Being Jolene

by Caitlin Kerry

  “Good luck with that.”

  “I’m enjoying myself so far. Now tell me about this Jolene and why she ruined your run.”

  I gave him a brief run down of the talk we had and Paul only cringed when I got done.

  “She actually called you out on the bad sex. Wow. She has some balls. Were you drunk?”

  “Yeah, I was pretty toasted. I ended up sleeping in my truck. I don’t even know what happened afterwards or where she went.”

  “Dude.”

  “I know.” Fuck. I knew. I knew this was not typical of me. I couldn’t even believe it.

  I hit the top of the truck with my fist, pissed at myself.

  “Hey, don’t take it out on my baby. She didn’t do anything to you. Sounds like you didn’t really do anything for Jolene either.” Paul laughed at his own stupid ass joke.

  “Fuck you, Paul.”

  He just continued to laugh at me as he got in the truck and got to work. That left me standing there nowhere closer to knowing what to do about Jolene. Fuck.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Jolene

  “I was walking out to the spring to get water, when a black bear peaked around the trees. A majestic sight, one I never saw in the city. The woods held hidden treasures at every turn.”–From the diary of Maggie Brown, June 1891

  That was strange. That was beyond strange. Did the guy I sleep with really bust through the woods, all hot and sweaty and then apologize for sleeping me with last night?

  The fuck did I get myself into. Was this how things were done out here in the woods? I took myself into the small cabin and poured the last of my tea down the sink, washing out the cup and still trying to make sense of what went down.

  It wasn’t the first time I had bad sex and I enjoyed hanging out with Ty at the bar. Really, it wasn’t the worst sex. It was only a drunken hookup—I had many before. Maybe I had been too cruel in calling out the bad sex. I had a few drinks, but I was still mostly sober by the time we were . . . done, I guess. Last night came back to me, as I remembered how he held me by the waist, a strong hold and then gave me a surprisingly sweet kiss before I walked away. As I sat in my car, I watched him slightly stumble to his truck, worried he would drive home in his state. When I sat there for a few minutes and his truck didn’t move I got out of my car to check on him, only to find him asleep on the bench seat of his truck. That was probably the safest place for him. I then drove home and more or less, wrote off the night. The concept of a one-night stand wasn’t new to me. Wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last.

  However, I was not familiar with apologies from them. I took a deep breath, trying to shake off the incident. I put the whole situation in the back of my mind as I got ready for my first day of work.

  When I got to the lodge, I had in front of me the small staff of servers. June had given me the low down on a few of them who came back each season but a few were new as well. I had six servers this summer, including myself when needed.

  After a brief team meeting where I went over basic expectations for the summer, the servers started work on getting the dinning room ready while I worked on the schedule. It was Thursday and we opened for dinner service the next day. I made the final touches to the schedule when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to find one of the girls, Elizabeth I think her name was, staring at me with her perky blonde hair in a high ponytail. I wanted the girls to put their hair up, but damn she looked like would fit right in on her old high school cheerleading team.

  “Yes?” I asked her.

  She smiled. A fake smile you could see miles away. “Wanted to make sure you were settling in. The cabin you’re staying in can get pretty creepy out there by itself. I heard there is this huge bear that likes to sniff around there so be on the lookout.”

  Ummm . . . okay. Was this chick serious? Was she trying to scare me? With bears? Huh.

  “I’m fine. Thanks.” This was a chick you didn’t want to talk to more than necessary because anything you gave her she would use against you. Nope, wasn’t falling for that shit.

  “Have you met anyone yet?” She tried to pry from me.

  My mind immediately went to Ty, specifically the image of us against the side of the bar.

  “Nope.” Single word answers where best in this situation.

  “Oh. Well, make sure to meet the locals. The boys at the ranger station are dreamy. I’ve already made my claim for the season but you never know . . .”

  Okay. I didn’t say anything and tried to ignore her. She could keep her “claim.” I didn’t give two shits who she was sleeping with, she just didn’t need to include me in whatever she was trying to do.

  Elizabeth must’ve gotten the point because she walked off. Strange. Each day made me ask why in the world did I seclude myself in this part of the country.

  ***

  For the next three mornings I sat on my porch in the mid morning, not having to go into work till night. I was not sitting there because I was hoping that the very sexy Ty, hot and sweaty from a run, would drop in again from the trail. Nope. Not at all. Because you know, the bad sex and all.

  And yet . . . I would be lying if he hadn’t crossed my mind once or twice in the last few days.

  I looked down at the sketch in my hand. It was crap. I was in a funk, not having any inspiration lately. Which didn’t make sense at all, because while secluded, I was in one of the most beautiful parts of the country. I should have been flooded with inspiration, but alas I found myself with shitty sketches of empty faces. I sat down the pad of paper and picked up the journal my dad had given me before I left. The cover was worn leather, scuffed up and the yellowed pages were falling out. I flipped through the old pages but I hadn’t actually read any of it yet. I didn’t know why, apparently this was a look into my past, a diary of my great grandmother. I had spent most of my life with just my Dad, so it was hard to understand that I had “family,” even if they were long gone. I remembered what my Dad had said when I had stopped by his place before I left . . .

