Tortured Whispers

by Danielle James

  “I missed you too, Brook. Why didn’t you text me when you got out of school?” He pulled my hoodie off then tugged on my hair until I whimpered.

  Yes.

  I needed more of that pain.

  “I went to Ashley’s,” I told him.

  “You didn’t tell me you were going to her house.” His brows furrowed as he regarded me. His eyes were everywhere on me but I didn’t feel self-conscious. I felt sexy. I felt beautiful.

  “I’m sowwy,” I whined as his grip tightened. I wanted more. I thought about saying something smart-mouthed to see if he’d pull harder.

  “I worry about you, Brook,” he grumbled.

  “I know. It was a quick visit though.” My fingers opened button after button on Cease’s shirt. I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. I’d heard him claim me as his over and over but I wondered if he knew that meant he was mine too.

  All. Fucking. Mine.

  I kissed his neck and bit a trail up to his ear. He made the sexiest sound in response to me. My pussy clenched then flooded my panties. I had on white ones today. They’d be transparent by the time he got between my thighs.

  When I felt his strong fingers unbuttoning my jeans, my hips rocked with anticipation. I had to do something with my hands while he pushed my pants down my long legs, so I unbuckled his belt.

  We couldn’t get each other undressed quick enough. For once, I regretted wearing so many stupid fucking layers. My chattering mind was silenced once Caesar’s heavy cock sprang out of his slacks.

  My mouth watered and I locked my arms around his neck. We shared a torrid kiss that blasted fire through to my core. He lifted me against the door like I weighed nothing. I was worried it would turn to flames the way we were going at it.

  We became a mess of teeth on flesh and nails scraping skin while he penetrated me. I was steadily unraveling while Cease deepened his powerful strokes. My thighs were jelly wrapped around his solid frame.

  I wanted him deeper still. Even though it felt like I would pop any second with how full he made me. He stretched me like my pussy was custom fit for him. It didn’t matter because I didn’t want anyone else.

  I’d never survive with anyone else. I’d never flourish with anyone else. I was a part of him and he was a part of me. “Cease,” I breathed. I didn’t know if I was coming or going but my lord, I never wanted it to stop.

  My head rolled along the door while he thrust harder and faster. He was drenched in me and slid in and out so easily. My pussy welcomed him. If my body was a temple then by all things holy, Caesar Powers was the most devout parishioner.

  “Cum for me, Brook,” he grunted. He was close too. I knew it. I could tell now.

  His cock swelled and the veins all pulsed at once with the need to explode inside of me. Sick me wanted to get pregnant and have his baby. Sick me wanted a life with him far away from judging eyes and whispering mouths.

  I was never well though.

  I’d always been sick.

  Maybe sick me was real me.

  Maybe I needed to stop brushing her off and embrace her. At least she was free and at peace.

  I came hard on Case’s command. The delicious jolt surged through me forcing my spine to curve forward. My orgasms were so forceful when Cease demanded I give them up. They were like tyrants ordering my body to succumb to the most sinful pleasure.

  …and I did.

  Caesar shot his load inside of me, slippery and hot while I moaned from the sensation. My heart rate was through the roof. I was sure anyone around could hear the way it banged against my chest.

  “Shit,” he cursed, sliding out of me. I pulled up my panties in a rush and inched my jeans up over my bare legs.

  A knock on the closed office door glued me to my spot. “Hey, Cease, did your niece come for her session?” I heard an unfamiliar voice on the other side of the door and froze.

  “Yeah, Ronnie, she’s in here. Give me a second…” We both scrambled around trying to be quiet as mice while we got dressed. I tied my black hoodie around my waist and tried not to look like I was still floating high on an orgasm.

  Once Cease was dressed and buttoned up, he opened the door. A tall, slender man stood at the once empty desk just outside Cease’s office. He was talking to a woman with dark hair and plum colored lips. She was pretty. I had to fight off the urge to compare myself to her.

