Loved

by Rebekah Dodson

  The new couple appeared enraptured as could be as I watched them walk down the aisle past me. A tiny bit of jealousy nagged at me as I observed them staring at each other with such adoration. I’d had that once and lost it, and Shuri and I had a good couple of years, but where was my forever moment? I hoped Ellie and I could rekindle it, and all day I found myself looking toward the parking lot, hoping I’d see the red convertible pull in, but it never did.

  I wasn’t sure how Cam was getting back to Seattle tomorrow, but it wouldn’t be with Ellie.

  And something about that killed me. Missed chances and all that.

  My phone buzzed as the crowd stood to their feet. Nancy was up front, inviting everyone to the barn where the reception would be taking place, and the crowd filed out of the area. I checked it briefly. A thumbs up from Cam, meaning dinner was just about ready. What would I do without her?

  How did the chicken come out?

  Amazing as always. Liam’s recipe was perfect.

  He’s a good cook.

  My thumbs hovered over my phone for a moment. Hey – if I never get a chance to say it, thank you. You saved this wedding with Liam laid up.

  Aw Matt, I never thought you cared.

  I chuckled at that. And don’t worry about getting back to Seattle – the trip’s on me, even if I have to drive you myself.

  I appreciate that, hun. I’m not sure where Ellie’s headspace is at.

  Me either. I sighed and tucked my phone away. I wonder if she saw my message? I laid everything on the line for her, and the ball was in her court, so to speak. Would she run with it or go home? It was her choice – it had always been her choice. But at least this time she knew where my heart was.

  I glanced up at the clouds that had been moving in since early afternoon. It was a little after three now, and they were starting to grow darker. I spotted my staff – Christina, Savannah, and Gavin – and waved them over to start packing up as soon as possible. I was glad Nancy had taken my advice about the weather and insisted on the pictures before the storm rolled in. Oregon was unpredictable like that – especially this close to the Columbia River. The winds could kick out of nowhere, destroying and damaging weddings and vineyards alike.

  “Who are you waiting for?” Grant asked as we were pulling up chairs and loading them in the back of my pickup to be run over to the storage sheds.

  I grunted, pulled four chairs into my arm, and hoisted them on the truck bed. “What makes you think I’m waitin’ for anyone?”

  “That woman, your ex,” Grant said, tossing me a chair. I caught it and threw it up with the others.

  “Lower your voice,” I barked, but winced at how harsh I sounded. Christina and Savannah’s giggles carried back to us from ten rows up.

  “For what it’s worth, I do hope she comes back.” Grant patted me on the shoulder as he turned for more chairs.

  I jogged behind him. “And why’s that?” I cleared my throat. “Not that I care or anything.”

  “Because of that.” He motioned his head to the girls. I watched them whisper something to each other and hide laughter behind their hands.

  “I’ve been here longer than the entire staff,” Grant informed me. It was true – Shuri had hired him herself. “And I’ve watched them become fast friends. Christina’s even got a little crush on Xavier.”

  “Liam told me about that,” I muttered.

  “But in the last few months, I’ve never seen them laugh so openly like that. Not with you around, at least.”

  I started at that.

  “Why do you think that is?” I asked Grant, almost afraid of his answer.

  “Because the last couple of days with that woman around, you’ve been saying a whole hell of a lot of ‘please’ and ‘thank yous’.”

  “Have I?” I really hadn’t noticed. Was he right?

  “And they have worked harder and faster than they have all summer. Look at them now.”

  We both carried a stack of folded chairs back to the truck, as the girls made their way to the gazebo to start taking down the lights. Nancy and two other women were collecting flowers to take to the reception. They were all thirty feet away, and with the wind whipping up, I hoped our voices didn’t carry.

  I stopped at the truck, stacked the chairs, and “They set the tables in record speed at the reception hall,” I mumbled. “Much faster than the Mayweather wedding we had in August.”

  “And the Hucklebee one the end of July.”

  I nodded. “I’m going to go take this load to the shed and I’ll be back for the next set.”

  Grant nodded. “I’ll get them folded and stacked and head back up to the front desk.”

  I patted him on the arm. “Thanks, man. You’ve been a great help.”

  He smiled and set off up to the Inn.

  As I drove down the winding path down to the sheds on the other side of our lake, I pulled up next to the girls and rolled down my window. “Thanks for your help today,” I told them. “I really appreciate it.”

  Both Christina and Savannah gaped at me, until Savannah elbowed Christina and whispered loudly for her to shut her mouth. As I waved and pulled off, I swore I heard Christina say, “Did he just thank us? You think he’s sick or somethin’?”

  I chuckled to myself and headed down the road.

  Even if Ellie didn’t come back, and I nursed my broken heart for a few days, the effects Grant mentioned were real ... or maybe I had changed, and it just took her to bring it out in me.

  She always did bring out the best – once upon a time.

  Chapter 16

  Ellie

  “IS THERE SERIOUSLY no gas station open this late?” I muttered to myself as crept the convertible slowly down main street, well, the entire four blocks that called itself that. I passed two gas stations – both dark – and another that just looked abandoned. I had been in such a hurry I had forgotten to gas up in Portland, and the empty signal dinged about fourteen miles onto I-84. How I’d gotten this far, I didn’t know.

