Tortured Whispers

by Danielle James

  I pulled down the tank top she’d slept in and let a roar, thick with anguish, leave my mouth. I ripped the thin fabric in half and wrapped Brook’s bloody wrists in the shreds. My eyes were too blurred with tears to notice if the bleeding stopped.

  I snapped my eyes shut and rocked back and forth over her, praying that God spared her. I knew that loving her the way I did was selfish but she didn’t deserve this shit. Not my Brook.

  “Please, Brook…I don’t know what I’d do without you,” my voice was a hoarse whisper as I buried my nose in her hair. Lavender and honey broke me down into dust.

  “Sir, we need to get to her,” an unfamiliar voice made my eyes open. I moved out of the way and let the EMT’s get to Brook. They moved in a flurry to bandage her wrists once they found a pulse.

  “I’m riding in the ambulance,” I told them. “I’m her uncle.” They nodded and directed me out of the house behind the stretcher she was lying on.

  The ride to the hospital was a blur. Signing papers that allowed her to have two blood transfusions, one after the other, was a fucking blur. Sitting in the family waiting area while hearing nothing for hours was a blur.

  My thoughts were underwater.

  For the first time, I was the one drowning. I felt the anguish and terror that ripped through Brooklyn at every second when she was in the water. I felt every lash of torment and it was horrific.

  I wanted out of my own head.

  All I could do was imagine living without her and it was too staggering to envision. Life without Brook’s light was darkness. It was the blackest pit of loneliness and I never wanted to experience something like that.

  I received call after call from Ronnie but I sent them all to voicemail and after a while, I put my phone on airplane mode. I was in no mood to talk or explain.

  “Family for Brooklyn Powers?” A nurse scanned the waiting area with a clipboard in hand. I sprang to my feet with a burst of energy that came from nowhere. My chest tightened with each step I took.

  What if there was bad news?

  I would crumble in front of everyone.

  “Your niece is in critical condition and we’ll be monitoring her through the night but she’s stable as of now.” A doctor told me once I was sitting inside a quiet office. It was too quiet. Nothing was right. Even though they told me she was stable, I still felt something rock solid and heavy as a boulder in the pit of my stomach.

  “And what else?” I asked, knowing the other shoe hadn’t dropped yet.

  “Dr. Powers,” he sighed, pushing glasses on top of his head. “Your niece lost a significant amount of blood. Since she was only six weeks pregnant, we couldn’t save the baby. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know if I should tell you the news or tell her when she woke up but…” His words were gibberish after I heard him mention a baby.

  She was pregnant?

  Brook was pregnant with my baby.

  “I need a moment, please,” I said quietly into my balled up fist.

  “Absolutely, sir. He rested a heavy hand on my shoulder and said, “I want you to know that if you hadn’t tied off the blood flow and gotten her in here when you did, she would not be alive. I know the loss of her baby is tragic but you singlehandedly saved her life. Let that give you comfort during this difficult time.” When he left, I disintegrated into nothing. I lost my kid.

  All I’d been able to think about for weeks was seeing Brook pregnant with my baby and before I knew it was a reality it vanished. How was I going to break that news to her? She would spiral.

  Nurses let me into her hospital room and I crumpled on her bed, bowing my body over hers. I grabbed her cool hand in mine and brought it to my lips. I kissed her hand, careful not to disturb the IV feeding into her vein.

  “Please pull through. I need you. I need you so much, Brook.” I smoothed the hair from her face and kissed her forehead.

  Time ticked on as I sat at her bedside holding her hand. Nurses came and went. They took her vitals and noted her improvement. They moved her to stable condition and into a different room. I still sat at her bedside, pressing kisses to her forehead.

  Six hours had passed before her beautiful hazel eyes fluttered open. “There she is, hey Kiddo,” I smiled, tears clinging to the rims of my eyes.

  “Don’t call me that, asshole,” She croaked out. A smirk lifted the corner of her lips. Seeing that smile made my heart soar into the roof of my mouth.

