Live Original (Sadie Robertson)

by Sadie Robertson

  Walk with the wise and become wise;

  associate with fools and get in trouble.

  I don’t want to get in trouble, so I am going to make the best choices I can make when I choose my close friends.

  First Corinthians 15:33 says, “Bad company corrupts good character.” In other words, even if you are a good person, you can lose your positive values and good character if you surround yourself with bad company. The opposite is also true. If you spend time with good people, they will build up your good character, helping you become an even stronger, better person.

  In addition to the things above, there are other ways you can help yourself have great friendships: You can be nice to people; you can be helpful; you can pay sincere, noncheesy compliments. You can also encourage people, and you can be excited with them when they do something like make the honor roll, land a part in the school play, get on the homecoming court, finally have a starting position, or get admitted to the college where they really want to go.

  When you choose friends, one of the best things to do is look for happy, positive people who will help you grow in your faith and who encourage you in your relationship with God. The most important friends you can have are the ones who encourage you spiritually and help you mature as a Christian. If that’s what you build a friendship on, you have made a good choice.

  WHAT NOT TO DO IF YOU WANT GREAT FRIENDSHIPS

  Besides all the things we can do to be a good friend, there are also a lot of things we can do to hurt the friendships we already have or to keep ourselves from finding new friends. I want to focus on three of them specifically. My mom calls these things “sins that can corrupt friendship.” To “corrupt” just means to ruin, and these things will ruin friendships fast. The first one is jealousy, the second is pride, and the third is selfishness. I’m sure you know these words, but let me write a little bit about why they do so much damage to friendships.

  Jealousy. Jealousy can tear people apart like nothing else. It’s very dangerous in a friendship. Here’s some really strong statements from the Bible:

  A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body;

  jealousy is like cancer in the bones.

  —Proverbs 14:30

  For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition,

  there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

  —James 3:16

  I warned you that those verses were strong! We need to take them seriously and make a real effort to avoid being jealous of anyone, over anything.

  When we are friends with someone, we should be happy for each other, no matter what happens. If someone gets a better grade than you, be happy. If someone gets the car you have been wanting for years, be happy. If someone gets a college scholarship you were hoping for, congratulate them—and mean it. When good things happen to your friends, be right there with them and celebrate with them the way you would want them to celebrate with you. Sometimes good things will happen to you; sometimes they won’t. When they don’t, be mature enough to refuse to be jealous or angry.

  When I didn’t make cheerleading, I could have been jealous; thinking only about my own feelings and getting stuck in disappointment would have been easy. But instead, I chose to be happy for my best friend and to celebrate with her. We both got to be happy over the good news when she made it. I said to her, “When there’s a ball game, you cheer with the uniform and I will cheer in the stands, and we will have an awesome year.” That’s exactly what’s happening.

  I want to say one thing about friends and boyfriends. Your friends are your friends. They are not people you may date for a while and then break up with. Your real friends will always be there for you. Especially if you are a teenage or preteenage girl reading this, remember that boyfriends come and go, but a friend can be a friend forever. Jealousy, especially jealousy over guys, really just gets in the way. A friend may date someone you dated previously. It happens. Make a decision right now to keep your friendships in good shape and not let jealousy ruin them.

  Pride. Nobody wants to hang out with people who think they are better than others. That’s a major turnoff. I learned a long time ago that the best way to live is to put God first, other people second, and ourselves last. This is a great set of priorities—and if these three things are in order, the way we treat people and the way we act in general should prove that God really is first and that we really do care more about other people than about ourselves. Instead of always trying to get our way, we let others have their way. Instead of having to be right, we accept that others also have good points to make and opinions that matter.

  Romans 12:3 says:

  Don’t think you are better than you really are.

  This does not mean you get down on yourself and lose your confidence (because remember, confidence is key). There’s nothing wrong with doing something well and feeling good about it. But feeling good about something and being proud about it are two different things. People who are proud think they are better than others. They have a big head about who they are and what they can do—but sometimes they are not all that great and other people are not all that bad. Everyone is valuable; everyone can do something well; everyone is important to God.

  James 4:6 says,

  “God opposes the proud

  but gives grace to the humble.”

  If God opposes the proud, then proud is something I do not want to be! I want God’s grace in my life, and the way to get it is by being humble—the exact opposite of being proud.

