Live Original (Sadie Robertson)

by Sadie Robertson

  There’s usually a reason people do what they do, especially when they are unkind. Sometimes, the reason is something only they know or only their family knows, but it’s really bugging them and causing them to act in unusual ways. They might not even know they are doing it.

  When someone hates on you, talk to yourself before you talk back to them. You might learn something about yourself or realize something about them if you ask yourself the right questions—and it might help you make the situation better instead of worse.

  I really like the Bible verses that say,

  Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye

  when you have a log in your own . . .

  First get rid of the log in your own eye;

  then you will see well enough

  to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.

  —Matthew 7:3–5, NIV

  I can just see a big log sticking out of my eye, someone with a speck in theirs, and me trying to see around my log to pick it out! Sometimes we are quick to point out the problems in others while totally ignoring our own. The Bible warns us not to do that and gives us that great illustration so we won’t forget.

  SOMETIMES, WHAT’S WRONG IS WHAT’S NOT RIGHT

  When you ask yourself what you might have done wrong in a situation with someone who is being rude to you, it’s important to also ask yourself another question. If you can honestly tell yourself you are not doing anything wrong, ask: “Am I doing enough right?” Let me explain.

  One time a girl at school seemed to be really angry with me, and I could not figure out why. I had never gossiped about her; I did not steal her boyfriend; I did not get a role she wanted in the school play or beat her for a spot on a sports team. I had not said anything rude to her, and to the best of my knowledge I had not done a single thing to upset or offend her. I was really confused about why she acted so negatively toward me. It seemed so totally random.

  I finally realized the problem wasn’t that I was doing anything wrong; the problem was that I was not doing anything right. As I thought about that girl, I saw that I could have been more of a friend to her. I could have gone out of my way to include her, but I didn’t. Some people don’t think this is something they need to work on, but when I looked at myself, I thought it was. And to tell the truth, I think we all need to look at ourselves and see what we can do right. Now I try to make it my first instinct to do something right.

  IT’S NOT FUNNY IF IT HURTS

  I can hardly believe some of the things that are on television and the Internet because people try to be funny. A lot of things in the media are not funny at all. Some are just plain disrespectful and hurtful. People often use sarcasm to make others laugh, but they do it at someone else’s expense. But hurting someone’s feelings is not funny.

  My mom has always told my siblings and me not to use humor to cut someone else down. My parents have taught us not to be critical or to make jokes about things people cannot help. They have taught us to be respectful of others. That includes not only using our manners but also being careful with our sense of humor.

  Now, I know you may be thinking we do this a lot on Duck Dynasty. We make jokes about Jep being the baby of the family or about my dad for putting on a few extra pounds or Si for—well, for being Si. But the Robertson family has been taught not to take ourselves too seriously, to laugh at ourselves, and to laugh along with others. But there is a line that can be crossed, and because we are family, for the most part we know where that line is and we do not cross it.

  We would never want to make a joke about someone that would hurt that person’s feelings. We need to be aware of others’ feelings and cautious about how we joke and whom we joke with. There is a proverb that warns us about the destructiveness of “joking”:

  Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death

  is one who deceives their neighbor and says,

  “I was only joking!”

  —Proverbs 26:18–19, NIV 2011

  We must be careful to not throw flaming arrows.

  My mom’s grandmother, my mamaw Jo, is in her eighties, and she has lived a great life. People love her, and you will never hear an unkind word about her. For as long as my mom can remember, Mamaw Jo has said, “Nothing is worth hurting someone’s feelings over.”

  Some people get their feelings hurt over the slightest thing, so we can’t always do this perfectly, but I think Mamaw Jo has a good point. People are too important to be the butts of jokes or sarcasm. Everybody is valuable, and we need to use words to encourage and affirm them, not to criticize them or hurt them.

  EVEN A PERFECT PERSON DIDN’T ESCAPE THE HATE

  When you think about how long people have been living on earth and how many people have lived, it blows your mind. That’s a lot of people! But only one of all the millions and millions who have ever lived was perfect. Jesus was perfect; He never sinned (see 1 Peter 2:22). Hebrews 4:15 talks about Jesus being our high priest and says, “This high priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.” The fact that Jesus did not sin is what makes Him perfect. No one before Him and no once since then has ever been flawless, though I have met a few people who seem to think they are!

