Elements of Ruin (Hijinks Harem Book 2)

by C. M. Stunich

  “Are you okay, Blossom?” he asked and I felt a husky, purring laugh escape my lips.

  “More than okay,” I promised as George turned me around and pulled me close. He smelled so damn good—and not just from the soap. His natural scent surrounded me, the sweetness of fresh flowers and wet earth soothing and calming my thundering heart.

  “What we were supposed to be doing again?” I asked and he smiled, brushing strands of blonde hair back from my face.

  “Getting dressed to go see Joan,” he told me and I sighed.

  Way to kill the mood …

  I looked at George's face, at the fullness of his lower lip, the perfect bow tie shape of the upper, at his strong jaw and straight nose, his nut-brown eyes and umber hair. He looked like a forest spirit or something, an ancient beast of like, wisdom and shit. Hey, I tried, I was still a fucking ex-barista and in no way a poet, writer, journalist, or even well-spoken human being. But I tried. And I was being genuine. And that was all that mattered, right?

  “I hate her,” I whispered, pulling back from George a bit and grabbing some of the goat milk soap on the ledge nearby. Thank god they had this stuff—most soaps have the wrong pH levels for the vagina; using crap like that fucks with the good chemistry down there and makes things worse. But goat milk soap has a similar pH and is totally cool to use. I needed to get all of George's flower seeds out before they congealed and turned into glue. Semen and water just don't mix.

  I washed myself as George looked on, and I swear, there was something … I don't know … intimate about having him watch me while I cleaned up after our lovemaking. After a moment, he stepped forward and took the soap from me, lathering up and gently using those long, strong fingers of his to clean my folds.

  Doubted it was helping much though because as soon as he touched me, I got all worked up again.

  “I should go,” I said, pushing him back a step and rinsing as quick as I could. George just watched me with a small smile on his face as I scrambled out of the shower and caught a look at myself in the mirror above the vanity.

  I was blushing … and my runes? They glowed like the sun.

  Great.

  More rat tail juice.

  I was already looking forward to it.

  Joan was waiting in the backyard for me.

  I only knew that because when I came downstairs and stood like an idiot in the empty foyer, the weird golem butler dude showed up and escorted me outside.

  And why the fuck is Dustin making nice with my MIL? I wondered as I plastered a smile on my face and moved over to stand next to the pair of them, laughing and smiling like they'd known each other forever and a day.

  Except … then Joan caught sight of me and scowled.

  “I see you found the time to mate before bothering with your training. It's nice to know that your interests in my sons is purely sexual.”

  I gaped at her.

  I mean, really? The whole clichéd bitchy mother-in-law thing? Was this seriously happening?

  “I, uh,” I started, but Dusty just laughed and smoothed his hand over his orange hair, looking like some sort of male supermodel in a tight green t-shirt that said Fuck me, I'm Irish! I'd have thought a thing like that might offend Joan's delicate sensibilities, but when she flicked her blue eyes over to him, it was with a certain amount of affection. “Do you two know each other?”

  “No, actually,” Dustin said, grinning like the stupid asshole piece of shit he was. “Well, not in any formal capacity, my little gobshite. We may 'ave crossed paths a time or two when I was younger.”

  “And how I ever missed out on such a charming young man is beyond me,” Joan said with a small smile and a genteel giggle. God, she even laughed like a lady. Well, a lady wearing khaki pants with a shotgun strapped to her back anyway. I'd have admired Joan if she wasn't such a raging cunt bag.

  “We were just actin' the maggot,” Dustin said and both he and Joan laughed. I had literally never heard that slang before in my life—Australian/British/American, not Irish, remember?—so I just stood there and stared. “Joan here says you're a right shitty spirit elemental, my little leprechaun. She asked if I might stick around and train ya with 'er tonight?” He clapped me hard on the back and nearly knocked me over.

  “Since Dustin fortunately doesn't seem to share the same fondness for you that my sons do, I thought he'd make a good sparring partner.”

