Seeking Daylight

by Becky Poirier

  Seth hesitated for only a moment, before releasing me from his arms and sliding out the truck. “Take care of her,” he whispered to Clara as she hopped in taking his place. She nodded as he closed the door leaving the two of us.

  It took everything I had in me to try and control the shaking. If Clara noticed it, she wasn’t bringing it up. I watched in the side mirror as Seth met up with Kyle and Cletus. Kyle carried a large canvas tarp and Cletus was holding two pieces of steel pipe. They took off across the street. They didn’t head inside the front entrance like I expected, instead they moved out of my view, making it impossible for me to see where they were going.

  “You know what they’re doing don’t you?” I asked Clara, after I gained control of my tears.

  She stared straight out the windshield intentionally avoiding eye contact. “I promised I wouldn’t say anything as did the others, so please don’t ask me. It’s hard enough for me to keep a secret without someone pressuring me.” She almost pleaded with me. It wasn’t like Clara to be so somber.

  “Why does everyone else get to know but me?” Clara bit her lip. She was definitely at war with her natural self and the promise she’d made to Seth. Unfortunately, her promise won out.

  “He’s not keeping it from you, to hurt you. Trust me when you know you’ll be grateful. This is all for you. If Nina had her way, we wouldn’t be stopping here. She thinks it’s a waste of time.”

  “Is she right?”

  Clara turned to look at me and with a sad smile on her face, she shook her head. “No, she’s not. I couldn’t think of anything more worth the time than this. I wished someone had done this for me.” A tear fell down her face as she turned back to look outside again. I was more confused than ever.

  We didn’t talk after that. It was the strangest thing, to be in a confined space with Clara and not have her yapping my ear off. I think she was afraid of slipping up. As for me I appreciated the silence. If she wasn’t going to tell me what was going on, then I didn’t want her to say anything at all.

  As we sat there in silence, with my head resting against the window, I think I actually drifted off. The next thing I knew the door slammed shut and Clara was no longer beside me and Seth was back.

  “Sorry,” he said starting the ignition, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “That’s okay. Are we leaving the city now?”

  “We have one more stop and then we’ll be leaving. It shouldn’t take more than an hour.” He made that sound like no time at all. But an hour was a big deal, when we were going somewhere new. We needed time to set up before we settled in for the night and before we did that, we needed time to check out the place and make sure it was safe. “Trust me it’s worth it and we’ll have plenty of time. Our first pit stop on this road trip, isn’t far from the city anyways.”

  In response I simply rested my head back against the window as he pulled back out onto the street. As we passed by building after building, I had the same feeling of being watched. I looked over at Seth and he was watching the buildings as well. Last time we’d ignored the sensation. This time we knew better.

  “We shouldn’t be doing this. They’ll see us, track us, find us. We should be leaving now,” I said with a panic rising in my voice.

  “I don’t blame you for being scared Paige, but this is important. And I think now that Alex is…gone,” he said hesitantly, “they won’t be so eager to come after us. He did look like he’d been in a fight with his hive over the attack.” Seth was probably right, but that didn’t make me feel any better. I doubted that I would fully feel safe again, until we got wherever we were going and still it would probably take a lot of time.

  When we reached our next destination, only ten minutes after the first, I was surprised to find we were outside the cemetery once again. It was the same cemetery where we’d come to bury Wes.

  “Just give me a few more minutes,” Seth said before I could even open my mouth to ask the question. “I promise you’ll have answers, in just a few more minutes. I just need some time to do this one thing.”

  He didn’t give me a chance to protest as he opened the door and hopped out once again. This time Jane was outside my door. Seth looked a little confused. “She said she can’t keep it from her any longer,” she answered Seth’s unasked question. Seth rolled his eyes as he smiled at her.