  I had walked into the house, knowing exactly where to find him. At this time in the evening, he would be in the office, having his night cap after his broadcast. Dad was Bobby Mets, Local News 7 main newscaster, bringing you Boise’s latest at 5 o’clock. When I walked into the office though, he was just my dad having a brandy.

  “Hey Jo. All ready for the summer?”

  I had already told him I would be gone all summer and that Hannah would be staying in my place. He was happy for me to take a break from Boise.

  “Yeah. I’m already to go, but I’ll be back for supplies for whatever I need over the summer. I’ll visit, okay?”

  He got up from his large leather regal chair and kissed me on the top of my head. My dad was really the only family I had. He walked over to his bookshelf and grabbed an older book off the shelf.

  “Here, I want you to have this.”

  I took the tattered book from his hands. “What is it?”

  For a second he gave me pensive look. “Jolene, I’ve tried to give you everything I could, try to be enough family for both parents, but I know I haven’t been perfect.”

  “No, Dad-”

  “Let me finish. I know it wasn’t easy to only have me growing up. I can’t change that, but I feel like this is a good time to give you this. Family is more than a mom and dad, but family is roots. You have roots Jo, even if I’ve been failing at telling you about it. This is a journal of a woman named Margret Mary Brown. Maggie for short. She was your great grandmother times three. She was a settler up in a town called Pikesville with her husband, Jed. It’s by Gypsum but she moved to that part during the Gold Rush and kept track of her time there. I want you to have this journal, so you can understand your roots, you heritage. You’re from a strong line of woman and you need to know that.”

  I glanced at the journal in my hand, wondering why type of life Margret had lived.

  “Thanks.” Because I really didn’t know what else to say. He was right; the on
ly thing I knew was my dad when it came to family. The time with my mother I tried to block from my memory. I took the journal and put it delicately in my bag. He told me to be safe this summer and I was on my way.

  And now here I sat, with the same journal in my hand. I was almost scared to read it, to open myself up to a person no longer here. What would I find in the pages of Maggie’s journal? Heartache, struggle, survival? I opened the journal to the first page,

  “A new world was in front of my feet, a world I knew nothing about-”

  The sounds of heavy breathing and a rustling sound brought my head up from the journal to find Ty in front of me.

  “Hey,” I said.

  He stood there breathing heavily. I got up and got him a bottle of water. You would think if you were going on a run, you would have water. I handed it to him silently.

  He took it from me, but didn’t drink it. “I want a do over,” Ty stated out of the blue.

  I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. “With the sex?”

  He seemed to think about it for a moment. “I mean at one point, I guess if it leads to that . . . but . . . shit. Damnit. I had a spiel and now you threw me off.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at how lost he was. He seemed so alpha male when I ran into him at Caleb’s apartment, but ever since then he was regularly fumbling his words. It was kind of adorable.

  “I mean I want a do over with you. I want to get to know you. Take you out.”

  My smile quickly fell off my face. I let men take me out, but only for a few dates and it consisted of a couple weeks, max, of hanging out, eating good food and having sex. That was it. There was nothing more. Ever. Caleb was the only expectation but really what we had was a deal in escaping into oblivion when we needed to hide. And then he wanted more and I left. It was how it had to work.

  And I didn’t know if Ty was asking for a couple weeks. If I gave him a couple weeks, I would then have to spend the rest of the summer dodging him in this very small town.

  “I don’t know Ty . . .” I really didn’t. Maybe this summer I should stick with myself, stay away from the men.

  “Why not?” he asked. A simple question in all reality.

  “I don’t this.” Vague answers for the win apparently.

  “Don’t do what? Spend time with the opposite sex? Date?”

  Well . . . I did do that, though it was always on my time and my rules. I sought out and made sure I was in charge of the relationship, that way I could end it whenever I wanted.

  “I guess I don’t know what you mean exactly. Spell it out for me.”

  Ty took a few steps closer to me and made eye contact with me. It oozed confidence and it was crazy hot how his bursts of confidence took me off guard. I felt like Ty could easily take me by surprise.

  He took a few calming breaths before stating, “Jolene. Even though I fumble my words like a teenager with no game, it has come to my attention that you keep creeping into my mind and it’s hard to really have you fill my thoughts when I don’t know a whole lot about you. I tend to make things up in my mind and I have a feeling the real thing is ten times better than whatever I can create in my mind.”

  “And how do you entail to get to know me?”

  “We could date.”

  Ha! Date? Just jump in and date. Right . . .

  “I don’t really date.”

  “So?” he questioned. “You have a whole summer here. What’s it gonna hurt to spend some of your time with me?”

  A lot. It could hurt a lot. I didn’t let people in to hurt me.

  “Ty, listen. You’re a great guy, but I don’t think I can date you. You make it sound so simple but it never is, yeah know?”

  “I can make is simple.”

  “How?”

  I could tell he was putting his thoughts together, forming a plan. I could see he didn’t want to mess this up.