  “What Joan here is trying to say,” Dustin began, and the glint in his eyes promised trouble. “Is that I'm not afraid to rough yer arse up a bit.”

  Oh.

  The way he said that … rough yer arse up … made me really want to play with Dustin.

  Just … not in a sparring sort of way.

  Did becoming a spirit elemental amplify my sexual ardor? Because at this point, I was going for like a good five to ten fucks a day just to feel satisfied.

  Or just one, seven-way fuck.

  How would that all work, I wonder? I only have so many openings to use at once. Would the others fuck each other while they waited? Or would they just watch? The possibilities were endless and I couldn't fucking wait to find out!

  “Ye joinin' us, Care Bear?” Dustin mocked, and I snapped out of my daydream of dicks to glare at him. “You look like you're off in dreamland, there. What are ya fantasizing about then, eh?”

  “None of your damn business, Carrot Top,” I growled back at him.

  “Hey!” Joan snapped at me like the crack of a whip. “I'll have none of that name calling in my house, thank you very much.”

  “What?” I protested. “He started it! And we're technically not in your house, Joan.” I emphasized her name, because what I really meant was you fucking stuck up prissy bitch. From now on, that's what I'd be secretly calling her when I said her name. Joan.

  “What are ye, twelve?” Dustin chuckled and I snarled at him.

  “Let's do this then,” I replied with determination. “I'm ready to mess that pretty face of yours up a bit.”

  “Aw, in'that sweet. The little Care Bear thinks I have a pretty face.” Every word out of Dustin's smart mouth made me want to punch him right in the face. Right in that smart mouth with the lush lips that I could remember feeling pressed against my—

  “Quit farting around,” Joan ordered. “We don't have long until you're due at Seelie Court and you just spent half of that time with your legs spread for one of my boys.”

  The look she gave me spoke volumes for how little she thought of me or my spread legs. Well, fuck her. I was marrying all of her precious boys and there was nothing she could damn well do about it.

  “Dusty, love,” she smiled, like fucking Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde. “Would you mind stepping over there? We're going to begin by teaching Arizona to isolate her elements, starting with yours. Metal.”

  Dustin complied, taking several huge steps away from us while I scratched my head in confusion.

  “How exactly is he going to help me do that?” I asked, and before I even finished the damn sentence a fucking knife was coming hurtling at my head. Thankfully, it froze in mid-air just a fraction of an inch away from me while I stood there with what was undoubtedly a stupid ass look on my face.

  If I'd have been the sharing type, I might also tell you that my bladder hiccuped with fright, and a little pee slipped out. But I was a private kind of girl, so kept embarrassing details like that quiet.

  “Really?” Joan deadpanned. “What were you hoping to do here? Stop the knife with your face?”

  “I … ah …” Yes alright that did sound pretty fucking dumb when she put it like that. “You didn't give me any warning.”

  “No shit,” she spat. “Do you think the fae will give you any warning if they decide they want to eat you for breakfast? Do you think that good for nothing father of yours will give you warning before he kills you and my boys? No! Now, wake up!”

  And then … that Joan … slapped me right across the face.

  “You did not just hit me,” I breathed in disbelief
, and she fucking smirked at me.

  “Angry? Good. Do something about it, I dare you,” she taunted me, backing away to stand near Dustin as she barked her command. “Again!”

  This time when he threw the knife at me, I was ready. Wielding my metal magic, I plucked the speeding blade straight from the air and changed its trajectory, pushing it and watching as it flew back and sunk deep into Joan's belly.

  Or at least, that's what happened in my mind. In reality, a little more pee escaped my bladder and I hit the deck hard to avoid being impaled by a hurtling blade.

  “Pathetic!” Joan yelled. “Get back on your feet and actually try. Counter it with spirit if you must, but just do something!”

  Right, okay, I could do this. Picking myself up from the ground, I wiped my hands off on the cute black and white polka dot dress George had brought for me to wear. Counter with spirit. That was my element so surely it couldn't be too hard? Right?

