Fractured Hearts: A Fractured Rock Star Romance

by L. M. Dalgleish

  Connor felt rather than heard Lexie suck in a sharp breath, but he kept going, needing to get it out. “His love for her was so consuming, he didn’t have room in his heart for anyone else, not even me. He completely shut me out.”

  Connor could hear the pain and bitterness in his voice and clamped down hard on those emotions, annoyed that his father’s rejection still had the power to hurt him after all these years. “I think I reminded him too much of my mom, especially when I started playing music. She was a music teacher, and I played to feel closer to her, but I had to practice outside the house so he couldn’t hear me. He hated it.”

  As he spoke, Lexie’s fingers had begun gently stroking over the skin of his bicep, just under the edge of his t-shirt sleeve. He didn’t think she even knew she was doing it; it was just a subconscious soothing gesture. The feel of her fingertips smoothing over his skin was making his body react, but he tried to concentrate on what he was saying.

  “When I was about thirteen, I fell in with the wrong crowd. It could have gone pretty badly for me then, I won’t lie, but my dad shook off his self-absorption enough to do what was, in hindsight, the very best thing he could’ve done, which was pack me up and send me to the US to live with my aunt. Luckily, she’s amazing. She helped me pull myself out of the pain I was in at what was basically the loss of both of my parents.”

  Suddenly he realized that the tremors coming from Lexie’s slender frame in his arms were caused by fresh tears.

  “I’m not telling you this to make you cry, baby. I’m trying to show you that you’re not broken, not at all. Unlike my dad, you’ve picked yourself up and made sure that you’re living your best life. You’re paying tribute to your husband’s life, not letting his death destroy yours. Your heart is so full of love to give that it spills over into everything you do—that’s why everyone loves being around you. And when the time is right, when your heart is healed enough, when the perfect man comes along, you’ll give all that love to him. And I’m sure he’ll spend the rest of his life counting his lucky stars.”

  When he finished, Lexie raised her head and looked into his eyes, her own beautiful gray ones looking almost luminescent in the faint light. He fought the urge to bend his head and press his lips against hers. He couldn’t. As much as he might desire her, he wasn’t the right man to help her get over her broken heart. He had nothing to offer her other than a night in his bed, and that would probably only end up hurting her more, which was the last thing he wanted.

  Even as he tried talking sense into himself, Connor was fast losing his resolve not to kiss her. Just when he was about to throw caution to the wind, she raised her hand and rested her cool fingers on the side of his face. Her eyes searched his, a small furrow between her brows. “Connor, have you ever been in love?”

  He flinched in shock. Why was she asking him that? Had she taken what he’d said the wrong way? Did she somehow think he was falling in love with her? His heart rate accelerated; that was a complication he didn’t need. His tone was sharp when he answered. “No, I’ve never been in love. Why would I want to when I can have a different woman every night?”

  His arms, which had been wrapped around her, loosened in preparation for her pushing away from him. But she didn’t. Instead, she cocked her head to the side, eyes still searching his, then nodded to herself.

  “I’m so sorry for what you went through, Connor. I’m sorry you lost your mom. And I’m so sorry that your dad hurt you. Love should never be selfish like that. Thank you for being so kind to me tonight. It means a lot.”

  Reaching up, she gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and then used his shoulders to push herself up to stand. She held out her hand to him, and without thinking, he stood and took it. They walked back to the door with her still holding his hand, but when they got there, she just gave it a quick squeeze before dropping it, opening the door, and slipping out.

  Connor stood there in the dark for a second, wondering why he suddenly felt so hollow. He didn’t know if it was reliving the pain of his childhood, or because he missed the feeling of Lexie’s hand in his. Fuck, he did not need this. Whatever it was between them had to stop. Right now.

  Chapter 17

  Lexie didn’t know if her conversation with Connor changed things for better or worse. He’d started acting differently around her since they’d shared the details of their painful pasts. Now he seemed intent on keeping his distance from her. There was no more casual brushing of his hands along her skin. No draping of his arm along the back of her chair if they sat next to each other. In fact, he didn’t even sit near her much anymore. It wasn’t until he stopped doing those things that she realized how his constant presence, those oh-so-casual touches, had started to mean something to her.

  She wasn’t sure what had caused the change in him. Maybe he regretted telling her about his parents. Or maybe knowing she was a widow was making him keep his distance. Whatever had caused it, the feeling of loss hurt. And that frightened her.

  Something inside Lexie had begun to change. Her heart still ached when she thought of Damien, but now there was a glimmer of hope. Because maybe Connor was right, and she wasn’t broken; she just needed time, and to meet the right man. That man wouldn’t be tall and dark with piercing green eyes, but it was Connor who had given her the first taste of desire in years. He’d made her yearn for his touch, even though she knew she shouldn’t. All he would ever want from her was one night. As much as she might have started fantasizing about how a night like that would feel, she knew she’d end up risking her still-scarred and fragile heart.

  So, Lexie let him keep away from her; she didn’t push the issue or try to recapture what might have been between them. If they both needed to keep their distance from each other for their own reasons, it probably meant it was the right thing to do.

