Nowhere to Hide

by Kim Sigafus

  “Go get in the car. I will be there in a minute.”

  “But …”

  “Now, Autumn.”

  Autumn walked quickly down the hall, pushed the door open, and walked through it, leaving it ajar so she could see and hear what was happening. Jessie turned around and dropped Sydney’s arm. Sydney immediately started to back away and turned to walk quickly down the hall. Jessie’s words stopped her.

  “If you don’t turn around and face me, I will go immediately to speak with your mother. She still works at the gas station, right? She was one of my best friends. It might be time to pay her a visit.”

  Sydney started walking again, and Jessie added, “I understand the principal is still here.” She started to walk slowly down the hall toward Sydney. “I am going to see that you get expelled.”

  Sydney slowed down but didn’t turn around.

  “For what?” Sydney asked. “I didn’t do anything.”

  “Then why are you running away from me?”

  “I … I thought you were going to hurt me.”

  “That’s crap and you know it. This is your last chance to stop and talk to me or life is going to change as you know it.”

  Sydney stopped, not turning around. Jessie took her time getting to the girl. When she finally reached her, she circled around her.

  “I saw what’s happening between you and Autumn, and it’s going to stop right now. This school has a no-tolerance policy for bullying. I’m going to have you expelled immediately.”

  “What? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Jessie crossed her arms and gave Sydney a look.

  “Well, you can’t prove anything. It would be Autumn’s word against mine.” Sydney’s chin went up. “And my father is president of the school board.”

  “Just think how proud he’ll be when he finds out his daughter has been expelled for bullying someone,” answered Jessie. “And for your information, Autumn told me nothing. It just so happens I heard you and saw what you were doing in the hall just now. You’re lucky I didn’t tell the teacher.”

  Sydney looked away but said nothing.

  “Now, here’s what you’re going to do. Tomorrow, you’re going to apologize to Autumn and then leave her alone. If I find out this has continued, there’s going to be trouble. If and when Autumn shows up to audition for that play, you are going to say and do nothing. Do you understand? Because I can tell you right now, if this continues, you will spend the rest of the year being homeschooled. Have I made myself clear?”

  “Aren’t you bullying me right now?” challenged Sydney.

  Jessie gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m giving you a reason to correct your behavior,” she replied. “I am only trying to guide you. If you choose to continue on your current path, you now know what will happen.”

  When Sydney didn’t respond, Jessie sighed. “What happens now is up to you. Why do you act like this toward other people? Think about it. Some self-reflection might be good for you.”

  Autumn saw her aunt was turning to leave and let the door shut. She turned around and walked quickly to the car. Jessie joined her a moment later.

  “You’re not above scolding,” her aunt said. “I asked you to go wait in the car.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  Jessie shook her head and they left for home.

  Autumn shook herself out of her thoughts and went back to her homework. She wondered if the talk with Jessie would really change anything where Sydney was concerned. It might make things worse, and she was a little afraid.

  She managed to get most of her math problems finished by the time her mother came home from work that night. She stayed in her room because she could hear her mother and Jessie talking in the kitchen. In the beginning, her mother was very angry Jessie had butted in where she didn’t belong. Jessie had quietly replied that she had come to help in any way possible, and that included any issues concerning Sam and Autumn. Eventually her mother calmed down and realized Jessie only had Autumn’s best interests at heart. She signed the paperwork for Autumn to return to her teacher.

  “Autumn … I see you are busy with your homework, but I would like to speak to you.”

  Autumn looked up from her book to see her mother standing in the doorway. The house was quiet, and Autumn knew they were alone. Jessie had taken Sam out in his stroller for a walk around the block. Autumn had wondered about that. It seemed a little too chilly for that sort of thing. Now she knew why.

  Sitting up in her bed, she watched her mother sit down on Jessie’s bed.

  “I wish you would have told me this was going on,” she said.

  “I’m sorry,” Autumn mumbled, looking down at the bed. She started to pick the lint off her bedspread.

  “Well, anyway, I just wanted you to know I didn’t know your dad was dyslexic until Aunt Jessie told me yesterday.”

  “Oh.”

  “Your father never mentioned it. I had a hard time believing it myself until Jessie explained that he had years to master a way to deal with it. He still messed things up once in awhile, but I chalked it up to him reading something too fast or not paying attention.” She sighed. “I feel like I should have noticed that something was wrong with regard to you.”

  “No … there’s no way you could have known. I worked really hard to cover it up.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “I thought if I ignored it, it would go away or fix itself.”

  “Autumn, you can’t hide from your problems. You have to face them head on. Jessie mentioned a note from your teacher.”

  Autumn grimaced. “There were several. I threw them away. I didn’t want to get yelled at.” When her mother’s eyes narrowed, Autumn sighed and her bottom lip started to tremble. She cleared her throat.

  “I felt so stupid,” she whispered. “I couldn’t do the work like everyone else.”

  “How did you get all the way to eighth grade without anyone catching this problem? At all the teacher conferences, I was told you just didn’t apply yourself. They said you did all right in class, but you didn’t turn your homework in.”