  Jane climbed up awkwardly into the truck and pulled the door closed. She rubbed her gloved hands together and cupped them by her mouth blowing air into them. “These gloves are terrible for keeping my fingers warm,” she said in response to the strange look I was giving her. “I know it would be more effective to blow warm air onto my bare fingers, but I just don’t want to expose them to the cold anymore then I have to.”

  “I suppose you’re a better secret keeper than Clara?” I asked testing the waters.

  She smiled at me. “Yes I am. Don’t worry, you’ll know soon enough, and you’ll be grateful. You are blessed to have someone as wonderful as Seth. Most other men wouldn’t have thought about doing this, let alone taken the time in such dire circumstances to fulfill it.”

  “If you’re saying I don’t deserve him, you don’t need to. I already know that.”

  She shook her head. “Paige I was wrong for what I said about you. I didn’t understand you. Seth did. He saw you from the very beginning, even through the mask you wore. He saw the amazing woman you are. You do deserve him. And I’m happy you’ve found each other. I’m happy you found our group.

  “I know that everything you’ve been through, in such a short time, has taken its toll on you and it’ll take time to heal. But I trust Seth, and Doc. If they say this place is safe, then it is. You’ll have the time to heal and you’ll be able to actually experience real joy for once. We all will.”

  “How can you be so sure?” I asked, with tears brimming in my eyes.

  “Because I’ve always believed that there had to be a way to not just survive and when Seth said he had the answer, I just knew. I know it doesn’t really make sense. It’s more than a feeling though…”

  “You have faith,” I replied with a small smile. “My mom had faith. Even when she died. she didn’t lose her faith. She believed there was hope for humanity still.”

  “There is,” Jane smiled. “And this is just the beginning.” I wanted to believe it. Seth was sure if we could just make it to the place Doc had chosen for us, that we would have a future. I still didn’t understand how that was possible and with Seth keeping the secret to himself, he made it hard to push past the doubt.

  When Seth came back, he didn’t hop in his side, instead he opened my door. He offered his hand to me without saying a word. I grabbed hold and let him help me down. The sidewalks were still quite slick, so I held on tight to Seth as he led me through the silent graveyard. It looked a lot like it did the last time. The grass, even though it was dead and brown, was overgrown, so that you could barely see the headstones, until you were practically on top of a grave. Everything was frostbitten.

  He led me down the icy path, towards the mausoleum. My heart was racing as he opened the door. There was a part of me that already knew why I was here. But I’d experienced so much disappointment in the past and this seemed like too big a thing for Seth to accomplish. And why would he do it? Lingering here was dangerous.

  When he walked me down the same small hallway where they’d laid Wes to rest, I saw a new casket had been placed in the wall. “We haven’t sealed it yet because we didn’t know her full name,” he said as he handed me a large plaque that had Molly’s first name carved into it. I broke down. Unable to stand, I collapsed to the floor bawling my eyes out as I held onto the simple metal plate. I ran my fingers over her name, which had been carved in by someone who clearly wasn’t skilled. But it didn’t matter to me.

  Seth sat down beside me and I rested my head against his shoulder as I continued to let it all go. “Why?” I finally managed to ask between the sobs. I didn’t even know if he’d be able to figure out what
I was actually asking. But one small word was all I could muster.

  “Because I knew you’d never be able to let go of leaving her behind. This way she has a safe place to rest. And then I also felt like I owed it to her.” I looked into his eyes confused. “If it weren’t for her, I never would have met you.” I rested my head back on his shoulder and just stared at the name for a couple more minutes.

  “We can’t stay here?” I asked knowing the answer. I could have spent hours in that peaceful place, knowing that Molly was finally somewhere safe.

  “No. We just have time to bury her and finish the name on the plaque. Cletus is waiting outside to finish it.”

  I handed the plaque back to him. “Molly Louise Jensen,” I said wiping one last tear from my eyes. He left me for just a moment as he went to give the plaque back to Cletus. I pulled myself up off the ground and sat on the bench staring at the wall of names. There weren’t very many on this wall. There was the mystery girl, Wes, a couple of others and then my sister was now joining them.