  “A few dates and no sex. You get to know me. Mostly it will be like being friends who do things together. Can you handle that?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and met his gaze. No sex? That was usually what I depended on in a relationship, or whatever it was you called what I did. But maybe this would be good, a different set of pace. Right? Dear god did it push me out of my comfort zone, though. I had friends and I had people I slept with, whose company I enjoyed. Rarely did they cross over. Look at Caleb and that crossover. It was fiery ship sinking in the deep ocean. No good at all.

  “Why no sex?” I asked him. He was a man and I was a woman and we had already done it once. What was the big deal with having sex again?

  “You wanted simple. Sex complicates things. Seemed smart.”

  I knew sex could complicate things. I knew that, unfortunately, very well. But ever since the incident, I tried as hard as possible to not make it complicated and thought I had gotten pretty good at it. Eliminating sex completely from the equation? That, I had never thought of.

  Was I really giving into this? “Okay . . .” I finally answered.

  He softly chuckled, “That was the most unsure okay I’ve ever heard. Please don’t flatter me with your enthusiasm.”

  I smiled. “This is all very strange.”

  Ty nodded his head. “Yeah it is, but I’d rather have strange with you than nothing at all.”

  I couldn’t help by laugh at that. He was endearing, adorable and really sexy. Even if I didn’t feel like I had the control I usually did, I didn’t want to say no to his proposition. Quite the opposite actually. I was known for going with the flow, but when you really looked at it, I was the master at being in control and making it look all so effortlessly.

  The thing about this? It was a new place, new people, new job, and it was only a summer. How much could happen in one summer? If things got to be too much, I could leave and go back to my life in Boise. Simple. Not complicated. I could do this.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Ty

  She said yes and I couldn’t believe it. When she asked to make it simple, I had to think on the fly and then came up with what I thought was the perfect plan. I wasn’t lying when I said I would take whatever with her. I was almost positive she was going to shut me down so fast I wouldn’t even be able to come up with a rebuttal to her refusal. It went over better than I thought.

  When I left we had agreed to do the first date on Sunday. That was last week and now it was Sunday morning and I was putting the last minute details together. I was in the little market in town when I heard behind me, “Hey stranger.”

  I turned and a wide smile filled my face. “Clara.” I hugged the small girl in front of me. Her hair was a pale pastel pink and she was barley five foot tall, like a nymph from the forest.

  “Hi cousin.” She said as she hugged me back. Clara was only a year younger than me and one of my closet friends. When my life was in upheaval on different occasions, Clara was always there for me. I had gotten her the job at the lodge as a server after the first summer I was here and she came back every summer since. Things had been hectic as I left and wasn’t able to see her as much as I wanted to. This was the first time seeing her up in Gypsum.

  “Have you met her?” I asked her. She knew about Jolene and I had tried to get her to talk to her, make friends and maybe . . . just maybe try to get some information about her. Clara was not a willing participant in giving me information but she had made friends with her. Clara wasn’t worried about the date tonight.

  I, of course, was worried. It had been a long time since I had taken a girl on a date. Ever since Brooke, I didn’t really date. I was too focused on finishing school and trying to make something of myself. Trying to be responsible because I had to be. When I was in Montana for school, I was with a few girls but nothing ever too in-depth, just a good time here or there. I didn’t know what it was about Jolene, but she made me see things differently. She wasn’t just a night and a good time. I wanted to explore it being more, but I knew I had to do this right.

  “Ty, are you listening?”

  I snap
ped back to Clara and focused on what she was trying to say. “Sorry, what?”

  She smirked and tilted her head, “What is it about this girl. You seem to be far away right now.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know Clara. Jolene is like this siren and from the moment I saw her in Caleb’s apartment I can’t get her out of my head. I don’t know if it was her confidence when she came out of his room only wearing a tank top and little else or if it was how shy she got when she realized that it was me and not Caleb. I was a stranger but at that moment I really wished I wasn’t.”

  Clara whistled and smacked me on the shoulder. “You got it bad.”

  She was right and I didn’t even know what I had yet.

  Clara gave me a hug and wished me luck. I would need it.

  ***

  I pulled up to Jolene’s cabin a little early. The beginning of summer brought later sunsets but it could still be cold up here, the peaks of the mountains lingering with snow from the winter.

  I didn’t even have time to turn off the truck and my passenger door was being opened and Jolene jumped in. I guess I wasn’t going to do the gentlemanly thing and grab the door for her. Maybe this made it less like a date and more like hanging out. I was starting to have second thoughts about this whole date thing because what if she thought it was too much, going too far beyond friends.

  God, this girl made me feel like I was sixteen again. Except, in many ways, I never went through this when I was sixteen. It was like I was doing everything in reverse. At sixteen, I had everything set out for me and yet look how well that worked out. Newsflash, it didn’t. Not in certain areas. Now wasn’t the time for thinking about the past. It was time to finally think about the future.

  “Where to friend?” Jolene asked me.

  Friend? Yep, nerves were running high right now. Must. Act. Smooth.

  I gave a smile. “It’s a surprise.”

  She snorted, literally snorted and said, “Yeah, heard that one before.”

  My grip on the wheel tightened as I try to keep my cool and composed face on, when really I was freaking out like I was taking a girl on my first date when I was sixteen.