  Dustin raised an eyebrow at me, and even at this distance I could see the sarcastic, mocking glint to his eye that made me really want to prove I could do this. He brought his arm back, then hurled the knife at me once more and this time I was ready.

  My mental hands grasped for the magic inside which was uniquely mine, gripping it with sure metaphysical fingers and hurling it at the flying knife with the intention of knocking it out of the air.

  “Duckie!” Grams shrieked as she went flying, doing absolutely nothing to influence Dustin's knife and instead zooming straight through him to land in a pile of pearls and talcum powder and tweed some twenty yards away.

  “I said use spirit, not throw a spirit!” Joan screamed at me, stomping over to my fallen Grams' ghost and helping her to her feet.

  “Well I never, Arizona!” Grams huffed, dusting imaginary dirt from her ghostly skirt and pursing her lips at me like a cat's bum.

  “Hey, that's a cool trick,” I commented, realizing Joan had literally just touched my Grams like she was a real person. Not that she was a figment of my imagination, just that she didn't have substance. Heh, yeah she was pretty shallow, too.

  “That, Arizona, is what spirit magic can do,” Joan informed me with a smug smile on her bitch ass face.

  “Clearly you're not getting a handle on metal just yet, and we don't have time to waste if we're to have a nice family breakfast before you go to Seelie Court.” She clapped her hands sharply. “Dustin, please attack Arizona from behind. I want to see her fight you off using any of the other elements. I will literally settle for any element right now.”

  Dustin prowled toward me, like a lethal jungle cat, and I couldn't help the flood of moisture to my panties at the thought of him attacking me from behind. Fuck yeah, baby. Any time.

  Without warning, he leapt at me, locking his arms around me in an iron grip and placing his lips against my ear.

  “You're a dirty wee gobshite ain't ye?” he purred. “I see yer nipples hard under that dress like you're smuggling marbles in your bra.”

  Not really in any position to disagree with him, I struggled in his steel-like hold and ran though the elements that might help me free myself. Water? No, what good would that do here? Air? I could blow him?

  A low groan escaped my throat as I pictured blowing Dustin, and my ass did an involuntary rub against his crotch before I could pull it in line. Fucking ass with a mind of its own.

  “Try earth!” Joan yelled, in a seriously bored tone. “You can pull strength from the earth that can help you break free.”

  Fuck, Joan, shut your fucking piehole, I'm trying to think— wait, that idea held merit.

  Closing my eyes to try and block out Dustin's seriously distracting presence, I found the magic in me with the soft, mossy feel to it and embraced it like a warm blanket. Strength seeped up my legs from the dirt beneath us and flooded my body, making me feel like Ben Grimm from the Fantastic Four. You know, when he turns into Thing? Anyway, I was like … super strong.

  With a seriously embarrassing growl, I leaned forward and tossed Dustin off of me like he was a spirit, sending him flying across the yard. He recovered a fuck of a lot quicker than I would've liked and came at me again, sprinting with long lean legs in my direction.

  I think to somebody else, he might've looked scary in that moment, a hunter stalking his prey. But I was pretty sure at some point, my ovaries had flooded my brain with hormones and killed it because the only thing I felt in that moment was lust. I liked the sight of him racing toward me like that …

  Before Dustin could get to me, I let myself slip into my spirit form and he ended up tumbling right through. Turning, I noticed a metal lawn chair nearby and reached out with my magic to grab it—just to prove that I could. After all, I had ripped that sewer gate from the wall, hadn't I?

  “Lesson number one,” Dusty said, coming up close to me and circling carefully around my incorporeal spirit form, “ never piss off yer sept—I can block you from using metal magic if I want. Feel that, little leprechaun?”

  I squinted as I tried to grab the chair with my mind, using the little pool of magic inside of me and thrusting it out through all four limbs. It felt like the chair was slippery, almost greasy, when I tried to grab it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't pick it up.

  “You fucker,” I snapped, fading back into human form and aiming a knee at Dustin's nuts too quickly for him to react. I hit him in the balls a whole hell of a lot harder than I intended to, and he grunted, going down to his knees.