  I curled my fingers around the back of her neck and crushed her lips with mine. I didn’t give a fuck who walked in. I’d never been more grateful for anything in my life.

  “I should be dead,” Brook said as a tear leaked from her eye. “I can’t even die wight.”

  “Brook, why the fuck did you try to kill yourself? Do you know what that did to me when I came in and saw you lying there with…with blood everywhere? I thought you were dead. Fuck, Brooklyn. I thought you were…” My words dissolved into helpless tears. I’d never felt so broken. “Losing you means losing me.”

  “Cease, I messed up. Everyone knows about us. Your life would be better without me.” She shook her head and stared at the ceiling while my mind went wild trying to put together the pieces.

  “What do you mean everyone knows about us? What happened, Brook? Tell me everything.” I gave her hand a squeeze and she gave me one back.

  “I’m so stupid. I wanted a fwiend so bad that I let Ashley in. She came to our house and she live stweamed my entire journal. She gave me wazors. She told me you’d lose your license. You’d go to jail.” Her lips trembled and she grabbed my hand. “I know you can live without me but I can’t live without you. I’d rather die.”

  I slid my hand out of Brook’s grasp so I could curl my fingers into a fist. That must have been why Ronnie was calling. If he knew then the live stream went viral.

  My head pounded and my mind raced, fracturing into a million different splinters. I didn’t want things to happen like this. I had a plan in my head and I wanted to execute it. Now, everything was blown up and I didn’t know what the fuck would happen or how it would play out.

  “Brook, I need Ashley’s whole name. I need her address and all of her social media links,” I said, standing to my feet. I wanted to nail that fucking bitch to the wall. I was usually diplomatic and understanding but Ashley nearly killed Brooklyn and she did kill my child. I had no sympathy or remorse.

  She was barely human in my eyes.

  “Okay but…she was live when she did that. It’s out there,” Brook told me.

  “It doesn’t matter. Your journal is not admissible in a court of law. Even if I’m investigated, what you wrote could be nothing more than elaborate fantasy brought on by grief. Ashley, on the other hand, will go the fuck to jail.

  She will get the life and I don’t care what I have to do to see that she gets life. She will die in prison.” Vivid, gory images of seeing Brook lying on the floor bleeding to death assaulted my mind making my heart squeeze so tight I had to take a seat.

  “Life?” Brooke tried to push into a sitting position but let out a howl from the pain in her arms. She fell backward and a nurse rushed in to check on her.

  “Miss Powers, are you okay? Why didn’t you let me know she was awake?” The nurse glared at me and I apologized profusely. I was so happy to see her eyes and hear her voice that it slipped my mind to have the nurse come in and check on her.

  “Her arms hurt, can she have something for the pain?” I asked, my brows knitting together.

  “Of course. I’ll be right back to take your vitals too. Until then, sweetie, use the buttons on your remote to lift you and lay you down.” She smiled sweetly at Brook then eyed me harshly before leaving the room. Clearly, I wasn’t her most favorite person.

  Once the nurse gave Brooklyn the okay, she left us alone and I closed the door to her room for privacy. Brook pushed the up button on her bedside remote and sat up to look at me.

  “Why were you mentioning the life in prison, Cease? I’m alive. Ashley didn’t touch me.
I did it. I cut my own wrists.” She sounded so remorseful. The fact that she regretted it once she was clearheaded gave me so much hope.

  “It doesn’t matter. In the state of California, it’s a felony to encourage someone to commit suicide.” My jaw flexed rapidly as I imagined the day Ashley got sentenced for the heinous shit she did.

  “It is?” Brook sounded more alert.

  “Yes. It is.” A soft knock on the door disrupted my words for a moment. I stood, straightening my spine and making my shoulders square as I walked over to the door. I was in full-blown protective mode.

  I paused briefly when I saw Ronnie standing there. “What are you doing here?” I asked. I wasn’t upset but I didn’t even know how he knew where to find us.

  “Hello, Dr. Powers…” He glanced over his shoulder and into the hallway as if to get me to play along. “Since I’m Brooklyn’s psychologist, I’ve been notified that she’s been hospitalized due to attempted suicide.”

