Saviour

by Lesley Jones

  His voice sounds venomous and it actually gives me goose bumps listening to him. The next voicemail was left at three in the morning on Wednesday.

  ‘Lauren, we need to talk, we need to sort this out, it’s just silly now, and you need to come home. Let’s just forget all that’s happened and make a fresh start’

  Well that’s a complete change of tone, it actually makes my pulse quicken, I don’t want to but I feel a little bit sorry for him, he is obviously realising that I am not coming back. I feel sad and guilty, shit, I don’t want to feel anything when I hear him but how can I not, there are a quarter of a century of emotions tied up in that voice, most of them fantastic and joyous, I can’t switch all of that off in just a few short weeks, I don’t want to hurt him with what I have with Gabe but for me, there is no going back, I have seen the light and no matter how this new relationship unfolds, I will not go back to being the person I was just a month ago, I won’t go back into the dark.

  I don't know why I don't just delete his messages, instead I sit and listen to them all. The worst is from Thursday night, he's obviously had a drink and is crying down the phone

  'Lauren, Lauren, I'm sorry Lauren, I love you Ren, I'm sorry, please come home Lauren, please, I need you back, I promise I'll change, I'll see a counselor, what or whoever you want me to see or do’

  I move from the barstool to the carpet and lean back against the sofa and pull my knees up to my chin as I listen to him.

  ' Please Lauren call me back, let's put this right, you know we can, you know how good we are together, I'm lost without you, you’re my little Ren'

  I cry, why now, after all of the angry, vicious, nasty words, why call me now, with all of this shit? Now, when it’s far too late? Just to make sure, just to guarantee my guilt, misery, and self-loathing, I replay it on loud speaker as I sit staring at the screen and sob. Just a few moments later I realise that I have that all too familiar tingle snaking up my spine and my scalp begins to prickle. Oh shit, he's home, I didn't hear him come in but I feel him. I look up and he's leaning against the bench top, all suited and booted looking like a hot, sex god, business man type. He just stares at me, then goes to the fridge, gets us both a beer and comes and sits on the floor next to me, stretching his long legs out in front of him, he offers me one of the bottles, I take it. He takes the phone out of my hand and turns it off. He drinks his entire beer down in one go and puts his bottle down, I take a swig from mine, he takes it from me and drinks that down too and puts the empty with the other bottle. He pulls me into his lap, I lay my head against his chest and breathe him in. He kisses the top of my head.

  “When did he leave that?”

  “Thursday, I think he seriously needs help” he strokes his fingertips up and down my back, they bump over my spine.

  “Are you going back to him?”

  “No Gabe, I'm not going back to him, why would I? I had a fantastic marriage for over twenty years and then he went and broke it, he almost broke me, to some degree I am broken because of him but I got lucky, I got so very lucky when I met you, your my plaster, your holding me together, I'm not fixed but I am healing and all the time I have you, I can survive what he did to me”

  I feel him blow out a very long breath “Band Aid” he says.

  “What?”

  “I'm your Band Aid, not your Plaster”

  “No, Band Aid sung a Christmas song about Africa and raised money for charity, I am from England, where I come from you are my plaster”

  “Plaster or Plarsta darlin?” He says in his best London accent.

  “Fuck off you Aussie Bogan, your English accent is shit”

  We both laugh and in a very swift move he has me on the floor pinned by my arms underneath him. He sits on my hips and takes off his suit jacket and loosens his tie, then putting his hands either side of my head, he leans over me, I wait for my kiss, instead I get,

  “Aussie Bogan ehhhh?”

  “Yep, Feral, Aussie, Bogan”

  “Is that right, my little Cockney Sparra?”

  “That's exactly right and your attempt to talk proppa is still shit, Guvnu”

  “Oh you really are pushing your luck, you Chav Essex girl”

  “Shut up, I ain’t a Chav”

  “But you are an Essex girl and you know what they say about Essex girls don’t you Lauren?”

