by Ada Marie
“What’s with that guy? You said you were going for a run, not to go find the first guy you meet and bring him home to make us upset,” Aubrey said.
“What is your problem? That guy has a name. Travis. And for your information, I met him a few days ago, and he happens to be my friend who I accidentally ran into when I was running,” Annabella informed her matter-of-factly. With everything she was going through, the last thing she needed right now was the high school drama that her best friend was throwing at her.
“So you’re going to blow us off for him?”
“Did I say I was going to blow you off? No, ‘cause I’m not. There’s plenty of room for all of you!” Annabella was fed up with everything.
“Anna,” She started to say.
“Don’t call me Anna. Never call me that again,” Annabella said. Shutting her eyes, she turned around and left the room. She needed to get away. She needed to forget.
“Annabella, why are you being so distant? We used be so close, you used to tell us everything, and now you’re this completely different person. I want the old you back. The one who didn’t blow us off for some boy she barely knows,” Chelsea snapped as Annabella came closer to her.
“Is this what you came here for, huh? To tell me how much you don’t like who I’ve become?” Annabella questioned. She was hurt. Sure, she’d changed, but didn’t she have that right? Didn’t she have the right to not be the same, cheerful, happy girl she once was?
“No, we came here to spend time with you, but you bailed on us,” Maxie hissed.
“I had something to do yesterday and then Travis and I just got caught up with the time. It wasn’t intentional. God, I’m so sick and tired of all of you being so judgmental. If you guys were my friends, you would just accept the fact that I’m never going to be that girl again.” Annabella was serious. “None of you are my parents, and I don’t have to explain myself to you; I won’t explain myself to you. I’m done with all of this, so if you can’t accept me now, then just go home,” Annabella told them. “And right now I want you all to get out of my room.”
“Anna….” Aubrey began to say but Annabella cut her off, furious.
“Stop calling me that!” Her words came out more violently than she meant for them to. “Just stop. I’m so tired of you guys making me feel so bad about everything, and I won’t allow it anymore. You can stop trying to make me feel bad, because I just don’t care anymore.” And it was true. She didn’t care anymore. She had the right to feel however she damn well pleased. For God’s sake, she was raped. Sure, they didn’t know that, but didn’t it give her the right to be angry at the world for a little while?
“We don’t mean to, but you’ve changed so much, and we don’t even know how to reach you, or why you’re even becoming this person.”
“Maybe I was just tired of who I used to be. You need to just leave me alone, all of you because right now I can’t stand to be in same room as you. I can see the disappointment in your eyes, I can hear the judgment in your voice, and I’m not going to be treated this way in my house. So get out of my room. I’m done with all of this! Just get out.”
Without saying a word, the three of them stepped out of her room, keeping their eyes trained away from her. Annabella sat in tears on her bed. It wasn’t a secret that she’d changed but she just thought that out of everyone, her friends would be the ones who would end up being there for her. She never expected them to make her feel like she was doing something wrong. The tears began to pour out more violently as her bedroom door opened and she came face to face with her brother.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ryan asked, plopping on her bed beside her. He wrapped his arms around his little sister.
“They hate me,” she sobbed through her hands.
“No, baby girl, they just don’t understand. They don’t hate you. Shh.” He comforted her with his love and support.
“Why do they have to make me feel like I’m not good enough? Don’t they get that I know I’ve changed? I didn’t plan on it.” While she spoke, her tears began to dry.
“Why did you?” Ryan asked, in hopes that his sister would finally tell him the truth after months of wondering.
“I just did; there wasn’t a reason.”
“Okay, but Travis is probably down there being yelled at by your friends, we should go down there and save him,” Ryan joked, trying to lighten the mood.
“Somehow, I doubt he needs saving; he can take care of himself,” she told him as they reached the last step and were faced with eyes on them. She could feel the icy stares from her friends, but she was done caring. If they thought she’d changed for the worst, then she was going to give them what they seemed to want. She’d change more.
“Are you okay?” Travis whispered, so only she could hear as she stood in front of him.
Nodding her head she gave him a small smile.
“Want to get out of here?” he offered, willing to take her anywhere her heart desired.
She thought about it for a while before answering. “Yes.”
Turning to her brother, who sat across the room with Matt. “Ryan, I’m going out. I’ll be back later. Don’t wait up. And stay out of my room, all of you,” She said, but the last part of her statement was only meant for Aubrey, Chelsea and Maxie.
***
Travis and Annabella sat face to face on his couch in his garage. He’d asked her where she wanted go, and the only response he got was away, far away, so he took her to his house. He knew something was bothering her, but he wasn’t sure if he really had a right to ask.
Ever since Annabella had come downstairs from her room, crying after talking with her friends, Travis had felt something change in him. For the first time in his life, he wanted to help someone other than himself. For once it wasn’t about sex with a girl; it was about whatever it took for a smile to appear on her face. He didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand any of it; he’d never felt the strong need to make someone happy as he did with Annabella.