  Even though Jesus was perfect, He still had haters—some who hated Him intensely. Luke 7:33–34 says Jesus and John the Baptist could not please everyone: “For John the Baptist didn’t spend his time eating bread or drinking wine, and you say, ‘He’s possessed by a demon.’ The Son of Man [Jesus], on the other hand, feasts and drinks, and you say, ‘He’s a glutton and a drunkard, and a friend of tax collectors and other sinners!’ ” In other words, no matter what Jesus or John the Baptist did, someone found a reason to criticize them.

  The hate against Jesus eventually became so strong that people put Him to death—not just any kind of death; they killed Him by one of the cruelest methods possible. They put nails through His hands and feet and hung Him on a cross. He agreed to suffer this kind of death because it was God’s plan. It was the way Jesus could pay for all our sins and give us eternal life. His death was full of hate from people but full of love from Him to us.

  If the only perfect person to ever walk the earth got hate, you and I can be sure we will too. We could spend our time and energy trying to keep it from happening, but the truth is, it’s going to happen. We would be much better off to spend our time figuring out how to deal with it in ways that please God when it does.

  DON’T LET HATE HAPPEN

  Learning to handle the hate that may come against you is a big job, and it takes some maturity. But I think we need to do even more than that. We not only need to make sure we shake the hate in our own lives, we also need to look out for other people and help them stand strong.

  Whenever people get hate, it’s important for someone to be there with them. That way, they feel supported and they do not feel alone. Sometimes we do this in person, like if something happens at school. Another way to stand up for people is to delete hurtful things we see on social media. If people can’t see the hate, they can’t keep it going.

  As I said earlier, haters are going to hate. But good people do not have to put up with it. The only way hate will ever get better is for people to stand up against it and shake it off. You can do that, and I can do that. And together, we can make the world a nicer, kinder, friendlier place.

  Live Original Challenge

  1. Is there someone in your life who gets a lot of hate? How can you stand up for that person?

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  2. How can you start talking to yourself differently when people hate on you?

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  3. Think about some of the people who may be causing you trouble. If you have not done anything wrong to them, what can you start doing right?

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  4. If you have been sarcastic in t
he past, I challenge you to be funny without being hurtful. What can you do to take the challenge?

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  DON’T FORGET

  Hate will cause you to become negative if you let it, so don’t. Shake it off!

  A friend loves at all times.

  —Proverbs 17:17, NIV

  CHAPTER NINE

  A Friend’s a Friend Forever

  No matter how different church groups and Christian school groups are, they have one thing in common: they play a certain Michael W. Smith song for graduating seniors—and almost everybody cries. Maybe you know what I’m talking about. The song is called “Friends Are Friends Forever.” Basically, it says that even close friends sometimes have to separate—maybe to go to college or to move away from one place to take a job somewhere else—and it says that when God is the Lord of our friendships, we can be friends for the rest of our lives.

  If you are anything like me, your friendships are a huge part of your life. I want to be with my friends all the time, and I love having them over to our house. I have a great group of friends. One of the best parts of our group friendship is that we are in different grades at school. One girl graduated last year and is a freshman in college, three of us are sophomores, and three are seniors. One of the girls in this group is my very best friend and has been since prekindergarten. People at school call us “PBJ,” because we are together so much, like peanut butter and jelly. All of us are very close—pretty much inseparable.

  I like my friends so much because they are very spiritual girls. We make an effort to encourage each other, and to listen to, care about, and support each other. Sometimes, we just send texts to share a scripture or some other kind of positive, uplifting thought, and sometimes we stay up until three or four in the morning, just talking and encouraging each other. We rarely fight; we do our best not to get jealous of each other; we celebrate the happy things in each other’s lives, and we are there for the sad things. This is the way I think friendship should be, and if a friend is a friend forever, these are the kinds of friends I want.

  Unfortunately, friendship is not always this way, especially in high school. Too many people end up with too much drama. There’s jealousy and gossip and all kinds of negativity—and those things will kill a friendship fast.

  Growing up is not always easy. I like having good directions, and the best directions I know are in the Bible. It gives us a lot of instructions to help us have good friendships and be good friends. Ephesians 4:31–32 covers all the basics: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

  In this chapter, I hope to share some stories and truths that will help you make your friendships better—whether they are pretty good already or whether you feel like you need a lot of help. I believe you have the potential to be a great friend, and if you are a great friend, you’ll have great friends in return.

  HOW TO BE A GOOD FRIEND

  Relationships are about choices. Just think about it: we choose who we want to be friends with, we choose how we act toward other people, and we choose how we respond when others do unkind things to us. You can make all kinds of choices in friendship; some will make your friendships better and some will make your friendships worse. In the next section, I’ll mention some things not to do if you want to be a good friend. But first I want to write about some positive choices you can make in your efforts to have good, strong, long-lasting friendships. These guidelines work just as well in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships as they do in other friendships.