  “Yep, I do and it’s all true, look how quickly I let you get into my knickers”

  “Lauren, believe this or not, you made me wait the longest I have ever waited for sex, I slept in a bed with you three nights running and didn’t touch you, so believe me, you didn’t let me into your knickers quickly by my standards”

  Then I get my kiss and what a kiss, long, slow, deep, his tongue is in and out, then his mouth is on my jaw, my throat. He pulls my vest off over my head, I'm not wearing a bra, in fact I'm not wearing any underwear, I rarely do around the house.

  “You’re braless Lauren and yet you accuse me of being feral? Put your arms above your head”

  I do as I'm told, hmmm, what's he up to? He undoes his belt and pulls it from around his waist and straps it tight around my wrists.

  “Keep your arms above your head”

  He pulls off his tie as he licks his lips and my insides do back flips...

  “I’ll show you feral, I'll show you feral like you've never seen it before”

  Oh yes please, I am panting and he hasn’t even started yet, just the thought of what’s to come is enough.

  He ties the necktie around my head, covering my eyes. Oh God, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with this, I never let Jay tie me up, purely and simply because I didn't trust him not to do something mean or humiliate me and find it funny. I'm feeling a little shaky, I have adrenalin coursing through me but I'm lying completely still. With my sight gone, my hearing is straining to see as well as hear things for me; I can feel his breath over my body. He sits back up and I listen as I think he takes off his shirt, he shifts and pulls off his shoes, then his suit trousers, he pulls my yoga pants down, so now I'm naked.

  “No pants either Ms. Day, oh dear, we may have to punish you for this, so much easy access to your body, it would be a shame to waist it”

  He wipes his fingertips over my lips, parting them and pushing them into my mouth, I groan and flex my hips as I flick my tongue over his fingers, he pulls them out of my mouth, then lightly traces them over my chin, down my throat, between my boobs, over my belly and down between my legs. He climbs off me and pushes my knees up and my legs apart. I think he's kneeling between them; he lifts my foot and kisses and grazes his teeth all the way up the inside of my leg, he gets to the top and repeats the delicious process all the way down my other leg. I'm not sure if I'm breathing heavy or just hearing everything more clearly, I open my mouth slightly, trying to drag in more air. His mouth is suddenly at my ear.

  “Was that nice Lauren, did you like that?” he kisses my ear, my jaw, his mouth is suddenly on my right breast, his fingers rolling and pulling my nipple on the left, he kisses all the way down my body, until he's between my legs again, he pushes just one finger inside me and circles it around and around, I moan out loud, I feel wet and slick as he slides his finger in and out and up to my clit and rubs in circles there too, then back into me and out again. He pushes his finger into my mouth.

  “So, you do like it, in fact you like it a lot, can you taste how much you like it? Tell me, do you like this too” he pushes two fingers back inside me this time and curls them forward so there is pressure on my front wall, right where my G spot is, every time, every time he does this he is bang on target. He circles my clit with his thumb, pushing my legs as wide apart as they will go, he lifts my hips up to him, I flex to help him out and he runs his tongue from my clit to my hole and pushes it in, I moan loudly and flex some more, I want to push him into me harder but my hands are tied. I love the feel of his tongue in me but I want more.

  “Gabe please, I want you inside me, please fuck me”

  “
Shush baby shush”

  My goodness even his voice is driving me insane. He flicks his tongue around my clit and again, pushes just one finger into me and continues circling, just one finger and his tongue and I am falling to pieces, I want to run my fingers through his hair but I can't. He pushes my legs back harder, I feel wide open, and exposed and so sexy, I want him to look, I want him to see me wet and wanting and once again, he reads my thoughts

  “You look fucking amazing, tied up, blindfolded, your legs spread wide and your cunt dripping wet just for me, only for me Lauren”

  He pushes more fingers into me and I feel a finger slide into my bum, it actually feels okay, I don't know at what stage he got naked but I feel his cock brush against me, I want so much to take him in my hands, my mouth, any contact, I just want to touch him, instead I flex my hips and start fucking his fingers, until I feel that sweet, clenching, tightening sensation in my belly, he pulls out of me and starts kissing the inside of my thigh again, I whimper..

