Carnage

by Lesley Jones

“Sean, what’s wrong?”

  “I love you G.”

  He was crying.

  “Sean, what’s wrong?”

  “I’m so sorry G, I love you, just know that, just hold on to that fact, I love you, I will always love you.”

  “Sean, you’re scaring me, what’s wrong…?”

  I was crying myself now and almost screaming in complete panic at him down the phone.

  “I love you G, always, wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, it will always only ever be you.”

  “Sean, Sean?”

  The line went dead.

  I held onto the phone as I slid down the wall, my legs couldn’t hold me up, my heart was pounding so hard I could feel it throughout my entire body; I don’t know how long I’d been sitting there when my Mum slid down the wall next to me, I became aware of the phone bleeping, still in my hand. My Mum took it from me and placed it back on the hook.

  “What’s wrong George, what’s wrong with Sean?”

  I shook my head at her, and then I shrugged. “I don’t know but I have a feeling it’s something bad. Mum, can Dad get the number of the hotel and talk to Lennon, something’s wrong and I’m really scared.” I threw myself into her arms, I felt sick with fear and I just wanted my Mum.

  “Shush baby girl, what did he say? Frank, can you get up here.”

  My Dad was there in an instant. “What the fucks wrong, who was on the phone, Georgia, who’s upset ya Princess?”

  “Daddy, please phone Lennon, I can’t remember if they are in France or Germany or in a hotel or on the bus, I can’t remember but something’s wrong, something’s not right, Sean was crying and saying sorry, find out for me Daddy, find the boys and sort it out for me, please.”

  My Dad was kneeling in front of me and I was gripping his shirt in my fists, I had tears but I wasn’t actually crying, I was hysterical but I had no idea why!

  “Calm yourself down Princess, I will make some calls and see what I can find out, you know the boys, they’ve probably had too much to drink and are just messing about, go and get into bed and I’ll have it all sorted out by the morning.”

  I shook my head. “No, I want to wait up, I won’t sleep, I need to know he’s okay, that they’re all okay.”

  My Dad cupped my face in his hands and kissed my forehead, he was my Dad, I was his Princess, he would make everything right, and he always did.

  I curled under a blanket on the sofa with my Mum, my Dad made calls for what seemed like hours, at about two in the morning he came and sat in his favourite armchair with a coffee in his hand. “I’ve left messages everywhere George, with the record label and with the lawyers, they landed in France this morning, they have a night off tonight and I’ve called the hotel but none of them are in their rooms. If there was anything wrong, with any of the boys, Lennon would have called, I know he would.” I nodded at him, despite what he said, I still had this horrible knot of dread pulling tight in my stomach.

  “George, let’s go and get in bed, Dad will wait up for the phone and come and get us when someone calls.” My Mum looked exhausted but I knew she wouldn’t go to bed unless I did, she held out her hand to me and I took it, following her up the stairs to my bed, we both got in and I laid with my head on her chest like I used to when I was a little girl and let the slow steady rhythm of her heartbeat and the familiar smell of her Dior perfume soothe me to sleep.

  I woke to the sound of my Dad shouting, the sun was streaming through my bedroom window and I blinked a few times as I looked around my room. Glancing at my clock I noticed it was just after eight fifteen, I’d actually managed to sleep quite a long time, I suddenly heard what sounded like my Mum crying and my stomach lurched. I flew out of bed and down to the kitchen, it was full of my Dad’s blokes, I don’t know exactly what they did but they’d all been working for him for as long as I can remember. My Dad was talking on the phone and pacing the kitchen floor, the lead stretched from the wall past Marcus, my Dad’s lawyer where he was sitting at the breakfast bar, Nick was sitting next to him. He drove my Dad around sometimes, standing talking to him was Tony who looked after security at a couple of pubs my Dad had recently bought and standing in the middle of the room, with his arms wrapped around my Mum as she cried into his chest, was my Dad’s brother, my uncle Fin. The whole room fell silent when I walked in.