  “Of course, Dr. Hollows, come right in.” I stepped aside and let Ronnie in. I’d nearly forgotten that he was officially her doctor. He had every right to know she was in the hospital.

  “Jesus, Cease. How are you guys?” He patted me on the back and then went over to Brook with sad eyes. “Sweetheart,” he said softly, holding her hand. His simple words made Brooklyn break down into a puddle of tears. Her sobs were horrible to listen to. I felt helpless.

  “I-I’m sowwy,” she stuttered, looking up at the ceiling. I wiped her eyes once I realized her arms must have hurt too much to do it herself. “You just…weminded me of my dad.” She cried a little harder and it felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.

  “I’m sorry, Brooklyn. I didn’t mean to…” Ronnie apologized.

  “It’s not your fault, you didn’t know. I’m glad you’re here Dr. Hollows,” Brook told him.

  “I’m glad I’m here too, Brooklyn. You did some pretty serious damage and I’m um…I’m sorry about…” I gripped his shoulder tight and he looked up at me, confused.

  “She doesn’t know yet,” I whispered.

  “What? What’s wong, Cease?” She asked, her wide hazel eyes were pools of vulnerability. They crushed me beneath their gorgeous gaze. How could I tell her she lost our child?

  “Shit. Cease you should have told her the second she came to.” Ronnie gawked at me in shock.

  “I know, okay,” I growled. I hated having to break such terrible news to the love of my life. I wanted to see her eyes shine once more before I had to plunge the knife into her heart. She would break down and it would take everything to pull her out of it.

  I couldn’t send her into the water deliberately.

  Maybe I was a fucking coward or maybe I was being selfish again. All I knew was that Brook was my heart and if she broke and shattered then…I did too.

  “What’s wong?” Brook’s voice was stronger that time but it shook violently like she knew. Ronnie glanced at me and pushed out a breath.

  “I’ll give you two a few moments and I’ll come back after I’ve done my rounds for the night.” Ronnie’s smile was warm and polite as he left but god did the weight of the world fall once he was gone.

  I sat on the side of Brook’s bed and held her hand, stroking it repeatedly with my thumb. She had every right to know. So why the hell was it so hard to make my mouth move? My tongue was swollen and glued to the roof of my mouth. I couldn’t begin to figure out what to say to soften the blow.

  “You’re scawing me, Cease.” Her feet moved back and forth rapidly under the blanket. “I can still walk, right? I’m moving my feet.”

  “Yes, you can still walk, Brook,” I sighed.

  “Then tell me what’s going on,” she demanded.

  “You lost a lot of blood,” I began quietly. “You needed two transfusions. When they told me about it, they uh…they said that you’d been six weeks pregnant but they couldn’t save the baby. Too much blood was lost too quickly.”

  Shimmering tears flooded her eyes as she removed her hand from mine. She couldn’t move her arms too much so she let the tears stream rivers of sorrow down her cheeks without wiping them. Without stopping them.

  My stomach flopped saying the words out loud. It made things so much more real. It hit home so much harder. Gingerly, Brook cradled her flat stomach.

  “I killed our baby, Cease,” she whispered.

  “No, you didn’t know, Brook.”

  “I should have known! I kept throwing up even aftew the pawty and everything made me nauseous. How did I not see that? I’m an awful pewson.”

  “You’re not an awful person. Ashley preyed on you like a goddamn vulture. She pushed you and pushed you until you snapped. You were vulnerable, Brooklyn.” I wiped her eyes but she turned away from me.

  The small action hit my chest hard, making it tough to breathe. “I want to be alone,” she whispered.

  “Brooklyn…”

  “Alone, Cease.”

  I nodded and left the room, trying to hold it all together. I wanted to talk to her though. Talking was how I worked out my problems. I wanted to listen to her talk but she shut me out.

  My heart was empty as I stood in the hallway, braced against the wall. I wanted to be in there offering comfort, holding her hand, rubbing her shoulders, telling her it would be okay. I wanted to do something.