“Can I ask you something?” Travis asked before his thoughts could progress into any further thoughts that he had no business thinking.
“Sure,” Annabella replied in a soft whisper, skeptical about what was on his mind right now.
“Why were you crying?”
“I didn’t think it was noticeable. My friends hate me. I’ve changed and they can’t accept it,” Annabella explained. She couldn’t really blame them for hating her; she’d drastically gone from being happy and cheerful to angry and depressing.
“It was very noticeable. I’m sorry about your friends, but hey, you always have me. I know that’s a weird thing to say considering that we just started to be friends, but Bella, I’ll always be here for you,” Travis told her, setting his hand over hers.
“Thank you Travis, I wish they didn’t hate me though,” she admitted, not really sure why she was telling Travis. For months she didn’t talk to anyone about things she was going through. She buried it deep inside her mind so no one would ever be able to figure it out.
“I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you need me. I even put my phone number into your phone. Don’t worry about what your friends think; most people don’t like change, but it’s up to you. You are going to be whoever you want to be, so don’t let them stop you. Don’t let them bring you down, okay?” Travis was hopeful that he could get through to her.
“It’s so hard not to, I’ve always been there for them all, and the moment I need them to be there for me, they won’t have it,” Annabella said, eyes stinging with tears once more.
“I know, it’ll be okay. What about Matt? What’s the deal with him?” Travis asked, this was the very conversation she was hoping to avoid.
“Before I moved, he and I were dating,” Annabella said, surprised by how much she was revealing.
&
nbsp; Travis sat in the silence as he absorbed the truth behind Annabella and Matt’s relationship. The dark part of this soul found the reality of what they had been to be disturbing to him.
“Did you love him?” Travis asked her before he even realized the words coming out of his mouth.
Annabella sighed as the realization hit her. “I thought there was a time when maybe I could love him, but if I’m being honest, I didn’t, and I don’t. He was my best friend, and we had a complicated relationship. He was that friend that you’re not sure how you feel about, so you try to give it a chance, and it worked for a while, but then it just didn’t.”
“Have you ever loved anyone?” Travis asked, surprised by how many questions he’d asked her, and how open and honest she managed to be with him.
“No, I haven’t,” Annabella spoke regretfully. She realized that she never would either. The ability to be able to love was taken away from her. How could she love someone if she couldn’t bear to be touched in a loving way? “Have you?”
“No, I can count on one hand how many actual girlfriends I’ve had. Just one. After that, I just kind of started sleeping around. I’ve never been in love.” Travis told her.
“Not at all?” Annabella asked in surprise
“No, most of it was all about sex for me to be honest. I know that sounds horrible, but it was.”
“It doesn’t sound horrible. I get it,” Annabella said. She could understand not wanting to have an emotional connection with anyone. It’s a pain that she lived with every single day.
“So, I was thinking, since you’ve never done anything fun since you been in this town. Tomorrow, we should make a day of fun,” Travis said.
“Like?” Annabella asked, daring him to continue.
“How about cliff diving?” he offered. “Let’s take a risk. I’ll be there with you the entire time.” He somehow made her feel safe with his words. It was the first time she could look at another male, other than her brother, Matt, and her father and not be afraid.
“I don’t know,” she hesitated.
“I’ll make you a deal, you come with me, and we’ll check it out, if you don’t want to then you don’t have to. I just want to spend time with you,” Travis told her, not caring at all about how it sounded.
Annabella thought about the offer for a while. She was terrified of heights. But the thought of cliff jumping with Travis excited her. She doubted that she’d jump, but what’s from stopping from going to have fun? It was something she hadn’t had in such a long time. “Okay, I’ll go.”
“Good to hear,” Travis said just as a black SUV pulled into the garage. As the car shut off, his mother stepped out.
“Hey, Mom,” Travis said as she walked over to them.
“Hey, who’s this?” She asked nodding towards Annabella.
“This is Annabella, she’s a friend,” Travis told her, knowing that she was probably thinking she was just another girl he planned on sleeping with.
“It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Lawrence,” Annabella greeted her, thankful that Travis had told her that his parents were divorced and that she went back to her maiden name.
“Travis, I think I like her, so far she’s nothing like those other girls you bring home,” Casey said as she smiled at Annabella after shaking her hand. Butterflies rose in Annabella’s stomach when she came to terms with the happiness she was beginning to feel in this moment. It was like all the pain and suffering seemed to lessen around him, and all the good things she’d been pushing aside for so long began to surface.
“I can honestly say that she’s nothing like that Mom, you’ll love Bella,” Travis promised, giving Annabella a smile.
“Would you like to stay for dinner, Bella? I’m ordering Chinese,” Casey offered to Travis’s surprise. His mom never invited his friends to stay. In fact she was always trying to find way to get them out.
