by Lynn Howard
It was another twenty minutes before Shawnee returned to the bedroom. She was wearing the same nightgown, but her makeup was completely gone and her fiery red hair hung wet down her shoulders and back.
And his mouth went dry.
He’d thought she was pretty when he’d seen her again after all those months. But this woman? There were sweet freckles peppering her entire face, darker across her nose and cheeks. Her lashes were the same coppery color as her hair, and her lips were a flower petal pink that made him want to taste them. Her hair was curly, even wet, and he realized how long it was, reaching to the middle of her back.
“Uh…” And he was struck mute.
“See? That’s why I wore all that,” she said, then slapped a hand over her mouth. “Sorry,” she muttered and dropped her eyes to the floor.
Day and night. She was all over the place. “There’s no reason to apologize. And listen, and I’m saying this with all sincerity, you do not need all that stuff.” He slowly unfolded from the bed and closed the space between them, cupping her cheek gently in his big palm. “You’re stunning, mate.”
She winced slightly when he’d called her mate. Was that word tied to a bad memory? Fucking Rhett. Once again, he found himself wanting to kill that bastard all over again.
Dropping his hand from her face, Colton put a few steps between them so she wouldn’t feel trapped. “I’m just saying, I want you to be yourself. I promise you I’m going to do a lot of stuff that’s going to get on your nerves, but you’ll never wonder who I am. I just want the same from you.”
“I don’t know if I can do that,” she said, clasping her hands in front of her and staring at her fingers.
She’d meant that. She’d truly meant she wasn’t sure if she could be herself. And he realized it was because she truly didn’t know herself. Well then. He’d just have to help her find the woman inside without all the external bull shit.
“Let’s get some sleep. We’ll talk about it more in the morning,” he said, rounding the bed to the side he preferred and pulling the blankets back. Shawnee stood in the door and watched with slightly wide eyes. “Just sleep,” he reassured her.
Colton wasn’t exactly a gentleman, but he wasn’t a prick, either. She was obviously uncomfortable, but ready to do as she was ordered. He sure as fuck wouldn’t order her to do anything, least of all screw him. He wanted her, that was no lie, but he’d wait until she was ready. He just hoped it didn’t take all that long. The longer he stared at her beautiful curves, the more he wanted to put his hands on her.
Shawnee padded almost silently over to the bed and lowered onto the edge with her back to him.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Shawnee. You can relax. Like I said, just sleep.” He rolled over and gave her his back in hopes it would make her a little more at ease.
He felt the bed jostle beneath him, then the blanket pulled up. He reached over and turned off the lamp, leaving the room in darkness. She didn’t move. Hell, he wasn’t sure she was even breathing. Rolling onto his back, he stared up at the dark ceiling. “I’m glad I met you,” he whispered into the silence.
She didn’t answer, didn’t roll toward him. He was about to roll back over when he heard her soft intake of breath.
“Me too,” she whispered so softly he’d almost missed it.
Colton smiled at the wall. That was a step. A tiny one, but it was a step. He’d always been a hopeless romantic and he wasn’t about to stop now. He’d dote on her, spoil her, and put her on an incredibly tall pedestal until she begged him to stop. Even then, he’d still make sure she felt like the queen she was.
****
He hadn’t wanted sex. Good. As attractive as Shawnee found Colton, she wasn’t sure she was ready for that just yet. At least she didn’t have to vie for his attention like she did her last mate. Her second mate. She’d been a failure in her parents’ eyes. How wonderful it would be to have a mother like Colton’s, to be accepted no matter what. And he’d said his dad had been great, too.
Shawnee sighed softly. Colton had fallen asleep a while ago and now his steady breathing was the only sound in the room. She didn’t want to wake him. Yet, she couldn’t sleep. This wasn’t her bed. This wasn’t her home. Okay. It was her home now, but it wasn’t her house. It would take a while to get used to this place.
It was odd, but this place felt more like home than anywhere she’d been, including her family Pack home. She’d always been made to feel like a burden, like she was a job or chore for her mom. Not once had she ever heard words of affection or encouragement from that woman’s lips. And it was something she craved above all else.
