Saviour

by Lesley Jones

  “She told you she was worried? When? Why didn't she tell me?”

  “Pfftt, Gabe please you’re her dad. She's thirteen, she's probably too embarrassed”

  “Right yeah, I s’pose, she’s got her periods, shit, I can’t believe it, thanks for sorting things out, good job you were here”

  He pulls me towards him and kisses the top of my head; I can feel he's heart pounding as I lean against his chest. He moves his arms tightly around me, crushing me almost and buries his face in my hair.

  “God Lauren, I fuckin love you”

  The words barely reach my ears, when I hear, very loudly,

  “Boom and there it is, I told you, didn't I fuckin tell you, our baby bro's in love, finally, finally Gabe, welcome to the world of never knowing if you’re saying the right thing, accepting your wrong when you know you’re right, taking the blame when you didn’t do anything and generally losing any dignity and respect you may once of had for yourself, just to make her happy”

  Gabe’s just shaking his head and smiling.

  He loves me.

  All around us, Cooper, Sam, Stella, and Jenny are saying cheers and whooping, he loves me; they are noisier than when the horse was running.

  He loves me

  “What's going on, what's all the noise for?” Charlie has moved away from the racing on the TV, he has his arm around Jackie.

  “Gabe’s in love” Zac shouts loud enough for most of Melbourne to hear. He lets me out of his arms but pulls me into his side, I'm crying happy tears; he loves me, I look straight at Jackie, raise my glass, still looking her straight in the eye and say “cheers”

  I want to kill her, in that moment, I don't think I have ever felt so much dislike for another human being in my life. My jaw aches its clenched so tight. Sam is at my side and whispers in my ear “Let it go, she’s not worth it”

  I look up at her and finally breathe, I turn back to Gabe, he's watching me, studying me, I think just for a change he's unsure of what I'm thinking. I have no idea what's going through his mind but I can almost feel his brain ticking as he looks at me, I feel bad that he is feeling so unsure, he’s told me that he loves me and I have said nothing. He kisses me as I say into his ear

  “If you really loved me, you would get me another very large drink” he kisses my temple, takes my glass, and is gone. The instant he leaves my side she's there.

  “Well this is a first” Everyone has moved off to the telly, the footies kicked off “Gabe thinks he’s in love does he?” she continues in an almost amused tone. Is she mocking him? Us, what we have? I can't resist, I can't hold back, I lean into the bench top with my hip, fold my arms across my chest and stand sideways on to the rest of the room so they can’t see or hear what I’m about to say. I look her up and down with what I hope is a complete look of contempt on my face and say very quietly “no thanks to you, you fucking sick, twisted pervert , stay the fuck away from us or so help me, I will fuck up your life, the way you fucked up his”

  I am so angry, every emotion I have suppressed the last, however long, has surfaced and I just want to rip her head off, what she did goes against everything, that as a woman I stand for, we love, nurture and protect children, all children, whether our own flesh and blood or not, it's what we do, we do not rape and fuck children!

  The look on her face doesn't change, remaining cold, impassive, as she says, “Oh so he told you about our little bit of fun did he?” her lips almost curl into a smile as she speaks. She reminds me of a cat and I've never been a cat person.

  “He didn't tell me anything, he can’t even bear to speak your name, I was just curious as to why he’ll do anything not to be around you, why you repulse him so much, why he pulled his arm away from your touch earlier, so Sam filled me in on your sordid little secret. She gave me all the details”

  “Before you carry on, you should get your facts straight, he enjoyed it, he never said no, ever”

  That's it; I swing round and get right in her face, barely holding on to my temper.

  “How fucking dare you try and justify what you did. You raped a child; you are a pervert, a pedophile, and a sex offender. If I had my way, you would be locked up. He was fifteen for fucks sake. Just remember that I know. I know all about you. Your card is marked. Come anywhere near us, unnecessarily or uninvited and I will have you, now fuck off out of my sight, I cannot bear to look at you”

  She swallows, her eyes wander all over my face, she looks over my shoulder and says,

  “Control your new little pet will you Gabriel” and turns and walks away from me.

