Being Jolene

by Caitlin Kerry

  “How did you find out?” I asked her.

  But then as I thought about it June and I both said at the same time, “Hannah.” And then we laughed. Hannah was Reece’s younger sister. A bundle of endless energy and happiness. The girl couldn’t keep a secret if her life depended on it though.

  “We were having dinner at Reece’s house. When I saw Hannah she rushed up to me and gave me this huge hug, which for her isn’t too weird but then she whispered in my ear, ‘can’t wait until it’s official.’ I froze and then cornered her later in the evening. It only took a few minutes before she caved. I don’t know when it’s going to happen but soon.”

  “And in natural June fashion, you freaked out.”

  June shrugged. “Pretty much.”

  I laughed. At least she owned up to her freak-outs.

  “June, marrying Reece is a good idea. You two love each other and rest will figure itself out. I mean, you want to marry him, right?”

  June looked out to the water. “Of course I want to marry him. I can’t imagine my life without him. I didn’t know if I could marry him so soon, but yeah I do want to marry him.”

  “Then I think there is no reason for freaking out.”

  June looked back at me. “You know, all you wanted was for me to be his friend. I even think your words were something akin to ‘you don’t have to freaking marrying him’”.

  Now it was my turn to shrug. “Well, you are friends. I was right on that point. But honestly, I’m thrilled you found that person. Maybe it wasn’t in the plan or whatever it was you had going on, but does life ever follow the plan?”

  June sat there for a moment. She slowly started to row the canoe mindlessly. It was quiet for only a minute when she said, “I don’t know. Does it? How’s your plan going?”

  The problem being best friends like June and I were, we both knew how the other operated. We knew our strengths and weaknesses and weren’t afraid to call each other out on them.

  “My plan might be making a small detour.”

  “Does said detour have a hot body and an awesome beard?”

  For some reason, those words put me on the defense. “Ty’s more than that,” I said with a bit of tone in my voice.

  This caused June to give me this look, her mouth dropped open and her eyes went wide.

  “Wow. It definitely is more from that statement.”

  Now it was my turn to look out at the water. “I’m so fucked.”

  I felt the canoe shake and looked over to see June shaking with laughter.

  “I’m happy my woes bring you laughter.”

  June would have responded if the hooker weren’t still laughing. I splashed her again, this time larger and practically drenched her with water.

  “Knock it off!” she screeched back at me.

  “Stop laughing or next time I’ll throw you in this damn lake.”

  “You wish,” she scoffed. I lunged at her, which only set the canoe to teeter-totter. June jumped up, because she must have forgot she was on an unstable boat, and then promptly flailed into the lake, the splash drenching me. Of course, it didn’t matter because June falling off made the boat flip and me crash into the lake. Shit, what was it with these damn glacier lakes. I always found myself in them, freezing my ass off.

  June surfaced from the water and her only words were, “Oh damn. My beer.” She frowned towards the dark abysses as the bottles of PRB floated towards the bottom.

  Her head snapped up at me. “Tell me about Ty.”

  “Really June. If we get into this conversation I’ll have hypothermia by the time I’m done.”

  “Oh,” she said as she swam towards the capsized canoe. “It’s that bad, huh.”

  I grabbed the side of the canoe and leaned my head against the wooden vessel. “Yeah. It’s that bad.”

  ***

  I was sitting in the bar at the lodge holding a hot toddy. June and I swam and pulled the canoe out of the lake, both of us drenched. I went into the lodge’s general store, grabbed a couple sweatshirts and sweat pants and threw a pair to June to change into. Now we were in the bar, trying to warm up.

  I raised my glass to June. “Hot toddy trumps PRB.”

  June raised her glass to mine and said, “Cheers. Now stop stalling and give me all the details.”

  I took a small sip of the drink. “Ty and I . . .” I paused.

  “It’s okay, Jo. We can do this slowly. Sound it out . . . Ty and you are . . .” She moved her hands in a go ahead gesture. I didn’t say anything.

  “Dating. You two are dating.”

  I still didn’t say anything.

  “Do you want to say it together? On the count of three? Because I know that you’re a big girl Jo and can do this.”

  Another small slip.

  June sighed.

  “One,” she counted.

  “Two?” she questioned.

  “Three!” she slightly shouted.

  “Oh for shit’s sake, June. Dating. Yes, I’m dating Ty, and I really really like him and it fucking terrifies me.”

  June’s face softened, because she knew.

  “It’s okay to be scared, Jo. You need to see how it goes. Right? Remember when you told me that?”

  I had said those things, but that didn’t mean I believed them. It’s one thing to say something, but to also follow through? That was something else entirely.

  “He has a kid.” My drink was gone and I needed another one. I got up and went to the bar, only coming back to June with her hand on her chin and her eyes soft and open, ready to hear it all. I set my drink down and told her everything, about his kid and my insecurities and how we hadn’t even had sex since the drunken night at the bar. June raised her eyebrows at that comment. She knew that was usually in the beginning steps, not something I waited on.

  “Jo, I think it’s time for some tough love.”

  “What if I don’t want it?”

  June smirked. “Too bad. You need it and I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t say anything.”