“I’d love to, I love Chinese,” Annabella replied, knowing that she was nowhere ready to go home.
Travis smiled, he was glad she accepted, because the more time he spent with her the more he felt for her. He knew this was going to be the start of something wonderful.
Seven
Annabella stood at the front door of her house after her night with Travis. It was amazing how much he made her feel. When she was with Travis, she felt like good things were possible, but the feeling never lasted when they were apart.
Standing at the door, she knew on the other side she was going to be faced with a mob of anti-Annabella. When she opened the door, she found an empty room. It was eleven at night, and she was just now getting home. She had a good evening with Travis and his mom. She took an instant liking to Casey, and for the first time she felt envious of him.
Sure, she loved her parents, but in some ways they could be smothering. The truth was she was happy to be around two people who weren’t telling her what she needed to be doing, how much she’d changed, or how much they missed who she used to be. With them she could just pretend that everything in the world was right, even though it was the furthest thing from the truth.
As she stepped into the kitchen, her phone vibrated in her pocket. Pulling it out, she saw a text from Travis.
[Travis:] Just checking to make sure you got home okay.
[Annabella:] I’m home. Thanks for tonight.
[Travis:] You got it. Don’t forget tomorrow. This time, I’ll be picking you up. Be there at around noon.
[Annabella:] I can drive myself. It’s really not a big deal.
[Travis:] I won’t take no for an answer.
[Annabella:] Oh, fine Mr. Hotshot.
She put her phone away when she noticed she was being watched by Matt. He was staring at her, standing there in his pajama pants and a white T-shirt.
“You scared me, Matt. What are you doing?” Annabella asked, her smile fading.
“Have you been with Travis all this time?” Matt asked in a disapproving tone.
“Yes,” she said with a hint of a smile.
“Do you have feelings for him?” Matt asked, sitting next to her at the counter.
“Travis is just a friend, Matt, I barely know him. He is a good guy, but he’s only a friend,” Annabella assured him, not wanting to hurt him any more than she already had.
“Why won’t you give us another chance?” Matt wondered as he scooted closer to her. Her heart began to race in panic, she didn’t want to be this close to anyone.
“I just can’t, Matt. What we had was nice while it lasted, but I don’t love you. I can’t love you, or anyone else,” Annabella told him sadly. The last thing she ever wanted was to hurt him.
“Why? Why are you so distant now? It’s like you’ve become someone else, and I’m not going to be like Aubrey and tell you I don’t like the person you are, because I’ll love you no matter who you are, but the person you’re becoming scares the hell out of me,” Matt admitted to the girl he loved.
“I’m sorry Matt. You can’t choose who you become. Things happen, and people change and the thing is, you can’t control it. I’m not the girl I was those months ago, and I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, but she’s gone,” Annabella told him confidently. She wished for the other girl to come back, but the reality was, she was gone.
“We can’t be over though, not after everything I did to finally get you to give me a chance. Don’t you think you owe that to me?”
“I owe you a lot, Matt, but you can’t put that on me. I refuse to lead you on. I’m being honest here,” she explained, letting out a big sigh. “Matt, I’m not worth this, you don’t know me anymore, and you don’t love me. You think you do, but I’m not worthy of your love. And you deserve someone who will treat you as well as you deserve.” And it was true. All the time that he was wasting on her was more time spent where he needed to move on
.
“Bella, I can’t move on from you. God knows I’ve tried. I love you and I think you owe me another shot at what we have. You left without so much as a goodbye. We can be something truly amazing, if you’d just try,” Matt scolded her, pleading with his green eyes.
“I can’t Matt, what we had was a long time ago, and it’s time that you moved on.”
“I don’t care how long it takes; I’ll never give up on us. You and I will find our way back to each other. Maybe not today, and maybe not even tomorrow, but I have hope for someday.”
“Matt, no. Don’t wait for me. I’m not going to change my mind, and I can’t take it if I hurt you any more than I already have,” Annabella told him truthfully. It was sad, but she couldn’t lie to him about it.
“I don’t care, I know the girl I fell in love with is somewhere deep inside of there, and I’m going to find her.” Matt spoke with a confident that gave Annabella chills.
She didn’t want that. She didn’t want him to try to save her. The fact was that she couldn’t be saved. Not anymore, everything was already done and there was no point in trying.
Yet here Matt was vowing to never give up on her. There was no hope for her and Matt, no hope at all, but he wouldn’t let go. Why wouldn’t he just let her go? Why couldn’t he just forget about her and find someone else who would treat him the way he deserved?
“You have to let me go, maybe in another life the two of us could have something great, but not this life. Matt, I’m not good for you.”
“Annabella, why are you trying so hard to push me out of your life?” Matt asked, his tone hurt but curious.
“Because it’s the way it has to be. We can be friends, but that’s all we can ever be,” Annabella told him, and before he could say more she was climbing the stairs to her room.