  When Seth came back to join me I laid my head back on his shoulder and placed my hand in his. It was the most at peace I’d felt in a long time.

  “Seth?”

  “Yes.”

  “If I had told you about Molly before everything happened, would you have still done this for her, for me?”

  He smiled as he kissed my forehead. “Yes, but you shouldn’t worry about that. The people we lose aren’t as concerned with where they’re laid to rest as much as the people left behind. I’m just glad we could do this for you. I’d give anything to go back and bury my brother and mother.” I squeezed his hand tightly in mine.

  A few minutes later Cletus came back and put her name in its place, sealing my sister’s remains in the wall. I felt a relief, I didn’t know I’d been missing. She was no longer the nameless girl, buried in a forgotten room in an old subway tunnel. She had a name and a place and if anyone ever actually came here, they’d know that she was someone. Someone who was loved.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  As we pulled into the old mall in the suburbs, I was grateful to see that the sun was still fairly high in the sky. Seth had been right; we had enough time. I wondered if Doc had planned for a delay, given the battle he knew we’d face or if maybe he’d always thought Seth would do what he did.

  Once again Seth made me wait inside the truck as he and six others went to make sure the place was secure. This time I didn’t bother protesting. I knew it wouldn’t make any difference if I was there or not. I was also so exhausted by that point, I doubted that I’d be of much help anyways. Clara came back to visit me and she was much more her old self now that the big secret was out of the way.

  She chatted on like she normally did about things that really didn’t matter. I wasn’t paying much attention. My mind was wondering through the brief conversation we’d had earlier. So when she finally took a break from speaking to breathe, I asked the question that had been bothering me.

  “Before, you said you wished someone had done the same thing for you. What did you mean?” I asked.

  She smiled her same bright smile, but I could see the moisture in her eyes. It was probably the first time I’d seen pain on her face, ever.

  “His name was Kevin. We were childhood sweethearts. When the infection spread and my parents were taken for quarantine after they’d been bitten, his parents took my sister and I in. It wasn’t long, before we ended up in an emergency shelter. And of course, as you know, those shelters were always targets for the infected. Kevin was bitten saving me. And when the dawn came, despite my begging him not to,” she sighed, “he took his own life. There were so many dead and injured and we knew we couldn’t stay. But I wish someone had helped me bury him. He deserved better than to have his body left in an old high school gymnasium.

  It was the first time Clara had ever shared a story from her past, at least her past before she joined our group. I was coming to believe that not acknowledging that past, was a coping strategy way too many of us used. And it wasn’t healthy. When we made it to our new home, I was going to work on fixing that.

  The mall was thankfully pretty small, only one floor, with a large grocery store and a dozen other smaller shops. Seth and the others returned quickly, giving the all clear signal. We were pulling our vehicles into the old loading bay by the grocery store, which was where we’d be spending the night. We had a couple of hours to secure the place and hide our presence before the sun went down. I couldn’t wait to finally lie down and I wasn’t alone. Our whole group was exhausted beyond anything I’d ever seen before.

  The store was pretty much empty, thanks to the looting that went on in the early days of the infection. There were a few shelves with some things, people obviously didn’t think were worth taking. One isle had nothing but a few disposable cameras. Yeah, I thought those were pretty useless too. I didn’t bother noticing much else. I just wanted to get the daunting task of preparing this place, over with.

  We worked quickly and silently together preparing the store to make it secure so that we could actually rest. Still, because we were in a new place, we’d need to take turns keeping watch. I tried to volunteer for watch, but Cletus refused to put my name down. He said I needed sleep and that I could take a turn tomorrow night. It had been agreed by all, that we’d stay here two nights to get the rest that we so desperately needed.