  Selfishness. Most of us have seen people who are selfish and self-centered. They want their own way, they don’t want to share anything, and sometimes they think everyone else’s job is to make them happy. That kind of attitude will destroy a friendship.

  When selfishness is part of a relationship, one person usually ends up doing whatever he or she wants without considering what the other person wants to do. Selfish people insist that a whole group go along with them, even if others would rather do something else. They want to go to the restaurants they like, listen to the music they like, and hang out the way they like to hang out. They do not share the good things they have, and the fact that they could bless someone else never really occurs to them. They often give the impression that they think they are better than everyone else, so they should get to do whatever they want.

  Philippians 2:3–4 basically communicates everything I believe about friendship:

  Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.

  Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

  Don’t look out only for your own interests,

  but take an interest in others, too.

  If we can live by this verse, we can avoid bad friendships and enjoy great ones.

  Sometimes, friends do get jealous and act prideful or selfish—often because they feel hurt or disappointed. When a friend acts this way, it hurts us too. We feel let down. As friends, the best thing we can do is understand and offer grace and forgiveness, just as we hope they will offer those things to us when we act out. No one is perfect; we all have moments of jealousy, pride, or selfishness, but we need to recognize those characteristics in ourselves and change them rather than living in those sins, which will be a curse to our friendships.

  OLD FRIENDS, NEW FRIENDS

  I started this chapter talking about the fact that a friend is a friend forever. That’s true. Some friends will stick with us for the rest of our lives, but that does not mean we should not make new friends. Two-Mama tells me not to ever close my heart, to always keep my heart and mind open to new people God will bring into my life.

  I go to a small Christian school—not a large high school with tons of people. At my school, making friends is pretty easy. Of course, everyone is not best friends with everyone else, but we all know each other’s names and we’re friendly. I also have friends from camp. I have known many of those people since I was very young, so I consider them old friends.

  Last year some new girls, two sisters,
came to my school and I got to know them. They are two of my best friends now. They have become part of my group of close friends. If my old friends and I had not been willing to open our hearts to new friends, we would have missed knowing two amazing people who have brought good things into our lives.

  Friendships are gifts from God. It’s up to us to take them seriously and treat our friends well. We need to value our old friends, make room for new ones, and commit to being a great friend to all.

  Live Original Challenge

  1. Who are your best friends?

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  2. Think of three of the best friends you have and write down their best qualities or three reasons you are friends with them.

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  3. In your own words, why are jealousy, pride, and selfishness dangerous to a friendship?

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  4. What are one or two things about yourself that you can work on if you want to be a better friend?

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  DON’T FORGET

  You can be a great friend!

  Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.

  —Matthew 7:12

  CHAPTER TEN

  Respect Relationships

  Relationships. Everybody has them. Sometimes they are great, and sometimes they are not so great. They can be our biggest blessings or they can cause our biggest problems. There are thousands of books available on how to make relationships better. That tells me a lot of people think they need a lot of help knowing how to deal with others.

  In The People Factor, Pastor Van Moody writes:

  You have some kind of relationship with everyone you encounter. . . . Some are casual and on-the-surface relationships, and some are intimate and deep. But every relationship you have influences your life. There are no neutral relationships. Each one lifts you up or weighs you down. It moves you forward or holds you back. It helps you or it hurts you.8

  I’ve written some things in this book that make the same point Mr. Moody makes; I just worded them differently. Basically, he and I are both saying that who we hang around with is important. The people we spend our time with have a major impact on us; they can make us better, more positive, more godly people, or they can make us worse, more negative people and pull us away from our relationship with God. Mr. Moody says, “Any relationship that pulls us away from God, His Word or His plan for our lives has to be put aside.”9 Yep. I totally agree with that.

  God gives us people and relationships to help us. Sometimes we make bad choices and end up with the wrong people, but if we follow God in our relationships, we will end up with the right people. We need to appreciate and invest in those relationships. We also need to respect them, and that’s what I want to write about now.

  In this chapter I want to focus on four types of relationships we should respect:

  1. Our relationships with our brothers and sisters

  2. Our relationships with friends, boyfriends, and teammates

  3. Our relationships with parents and authority figures

  4. Our relationship with ourselves

  YOUR CLOSEST RELATIVES

  Do you know the closest relatives you can ever have are your biological brothers and sisters? It’s true. No matter how different you and they may seem, the fact is that you and your siblings have more DNA in common than you have with anyone else. All of you have DNA from both your parents—and that makes you more similar to your siblings than to anyone else in the whole world. This is why, when people need organ transplants, doctors first look for siblings as donors. They know a sibling is likely to be the best possible match.