Colton had given her words of affection. He’d told her she was stunning; told her she didn’t need all the makeup. Which, of course, was in complete contrast with everything she’d had drilled into her brain. She was to be pleasing and available at all times.
Shawnee turned her head on the pillow and looked at Colton. He’d rolled in his sleep and was now facing her. His dark lashes rested against his cheeks, and his lips were slightly parted. He really was handsome in a rugged sort of way. She’d remembered him from when he’d stayed in Tammen to keep an eye on Emory. Where was his hat? He’d always had a black cowboy hat either on his head or clenched in his hand. When he’d come to Hope Pride to pick her up, he hadn’t been wearing it. Had that been for her benefit?
Surely, he didn’t think she needed him to change for her. It was her job to mold to his desires, to be whoever he wanted, not the other way around.
I want you to be yourself.
Whether he’d meant it or not didn’t matter. She didn’t even know who she was anymore. She just knew who she was supposed to be. And she hated that. She hated not knowing her own dreams and goals. She hated not knowing what her favorite things were. She hated that she didn’t even know whether she enjoyed sex with someone she cared about. The only time she’d had sex was with her first mate and it had been for the sole purpose of procreation. He’d get what he wanted from her then be gone. He’d never cared whether she’d been satisfied or even if he was hurting her. It probably would’ve been the exact same with Rhett.
But not with Colton. As she watched him sleep, she knew he wouldn’t be like that. She didn’t know how, but she did. She knew he’d be gentle and caring and would make sure she felt good.
Without thinking, Shawnee reached forward and pushed a wayward strand of hair from his forehead so she could get a better look at him. A smile crept across her face as she watched him shift in his sleep, curling into himself more until he was almost cuddling the pillow.
And then he reached for her.
His big arm draped over her stomach and he pulled her body against him until he was hugging her. His breathing never changed. He was sound asleep, yet he’d still reached for her. She wasn’t sure what to do so she froze. Every muscle in her body went tense as she waited to see what he’d do next.
Colton mumbled something in his sleep, his arm went tighter around her waist, and then he jerked back.
“Oh shit,” he said, his voice hoarse with sleep. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you? Did I touch your boob?” he asked, his bleary eyes squinting at her in the dark.
She shook her head, unable to find her voice. She just laid there and waited for…she wasn’t sure what.
“Dammit,” he muttered to himself, rolled over, then pushed to a sitting position and shoved his hand through his hair. “Sorry about that.”
He stood, rounded the bed, then left the room. A door across the hall opened and closed and then she was left alone in the dark, alone in the silence.
Shawnee stared at the open door and wondered where he went and if he was coming back. Why had he left? Was he angry with her? Stupid thought. She hadn’t done anything wrong. She’d laid there like she was supposed to and waited for him to decide what he wanted.
Pushing up the headboard, she leaned against it and chewed on her lip. Should she go after him? No. She was supposed to wait for him to come to he
r. Pleasing and available. She hated those two words more than any in the dictionary. She hated her role on this planet.
She hated herself.
It was another hour before Shawnee felt her eyes begin to droop. He wasn’t coming back. She’d either turned him off or angered him and now she was alone in his ginormous bed. Rolling onto her side, she pulled his pillow closer and inhaled his scent. If nothing else, his scent made her happy. It was a manly, warm smell, some kind of spicy masculine soap, his woodsy smell, with just a hint of his animal’s fur.
Hugging his pillow to her chest, she wondered if he could ever come to care for her. He’d said he wanted them to be friends. That was probably the best she could ask for. Friends who had sex to procreate. Then they could be friendly as they raised their cubs – regardless of whether they were bear or lion cubs.
Eventually, sleep claimed her and dragged her into dreams. She’d never been fond of dreams. They didn’t make sense, yet she always remembered them with such clarity. Shame she couldn’t be one of those people who forgot them the second she woke up.