  “Cease, what are you doing out here?” Ronnie came out of a room nearby and closed the door behind himself.

  “She put me out. She wanted time alone.”

  “That’s normal. You know that. Don’t hold it against her,” he said.

  “I know, Ronnie. And you know things are a lot harder when they hit home. I can deal with patients all day long but Brook isn’t a patient. She’s…everything.”

  “The mother of what would have been your child.” His brown eyes studied mine and I finally broke down with a nod.

  “It hurts so fucking bad, Ronnie. I know we can try again. I know that but finding out this way? It’s torture.” I fought back the emotions trying to slide down my cheeks. I couldn’t help wondering why though. Why the fuck would someone want to hurt a girl like Brooklyn? She was quiet and never hurt or bothered anyone. Her only mistake was wanting a friend so badly that she didn’t think things through.

  “I know. Come with me. We’ll go talk in an office. I have to tell you some things.” I nodded and followed him.

  “What’s going on?” I asked after he shut the door and sat down.

  “I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me, Cease. I need to hear it from your mouth before I can offer any modicum of help. Are you and Brooklyn romantically involved?” There was no more hiding it from him. I doubted there was anymore hiding it from the entire fucking world.

  “Yes. That would have been my child. I love her though, Ronnie it’s not something salacious. It’s just a fucked up situation. I’m sure the board will have my goddamn throat for this though.” I pushed an unsteady hand through my hair and rested my elbows on the edge of the desk.

  “I know. That’s exactly why I wanted to hear you admit it. I can help you with the board, Cease. Now, the incest laws in California still remain unchanged but nobody is bringing criminal charges against you last I checked.

  Brooklyn’s journal won’t hold up in court but the board is a different story. They’ll want to investigate.”

  “For unethical behavior, I know,” I muttered.

  “You can still keep your license, Cease.” I wasn’t so sure about that though. I shook my head and rested my mouth against my knuckles.

  “I’d have to go to the board first and head them off. That means I’d have to openly admit to being romantically involved with Brooklyn and I don’t see that ending well for my license. If they find me guilty of unethical behavior then the next step is prosecution because incest is a fucking felony. I can’t lose Brook and she can’t lose me.”

  “Let me help. I’m in the forefront of research involving GSA and I really think you and Brooklyn present a perf
ect case of the syndrome occurring outside of adoption. I’ve always argued that this doesn’t only present itself in cases of adoption but any close living quarters.

  When you told me that Anthony was like your second father, it immediately made me realize that you had more of a sibling bond with Brooklyn than anything else. You hadn’t seen her more than once during eighteen years…”

  “But I knew she was my niece, Ronnie,” I argued. “I knew of her existence and I knew who she was. I just hadn’t physically seen her. I talked to her on some birthdays and everything.” I was convinced that I was warped but I also didn’t give a fuck. Warped or not, Brook was the one for me and that was that.

  I’d do whatever I had to just to keep the love we had.

  “This is what I’m saying though. You disassociated Brooklyn with being your niece after you saw her in person. In GSA we see a mental disconnect even after the person knows full well of the biological relationship. You show clear signs of disassociation and so does Brooklyn.

  Somewhere in your brains, a link was missed. It’s not wrong or right it’s just the brain misfiring the same way at the same time with two people that society deems incompatible. The fact that it happened to both of you simultaneously is phenomenal,” his eyes burned with excitement. He really felt like he could make his argument work.

  “So in essence,” I laughed, rubbing a hand over my tired face. “We’re like a one in a million mishap?”

  “It will be looked at that way at first but it’ll open up the door for people to understand why rare cases like this happen and how broad the spectrum for GSA is. You’re definitely right about needing to go to the board first and with legal representation, Caesar. But I think if you build a case siting GSA, with me defending on Brooklyn’s behalf…you could keep your license to practice in California.” His smile was confident and proud.

  After all, Ronnie dedicated his entire career to researching this topic. If anyone was an expert and should be speaking on me and Brook’s behalf, it would be him. I had no time to be self-righteous. I had to save my relationship and I had to save my license.