Seeking Daylight

by Becky Poirier

  “Please,” he pleaded with me, taking my hands in his. He was looking at me with a desperate intensity. “I’m just asking you to do this for me. I need to know you’re safe. Please stay here.”

  Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I agreed. The sooner we got this part over with, the sooner we could leave this place and then maybe all the worrying would be over. He kissed me softly on the forehead and whispered thankyou, before taking off with the other men. Nina turned the electricity back on the moment they were outside the cage.

  We were all surprised the electricity had held out through the night. It probably had partly to do with our strategy of taking out the infected before they reached the fence and a lot to do with luck. I held my locket in my hand. My mother had given it to me the day she died. It had been a Mother’s Day gift we’d given her when I was still little. She’d updated the picture of Molly and I just before she died. She told me the angel was a guardian angel and it would always keep me safe. Back then I thought that was all superstitious nonsense, but now I wasn’t so sure. We shouldn’t have survived an attack from one hive, let alone two. Yes, we were prepared, but other groups had been prepared and they died, were turned. Military bases had been prepared and failed. We survived. Our little ragtag group survived, when other more trained professionals didn’t. There had to be someone else or something else, looking out for us.

  From the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of blonde hair glowing in the light of the kerosene lamps. I turned to see Molly staring at me. There was something in the way she looked at me, that only made my stomach hurt more. She wasn’t sad like she often got. She certainly wasn’t happy like she had been the last time she’d shown up. Last time she wore a look on her face, that said everything would be okay. Now she looked scared, nervous. I wanted to ask her what was wrong. But she faded just as fast as she’d appeared. A tear fell down my cheek. It was getting harder every time to watch her leave. Every time I wondered if that was the last time.

  “Are you okay?” Matthew asked startling me. “Are you still scared?” he asked with a worried voice as he placed his hand in mine.

  I knelt down to his level and smiled at him. Whatever worries I had, I pushed aside. This was a time to celebrate, not to dwell on silly feelings that I couldn’t control. “No Matthew I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long time. We’re safe now.” We were safe. We had to be. He smiled back at me as he wrapped his arms around me. I squeezed him tightly. He felt so small in my arms. He was a wonderful reminder, that good things still existed in this world.

  It wasn’t long before Seth and Austin returned to let us know everything was clear. Seth warned us that there were quite a few bodies lining the hallway. Cletus and Kyle were still busy clearing the last big pile. They’d taken their time, ensuring they were all dead, even putting a couple extra bullets in the heads of ones that didn’t have head wounds.

  Seth then handed us each our list of tasks, we needed to accomplish before we left as well as which vehicle, we’d be travelling in. Seth had seen to it that we’d be travelling in our own vehicle. Of course there wasn’t much room for more than two people in the shipment truck. We’d be hauling the majority of our supplies. The majority of our people would be travelling in the luxury RV they’d found a couple years back. And then we also had a truck and van in our convoy. It would make for quite the site, travelling down the nearly empty roads.

  Frank and I were paired together, for our very last work assignment here. It was fitting, seeing as he was one of the first people I’d worked with. We gathered up all the ammo we had and sorted it out by weapon type. Cletus and Kyle took care of the actual weapons. They were dividing them amongst the vehicles in case they were needed on the trip. I was hopeful we wouldn’t run into any more trouble, on the way to wherever it was Seth was leading us to. Surely we’d had our fair share of trouble lately. We had to be due for a break. But then again, this world rarely gave anyone a break for long.

  I was hoping that once Seth and I were alone, I could get him to spill the beans on where we were going. I was never the best at accepting someone else had the need to keep secrets.

  The room, we’d used to barricade ourselves in, was nearly empty now. The evidence of the attack was still everywhere, from the broken pieces of drywall on the floor, to the blood-spattered walls and floor. I was grateful to finally be rid of this room. Despite all the good news, seeing Molly, I still had this pit in my stomach that I couldn’t shake. It only grew now that I was alone in the room that had seen so much death. Maybe it was because I knew Alex was still out there. If we were still here or if he were somehow able to track our movements, I knew he’d try again. There was something about his attack that felt very personal, like it was more than just biting into untainted flesh.