When the sunlight shone bright against her eyelids, she could’ve sworn she’d been asleep for a whole five minutes. But a glance at the digital clock on the dark nightstand told her she’d had over five consecutive hours of rest. That was a change. Normally, she’d wake almost every hour on the hour, anxiety and fear increasing her heart rate until she’d get out of bed and pace whatever space she occupied.
Colton had never returned. She was still alone in the bed big enough for five people. Stretching, she pulled her arms over her head and pointed her toes. Then threw the blankets off, grabbed one of her few changes of clothes, and hurried to the bathroom before Colton got a glimpse of her bare face and frizzy hair from sleeping on it wet.
Shawnee rushed down the hall, running on tiptoes so as not to alert Colton she was up, and closed the bathroom door, turning the lock in place so he couldn’t walk in on her until she was ready. Pleasing and available. But she wasn’t pleasing yet. She needed a shower, a toothbrush, and makeup.
You don’t need all that stuff. You’re stunning, mate. Colton’s words rang in her mind. Did that mean he’d find her more pleasing without the full face of products? Only one way to find out.
After her shower, she moisturized her skin, brushed her hair and teeth, and then…just left the rest of her face alone. Her hair would dry in a mixture of curls and waves, but if he wanted her to be herself and be natural, this was the best he’d get. If, after he saw her in all her natural glory, he decided she was more pleasing with the makeup and perfectly curled her, she’d go back to her morning – and evening – routine.
Shawnee pulled on a maxi skirt and sleeveless blouse her mother told her made her look thinner and more attractive, and left the bathroom in her bare feet. Still no Colton. She didn’t hear any sounds coming from the kitchen. He must still be asleep.
Glancing back down the hall at the bedroom where her few belongings were stored, she contemplated donning her heels since she needed something to dress her up. Natural. Those damn heels were anything but natural.
Barefoot it would be. At least until he told her whether he preferred her feet covered in the torture devices.
Standing in the hallway, she stared at the closed door across from the bedroom she’d share with Colton. Was he still in there? Should she check on him or just make his morning meal?
Check on him. Ensure she hadn’t angered him last night.
She hated this life. She hated not having her own thoughts. Every time she tried to decide on a course of action, her mother’s voice was in her head, dictating her every move.
Hand on the cool knob, Shawnee hesitated. She took a deep breath, then made sure there was no frown between her brows, no scowl. Pleasant.
As she slowly pushed the door open, she heard the slow, deep, steady breaths of the man she’d agreed to mate. Shawnee froze in the doorway. His big body was crowded on the mattress, half his legs hanging off the end of the bed. It wasn’t as big as his. Apparently, he hadn’t planned on friends as big as he was to spend the night. That bed would be perfect for her, but she didn’t have his height or size.
“Colton?” she whispered. He didn’t move. Shoot. Should she just let him sleep? It was already nine in the morning. Didn’t he have work or something to do today? Stepping further into the room, she stood beside the bed and lightly touched his shoulder. “Colton. I’m going to make breakfast,” she whispered.
He stirred a little. “Are you hungry?” he asked, his eyes closed and voice hoarse with sleep.
“I said I’ll make you breakfast,” she repeated.
“Hold on. I’m up. I’ll make you something.”
Did he not understand what she was saying to him? She was planning on following through with her duty as a mate and cooking for him. And, honestly, she was a fairly decent cook. Although his food last night was better than what she could’ve done.
Colton sat up and dragged a hand down his face. He tilted his head side to side, a loud crack sounding with each movement. The poor guy had to be sore. Why had he thought he had to sleep in here? It was his right to touch her last night. She was his mate. She was his to take, to snuggle, to screw.
Holding out her hands, she opened her mouth to once again explain that she’d said she’d make him breakfast when he stood, dropped a kiss on the top of her head as he passed, then ambled sleepily into the kitchen.
“Wait. Colton,” she said, jogging a little to catch up to his long legs. Her strides were three to his one. “I said I’m making breakfast. For you.”
He waved a hand in the air as if dismissing her comment. “My job.”