  “You feckin' cunt,” he snarled, throwing himself at my waist and knocking me on my back. Using earth magic, I extended the grass on either side of him, watching as it curled around Dusty's waist and yanked him off of me.

  Didn't last long because several knives—where the fuck were these all coming from?!—came flying at him and carefully severed him from the grip of the supernatural grass. Rolling over, I struggled to my feet, but Dustin was right there behind me, hooking his strong arm around my waist and yanking me off my feet.

  “If I really were the bad guy,” he whispered, licking the curve of my ear, “you'd be dead right now.”

  “Don't think so,” I snapped, trying to ignore how damn good the man smelled, musky and sweaty, but like soap, too.

  Shifting into dragon form, I whipped myself out of his arms and into the grass, a long lithe beast with shimmering aubergine skin, a long tail, and fucking horns. I seriously needed to take a moment to look in a mirror or something. While the feeling of shifting forms wasn't really all that strange—guess it was in my blood or something?—the thought of looking at a reflection and seeing anything but the green-eyed blonde I'd known my whole life staring back at me was a weird thought.

  Dustin smirked, stretched his arms above his head, and then winked.

  In the span of a blink, he was shifting into a big, muscular beast with gold skin and glimmering green eyes, his muscles bunching beneath his metallic flesh as he stalked toward me like a cat, tail whipping back and forth.

  He was so quick, so practiced, and I had basically zero idea of what I was doing, so when Dustin pounced on me, he hit me directly in the side and sent us sprawling.

  “Oh for heaven's sake,” I heard Joan snap. “You're a spirit elemental. Physical strength is not exactly our greatest asset. Use your fucking magic, grab hold of his soul and push him aside.”

  I'd almost forgotten I was sparring, rolling around in the damp grass with Dustin on top of me. There was something vaguely sexual about it—maybe because he had a fucking huge dragon dick and a pair of shimmery gold balls?—but the thought of doing it in this form was not really something I was excited about.

  When he grabbed me around the neck with his jaws, teeth gently pressing into my skin, I realized that Joan and Dustin were both right—if this were a real battle, I'd be dead.

  “You can do this, Duckie,” Grams said, standing near my head as Dustin pushed my neck to the ground and pinned me there. “I saved you for a reason, you know?”

  Saved me? I wondered, and then it oc
curred to me that I'd never asked why I'd been adopted. Or how. If Daniel and the bio moms wanted to drain me, wouldn't it have been easier to simply do it when I was a baby? Or if they did have to wait until I got older and found my sept, then why not just raise me themselves? There had to be a reason to it all. Gram said she could read the future, so what exactly had she read and how had she managed to get me away from Daniel in the first place?

  Dustin pushed me down harder, like he was daring me to give up.

  Instead, he just pissed me off and my dragon skin started to glow like a moon in a night sky, the runes firing up with a golden shimmer that reflected off Dustin's beautiful scales. That surge of rage fueled me forward, and I reached out through our bond (cheating, I know) and latched onto that bright energy inside of him, shoving him away with everything I had.

  Unfortunately, I pushed too hard and sent Dustin slamming into the patio furniture, crashing into the side of the house, and coming to a groaning stop on the pavement. For a terrifying moment there, I thought I might've killed him.

  “Goodness, girl!” Joan screamed, running toward my fallen soul mate as I shifted back and started to run, too. “You're either helpless or murdering your own men?!”

  “Ugh,” Dustin groaned, also shifting back into human form and clutching at his ribs. “I think that's probably enough practice for one night, Care Bear.”

  “Yes, you're probably right,” Joan patted her hair, like she was Care Bear. I was at least ninety percent that insulting nickname was aimed at me though. “I wanted to have a nice breakfast with the whole family before you all left for the Seelie Court anyway. Reginald's Dads have been cooking and it should be almost ready by now.” She glanced at her elegant wrist watch and sighed. “Shall we have a quick clean up and then meet in the dining room in fifteen minutes then? Dustin, dear, if Dwayne is still here we should get those ribs looked at, hmm?”