  On the road, we’d be more vulnerable. Seth was confident, that the path Doc had laid out for us would be secure. But from what little he had told us, it sounded like our trip would take at minimum four days. None of us liked the idea of being so exposed for so long. It wasn’t like we had much choice. If we stayed here, we risked being attacked again and our ammo was seriously depleted as were our energy reserves. No, we had to leave, the sooner the better.

  Frank headed towards the shipment bay doors to load his ammo bags first. I made sure that we had everything, before finally leaving the room behind. The creepy feeling didn’t shake, even when I left the room. I’d made it up the first set of stairs and was just heading up the second set to the shipping floor, when the knot expanded exponentially. It took over my whole body. I was shaking and I knew that when I looked behind me, I’d know why. Slowly I turned around to see what had me so on edge. Standing in the middle of the stairwell was Alex.

  He looked like he’d been beaten, though I knew it wasn’t from us. His eye was swollen, his lip cut. There was dried blood on his head and partially formed snout. He glared at me with his red eyes. I stood there too scared, too stunned to run or scream. I needed to scream, that was my only chance. I didn’t have a weapon on me. They’d all been taken to the vehicles. All I had were lousy bullets. I didn’t even have a knife. It wouldn’t have mattered if I did. My hands were shaking too badly, for me to have defended myself anyways.

  This was it. After everything I’d been through. After all I’d gone through to find the desire to go on, he was going to bite me. It was all for nothing. He wouldn’t do me the courtesy of killing me. No that would be too humane and he wasn’t human anymore. The Alex I saw in the fertility clinic, the one who wanted to die rather than be a monster, was gone. In his eyes there was still a piece of Alex in control. I could see that, by the way he was looking at me. The way he looked at my body, made me want to throw-up. It was the same look my father gave my mother before he bit her.

  I remembered thinking, how could she just stand there and do nothing. She knew he was going to bite her and she didn’t move, didn’t try to fight back. I’d hated her for it. But here I was in the same position, doing the same thing. And this wasn’t even a man I loved. But I had cared for him deeply. And those old emotions were holding me frozen in place.

  We stared at each other, for only a moment but it felt like an eternity. I opened my mouth to speak. I don’t know what I was planning to say. Maybe I wanted to beg him to spare me, but I didn’t get the chance. He rushed towards me and in a fraction of a second he had me pinned against the wall with his hand around my throat so tight, I could barely breathe. His claws were digging into my skin so that I could feel little pearls of blood dripping down my neck.

  I mouthed the word “Please,” but no sound came out. I don’t even think he saw my lips moving. His eyes were trained on mine, causing me to shake with a fear I’d never felt before. A tear fell down my cheek as my body quaked.

  He moved his other hand towards my cheek and with his claw he wiped the tear. I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to pull away from his touch, but there was nowhere to go. “You…” he said startling me so much so, that even though
looking into his eyes terrified me, I couldn’t help but open my eyes back up. “You,” he said again trying to form the words, “belong…to…me. We…will…be…together…now.”

  He pulled his mouth open revealing his enlarged k-9’s and I cried out though I knew it was hopeless. I closed my eyes again, trying to tune out what was about to happen. I braced myself, for the feel of his fangs ripping into my flesh. But the moment didn’t come. Instead I felt Alex’s grip on me yanked loose as a rush of air passed by me. I sucked in a deep breath.

  I opened my eyes to see what was going on and there wrestling on the ground with Alex was Frank. He had no weapon to defend himself, just his old frail body. I screamed this time, loudly as I watched Alex dig his fangs into Frank. Frank didn’t let a sound escape his lips as Alex tore into his flesh. The pain must have been excruciating. Alex tossed Frank’s body aside, like he was no more than a ragdoll.

  “Run,” Frank yelled at me. I couldn’t do that. He’d just sacrificed everything for me. I wasn’t going to run and leave him alone with Alex. Instead I screamed as loudly as I could.