  Once she saw the door open, her eyes darted over to Cease and she smiled seductively. It turned me into a crazy person. I’d never experienced anything like it. My muscles seemed to strain against my skin as I locked onto this woman’s gaze. She was staring at Cease but I was staring at her.

  “Hi, Dr. Powers,” she purred her words out like she was a fucking sex kitten and I wanted to rip her throat out.

  “Hey, Denise. Back from your break, I see. I want you to meet Brooklyn.” He smiled at me like I was his everything and it made the pounding in my ears subside a little.

  “Brooklyn, nice to meet you,” Denise smiled, offering her hand. I refused to shake it. I hated shaking hands anyway because I was always afraid someone would see my scars by accident but right then, I hated Denise. That was reason enough not to shake her hand.

  Cease noticed my refusal and chuckled a bit, pulling me close to his side.

  “Yes, Denise, this is Dr. Powers’ niece. She’s gonna be my patient and she’s lucky because we all know I’m the best doctor in here,” Dr. Hollows interjected playfully.

  “Yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that,” Cease laughed. He was so sexy when he laughed. He was sexy when he did anything really.

  “Niece? Okay. I got scared for a second. I thought you had a girlfriend. I was thinking I didn’t even have a chance to get my hooks in you first.” Denise was back to eye fucking Caesar and my heart rate climbed quickly.

  “He does,” I blurted. I had to concentrate really hard on saying my R sounds. “He does have a girlfriend.” My voice shook a bit but I’d be damned if I was going to let some woman sit in my face and hit on Cease after the way he fucked me in his office.

  “Mmm, all the fine ones always do,” Denise grunted and went back to her computer. Dr. Hollows looked at Cease and made a noise.

  “You never mentioned your girlfriend, Dr. Powers. Congratulations,” he smiled. He was a handsome man with smooth brown skin and deep brown eyes. He only looked to be slightly older than Cease.

  “Yeah, it’s still new but…it’s serious,” he swallowed and put his hands in his pockets.

  “Uh oh, we talking marriage?” Hollows asked.

  “Eventually. I just need to get settled,” he said. My emotions swung wildly in the opposite direction of rage and headed toward downright giddy.

  Marriage?

  Could I be Cease’s wife?

  I rocked back and forth on my heels and suppressed the smile trying to emerge. I didn’t know how it would ever work though. We’d have to move far away from LA and New York. We’d have to be somewhere where nobody knew Dr. Caesar Powers or had his books.

  “Brooklyn, are ready to be seen?” Dr. Hollows broke apart my thoughts of an exit strategy where I actually got to be happy with Cease forever. I smiled timidly and nodded, following behind him.

  “I’ll see you in a bit, Brook,” Cease assured me. I nodded in response then entered Dr. Hollow’s spacious office. Inside smelled like books and leather. It was unexpectedly soothing.

  I sat on the couch and looked around a little at the plaques and degrees hanging on the walls. I tried not to let my nerves go wild because if I did they would drag me toward the water like wicked, insolent children. They were such fucking pests.

  Dr. Hollows spent a half hour listening to me talk about myself and who I was. I didn’t think it would take that long. I had no defining qualities. I still spoke though.

  It was when he asked me why I was in his office that I clammed up. I pressed my knees together and nibbled on the edge of my sleeve. I really missed the thick sleeves on my hoodie but my shirt sleeves would do.
<
br />   I wanted to tell him I was in there because I needed my head cracked open and examined. I needed to take out all the ugly parts and make them pretty but maybe that wasn’t the best way to start. Instead, I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders.

  “You don’t know?” He quizzed, knitting his brows together. “Why did you agree to see me when your uncle suggested it?” Hearing Cease referred to as my uncle, stung. I averted my eyes and sucked on my sleeve harder.

  “Cease wants me to talk about some stuff. Get some things out of my head and say them to someone who can help,” I told him.

  “Cease?” Hollows noted. “You don’t call him Uncle Caesar?” He gave a small smile but I still wasn’t totally comfortable. A part of me was always on edge no matter who I talked to.

  “No. He’s not like an uncle. He’s like a friend. A best friend,” I said firmly. My jaw was set and my eyes locked on to Dr. Hollows.