  “Mum?” My Dad’s eyes shot up to meet mine and he looked me up and down, I’d jumped out of bed in such a hurry and not expecting a house full of men, I hadn’t thought about the fact I was wearing just a t-shirt and a pair of knickers. I blushed as I knew my Dad would be angry, he was very old fashioned about what I wore, even around the house.

  “For fuck’s sake Georgia, go and put some clothes on!”

  “What’s going on, Mum, why are you crying?”

  My Dad raked his hand through his hair, I noticed he was still wearing yesterday’s clothes and he hadn’t shaved. “Get some clothes on George, we’ll talk then.”

  I turned to walk up the stairs and as I did I heard Marcus say, “What are you going to tell her?”

  “I have no fucking idea,” Dad replied and the knot of dread and fear pulled even tighter in my belly.

  I threw on a pair of joggers and an old sweatshirt of Sean’s that I’d never washed, it smelt more of me now than it did of him but I refused to let my Mum wash it regardless. I was back down in the kitchen in less than a minute, everyone’s eyes were back on me as I re-entered the room; my Mum was sitting down at our big dining table drinking a cup of tea, my Dad gestured with his chin. “Sit down George, we need to talk.”

  I shook my head, I was so scared, my feet were rooted to the floor, so many thoughts were rushing through my mind. “Daddy, did one of the boys die, is Sean or Marley dead Daddy?”

  He rushed toward me and held me in his big arms and I sunk into his chest, he squeezed me tight, then walked me over to the dining table and sat me in the chair next to my Mum, she reached out and held my hand, I looked from her to my Dad, who was now sitting the other side of me. I wanted to hear the words, I wanted someone to tell me what had happened but at the same time I didn’t, if they were going to spoil my perfect life, my perfect love and my perfect future, then I didn’t ever want to hear them, I could see my Dad was struggling, he rubbed his hands over his dark stubble continuously.

  “Georgia, there’s been some trouble… ”

  “NO!” My Dad roared at Marcus as he started to speak, “I will do this, you keep the fuck quiet.”

  My Dad was a big man, six feet three or four I couldn’t remember which, I just knew that whenever I bought him a shirt as a gift he needed an eighteen collar to fit his chest, he was a big man but until that moment, I’d never, ever in my life been scared of him, he took my free hand in his. “Look George, there’s no easy way to say this, there’s been some trouble on the tour, the boys got into Paris yesterday, checked into their hotel and ended up having a bit of a party around the pool, things got a bit wild and it ended up back at Marley’s and Sean’s room, some allegations have been made and Sean and Marley have been arrested”

  “What?”

  “Things just got a bit out of hand, I’m gonna fly over there this afternoon with Marcus and some legal geezers from the record label and try and sort this mess out.”

  “Arrested for what, what did they do, was it drugs?” My Dad looked down at our joined hands and I followed his stare, my Mum reached over and put her hand on top of Dad’s so the three of us were touching, I looked back up at my Dad and he shook his head.

  “Rape, Georgia, they’ve both been charged with rape and a few other lesser things.”

  Rape?

  “What, rape? Na, na, no way, this is Marley and Sean Dad, they wouldn’t rape any one. Why would they? Why would Sean?”

  “I don’t know all the details, they’re not telling us much over the phone, that’s why I need to get there with the briefs and sort things out.”

  Rape. I was numb, what on earth could have happened that would�
��ve led to a rape charge? “I’m coming with you.”

  “NO!” My parents both said at the same time.

  “No George, I need you to stay here and look after your Mum, we’ll have this sorted in no time, once we do, then we’ll get you over to see them, besides, they’re holding them in cells at a Police station right now. Let me go and get it all sorted, then perhaps you can fly over next week, once your English exam is out of the way.”

  He rubbed his thumb over my cheek, then lent forward and kissed my nose, before standing and heading off to the shower. I sat at the dining table, staring blankly at my Mum’s hand holding mine, I felt sick, I felt scared, I felt a little bit angry and for the first time ever in my life, I doubted my Dad’s ability to be able to make everything right. The front door bell rang and I jumped, my Mum stood from the table, squeezing my shoulder on her way to answering the door.

  I could hear my Mum talking quietly to someone, then Jimmie appeared in front of me. “George,” is all she said as I stood from the table and we hugged.