  Lexie sighed and stared out of the bus window. It was morning, and the convoy was rolling into Pittsburgh for their next stop. Unsettled and jittery, Lexie decided she needed to get out in the fresh air. So far, she’d only done Tex’s portrait, so this would be as good a time as any to knock another one over. Scanning the bus, she noticed Noah playing around on his phone. Lexie smiled to herself. Spending a few hours with the easygoing drummer sounded like just what she needed.

  * * *

  Later that morning, Lexie was sitting in the passenger seat of a car that Noah was driving. Her decision had been a bit premature since she didn’t really have a good idea what she wanted to do for Noah’s portrait yet, but she was hoping inspiration would hit. Plus, it gave her a chance to chat with him, which often helped spark ideas. The only thing she’d asked him to bring was his drumsticks since she wanted to incorporate those into the photo somehow.

  Noah had specifically asked to drive since he enjoyed it and didn’t get much chance while they were on tour, and she’d been happy to oblige because it gave her a chance to study him and try to decide what she wanted to do. There was no doubt that like all the other band members, he was very attractive. With his long, surfer-blond hair and sparkling blue eyes, she could easily imagine him on a Californian beach, but his high cheekbones and strong jaw gave him an edgier look.

  Looking over at him, she noticed him tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, even though there was no music playing in the car. It must be a drummer thing since he was constantly tapping on objects with his drumsticks, hands, or anything else that was lying around. She smiled, wondering what it was like to constantly have a beat running through you that you had to express in one way or another.

  “So, tell me what it’s like to be the drummer for the world’s hottest rock band?” She wanted to get him talking to see if anything he said would trigger an idea.

  He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, and his lips quirked up. “Well, as the drummer, I’m obviously the most important person in the band.”

  “Of course.” She smiled at him.

  He laughed. “You think I’m joking? Well, maybe I am a bit, but it’s partly true.
”

  “Okay, I’ll bite. Tell me why you’re the most important person in the band.”

  He grinned at her. “A lot of people don’t realize that the role of the drummer isn’t just to look cool while playing sick beats.” He arched an eyebrow and smiled when she giggled. “It’s also to keep the rest of the band in time. I need to keep the rhythm so that the others can stay on beat. If my timing is off, everyone’s is off. Plus, I control the intensity and speed of the music. The others have to follow my lead, or the song will fall apart.”

  He glanced at her intrigued expression. “Didn’t know that, did you?” he laughed.

  She shook her head. “I didn’t. But now you’ve explained it, it makes perfect sense. So, you’re kind of like the heart of the band?”

  “Hmm, I like that analogy.” He grinned, taking one hand off the wheel to rub his chin. “I’ll make sure to tell the others that’s what you called me.”

  Lexie laughed and shook her head. Looking over at him, an idea started to emerge. The heart, hmm. A heart. Something to do with a heart…

  Just then a light rain started to fall, raindrops spattering on the windscreen. Hearts, rain, drumsticks. She ran her eyes up and down him, her mind working, and then a picture popped into her head.

  “Noah, I need you to pull over at the next lot of stores we get to.” He raised his eyebrows but nodded without asking why.

  At the next mall, he pulled into a parking lot. He stayed in the car with a cap pulled down over his face so he didn’t get recognized, while she jumped out and raced into the building before she got too wet in the rain. She was smiling to herself when she came out a few minutes later, her purchase tucked into her purse.

  “Got what you needed?” Noah asked when she got back into the passenger side of the car.

  “I did. Now I need you to drive until we find a park or open space where there aren’t too many people around.”

  “You got it.” Noah started the car and pulled out, driving for a few blocks until they found a small park with a stream running through it. It was deserted because of the weather, so it was perfect for what Lexie was planning. Noah pulled the car into a nearby parking spot.

  “I just need the weather to hold,” Lexie muttered to herself, looking up at the cloudy sky.

  Noah turned to her. “Okay, what do you need from me?”

  “Take your top off.”

  He raised a brow and smirked at her before pulling his shirt off over his head. “I thought you’d never ask, babe.”

  She rolled her eyes at him, before pulling out the item she’d just purchased from her purse and holding it up. It was a temporary tattoo of a red heart, about two inches across.

  “Okay, I kind of see where you’re going with this. Where are you planning to put it?”

  “On your back.” She smiled, twirling her finger in the air. “Turn around please.”

  He twisted around in the driver’s seat so that she had access to his back. Wow. He had a very nice back to go along with the rest of him—smooth, golden skin stretched over hard muscles. She shook her head. It was ridiculous that all four men were so attractive. Nice too, which made it even worse. She was going to get spoiled spending so much time with them all. For the first time, Lexie considered how much she was going to miss hanging out with them after this was all over. She pushed the thought away. There was still plenty of time to enjoy their company before they all went their separate ways.

  She smoothed her fingers on the left side of Noah’s lower back, just above the waistband of his jeans. He shivered slightly, then glanced over his shoulder at her, brilliant blue eyes sparkling. “That’s nice. Feel free to keep going.”