  Screw it, I decided, and I circled back around to the hill that led up to the resort. I’d get there even if I had to walk.

  I pulled into the graveled parking lot just after seven pm. My eyes immediately went to Matt’s small cabin at the bottom of the parking lot. From here I could barely see the fireplace chimney that rose above the trees. It was hard to believe that twelve hours ago Matt and I had sat on that porch with our fingers intertwined and our coffee growing cold. Matt had told me stories of the resort; the famous celebrities that can stayed here, the exciting narrative of Liam learning to ride a horse, and even some of the mishaps – hiring staff that didn’t work out and a fire in the kitchen among those.

  In the distance, I could see the lights of the barn, which shone out of the cracks in the slates like a beacon of dancing and nightlife. The wedding would still be in full swing, I realized, and based on the flashes of light it was probably close to time for the dancing. I tried to remember the schedule Matt had told me: ceremony at two, dinner at five, dance floor at seven. But how did I know Matt would be down there?

  On a whim, I decided to check my phone. I’d ignored it most of the day, having left it in the car when I was at work. It was amazing how free I felt all day without having to check it every couple of seconds. I cleared the emails I’d already checked from my desktop and flipped open the envelope: two lonely texts awaited me, one from Cam, and one from a number I didn’t recognize.

  My heart leapt in my chest. Matt?

  I couldn’t open it first. What if it wasn’t, and I was a fool? He’d sent me away, what would he do if I just showed up here, in the middle of the huge event? I didn’t want to ruin it. I just wanted to tell him how I felt, and it couldn’t be said over the phone or text. If he rejected me again, well, that was that.

  There’s no going back now, I thought, but opened Cam’s message instead. I pushed the little voice screaming coward in the back of my head.

  It was a short message, about us being friends a
nd me being stupid. I couldn’t disagree. Our fight was so stupid – I was mad at her for hooking up with Liam, mad at her for abandoning me, and most of all mad at me for not supporting Matt and me. I wonder if she’d change her tune now she was with Liam? Again, not something I could easily text.

  Since my friendship seemed easier to prepare at the moment, I locked the convertible and trudged up the hill to the inn. The desk where the receptionist sat, Grant I think his name was, was empty, with a ‘We will return in...’ sign next to a shiny silver bell. Must be all hands on deck for the wedding, I mused and pushed my way into the employee only door leading to the kitchen.

  The kitchen was nearly deserted, with Daniel at the grill and Xavier on the opposite end buried in a sink full of suds. They both glanced quickly up at me, and neither one was concerned. I didn’t even know if they knew I left.

  “Have you seen my friend Cam?” I launched right into it. “She’s about this tall, black, with braids—”

  Daniel laughed and grabbed a towel to wipe his hands. “I know who she is. She helped make this mess you’re lookin’ at.”

  Xavier joined him. “She was literally just here. Walked Liam down to the wedding reception, but she said she’d be back with the dinner dishes. Two dishwashers just aren’t enough, and we’ll be here all night!”

  “Thanks, guys.” I didn’t want to waste anymore time. It was almost dark, and we were losing daylight fast. I pushed through the kitchen to the dining room, which was completely empty, probably since the entire guest staff was down at the wedding.

  Immediately I spotted Cam and Savannah, who were carrying buffet-style tins across the patio. I waved at them and Cam froze. I swear she almost dropped the platter. Savannah turned to her and Cam stacked hers on top, and Savannah hurried past me into the dining room.

  “I’m sorry,” we both said at the same time. I pulled her into a hug. “No, let me talk,” I told her when we pulled away. “I was such a bitch. I can’t believe I let how I felt about Matt get in the way of our friendship.”

  Cam nodded and smiled. “Forgiven, bitch, and you know I love you, right?”

  I hugged her again. “And I’m sorry for teasing you about Liam. He may be just a boy, but I think Matt made sure he’s wise beyond his years.”

  “That boy...” she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know where it will go, but I’m having fun.” She held me at arm’s length. “I’m glad you came back, Ellie.”

  I chewed my lip. “Do you think Matt will...?”

  “The DJ just got around to playin’ the music for the dance. I think I saw Matt skulking around down there. If you hurry, I bet you can catch him.”

  “Thanks, Cam. Friends?”

  “Yes. Now go!” She nodded at me and I turned to hurry down the path toward the barn.

  When I got there, it took me a minute to locate Matt. The room was packed with people milling about, and in the back I could just make out Grant, Savannah, and Christina, who were busy clearly tables and moving them out of the way, but no Matt. I squeezed in and hugged the wall, hoping I wasn’t crashing the party, while I searched the now dimly lit barn.

  Cam was right about the DJ revving up, as the entire barn boomed with a catchy country song. Just as I got there, the lights dimmed, and soft pink and blue spotlights swirled around the dance floor. The DJ announced it was time for the bride and groom’s first dance, and I recognized the song immediately, thanks to Cam: “I Don’t Dance” by Lee Brice. As much as I hated country, it was a great choice.