  “Alright, give it to me.”

  “I think it’s time to let go. You hold a lot of anger towards your mom and I get that. You deserve to have that anger, but there comes a time where that anger doesn’t have a place to go and it suffocates you. I know because I did that. I held everything so close to me I couldn’t see anything and I drowned in it. I know what I’m saying isn’t going to happen overnight, but maybe it’s time to realize that life gave you a shit deal, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy because you can be.”

  I frowned. “I’m happy.” As soon as the words came out, I debated if I believed them. I had played the role for so long I sometimes wondered where the truth was in me. Was it even there anymore? Or was I so lost in everything I built up that I didn’t even know myself anymore. Did I know what I want or who I was?

  “Jo.” I looked back at June. She smiled at me and said, “You’ll find your version of happiness. It won’t be perfect but you’ll find it. I have faith in you because you are one smart classy lady who has an endless source of ambition. You can do anything you set your mind too.”

  I let out a big breath because there were times where you needed your best friend to put everything in perspective.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Ty

  I’d been the longest week. The crew had gotten back late last night and I only had a few days off before we were back out again in the field. Even with how bone tired I was, I was still looking forward to seeing Jolene. I was really looking forward to getting her all to myself as we got lost in the wilderness. Her and me and no one around for miles and miles; that sounded like pure bliss right now.

  Paul shouted out my name.

  “What?” I responded to him.

  “You really heading back out there?” He leaned against the work truck.

  “Uh . . . yeah. I really am.”

  “Don’t get offensive, pissy sally.”

  I shook my head at him. “Nice name. Why are you maki
ng it a big deal?”

  “Because it’s summer and when it’s summer you find a chick to keep you warm at night Then come fall you hightail it out of here and go through the process again. Seasonal work is not made for relationships.”

  My eyes narrowed at my so-called friend. “Have I ever mentioned how much of a jack-ass you are?”

  Paul beamed at me. “No, but you should tell me more often, it will help when I can’t find a chick. Every girl loves the dickish alpha-male.”

  I made a sound of disgust at Paul, which only made him laugh. “Dude, but really, getting serious about this chick will probably screw you over. Soon as the leaves change, that’s when the summer magic goes away and you start to find out that you have to support yourself. It’s hard with two people.”

  “You know this from personal experience I take it?”

  Paul shook his head. “Listen, you know I have my kid and you’re a parent too. You know how tough it can be. Well my kid was a result of a beautiful summer romance but an awful autumn relationship. We couldn’t make it work. I’m trying to look out for you.”

  “I appreciate it, but I think this might be different.” Because I couldn’t get her out of my mind. The night before I left, I could still see her beautiful face hidden in the shadows, sleeping under the dark sky streaming through her window. This had to be different. Honestly, I knew it was different from the moment I met her when she walked into Caleb’s apartment wearing only his shirt. The fact that the first thought was I wish to hell she was wearing my shirt had to be a dead giveaway. Jolene was different and we could make it work. I was bound and determined to make it work.

  “You’re shooting yourself in the foot, man.” Paul walked away with that statement. It was like everyone was against us. Hell, even Jolene was against us. Caleb had warned me she would never give in, Paul was pointing out how difficult summer romances are and Jolene wanted it, I knew she did, but she was resisting like no other.

  Hence why I was excited for the next two days. No one to voice their opinions of what to do. It was just about me and only me needing to convince Jolene that we were different and to give us a chance. I knew it was a tall order, but I was up for the task.

  The idea of being next to her, sleeping in a tent under the stars was a moment I never wanted to end and it hadn’t even started yet. I needed to touch her, find her and remind her that I could be her anchor in this crazy world, and together we were better than apart. All of that in two days, yeah I was up for it.

  ***

  I was packing the last of our stuff when I heard a car pulled up. I had only given Jolene an address and told her to meet me this morning. Well, it was almost morning. The sun was about to rise but it was perfect time to take off. I glanced over to see Jo get out the car. My first thought was that her eyes would be on what was behind me but instead they connected with mine and didn’t let go. She closed the car door and walked over to me. She was dressed in jeans, hiking boots and a green flannel shirt that looked amazing with her dark hair braided to the side. My city girl had gone country. Jo briskly walked up to me and when I opened my mouth to say hello, she wrapped her arms around me and leaned in, capturing my mouth with hers.

  To say I was surprised by her hello would be putting it mildly, but I only let it catch me off guard for a moment before I was grabbing her by the waist and sinking in her kiss, finding her lips to still be warm. God, to have her in my arms again felt so right.

  She pulled back from me and the sun rose behind me, lighting up the gold flecks in her brown eyes. That moment, in the cool morning and with the sun lighting up her classic features, I fell a little bit in love with her.

  “Hi,” she said lightly, her smile brighter than the sun.

  I matched her smile. “Hi.”

  “I missed you,” Jo said tentatively, like she wanted to tell me but I knew she was admitting something that was hard for her. She was saying she missed me, which meant she had thought about me, had remembered the night in her cabin. Those three words were almost better than kissing her. I would remember her kisses but those words were sketched into my skin and I could never get rid of them. Not that I would ever want too.