  I take a step forward, intending to grab her hair, so I can swing her around and smack her as hard as I can on the nose, but Gabe is quicker and pulls me back to him.

  “Not here Lauren, this is Charlie’s home, he doesn’t know any of what went on, it would kill him if he ever found out”

  I take a few steadying breaths, my nails are digging so hard into my palms; I wouldn't be surprised if I've drawn blood. He is right behind me, his arm comes around my chest and he passes me my drink, I take two big gulps.

  “Breathe Lauren. Respirare bambino, respiro” he says into my ear, his breath is hot and sounds so sexy, normally, him talking Italian would have me panting and would be sending my pulse rate soaring, instead it does the complete opposite. I lean back into him and just the feeling of his body, his scent, his breath on me, makes me calm. How strange, usually having him so close would have my heart rate soaring but in a moment of stress and tension it changes, he's so attuned to me, always there with what I need, he's like a wonder drug. Fixes all ills. If only I could fix all of this for him, make it go away, like it never happened.

  So now he knows that I know and I have to turn around and look at him, will it change things I wonder? Will he be different towards me? Will I be different towards him? I turn and look into his beautiful face, those beautiful eyes and nothing's changed, nothing at all but there is something I have to say. I put down my glass and take hold of his face in my hands, he smiles and pulls my hips into his.

  “I love you Gabriel Wilde, I love you so much it scares me to death” I close my eyes and kiss him, slowly, deeply. With every rung out, strung out emotion I have in me, I kiss him. With my heart, my soul I kiss him and with my mouth and my tongue I kiss him.

  We open our eyes slowly, it’s a struggle, as usual, I feel drugged. We focus our eyes, glancing all over each other’s faces.

  “Fuck Lauren, I want to bury myself balls deep in you and forget about all of this”

  “Come on then, let’s go” I wink at him as I speak.

  He doesn’t hesitate, he grabs my hand and leads me down stairs to the bedroom we are staying in tonight, but we haven’t escaped unnoticed, we hear Zac calling in a sing song voice,

  “We know where you’re going”

  It makes us smile, but doesn’t slow us down. He shuts the door behind us and locks it. There is nothing romantic about this union; we both just desperately need sex, right now. Contact, reassurance. I just need to feel him and I think the feeling is mutual. He pushes me back on the bed and unzips one of my boots. We pull my jeans down my thighs, one leg in one leg out, I unbuckle his belt and he pulls his jeans down to his knees, he pulls my knickers to one side and slams into me.

  “Fuck Lauren, are you ever not wet?”

  “Not when I’m around you baby, now shut up and fuck me”

  It’s short and sweet and exactly what we each needed. We giggle like children after as we wriggle up the bed like a pair of crabs together, still joined, trying to reach the box of tissues on the bed side table so we can clean ourselves up. We put our clothes back on and in place and stay lying back on the bed.

  “Are we good Lauren?”

  I turn my head towards him and smile, how could I not be good after that sweet little orgasm? My insides are still trembling.

  “We’re more than good Gabe, we’re fucking perfect” He brushes his knuckles over my cheek.

  “I love y
ou Lauren Day, let’s just enjoy ourselves, let's get drunk and put all of this shit away until we are on our own and we can talk properly”

  I climb over and straddle him; I hold his face in my hands and kiss him on the mouth.

  “I love you Gabriel Wilde, thanks for the fuck, now take me upstairs, get me drunk, and I might let you do it to me again later”

  He throws me off him and onto my back on the bed, before pulling me up by my hand; we unlock the door and step out to champagne popping and Gabe’s, brothers, sister and sisters in law all cheering.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Jackie makes her excuses with a headache shortly after the football finishes and goes off to bed. The rest of our night continues raucously. We turn up the music and have a dance once all the younger kids have been put to bed. Zac and Cooper have eight kids between them. Eight! Four each. Zac has two boys and two girls, Cooper also has two of each, including a girl and a boy who are twins!