  “What a fucking mess George, I didn’t know until early this morning and I didn’t want to call, in case you hadn’t heard, she’s a fucking bitch, I don’t believe a word of it.”

  My stomach hit the floor and my heart stuttered in my chest. “Who Jim?” She looked from me to my Mum and frowned.

  “Who Jim?” I repeated.

  “Haley the whore.”

  “It’s Haley the whore who’s saying she was raped. How? Why would she say that, was… was she in their room Jim?” My best friend steps toward me and in my head I’m begging her not to lie to me but in my heart, I’m begging her to protect me from the truth.

  “Let’s go up to your room George.” I let out a deep breath and follow her up to my bedroom, I’m freezing so I climb under the quilt and Jimmie joins me.

  “I won’t lie to you George, this is what Lennon told me; the boys left Spain Monday after us, they had no gig that night and all went to a party that Rocco threw in his room, Len said it was madness, women, drugs and drink, the usual KR sort of a do, the room was trashed and everyone was suffering the next day.”

  “Including Sean?” I don’t know why I ask, I know what the answer is going to be.

  “Including Sean and the rest of the band,” she nods as she speaks. “They played so bad that night that Len orders them straight back to their room Tuesday night and bars any calls from being made from their rooms so that they can’t order in booze or drugs or girls. Wednesday they are on lock down and only allowed to rehearse and sound check, then straight back to the room after the show. They flew into Paris Thursday morning and Marley and Lennon have a big bust up. Marls goes straight to the bar with Rocco and the rest of KR, Sean joins them after a while, they take over the pool area, Rocco calls up girls from everywhere. Apparently Haley flew in around lunch time and started partying with them and was all over Sean and Marley, and they all went back to their room at about seven o’clock, they were all pissed and all off their tits on Charlie, whizz and trips. Next thing Len knows is Haley’s on the landing, screaming the place down, stark bollock naked and saying that she wants the Police called because Sean and Marley have taken it in turns to rape her. Hotel management call the Police, everyone makes statements and Maca and Marls are taken away.”

  She’s still talking as I jump off the bed and into my bathroom and throw my stomach contents down the toilet, Jimmies behind me, holding my hair back, then rinses out a flannel and puts it on the back of my neck. I stay on my knees for a few minutes and wait for the room to stop spinning and Jim passes me a glass of water, I rinse my mouth and spit into the toilet, before sitting back down on my bed.

  “Why was she in their room?”

  “I don’t know George, I only know what I’ve told ya, nothing else, Lens gonna ring here as soon as he knows anything, he’s not been allowed to speak with the boys yet but he said the label are flying their lawyers out there.”

  I nod. “Yeah, my Dad’s going too.”

  “Why was she in their room Jim, I just can’t see why she needed to be there? Unless they were all shagging.”

  “Don’t George, don’t do this to yourself until we know all the details, this is Whorely we’re talking about, she would do anything for her five minutes of fame, you know that.”

  “Yeah and I also know that she’s been after Sean forever and I also know that Sean should never have had a girl in his room, if Marley bought her back, then he should have gone to Len’s room, not stayed there with them, with her.”

  I was angry now, fuck him, if he wanted the rock and roll life style, then fuck him, he could have it but there was no way I was going to sit at home like the dutiful little wifey while he shagged whores and snorted lines of coke. Serves him right if he was locked up, there was no way I was flying out to be with him now, let him sweat a bit. I went over to my bedside drawer and pulled out my engagement ring and held it up to Jimmie. “He proposed Jim, Saturday night before the show, he asked me to marry him, we were keeping it secret until he got home and could ask my Dad and we could do it properly.”

  I looked from my best friend to my ring. “Oh my god George, it’s huge, put it on.”

  I couldn’t, not now. I shook my head. “No, no way, until he’s stood in front of me and gives me his version of events, until he looks me in the eyes and tells me nothing happened with that slut, then I don’t want to talk to or hear from him.”

  “Don’t be stupid G, you don’t mean that.” She laughs nervously at me.