  “I understand,” he nodded. His voice was still smooth and non-judgmental. Why the hell was I so on edge? It wasn’t like he was peering into my darkest secret. He was trying to help me with my cutting. He was there to help me get through my anxiety and depression. He didn’t know Caesar and I were in love.

  “Cease wasn’t there for me when I was growing up. He wasn’t around. Now that he is…” I gave another timid shrug of my dainty shoulders and hugged myself.

  “Now that he is, it doesn’t seem very much like he’s your uncle, does it?” His eyes crinkled at the corners and something inside of them reminded me of my father. My heart twisted.

  “No, he’s not like my uncle at all. Not like I would assume and uncle would be. That’s why I can connect to him so easily. I’m not close to anyone but him.”

  “I see. He’s like your rock then?” Hollows asked, jotting notes down.

  “He is my rock. I wouldn’t be sitting in your office without him pushing me. I need help, Dr. Hollows.” My voice cracked with the admission and I darted my gaze to the ceiling before tears fell.

  “And that, my dear Brooklyn is why you’re here. Tell me what you think you need the most help with.” His voice was so strong and full of conviction. Like he lived for the moment his patients admitted they needed help.

  Well, I was at that point and I was ready to turn shit around.

  I slid my thumbs from their protective holes and pulled my sleeves back to my elbows. I felt beyond exposed. Like I was naked on the surface of the sun. I’d never done anything like that before but if I wanted results…if I wanted to change into someone I’d never been before, I had to do things I’d never done before.

  “I cut myself,” I said. The room was void of air as Hollows examined my arms with his eyes. He never left his chair but you couldn’t convince me that he wasn’t touching my arms and taking in all the damage I’d done.

  “Before I say anything else, I want to thank you for taking such a brave and courageous leap like that. It couldn’t have been easy to show such an intimate part of your life.” I actually felt pride and sincerity emanating from him.

  “You’re welcome,” I nodded, pulling my sleeves back down.

  “How long have you been cutting?”

  “For about four years I guess. I started in ninth gwade.”

  “That’s a long-term commitment. Why are you ready to stop?” He asked.

  “I don’t want to huwt myself or the people I love anymore.” I beat myself up for mispronouncing my words but I pushed through anyway.

  “That’s a really good reason to stop. When you cut…how do you feel before and how do you feel afterward?” He wrote down notes at a furious pace as I began to talk.

  “I feel like I’m dwowning. Like I’m underwater and cutting myself is the only way I can bweathe again. It gives me gills.” My lips trembled involuntarily as I picked with a hangnail on my thumb.

  “How long does the feeling of being able to breathe last after you’ve cut?”

  “Not long,” I admitted. “Something always stwesses me out again. Nothing helps me permanently. Nothing except being awound Cease.” Saying his name was like a granted wish that pushed more air into my chest.

  “Your uncle is what I like to call your bright spot. Sometimes, when we feel like we’re in the dark all the time, that bright spot leads us to the light. It shows us there’s a way out.” His eyes were so kind. I was starting to feel comfortable around him.

  “Can you not call him my uncle? Please?” I asked, swallowing. Hollows smiled a little, then nodded before he wrote something down. “He’s definitely my bright spot.”

  “That’s great. Hold on to that, Brooklyn. Sometimes bright spots save our lives.” He sighed then leaned back in his chair, letting the room fall silent again. “I’m going to leave you with a piece of information that I think you’re mature enough and strong enough to hold on to. Is that okay?” He quizzed.

  “Yeah,” I nodded my head.

  “There was this story on the news a couple years ago about a kid probably a little younger than you, Caleb Baxter. He self-harmed too. He got caught up in some silly internet challenge and ended up taking his own life. His parents were prominent people in the community so they were shocked when they found out. They thought their son was…normal for lack of better words. They were wrought with regret that they didn’t see the signs.

  Now, they weren’t bad parents but they didn’t know what was going on with their son. It was like he was trapped in darkness. The same way you feel trapped underwater. Sometimes having a bright spot can also help to shine a light on your symptoms and triggers.