  We bring the play station downstairs and put on the sing star. We even get Charlie up singing; we sing a version of Don’t go breaking my heart together and later on I show him how you shake it like a polaroid picture, when the Outkast song comes on, then Ava, Sam and I stand in a row, shaking our backsides as much as we can, trying to teach him to twerk, we are laughing hysterically. Poor Charlie, he doesn’t know where to look and bids us all good night and goes off to bed. Despite being in his sixties, he is still a very good looking man, I can see why Jackie would be attracted to him, although, knowing what I do about her, Charlie’s money would have been a factor too, I am sure.

  Jen is really good on the Sing Star, apparently she sings in a band. Sophie and Ava and Zacs eldest two boys Louie and Charlie Junior, or CJ as he’s known, being a bit older than the other children have joined us and are in hysterics at our antics and continuously film and take photos of us on their phones. Every time I sing, Gabe shakes his head and puts his fingers in his ears. Despite how bad I am at singing, I still come Runner-up. I've played this game a lot of times and know it’s nothing to do with how good or bad your voice is, but I'm not going to tell Gabe this. Cooper appears with a guitar and Ava starts shouting at Gabe to play. Gabe plays guitar? Well it has been a day of revelations. We all settle down on the sofas with our drinks as Gabe and Jen decide what they will perform for us and as soon as he strums the first note, I know what the song is, Jen starts to sing, her voice is amazing. It’s the Pretenders I Go To Sleep, the song he sang into my ear on the night we met. They then sing Birdy’s Skinny Love, followed by Adele’s Chasing Pavements. Ava begs her dad for a One Direction song but Jen doesn’t know any lyrics so instead she sings Simply Reds, For Your Babies and they dedicate it to all the Wilde children and I hold it together until Ava says

  “And to Laurens babies, they’re big but they are still her babies, what are their names again Lauren? One of them lives in London and we watched him on the TV playing rugby, Sonny, that’s it Sonny, he’s hot and so is the other one Ryder, Sophie likes him, don’t you Soph?” “Ava!” Sophie shrieks, obviously embarrassed.

  Luckily the lights are out and we only have candles burning so I don’t make too much of an idiot of myself as Gabe plays and Jen sings and I cry. Gabe hands over guitar duties to Coop after that and comes and sits with me.

  “You okay? Sorry about Ava, that child has no filter between her brain and her mouth”

  “Yes Gabe, I know, she takes exactly after her father, that’s why I love her”

  He sits behind me and pulls me between his legs and we share a bottle of Bailys and listen to Jen sing everything from the Beetles, Bob Dylan and The Eagles to Pink, Skylar Grey and Ed Sheeran. I must nod off as the next thing I remember is Gabe guiding me to the bedroom.

  When I wake on Sunday it’s after ten, Gabe is nowhere in sight. My head is pounding and I still have cramps but no sign of my period. I shower and pull on the comfy clothes I brought with me for Sunday. I pull my hair up, put on a bit of makeup, and head upstairs. The boys are out on the balcony. Jackie is in the kitchen organising breakfast with Sam and Jen.

  “Good morning” I say cheerily, I get a morning reply from all of them, except Jackie. Sam makes me a coffee.

  “How's your head Diva?” She asks with a smile

  “Pretty ordinary actually” We chat about the fun we had the night before and I ask Jen about the band she's in. Jackie remains silent. The other girls go quiet and I know he's approaching, I can feel him, I actually shudder with the tremor that runs through me. He turns me around and wraps me in his arms and kisses the top of my head

  “Good morning beautiful, did you sleep well? You smell fucking lovely, I was going to come and get back in bed with ya but we have a lot to do today”

  “Yeah, I did, why didn't you wake me?” I pout. “Because you've had a big week and a very big night and I know how much you like your sleep so I thought I would leave you. You had some coffee?”