  Even if our DNA does not match, in the case of adopted siblings or stepbrothers and stepsisters, our siblings are usually the people we spend the most time with. We may share a room or a bathroom with them; we ride to and from school with them; we share meals and other family times with them. We are with our siblings a lot.

  Since our brothers and sisters are usually the people we spend the most time with, we might think siblings would have close, strong, fun, peaceful relationships. That’s not always true. I am shocked and sad when I hear stories about how harsh siblings are to each other. Of course, siblings are going to argue and pick on each other every now and then, but I can’t imagine where I would be without my siblings. They teach me new things every day. I think teenagers need to understand how much of a blessing their siblings are, and we need to fight less and love more.

  Sometimes, relationships end up bad because people don’t know they can be good. I think as teenagers we have bought into the lie that we are supposed to fight with our siblings. There have been examples of siblings fighting since the beginning of time—Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Rachel and Leah, and the list goes on.

  But I’m telling you, it doesn’t have to be that way. God calls us to love our brothers and sisters:

  This is the message you heard from the beginning:

  We should love one another.

  Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one

  and murdered his brother.

  —1 John 3:11–12, NIV

  Whoever claims to know God yet hates

  a brother or sister is a liar.

  For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen,

  cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

  And he has given us this command:

  Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

  —1 John 4:20–21, NIV 2011

  Wow, those are pretty powerful words. It doesn’t get any clearer than that. God expects us to love our siblings. But what if we do not feel like loving them? What if our brother or sister is not very lovable at the moment? Maybe he or she is straight-up acting like a brat? Well, God’s Word has that covered too. It tells us what it really means to love. It tells us how to act in loving ways even when we do not feel love or even when the other person doesn’t deserve it. The Bible tells us:

  Love is patient, love is kind.

  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

  it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

  It always protects, always trusts,

  always hopes, always perseveres.

  —1 Corinthians 13:4–7, NIV

  Can you imagine how much better our relationships would be if we actually put this type of love into practice? If you want to have great relationships, this is how you do it. I challenge you to start loving your siblings today like the Bible defines love in 1 Corinthians 13. It will change everything.

  Maybe you have not ever seen a strong example of a good sibling relationship. That’s why I want to write about the great relationship I have with my brother John Luke. I hope these insights into our relationship will show you that siblings can get along, help each other, support each other, and be really important in each other’s lives. Having great relationships with siblings, and everyone in our family, is so important. They are the people who will be there for us when no one else is.

  Like a lot of children, probably most children, John Luke and I fought when we were little. But now we are best friends. Seriously. I know that may be hard for some people to believe, but it’s true. My relationship with him is a big reason I am who I am today. He is one of the strongest Christian guys I know, and we lean on each other a lot.

  John Luke and I are the type of best friends who hang out together at night and talk about everything that went on during the day. We have a lot of fun together. If one of us is bored, we call the other one and go play tennis or go to a movie or grab something to eat. I give him girl advice; he gives me boy advice—and I know he will be genuine and
tell me the truth. He is also very protective of me where guys are concerned, and I really appreciate that. He knows what’s good for me.

  When John Luke wants to ask a girl out, he says I have to approve of her. He knows I pick good ones! But more than that, he knows I really care about him and want the best for him. I do not want him to get involved with someone who is not good for him, and he feels the same way about me.

  John Luke and I are very close in age. He’s only a year and a half older than I am and just one grade ahead of me in school. As I said, when we were young, we argued a lot, but our mom did not put up with that. She was definitely the parent! When we fought, she made us go sit in the same room together. She did not care who did what; we were going to get along. Whatever had happened, we had to work it out. I’m sure my mom knew that making us deal with each other and figure out our conflicts together would help us get along well and be friends later on. And that’s exactly what happened.

  I mentioned that I grew up doing a lot of things with John Luke and our cousins Reed and Cole. People in the family referred to us as “Sadie and the boys,” so I learned about family relationships pretty early in my life. The boys and I had to learn to get along when we worked for Duck Commander and when we hung out at Papaw Phil and Mamaw Kay’s house (she would not put up with fussing or fighting either; she sent us outside).