  Choose not to argue over stupid stuff. When teenagers or middle schoolers get together, sometimes stupid things happen. People do not always think about the consequences of their words or actions, and pretty soon an argument is going full blast.

  My friends and I have seen this happen many times, and we made an important decision about it. When we have different opinions on a situation, before we let an argument start, we ask, “Is it worth it, or do we just want to argue?” It’s not that speaking your mind is always bad. Everybody has intense feelings at times; the key is knowing what to do with them. Maybe we need to take them out on the basketball court, on a canvas, on a guitar, or in some other way that gets the feelings out without hurting other people.

  Here’s two of my favorite verses about this:

  Don’t pick a fight without reason,

  when no one has done you harm.

  —Proverbs 3:30

  Don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments

  that only start fights.

  A servant of the Lord must not quarrel

  but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach,

  and be patient with difficult people.

  —2 Timothy 2:23–24

  Both of these verses make the same point: don’t argue over stupid stuff!

  Choose to rejoice when your friend rejoices and to be sad when your friend is sad. One year I decided to try out for cheerleading at school. My best friend tried out too. She made the squad and was really excited about it. I did not make it, but I was still happy for her. I didn’t want the fact that I didn’t make it to be a concern for her. She earned it, and she deserved to celebrate. I wanted to celebrate with her.

  That was the same year all of the Duck Dynasty stuff got crazy and busy, so God was watching over me and already had that planned. The next year my friend tried out again and I told her, “If you make it, we’re going to do something really fun. If you don’t make it, we’re going to do something really fun.” I know sometimes things like trying out for any kind of sport and not making it seem like the end of the world. But when God closes one door, He opens a better one.

  Romans 12:15 says:

  Be happy with those who are happy,

  and weep with those who weep.

  It’s clear: we’re supposed to be happy and excited when our friends are happy and excited, and we’re supposed to be sad with them when they are sad. Sharing people’s feelings and being sensitive to them in these ways definitely strengthens friendships.

  Choose activities that are good and fun for your friend and for you. If you are going to be friends with a person or a group, you will do a lot of things together. You can choose to do things that will be fun and good for you, or you can choose to do things that will get you in trouble. You get to decide. Nobody likes to be bored or to have a bad time, so when you are with your friends, choose to do things that are safe and respectful but also fun for everyone.

  My friends and I enjoy being together because we do things that are just fun. We know what makes each other laugh without cutting anyone down or being sarcastic. We talk about things that are happy, we dance, we go out to eat at fun restaurants, we hang out and watch good movies, or we just sit around and talk. Of course, we are not perfect and we have all messed up, but we work toward bringing out the best in each other. Ephesians 5:4 says,

  There must not be any unclean speech

  or foolish talk or dirty jokes.

  All of them are out of place.

  Instead, you should give thanks.7

  Sometimes, people think being a Christian means you don’t get to do anything fun, but that is not true. It just means you choose your fun. Psalm 118:24 says, “This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” That tells me I can be happy every single day. Proverbs 15:13 says, “A glad heart makes a happy face.” So get your friends together and have a good time—and you can all put on your happy faces!

  Choose to truly listen to what your friend says. Saying what we want to say and feeling that others are really listening to us is important to all of us. Most of us do not have any trouble being good talkers, but we may struggle a little to be good listeners, and that is just as important.

  Our friends will go through hard times—and so will we. One of the best thi
ngs we can do for our friends is listen to them, then let them know we have heard what they said and we care about how they feel. We don’t need to rush them so we can say something; instead, we need to listen and pay attention before we respond. Most of the time, having someone who will really listen means more to a friend than someone who just wants to comment on the situation.

  James 1:19 is a really good piece of advice:

  Understand this . . .

  You must all be quick to listen,

  slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

  Do you see what this verse says? It says we need to listen quickly and speak slowly. That tells me we need to listen first and speak last.

  Especially if we are in some kind of disagreement or misunderstanding, we need to listen before we talk. Proverbs 18:13 says,

  Spouting off before listening to the facts

  is both shameful and foolish.

  Who wants to be ashamed and foolish? Not me!

  Choose your friends wisely. Your friends are the people you hang out with, and if you are a teenager, you may spend more time with your friends than with any other group of people in your life. The people you hang around are the ones who influence you. If you have happy people in your life, you will be happy too. But if you let yourself be around people who are down on themselves, you will get down on yourself too. So you can see why choosing friends wisely is so important. Proverbs 13:20 says,