What? His job? How was that his job? It was her job to take care of her mate. “Colton—”
“Sit,” he said, pointing at the table with a spatula as he pulled items from the refrigerator. And then he froze and did this double take thing. “You’re not wearing makeup,” he said, his eyes narrowed.
Shit. He didn’t like it. “Sorry. I misunderstood,” she said, raising back up when she was halfway in the chair to hurry to the bathroom.
“No. I like it. Thank you,” he said, a smile pulling his lips up into a wide grin. “You did that for me?”
She shrugged up her shoulders, unsure of what to say. She wasn’t used to this. She wasn’t used to the smiles and the pampering. “You said you didn’t think I needed it.”
“You don’t. Wow,” he breathed out, stepping closer to her. “You really are beautiful.” His hand raised and his fingers trailed across her cheek. “I like your freckles. And your hair like that.” He wrapped a curl around his index finger and gave it a gentle tug.
So being plain was pleasing to him? She kicked out her foot a little so he could see her toes beneath her long skirt.
“No heels? That’s my girl,” he said, his grin even wider. His fingers lingered for another second on her cheek before he turned and went back to cooking her breakfast.
That’s my girl. She was his. She’d agreed to it. It was a fact. A statement. So then why did those three words send butterflies abuzz in her belly?
Heat rushing her cheeks, Shawnee lowered into a chair at the table and watched as Colton moved around the kitchen expertly. Every once in a while, he’d look at her over his shoulder and send her a wink, or carry over a piece of bacon, slipping it into her mouth, while he waited for the gravy to simmer.
Bacon, eggs, biscuits, gravy, a glass of milk, and a glass of juice. The table looked like a breakfast commercial.
“You don’t have to wait for me,” he said when he made her plate but continued cooking.
“Yes, I do,” she said, folding her hands primly in her lap as she watched his back and shoulder muscles bunch and release with each movement. The man was a work of art. Shame he didn’t wear boxer briefs so she could get a full glimpse of those butt muscles.
“You were totally checking out my ass,” Colton said, snapping her attention to his face. His lips were set in th
at grin again as he raised a brow at her.
“What? No, I wasn’t,” she said, heat rushing her cheeks once again.
“Oh, yes you were. I totally caught you. Here,” he said, turning and wiggling his butt at her. “Better?”
“Oh my gosh,” she muttered, dropping her face in her hands. He was too much. He was flirting and playing with her while her face felt like it had officially burst into flames.
“I love it,” Colton said, turning his attention back to the stove. “Feel free to ogle me anytime, mate,” he said with a chuckle.
The first time he’d called her that, association of the word made her feel…dirty. And a little scared. The second time he’d said it, her heart did a little flutter thing. This time, it sounded so warm and cozy coming from his mouth. It was Colton. He was just a warm person. She could see them becoming best friends in the future.
She had a role to fill, yet she was sitting there fantasizing about how nice he was to her. And just like every single day, her mother’s voice was in her head, chastising her for her stupidity, reminding her of her place in the world.
Colton carried his own heaping plate to the table and, this time, sat directly beside her since she opted not to sit at the head like last night. She’d reserved that spot for him. And he still didn’t take it. It was as if he was trying to tell her they were equals. Didn’t he know she could never allow that to happen? No matter how much she wanted that to be true, he was the head of the household; his needs and wants came before hers. He came before her in everything.
****
Colton could feel the warmth from Shawnee as she sat beside him and ate her food in silence. For a second there, he’d thought he’d broken through her shell. She’d intentionally left off the makeup and let that pretty red hair go au natural. And then he’d caught her checking him out. A pretty pink washed over her cheeks when he’d let her know she’d been busted. Those cheeks went even brighter when he gave her a little dance.
And then she’d shut down again. He’d reached across the table for the salt and she’d tensed when his arm brushed against hers. As much as he’d wanted to consummate their pairing, to feel those curves under his hands, he wouldn’t put her through that. He wanted her to come to him willingly. He didn’t want her to think she had no choice in their life together.