  They looked so happy and in love, this couple. I didn’t even know their names, where they were from, or what they did for a living. All I knew was when he held her, the look on his face mirrored how Matt stared at me this morning. Like everything was about to start new, fresh, and it was an exciting adventure. Henry had never looked at me like that, I realized, and he loved the me that was the one who always checked her phone and worked all the time.

  My phone! I’d absently slipped it in my pocket before going to meet Cam. I hadn’t checked the other message.

  I flipped it open as other couple joined the stage to dance. Even though I didn’t recognize the number, I knew it was from him. “We Danced” by Brad Paisley started to play.

  I don’t know how to start this, really, because you know I’m usually a man of few words, but here goes: you’re probably in Seattle right now, maybe at work, I don’t know. I know you won’t choose me – what can I offer you? I don’t have money, fame, or a fancy medical degree. All I have is this vineyard, my cabin, and a lifetime of coffees on my front porch with the sunrise. I chose you once, and I will always choose you again. I forgot to show you what it’s like to be loved when we were married, but I promise you if you choose me, I will never let you forget it again. I hope and pray I’m not wrong, and that you’ll come back to. But if you don’t, I hope you find what you are looking for. I love you, Elaine, and I will always choose you.

  “I see you got my message.”

  His breath in my ear made me drop my phone. I scrambled to pick it up from the dusty floor and tucked it in my back pocket. I couldn’t help it.

  Brad Paisley had ended, and from my peripheral vision I could see the bride and groom were eying me from across the room, and embarrassed, I turned to leave. Our marital – or nonmarital, rather – strife shouldn’t ruin their big day. I hoped Matt would follow me out of the barn, and he did.

  “Just tell me one thing, before you leave.” I froze with my back to him as he said it.

  I spun to face him. He’d thought I was leaving. The look on his face broke me; how many times had he watched me walk away? There was nothing I could say right now except fling my arms around his neck and kiss him.

  We parted, breathless, and he held me away from him. “Does this mean...”

  Before I could answer him, the music floated to us, and he pulled me with him back to the dancefloor. The soft yellow lights swirled around the dancefloor and the lights dimmed even more. The DJ started a slow sway of purple lights dancing across the dance floor. The ballad of a poppy song started, one I didn’t recognize, and very different from Brad Paisley. It was some boyband crooning about love, no doubt. How cheesy. I almost laughed.

  There was nothing to laugh at. The look on Matt’s face mirrored that of the groom. He held out his hands and I stared at him. The whole drive down here, I had thought about nothing else but dancing with him again, like the first night I had arrived at the vineyard. Now there was all this stupid, sappy ‘magic’ unfolding, and my throat was closing, and I didn’t know what to do.

  Or did I?

  I took his hands and he twirled me toward him, grasping my waist before taking my hand in a slow dance, just as he had the first night I arrived here. “I’m surprised they aren’t playing Taylor Swift,” I murmured.

  “Well, I tried, but nope, they went with the Backstreet Boys instead.”

  “Jesus, aren’t those guys like ...”

  “Our age? Yes. Shuri liked them, too.”

  “She had interesting taste in music.”

  Instead of answering me, he sang some of the lyrics so quietly I could barely hear him. I’d never heard the song before, but it was about having a place to hide. It was a great wedding song. I thought about the words as we swayed together. Thirteen years ago we had danced to a very different song at our wedding, though I’d wager this song was probably about that old. Ironic.

  I fought with the tears welling in my eyes. I had dropped my six-figure job for him...no, that was wrong. For us. I couldn’t wait to wake up to him and...

  Relaxing yoga every day.

  Coffee on the porch of his rustic cabin.

  Ride horses, pick apples, get lost on the trails.

  Go on picnics, make apple cider, serve dinner to waiting patrons.

  No more screaming doctors about their insurance and upset staff and shrieking union members. Just...

  Staring at a beautiful sunset over the Columbia Gorge with a glass of the best Moscato wine in the
county all while being loved by the only man who ever truly held my heart.

  “You’re crying,” Matt whispered, his lips brushing my ear.

  “Am I?” I wiped my eyes and then grasped his hand again.

  “Why?”

  The song ended and the lights came back up. Some other pop number came on and it was a fast song. I pulled Matt’s hand away from the dance floor and didn’t stop yanking him behind me until we found ourselves out on the deserted patio. From here I could see the bride in all her white dress glory, her head sweetly tucked into the collar of her groom.

  “’Keeping your emotions all locked up is something that’s unfair to you. When you clearly know how you feel, you should say it.’” I held his hand as I said it.

  He smiled. “More words of wisdom from Tay.”

  “I won’t choose you,” I blurted, and the way his smile dissipated so suddenly tugged my heart. He sighed heavily and went to pull his hand away, but I closed my fingers over it. “I choose this.”

  “I don’t understand?”

  “You told me no one would choose you, this life, this vineyard. Well, I’m telling you I do. I choose everything here, you included.”

  “You do?”

  I nodded.

  He swept my into his arms and swung me around, then planted a kiss on my lips.

  So this is what it felt like to be loved.

  THE END.

  Other Books by this Author

  Realm of Elestra

  Timekeeper

  Clock City

  Curse of Lanval Series