  “Ahhhh no. Please Gabe, please, I want to come”

  “Shush baby, I know, I know, I’ve got ya, soon, I just want to look at you some more like this”

  He's off me again but still pushing his fingers into me and my juices are flowing. With one hand he has his fingers in the front and with the other, he's used my own juices as lubrication pushes his fingers into my bum

  “Fuck Gabe. Fuck” I whimper

  “Is it good Lauren, push onto it baby, take it, take it all in, I told you it was good didn't I, we're gonna have some fun with this but not now, right now I want to fuck you so bad, so, so bad but I'm gonna leave my fingers there but I want you to tell me if it’s good or if you want me to stop, okay baby let’s try this”

  My hips are in the air, he is on his knees, and he leaves his fingers in place as he pushes his cock inside me, slowly, all the way in.

  “Oh fuck Gabe, that's good”

  It’s different, there’s pressure where I have never felt it before, and it effects the sensation I feel in more familiar spots and I like it, it doesn’t hurt, it feels good and rude and dirty and sexy and that’s what I want, I want to feel and be all of those things for him.

  “If it's good, then fuck me baby, fuck me, show me, and tell me how good”

  Sam’s words pop into my head about Gabe always seeking reassurance that everyone around him is okay. He pumps his cock into me and with his finger in place the sensation is unbelievable

  “Tell me Lauren, I wanna know, I need to hear you say it”

  I desperately want to reassure him, let him know how much I love what he’s doing to me. I feel out of control, every thought that enters my head, spills out of my mouth.

  “Fuck me Gabe, fuck me hard, that's fucking good, harder deeper, baby, I want all of you, I want you so badly”

  I want everything, all of him, I want him to crawl inside me, I want him to possess me, to feel how he makes me feel

  “I'm going to come Gabe, I'm going to come”

  “Come then baby, let it go, tell me how it feels, come, come now” I push and gyrate against him

  “I’m gonna come, Gabe, don’t stop, harder, fuck me harder”

  I sob out the words, everything in me is affected by what he is doing, I have never felt so out of control. He's pounding me so hard it’s almost painful but it’s exactly what I need

  “Lauren baby, come for me now, with me, now, together, us together Lauren, fuck I love you, I love you so fucking much”

  I explode, I buck and convulse, he won’t let me close my legs and it adds to the intensity, I quiver and shake uncontrollably as my orgasm rolls through my entire body. I have never been fucked so hard in my life. He collapses on top of me as he undoes my wrists and I can finally touch him, I pull my arms and legs around him and pull him to me so tight, he's still inside me and I'm still blindfolded but we lay locked together like this for a while, in silence, just us, locked together, as one, as it should be!

  “I could do this forever, all day, every day and never get bored, there's so many different ways I want to show you I love you Lauren”

  We're lying back on the floor; we have cleaned ourselves up in the bathroom and have lain back down on the carpet. I'm wearing his shirt but he's still naked. He brushes his knuckles up and down my cheek as I comb my fingers through his chest hair, my face resting on his belly.

  “Think I'm too old for all day every day bubby, you'll wear me out, I'll be dead before I'm fifty”

  “Don't say that Lauren, not even as a joke, just the thought of that. I've only just found you so please don't joke about things like that, it shits me”

  Shit, what's got into him, it was only a joke, Mr serious! My belly rumbles, loudly.

  “Have you eaten today Lauren?”

  “Not yet, I’ve been working on stuff for the Palmers place all day and then I was just going to the shops to buy dinner when I decided to listen to my messages, then you came home and, well, here we are, so no. You going to moan at me about that now as well”

  I actually feel tears prick the backs of my eyes, fuck him for spoiling a beautiful hour!!

  “I'm not moaning at you, I just don't find jokes about you dying very funny and I only asked if you had eaten because I know you don't always eat breakfast, or lunch for that matter and it’s now nearly dinner time, you must of dropped five or six kilos since I first met you, it worries me, that's all”

  “Gabe I do eat, I eat and drink too much probably and I think the weight loss is just due to the stress of the past months, you will be moaning soon enough that I'm, old, fat, and middle aged, and I’m sorry about the joke, my bad”

  He tilts my head up to look at him and we smile as I repeat one of Ava's favorite sayings...