  Alex rushed towards me again, but before he could reach me a bullet pierced his arm, knocking him backwards. I looked up to see who had come to my rescue. It wasn’t anyone that I would have expected or hoped for. It was sweet, innocent, little Matthew. “Go get the others I screamed at him.”

  “There’s no time,” he shouted back at me defiantly holding the gun he’d obviously hidden from the others. The gun shook in his hands as he fought to control his fear.

  “Give me the gun Matthew,” I demanded. He hesitated for moment as he looked from Alex to me. He was just handing it over when Alex got back up. Matthew fired again, this time grazing the side of Alex’s head. I tried to put myself between Alex and Matthew but Alex just threw me aside like I weighed no more than a feather. The gun fell out of Matthew’s hands crashing on the floor as Alex hoisted Matthew in the air. Alex screeched in a way that almost sounded like laughter. Matthew whimpered as a chill ran down my spine.

  Frantically I reached for the gun. Alex had his fangs only inches from Matthew’s shoulder when I finally got hold of the gun aimed and fired this time hitting him in the back of the head. Even though I only had seconds, I managed to aim in such a way as to make sure that if the bullet did exit his skull, it would not hit Matthew.

  The blood shot out of Alex hitting both Matthew and me. I couldn’t even be sure, that it was only blood that hit me. Matthew dropped hard on the stairs. His head hit against one of the steps as Alex’s lifeless body fell backwards nearly falling on poor Frank.

  I rushed over to Matthew who looked a little dizzy, blood splattered and terrified, but otherwise okay. “Let me see your head,” I demanded, pushing his head around to get a look. I poked at his head which caused him to wince and whine a little. He was forming a pretty nasty goose egg, but other than that, he appeared to be okay. I pulled him into my arms. “That was both brave and incredibly stupid. You know that right?” He laughed a little as he wrapped his arms back around me.

  “You’re welcome,” he said back sweetly.

  We heard frantic footsteps rushing towards us. “What’s going on?” Kyle’s voice yelled down the stairs as Seth rushed around the corner with Cletus. When they stopped to see the scene, their mouths dropped open.

  “Yep, everything was clear,” I said sarcastically, collapsing against the wall.

  “Yeah, so nice of you guys to join us,” Frank replied, saying the first negative thing I’d ever heard come out of his mouth. He let his body fall back to the floor as he breathed out an exhausted sigh.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Seth had wanted to help me clean up. By the way he and everyone else was looking at me, I could tell it was pretty bad. Jane insisted he get back to the others, to finish up the loading process. Jane and Clara helped both Matthew and I clean off the blood and whatever else had landed on us. I could tell it was the last thing Clara wanted to do. But she was there because she wanted to help me…that and she wasn’t really one for manual labour and this was apparently easier.

  I felt numb as they slowly washed me off. Even when Clara nearly threw-up, while wiping off a chunk of brain matter from my forehead, I didn’t react. Jane looked worried by my lack of reaction, but I was too tired to even attempt a normal response.

  When Seth told me that Alex asked him to end his life, I was angry. I thought Alex believed I was too weak to do it. But I finally understood now that, he’d been just doing what Seth kept attempting to do. Alex simply wanted to protect me one last time. Losing Molly had taken a toll on me. And though I was slowly getting better, I wasn’t whole yet. I wasn’t even sure I could be whole again. Maybe I could get close, but I doubted I’d ever be quite the same. Alex knew I’d already taken one life that meant the most to me and he didn’t want me to have to take another. It wasn’t like it would be if I’d had to shoot Seth, but it was still awful. I’m not even sure I could have done it, if it weren’t for Matthew’s life being in danger.

  There was a part of me that felt incredibly guilty for what Frank had done to save me. I didn’t even know what happened to him after. I had no idea if this group had a code for this kind of thing. Would Frank take his own life, ask someone else to do it, or would he want to turn. His wife had wanted that and he’d given her that option. I know my old group didn’t give people the choice. One more infected out there was just too high a risk, especially when they had inside knowledge of the group.