  Though I felt guilty not taking a shift, I was very grateful to Cletus for rejecting my offer of help. Pretty much the moment my body fell onto the thin foam mattress, I fell fast asleep. I was too tired, to even care about the concrete floor beneath me. I’d slept on worse. At least we’d managed to pack the foam to sleep on. We had several mattresses in the truck, but we didn’t want to have to drag them out everywhere we stopped.

  Seth was also relieved from taking a shift that night. He didn’t seem to feel as much guilt as he snuggled up beside me. It felt like ages, since we’d been this close, rather than just a couple days. Just feeling his warm body pressed up against mine, was enough to put me at peace.

  I don’t know how long I slept for, maybe a few hours before I heard Seth whispering quietly in my ear. His arm was still wrapped around me, his body close. It took my mind a few seconds to wake up enough to make out what he was saying. “Are you awake?” he whispered again.

  “I am now,” I mumbled as I rolled over facing him. He looked completely rested though I knew he hadn’t slept any longer than me. He touched my face softly, sending a warm fuzzy feeling travelling the length of my body. It was enough to wake me up fully.

  “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I should let you sleep. Go back to sleep.” He rolled over on his back staring up at the ceiling, looking not the least bit sleepy. There was something on his mind and I doubted that he’d sleep much if he didn’t tell me.

  “You woke me up for a reason, so just spill it,” I said, pulling myself up leaning on his chest. He smiled at me, with a twinkle in his eyes.

  “I think it would be better if I just show you, so long as you’re awake enough for a little excursion.”

  “Is it safe?” I asked, with a little bit of the old nerves taking over again.

  He rolled over to face me again caressing my face again. “I wouldn’t take you anywhere that wasn’t safe. Do you trust me?” I nodded without hesitation. “Then come with me,” he said offering me his hand. He helped me up off the floor, just barely keeping me from toppling over Matthew who was snoring softly.

  We passed by Jane who was on watch. She looked tired, but alert. She simply smiled as Seth and I walked by her. It was almost like she knew what Seth was up to. Again with people knowing things I didn’t. I had to remind myself that last time it was for a good reason, so if he was keeping more secrets then they were for my benefit.

  I let him lead me out of the store and into the loading bay area, where we’d parked our vehicles. It was freezing in this space. We’d unloaded several of our heaters and hooked them up to batteries to keep us
warm in the store. But this space felt nearly as cold as outside. The temperature just kept dropping and I only hoped our batteries would last us till we made it safely to our new home. This was the longest trip I’d taken since Molly and I first left our home. It was hard to feel prepared enough.

  The darkness didn’t help with the coldness either. If it weren’t for the small lamp Seth brought with us, we would have been in complete darkness. I hated the dark, more than I ever had before. Even with the lamp, it was creepy in there. Almost like the shadows the lamp cast, were watching us.

  My body shivered in the pajamas Jane had found for me, in one of the old stores. They were nice flannel ones, but still they felt thin in this room. I tried not to shake. I wasn’t the only one. Though Seth seemed to be shaking for another reason. His hand was actually warm and clammy in mine.

  Seth led me to the RV. The windows of the R.V were lit up, like a light had been left on, but not a bright light. It was more like candlelight. When Seth opened the main door and I followed him inside I realized that was exactly what it was. There were battery powered t-light candles everywhere. There had to be at least a couple dozen spread out.

  Seth shook his head as he closed the door to the R.V locking it behind him. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean for her to go so overboard,” he apologized as he took my hands in his. He was starting to make me really nervous as well as a little irritated.

  “Who went overboard and what were they supposed to do?”

  “I just asked Clara if she could help set a romantic scene. I thought perhaps she’d put out a few candles.”

  “Why did you want her help setting up a…” I pulled my hands out of his. “You wanted her help trying to get lucky,” I said disgusted. My cheeks burned. I felt completely humiliated that he’d involve Clara in something like this. It was none of her business. Or anyone else’s for that matter. Thinking back to Jane’s passive reaction to our leaving the group, I felt even more betrayed.