  “What are you like thirteen or something?” He mimics another of Ava’s sayings and smiles at me as he does. “You’ll never be old, fat and middle aged to me Lauren. Go shower, now, I'll be in to join you in a minute, I just have to make some calls and then I'll go get us some take out.”

  We stand and I scoop up all of our clothes and carry them into the bedroom. I go and turn the shower on, then have an idea. I shower quickly before Gabe has chance to join me. Once out, I pull on a pair of hold ups, my heels and his tie. Nothing else, I walk back out to the family room. He's out on the balcony, naked and talking on the phone, the doors are open, he has his back to me but I can see it’s my old phone he's talking on by the George Cross case it’s in. I know I shouldn’t but I listen.

  “She is with me now and I have no plans to let her go, ever, so leave her the fuck alone, no more abuse, no more crying and begging, you've had your chance and you fucked up royally, I won't keep having her upset like this... Yes... Yes it is my call... She's with me and I won't stand by and let you keep doing this, I will come after you and put an end to it for once and for all...... Oh you do, do you? Yeah, well bring it on.... Oh but I'm not a woman, I almost forgot, you would only be coming after me if I was a female..... You’re a piss weak, pathetic, excuse for a man, who thinks it’s okay to beat your wife, sorry ex-wife, now stop the phone calls, else I will come for you”

  He ends the call and turns around, I'm frozen to the spot, standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but heels, stockings and his blue tie. His jaw drops and I watch his cock instantly twitch.

  “Fuck Lauren; let me take a picture? I want this image with me forever, you look fucking amazing”

  “Who were you talking to?”

  “Jason, why? Can I take your picture?”

  “What? No, why were you talking to Jason?”

  “Because I'm over it Lauren, how do you think it makes me feel, coming home from work to find you crying over things he's said, I’m not sitting back and doing nothing, so I told him to back the fuck off, else he would have me to deal with”

  “Thanks Gabe but I can fight my own battles”

  He moves towards me and puts his arms around me and puts his hands on the cheeks of my arse and pulls me to him.


  “I’m under no illusions that you can look after yourself, I saw how you dealt with Jackie and like you felt the need to tell her how you felt, I needed to do the same with Jason. Please let me take your photo?”

  What can I say? I can't be a hypocrite and not let him speak to Jay after I told Jackie her fortune on Saturday.

  “Not from the front, just from behind” I say with a smile. I don’t know why I’m smiling; I actually can’t believe I’ve just agreed to do this!

  “Done” He grabs his phone. I stand with my legs open, I pull at his tie with my left hand, my right on my hip, I turn just my head to face him and wink. That's one, then I go into his office, I sit on his desk, cross my legs and my arms so that my boobs squeeze together and turn around and smile at him, that's two.

  “That’s your lot, no more, now go and shower, I'm starving” I order!

  “Just one more, please, bend over the desk for me, let me take a picture of your arse cocked in the air for me, please Lauren?”

  “You show these to anyone and I will kill you Gabe, I swear”

  “Lauren, why would I let anyone else see these? They’re for me baby, just for me. You look fucking amazing”

  Oh well, if it makes him happy.

  ~

  He showers while I pull on some jarmies. Gabe pulls on his trackies and a hoodie, grabs his keys and asks “What we eating baby, your call?”

  “Errrrrmmm. Fish and Chips please, can you go down to Main Street and get it from the English Chippie? I really fancy curry sauce and a saveloy, please”

  “So do you want fish and chips or a saveloy and curry sauce?”

  “Yeah, all of it”

  “All of it?”

  “Yes. Fish, chips, a saveloy, and curry sauce, I'm starving and you said I looked scrawny”

  “I said no such thing, I said. Oh don't worry about it, I won't be long”

  He heads out the door and I go into the kitchen to get out some plates and salt and vinegar, just as I spot his wallet on the bench top, I hear him bang at the front door. I run down the stairs with his wallet and as I approach the front door I shout out to him,

  “I’m the old one; I'm the one who's supposed to forget shit”