  “Yeah, Sam made me coffee”

  “Well we'll have some breakfast and then head off, we have things to do later”

  We round up the kids and persuade Stella to get out of bed; she went out with some friends after the game and apparently didn’t get home till five. We have a noisy family brekkie around the huge dining table. I watch Charlie, watching everyone else, he catches me and winks. I know what a great feeling it is when you are surrounded by your family. I have to get things sorted with Ryder this week, even if it does mean knocking at his door like Gabe suggested. As if he knows that I'm feeling uneasy, he reaches over for my hand and raises it to his lips and kisses my palm, it’s like being hypnotized, like fighting sleep and I have to close my eyes and cross my legs. I feel like a nympho I want sex so badly. All of the time. I reach under the table and give his thigh a squeeze. He leans forward and says just for my ears, “Let’s make a move, I need to get you home and naked, I want to feel my skin on your skin” I smile and blush as I look at him. God, I really am so much in love with this man, have I mentioned that already?

  “Hang on a minute though, I can’t move yet I've got a massive hard on” he whispers. I smile some more. What a waste!

  We load up the car and say our goodbyes and thank you's. Charlie gives me an extra big hug and says into my ear,

  “Whatever it is you’re doing to my boy, don’t stop, will ya, I’ve never seen him this happy, not since he was a little tacker and his mum was still around, it warms my heart to see him this happy and relaxed Lauren, it really does”

  I swallow down the golf ball sized lump that has now formed in my throat and give him a last squeeze “I will do my best Charlie, I love your boy and just want to make him happy”

  I struggle to hold back my emotions and my voice catches as I gulp down the sob that’s threatening to escape as I realise Charlie is wiping tears from his eyes. Gabe appears at my side and looks from me to Charlie.

  “Dad, you right there?”

  “Treat her well Gabriel, she’s a keeper”

  They kiss each other on the cheek “She is going nowhere dad, don’t you worry about that”

  “Good to hear son, good to hear”

  ~

  We set off in the car, and take the girls back to Nina's, I decline Gabe’s offer to go in and be introduced, I don't think so, I've had quite enough of exes to last me a while, thanks all the same!

  We drive off in silence, I sit and think about how much I miss my dad, he’s been dead for fifteen years now but it still hurts as much as the day he died, I think about my boys and how much I am so desperately missing them, I'm so tired, drained, exhausted. I close my eyes and tilt my head back and listen to Maroon Five on the radio as I try to fight off the emotions that seem to have settled on my chest, making breathing hard and my throat feel so tight, luckily I must nod off to sleep as the next thing I'm aware of is Gabe opening the door on my side of the car.

  “Are we home already?”

  “Not yet, there's something I need to sort out first”

  I look around; we've
pulled off the highway and onto a slip road in front of a car showroom. Oh no, I had a feeling this was coming. This is not good; this is going to cause such an argument. I sit back in my seat “It’s ok baby, I'm tired, I'll just wait here”

  “No Lauren, you won't, I need you for this”

  “You’re not buying me a car Gabe”

  He's done so much already; I'm living at his house rent free for fucks sake. How much of a bludger does he want to make me feel?

  “Get out Lauren, you need a car, I've spoken to my dad, and we will just do it through the business so it’s not going to cost me anything”

  “Yes, yes it will Gabe. And your brothers and sister, it’s your company so one way or another you will be paying for it, I spoke to the solicitors on Thursday and they've sent a letter off to Jay, telling him I'm entitled to either keep my car or he has to give me the money for a new one, I will buy myself something once it comes through”

  “Well that's fine but you need a car now so let's go and get one sorted, Jen and Sam both have company cars, so the cost is a moot point so please don't argue with me on this”

  “No Gabe, I feel like a ponce. I don't want you to buy me a car”

  My head is pounding and my belly aches, I really am not in the mood for this, I want to go home, have sex, and sleep the rest of the day away, curled up in his arms.

  “I don't want a car and I don't want to row with you, I want to go home and fuck” I smile sweetly up at him.

  “Well, I will loan you my car then, so come and help me pick a new one, then we can go home and fuck” he smiles sweetly back at me.

  “You don't need another car, you have the Ute”

  “Get out the fucking car Lauren and stop behaving like a child, I'm trying to do something nice for you here and you’re throwing it right back in my face”