  “Oh I fucking mean it Jim, this is only the start, they’ve not even made the big time yet and already there are problems with whores and coke, if that’s the life he wants, then he can take it, I won’t be waiting at home for him while he does all that shit.”

  “George, he wouldn’t, he loves you, he wants to marry you, fucking hell, don’t be so harsh, it was probably all Marley’s fault anyway, you saw him at the weekend, he’s so charlied up all the time, he doesn’t know what he’s doing.” Even as she spoke I could feel the little man in my chest, with his trowel, his bricks and his little pile of cement, he was building a wall around my heart, to protect it from what was to come.

  The next few days were horrible, the worst I had ever endured in my short life, days that would change me forever.

  My Dad and the lawyers had the boys out of custody and performing on stage by Friday night. I heard nothing from Sean all day Saturday, my Dad phoned Saturday afternoon to tell us that Haley had withdrawn the allegations and had actually admitted to being the owner of all the drugs that were found in the room. The boys had no gigs until Wednesday night in Stockholm so straight after the show Saturday night, they were going to fly back to England for a couple of days, I thought Sean would have phoned before they left but I heard nothing and was becoming more and more pissed off with him.

  My Mum, Jimmie and I went for an Indian Saturday night and drank two bottles of wine, Jimmie and I were fine but my little skinny Mum, who wasn’t a big drinker, was absolutely hilarious when we got home and started playing records. The three of us danced around my parent’s front room and sang into whisks and spoons before collapsing on the sofa in a fit of giggles. I was barely hanging on, I was heartbroken, I was sad, I felt like Sean had abandoned me for this new life but I refused point blank to let anyone know how I was feeling and just pretended that my tears were from laughter and not because my heart was shattered.

  Our front door unlocked at about two thirty that morning, my Mum was sleeping in my Dad’s armchair and Jimmie and I were on each end of the sofa when I felt soft lips brush against mine, my eyes fluttered open and it took me a few seconds to realise he was really there and I wasn’t dreaming. I don’t know why I did it but for some reason I pushed myself by my heals away from him, backing myself into the corner of the sofa, his beautiful face fell and he held his breath for a few seconds, his face still close enough for me to watch as he closed his big chocolate eyes and to marvel at his long, dark lashes that fanned h
is cheeks.

  “Georgia, I’m so, so sorry.” I folded my arms across my chest and nodded at him. My Mum stood from the chair gave a cuddle to my Dad and Lennon, Marley had gone into the kitchen area and was sitting at the breakfast bar, I watched as my parents exchanged a look, then both looked at my brother, I stood and gave Len a cuddle, but I ignored Marley.

  “Well, now you’re all home safe, I’m going to bed, night, night.”

  “Georgia wait, we need to talk.” He looked tired and delicious and I loved him so much but I was hurt and angry.

  “Do we?”

  He turned and looked at my Dad. “Frank, dya mind if we go up to Georgia’s room so we can talk?”

  My Dad’s eyes shifted to mine, “George?” he asked with eyebrows raised.

  “Fine,” I huffed, I knew I was behaving like a complete brat but basically, that’s what I was, a sixteen year old brat, a really pissed off brat.

  I threw myself on my bed, scooted up and sat with my back against the headboard; Sean lent on my closed bedroom door. “I didn’t do it G.”

  “I didn’t think you did.”

  “So why are you so pissed off with me?”

  “Why was she in your room Sean?” He looks down at the floor and shakes his head.

  “I was so drunk G, I’d done a couple of lines of coke, Marley wanted to get hold of her but she wouldn’t come back to the room unless I went.”

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why did she want you to go back with them?”

  He takes a few steps toward my bed, “George.”

  “Why Sean, tell me why?” He sits on the edge of my bed and looks at me.

  “She wanted a threesome.” I wanted to be sick, I wanted to punch him, and I wanted to kill her.

  “And you went?’ He nodded.

  “I’m so sorry G, I was off my face.”

  “You were drunk and off your face and you went back to your room with Marley and Haley the whore for a threesome?”

  “I didn’t know what I was doing G, I went back so that Marley could get hold of her, then I was just gonna leave them to it…” he trailed off.