  Shaking her head at him, but unable to stop her smile, Lexie peeled the backing off the temporary tattoo, then paused. She’d forgotten she needed to apply moisture to get it to transfer to his skin. “Do we have any water in the car?” she asked.

  Noah shook his head. Realizing what the problem was, he looked over his shoulder at her again. “You can always use your tongue. I won’t complain.”

  Lexie laughed. He was such a flirt. “I bet you wouldn’t.”

  Looking around the car for something to use to wet the tattoo, she suddenly realized what was staring her right in the face. Twisting in her seat so that she could keep holding the tattoo in place, she pressed the button to wind down the window and stuck her other hand out into the rain. When it was wet enough, she turned back and ran her fingers all over the tattoo. She had to do it a couple of times before she judged it was wet enough and then slid the paper away from his skin.

  “Did it work?” he asked, unsuccessfully craning his neck to see if he could see it.

  “Yep. Now put your shirt back on.”

  He turned to look at her, confused. “But then you won’t see the tattoo.”

  She raised her eyebrows at him. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a wet t-shirt competition, Noah, because I won’t believe you.”

  Realizing what she meant and glancing out of the window at the rain still coming down, he laughed. “Right. Lucky I wore a white shirt, then.”

  “It was meant to be. Now let’s go get wet.” She jumped out of the car and stood for a second, looking up at the clouds. The light rain was warm, and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as the drops fell steadily but softly on her face.

  “Earth to Lexie,” Noah called. She turned to look at him and let out a small sigh of appreciation on behalf of every woman in the world, admiring the way the rain had already started to mold the t-shirt to his body.

  She realized he was staring at her too, a slightly dazed expression on his face. Noticing where his gaze was directed, she glanced down and realized her own outfit wasn’t immune to the rain. While she wasn’t wearing white, the pale pink shirt with a sheer lacy bra underneath wasn’t much better and didn’t leave much to the imagination. She used the excuse of needing to get out her camera bag to sidestep behind the car and break Noah’s admiring gaze.

  Not embarrassed at all to have been caught staring, he grinned at her shamelessly and shrugged. Lexie rolled her eyes. He was incorrigible. Although, she couldn’t really get upset considering she was about to take photos of his very hot body for the gratification of women everywhere.

  Once she was set up, she got Noah to get his drumsticks out of the car. She arranged them in the back-left pocket of his jeans so that they crossed over each other just below where she’d applied the red heart, framing it.

  When she moved back from him and checked the composition, she smiled happily to herself. His blond hair was slicked back, and he was leaning forward with his hands braced on top of a small stone wall overlooking the stream. His head was turned to the right, so you could see his profile, and his wet shirt was plastered to his body, outlining the defined muscles of his back. The red heart, framed by his drumsticks, showed through the now translucent material.

  Perfect.

  It didn’t take long for Lexie to get the shots she needed, and shortly after they were back in the car and heading to the hotel. They sat in companionable silence for a bit, but when thoughts of Connor began to intrude, Lexie looked for a topic of conversation to distract her.

  “So why don’t any of you have girlfriends?” she blurted out. Not the best question to ask, but it was too late to take it back now. Noah didn’t answer straight away, and Lexie started to fidget. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

  He flashed her a quick smile. “No, that’s okay. I suppose it’s not an easy question to answer because there’s a variety of reasons. In the beginning, it was because we were young and there was just too much… attention, I guess you could say, to want to maintain a girlfriend. I actually had a girlfriend when we first started getting well-known. It didn’t end well.” His hands clenched slightly on the steering wheel, and he paused for a second, a rarely seen frown on his face. Then he seemed to shake it off and kept going.

  “Going from being a nobody to a superstar in such a short period,
well, it’s hard to explain what it does to you. Everything you ever thought you wanted is thrown at you, and you can’t believe your luck, so you take it all, without even thinking about it. Then, when the novelty eventually wears off, you find yourself stuck with a certain reputation, which ends up being fairly hard to shake.”

  He glanced at her, and she nodded to show she understood what he was saying. Looking back at the road, he continued. “A couple of times I tried having a girlfriend. But either there were trust issues when we were out on tour that got too difficult to work through, or because she expected me to play around on her, she thought that meant I wouldn’t care if she did too.” He grimaced. “Just to be clear, I’m not a cheater, and I don’t appreciate anyone cheating on me.”

  Lexie wasn’t used to Noah being so serious, and she felt bad about bringing up the subject. But he seemed happy to keep talking, so she let him, figuring that perhaps he didn’t have much of a chance to talk about things like this with other people.

  But when he continued, it wasn’t about him. “The others have their reasons too. Tex is a not-so-closet romantic, happy to play around until he meets the love of his life.” Lexie blushed, not mentioning that Tex had tried her on for size in that role.

  “Zac dates, but only for a month or two at a time, and never while we’re on tour. He doesn’t really talk about why he does that. And Connor…” Noah paused, and Lexie suddenly felt sick. She didn’t want to know why Connor didn’t have relationships. She wished she’d never asked the question in the first place.