  Don’t ever feel ashamed for your bright spot no matter who or what it is. Embrace it. Even if it never makes sense to anyone else. Okay?”

  He stood up and so did I. Something about his words erased all the apprehension I had about him at first. Caesar was right. He was an amazing therapist. Instead of leaving his office feeling judged and angry, I felt lighter and contemplative.

  I felt like I could finally take control of my life.

  With a little help of course.

  **

  Caesar…

  Brook’s sessions with Ronnie were going so well. I looked forward to seeing her smiling face every day when she came to my office after school. Well, after school and after she stopped past Ashley’s house.

  Ronnie told me in our sessions that he understood my concerns about Ashley but Brook needed to do normal things. She needed to have friends and branch out. She even needed to make bad decisions on her own. It was all a part of helping her find herself and have confidence. I agreed with him. I didn’t like it, but I agreed.

  I noticed my sessions with Ronnie turned more and more into sessions where we spoke about Brooklyn and less about how I navigated the world without my brother. Ronnie pointed it out during one of our meetings before Brook got there. “How’s your grief over Anthony been lately? Have you noticed that he’s been on your mind or has he faded into the background more? There’s no right or wrong answer,” he assured me.

  “I guess he’s faded more into the background,” I said.

  “That’s a good thing. I know it can feel like we’re betraying our loved one’s memory but that’s not it. Sometimes they have to go into the background so that you can heal. It means you’re…”

  “Compartmentalizing Ant’s memory,” I said, finishing his observation.

  “Exactly. As you know, it’s a sign of progress, Cease. You should be happy. Your mind is adjusting even though I know you still miss him. I honestly don’t think you need any more sessions to work through your grief.” Things fell silent as Ronnie scribbled on his pad then he lifted his eyes to me. “I do think we may need some sessions about Brooklyn though.” He watched me, gauging my reaction but I didn’t know how to react. Had I been that see-through? I tried not to balk at hearing him refer to Brook as my niece. I tried to keep the conversation casual when she was brought up.

  Maybe I wasn’t as careful as I thought. Ronnie’s raised eyebrows and patient expression told me he
was waiting for me to speak.

  “Why do we need sessions about Brook? Is she okay?” I played dumb and Ronnie saw through that shit too.

  “She’s fine. She’s great. I think that can be attributed to you. You make her happy. She makes you happy. Am I correct in this assumption?” I saw his pen moving slowly that time while he wrote. He was analyzing me and I was trying to map out where his thought process was headed.

  “Of course,” I chuckled, folding my hands together in my lap.

  “Good, good,” he nodded.

  “So, you wanna tell me why you’re analyzing my relationship with Brook? Be up front, Ronnie.” I narrowed my eyes and rested my elbows on my knees. I needed to hear every word that came from his mouth.

  “Cease, I’m noticing unusual behavior between you two for an uncle and niece. Now you know my office is a no judgment zone and I still uphold confidentiality even though we’re friends.”

  “What are you getting at, Ronnie?” I asked, my brows crashing together and my nostrils flaring. I wanted him to spit it out. I refused to initiate such an intimate conversation.

  “I’m not the bad guy here. I’m not trying to hurt. I’m not trying to expose anything. I’m trying to understand. I’m trying to help.” I stood to my feet and headed to the door. My back was tense and my spine was stiff.

  “Are we done here?” I huffed. “You’re not being direct and I sense apprehension so I see no further need for us to continue if the session isn’t benefitting me any longer.”

  “You’re right. I’m being passive. Forgive me, Cease but this is a sensitive topic.” He swallowed what I assumed was a knot of reluctance before he spoke again. “Are you and Brooklyn…involved romantically?” He finally asked.

  “I’m not dignifying that question with an answer. I’m protecting her.” My jaw flexed furiously.

  “You’re in love with her,” Ronnie countered. My heart knocked against my chest like a fist. I had been too transparent. This shit was going to tear apart the safe haven Brook and I built around each other.