  I kissed her again, this time nipping on her bottom lip and kissing it again, soothing the bite. “I didn’t miss you,” I told her.

  She frowned, looking slightly embarrassed. “You didn’t?”

  I gave her a sly smirk. “No, I didn’t miss you because you never left my mind. The image of you from last weekend is burned in my head. I kept hearing the sounds you make when you come. I did miss touching you. I missed talking to you, but that night gave me something to fall asleep to every night. The million stars that spread across the sky was only a simple background compared to the image of you basked in the light from the fire. I couldn’t get that image out of mind. I didn’t want to.”

  I saw Jolene take a breath, her eyes sparking with lust and something else I wanted to say was affection, but knew she would never admit it.

  “You’re mighty romantic, you know that,” she replied.

  I held her tighter. “As cheesy as it sounds, you bring it out in me.”

  She slowly nodded in understanding. She knew together we brought out different sides of us, ones people hadn’t seen in a long time. I understood her journey in putting up a wall, in going into survival mode and operating on bare minimums, because sometimes in life that was what you had to do. But as life calmed down and things changed, it was hard to get out of survival mode, to let yourself feel again.

  Now wasn’t the time to get into it all. The next two days was for adventure and there was nothing more I wanted to do was adventure with this woman.

  “So what’s the plan?” Jolene asked me. She finally looked around and saw where she was.

  “Wait,” she said as her head looked past me. “How exactly are we getting to where we’re going?”

  I thought it was pretty obvious, but maybe it wasn’t. “How did you think we were going to get there?”

  Jo glanced down to her hiking boots that looked brand new. “Well I have these things called feet so I figured I would be using those.”

  Smartass. “Yes, you will be using your feet at one point. Also, looks like you’ll be breaking in those new hiking boots as well. Remind me of how fun that is when I’m rubbing your sore feet later. But the first part of the trip will be in that.” I pointed behind me.

  “Is this the point where you tell me what you do for the Forest Service?”

  I turned both Jo and I to the Cesena 180 behind us. The plane was a beauty with it’s white and red coloring. I had owned her for a couple years, using money left by my grandpa to buy it.

  I heard laughter coming from Jolene. “No really. Are we driving to the trailhead? I bet we can fit everything in my car.”

  “Jo, you asked what I did for the Forest Service and I’m trying to tell you.”

  I watched her eyes grow wide. “You fly that?” She pointed to the plane.

  I smiled at her awe. Maybe I should have mentioned this earlier.

  “Yeah, I fly that. I’m a backcountry pilot for the Forest Service when they need it. I take crews out for surveying, sometimes in helicopters or in planes like this. I’m certified to fly both.”

  “Is this yours?”

  “Yeah. It’s my personal plane. Thought we would take her out in the wilderness and camp out there. I know a couple good fishing spots. Did you bring your fishing license?”

  She just looked at me and slowly shook her head.

  “It’s okay, you can hang with me then. Either way it’s pretty relaxing being out there.”

  She nodded her head, like she had lost the ability to speak.

  “You okay there, Jo?”

  “I can’t believe you fly planes for a living. How did I miss that?”

  “I guess it never came up. But yeah, I fly planes for living. You ready to go.”

  “Is it safe?” Her eyes darted towards the plane.

  I took her h
and and brought it to my lips bringing her attention back to me. I gave her a kiss on the palm of her hand. “You’re always safe with me.”

  That seemed to calm her for at least a minute as we packed the plane and got ready for takeoff.

  We were strapped in and I threw on headphones to tone down the noise.

  I winked at her as I started to move the plane to the runway, getting in place for takeoff. She kept her eyes forward and I saw her slightly clutching her jeans, her hands turning white. As we sat in the plane, the loud sound of the engine roaring and the propeller starting to spin faster and faster, I thought to myself that I had never asked if she was afraid of flying.

  Here I was trying to impress her and there was a possibility I was scaring the shit out of her instead. As the plane sped down the runway and lifted off the ground I knew it was too late. I would keep her safe; I wasn’t lying about that though.

  We were in the air for only ten minutes when we approached the first pass of the mountains. As the large granite mountaintops became larger as they came closer I turned slightly so I was flying parallel to them, finding the area where I could go between. It made it so on Jo’s side you could see each summit. I glanced over to her and her fear had lessened. Now it was pure awe; her mouth was slightly open and her eyes were moving over each mountaintop as she tried to take it all in. I had flown these mountains many times. I tried to remember to never take it for granted, that it was stunning every time I was up here. Watching Jo see them for the first time like this was absolutely breathtaking, more than the jagged peaks behind her. You could hike these mountains until you were old, but unless you got up in the air, you never really experienced them like this. There was only a small population of people who would ever see nature’s beauty this way.

  I was ten the first time my grandpa had taken me up in a plane like this. It was rickety and sometimes the wind would catch, throwing the plane a little bit, but I was never scared. I only wanted more. All of my brothers and sisters had done the same with grandpa, but I was the only one who spent their days thinking about getting their pilots license, knowing that these mountains were my playground. A dangerous one that required knowledge and safety actions put in place, but a playground nonetheless.