight grip on the backpack that she held in her hands. As they drove back to the hotel, she hugged it close to her chest - this bag might hold some of the answers she had been looking for.

  “I’m sorry, Claire. Sorry that we didn’t find anything.” The hairs went up on the back of Laura’s neck as Luke used her false name. He was still pretending he didn’t know who she was. Had he even realised that he had slipped up? Laura’s mind was racing with questions as to exactly who Luke was and how he was involved in all of this. However, she knew it was unlikely she would ever get answers. Laura had to prioritise, and right now the most important thing was to get away from Luke, with the contents of the backpack. Once she found somewhere safe to stay, she could see whether her suspicions were right, and if the teddy bear held a clue.

  “Would you like to talk?” It was a question that yesterday would have warmed Laura’s heart. The idea that Luke cared about how she was feeling would have given her butterflies in her stomach. Today, the last thing she wanted was to talk to Luke. He reached across the car and took her hand in his. Laura had to force herself not to flinch at his touch. She couldn’t let him know she had uncovered his true identity. Instead, she held her breath until he let go of her hand to steer the car around a bend.

  “Perhaps tomorrow, I’m just disappointed that we didn’t find anything.” Laura hoped she sounded convincing, despite the tremble in her voice.

  “That’s fine. We’ll get a good night’s sleep and treat ourselves to coffees and pastries for breakfast.” He shot her a dazzling smile, and yet it did nothing. All Laura could think about was how stupid she had been. The first man that had been kind to her, and she’d fallen under his spell. She had been such a fool.

  They sat in silence until they arrived at the hotel when Luke offered Laura help out of the car. She refused his offer and clambered out of the car, stumbling slightly as her cast forced her off balance. She needed to remind herself what being on her own was like. If she could get away from Luke tonight, then she would be on her own for the foreseeable future with a broken ankle and crutches.

  Once up in the roo
m, Laura feigned tiredness and walked into the bathroom to get changed for bed. She still had the backpack in her hands, and she pulled out a pair of jogging bottoms and a long-sleeved top. It was just about passable as something to sleep in, but it also meant that she could sneak out of the room without getting changed. Laura desperately wanted to look at the paperwork that she had found amongst the bags of drugs, but she knew she had already been in the bathroom for too long. She folded the paperwork up and put it in the inside pocket of a pair of trousers, which she then stuffed at the bottom of the backpack, hopeful that if Luke tried to look he wouldn’t find anything.

  “Do you want to go straight to sleep?” Luke asked her as she re-emerged into the room. He was going out of his way to make her feel comfortable. Laura hoped his kindness wasn’t because he had realised his mistake. If it were, then he might be looking for signs that she knew the truth. Laura had never been a good actress, and so she had to hope that Luke thought nothing was amiss.

  “I think so. It’s been a long day.” Laura sighed, she really wanted to sleep, but she knew she would have to lay there, awake, waiting for her chance to escape. It was already three in the morning but thankfully being winter the sun wouldn’t be up for hours yet.

  “That’s fine. Goodnight, Claire.” Luke swiftly crossed the room and pulled her into an overly friendly hug. He had upped the physical contact since they had left the flat, and Laura suspected it was all part of hoodwinking her. She tried to relax into his embrace, but every inch of her wanted to run as far away as possible from him.

  The night seemed to last forever. Laura had placed the backpack by the side of the bed and ensured that she was lying facing it, with her back towards Luke. He sat up for what seemed like forever, sending messages on his phone. Laura considered what he might be saying. He was probably reporting back on their visit to the flat. She guessed he had been hoping that she would lead him to some clues, or perhaps even to the drugs. They would be disappointed in Luke’s progress, which meant Laura was in even more danger.