  Selfishly, I didn’t want to know what happened to Frank. I just wanted to zone out and not feel a thing. So that’s what I did as Jane and Clara took turns cleaning me. It took a lot more effort to clean me than Matthew. I guessed when Alex released Matthew, he fell in such a way that most of the splatter hit around him.

  It was strange how empty I felt. I didn’t fight the embarrassment of having them help me change my clothes. It just didn’t matter. The ones I’d been wearing were destroyed, so even though we hated waste, they were trashed. Most of our stuff was packed on the trucks so Clara loaned me one of her outfits, that they hadn’t had room for. She was only allowed to bring half of what she owned, which she was none too thrilled about.

  The shirt was a size too small, accentuating my chest in a way that made me extremely self-conscious. She tried loaning me a pair of jeans but they wouldn’t go past my hips, so I was forced to settle for one of her maxi skirts which was a little more forgiving on curves. Normally I would have protested the whole outfit, but I simply didn’t care. All I wanted to do was just get into the truck and fall asleep.

  Matthew kept trying to engage me in conversation, during the whole cleaning process. He wasn’t nearly as traumatized as he should have been. If anything, he was excited. He was acting like a hero and he was. I was sure that if he’d known what happened to Frank, he wouldn’t be quite so excited to recount his actions. The others had whisked Matthew away, almost immediately after finding us. He’d been so involved in dealing with the immediate threat of Alex, that I don’t know if it really registered that Frank had been there at all. Normally I was all for enlightening Matthew, but not today. He’d figure it out soon enough.

  Jane was there to calm him and redirect his conversation. He wasn’t as observant as adults would be. He was clueless to all the signals I was giving off. I was grateful for what he’d done, but I still didn’t want to be around him or anyone else for that matter.

  It was strange, but even with my anti-social mood I would have rather been in one of the other vehicles, instead of being stuck alone in a truck with Seth. I was worried he’d want to talk about it. He was better at tuning into my signals than Matthew. After helping me into the truck, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t say a word as he started the engine or exited the loading bay. As we drove it, was completely silent. He really did get me. I almost smiled.

  I leaned my head against the window as we drove slowly through the city. We needed to take back roads, to avoid the major congested areas.
I wasn’t the least bit curious as to where we were going at that point. All I knew was that we were heading out of the city. But as we made turn after turn, I was positive we were headed in the wrong direction. If anything, I thought we were actually heading to the centre of town. I shook it off as my poor directional skills.

  We’d been driving maybe twenty minutes when Seth suddenly pulled over. I checked the side mirrors and noticed that all the other vehicles had stopped as well. For the first time since we’d left our home, I actually took in our surroundings. We were just outside my old home.

  “What are we doing here?” I asked not really sure I wanted the answer. My body shook just being in the proximity of the building. I was sure the last time we left; it would be for good. This was the last place I wanted to be, after what I’d just been through. I tried to figure out what possible reason Seth would have for bringing us here. Maybe he wanted to see if he could salvage something else from this building. Whatever his plans were, I wanted nothing to do with them.

  “I need to do one last thing, before we leave the city. I promise I’ll be back as quickly as I can.”

  All the emotions I’d been holding back rushed to the surface. Tears streamed down my cheeks silently as an overwhelming crippling fear took hold. “Please don’t leave. Can’t we just go? There’s nothing important enough in there to risk your life for.”

  He unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled himself over towards me. He pulled me into his arms. All control I’d been holding onto vanished as my body shook hysterically. Even the feeling of his arms around me, wasn’t enough to suppress the fear that flooded every muscle.

  “I’m not going alone,” he tried to assure me, “And we’re being cautious I promise. But this is very important and when we’re done in there, you’ll know why. Just trust me.” I wanted to argue with him. Say anything I could think of to convince him to stay, but before I could open my mouth Clara was at Seth’s door opening it. She looked a little unsure as she took in the two of us huddled together, with me losing it in Seth’s arms. “Clara’s going to keep you company. It won’t take long.”