  Autumn shrugged. “Most days I could figure out enough of it to at least pass a test or get a passing grade on my homework,” she said. “If I couldn’t figure something out, I just didn’t do it.”

  Autumn’s mother went silent for a moment and then shook her head. “And I’ve been so unhappy about your father leaving, I couldn’t see what was going on around me.”

  “It’s okay, Mom.”

  “No, it’s not, but it is what it is.” She reached out and touched Autumn on the arm.

  “I would like you to spend some more time with your aunt Jessie.”

  “Why?”

  “I know what a mess I’ve been. I need some time to sort things out, I guess. In the meantime, Jessie is a good person. She’s your dad’s sister and knows about the Ojibwa side of your family.”

  “Oh.”

  “Don’t you want to know about your Native American heritage?”

  Autumn gave it some thought and then replied with a shrug. “I guess so. I’m not sure I want to learn how to sew and stuff like that, though.”

  “Well, how about beadwork? Or maybe learning how to make traditional foods?”

  “Isn’t beadwork sewing? Well, maybe the food part. I like to eat,” Autumn replied with a grin.

  Her mother laughed, and Autumn smiled at her. She hadn’t heard that sound in a long time.

  “Yes, I know you do,” replied her mother. “You know, your dad used to sew. He made me a pair of moccasins the first year we were together. I used to wear them everywhere.”

  “I didn’t know that. Why don’t you wear them anymore?”

  “They make me sad now.”

  “Do you miss Dad?” Autumn asked. “I know you guys used to fight all the time …”

  “Yes, we did,” agreed her mother. “But there was a lot of love there too.”

  “So what happened then?
Why did he leave?” Autumn leaned back and looked away. “Things aren’t the same with him gone.”

  “That’s not such a bad thing,” her mother pointed out. “There’s not so much yelling now.”

  “I miss him,” said Autumn. “Is he going to come back and see us soon?”

  “I don’t know,” replied Autumn’s mother quietly. “Now that things have calmed down some, I was hoping he would want to talk.” She shook her head. “But I guess not.”

  “Maybe he doesn’t know you want to.”

  “That could be.” Her mother stood up and pushed her blonde hair behind her ears. Autumn knew by that gesture that the conversation was over.

  “I’m going to go do some laundry,” she said, glancing over at Autumn one last time. “Can you start dinner?”

  Autumn nodded and watched her mother leave. She knew her mother was still upset about the divorce. She didn’t know why her father didn’t want to talk to any of them. No one had heard from him in ages. Autumn felt so bad. She used to be Daddy’s girl. Now she felt like she was no one special.

  She thought about Aunt Jessie. Maybe it would be nice to get to know her better. She was curious about her father’s side of the family, and Jessie could tell her about them.

  She wondered if Jessie was in contact with her father. Maybe she would ask her after dinner. If he knew how badly her mother missed him, he might come for a visit, and then maybe things would get better around there.

  She jumped off the bed and went into the kitchen to start dinner. She couldn’t wait to talk to Jessie.

  CHAPTER

  5

  Easier Said Than Done

  After some testing at school and another parent-teacher conference that her mother attended this time, it was determined that Autumn was dyslexic. An Individualized Education Plan was set into place for her, and she went back to classes with a renewed sense of hope for her future.

  Jessie was driving her nuts about the auditions for the play that were coming up. Autumn pretended not to care, but she secretly took a peek at the script that was on the drama teacher’s desk. It was a wonderful story, and Autumn loved it right away. She could just picture herself as the main character, but she knew there were a lot of lines to memorize. In the past, she would have run away as fast as she could from the idea of being in a play. But now she wondered if she could do it.

  “Everyone learns things differently,” her aunt had told her the other day. “In some cases, it doesn’t matter how you get from point A to point B; it just matters that you get there,” she had said.

  Jessie had been picking her up after school once in awhile and taking her out for ice cream or to go shopping. The two were getting close, and Autumn was glad to have someone around to talk to. Before Jessie came to live with them, Autumn didn’t have much time for herself. With Jessie living with them, she was able to take a walk after school, do her homework earlier, and even watch TV after supper.

  Today Jessie was picking her up, and they were going to head out to the fabric store to buy some leather. Autumn was going to make her first pair of moccasins.

  “What color leather do you want to use?” asked Jessie, pulling into the parking lot of the store.

  “Well, I have a pair of red ones now,” Autumn answered. “But they are getting a little too small. You know, I really don’t like sewing.”

  “Well, just try it once and see what you think. What are you going to use them for?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Are you going to wear them every day? Are you going to dance in them?”

  “Dance in them?” Autumn laughed. “I don’t think so.”

  Jessie locked the car doors, and they headed to the store’s entrance. “I’m not talking about that sort of dancing. Haven’t you ever been to a pow wow?”

  “Yes, when I was little. Mom doesn’t go to them anymore. She says she feels funny being there without Dad.”

  “Did you dance there?”

  “No.”

  “If you learn the Jingle Dress dance, maybe you could try out for the play.”

  “I’m not trying out.”

  “Why?”

  Autumn looked away, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I don’t talk right.”

  “You are doing so much better with your dyslexia.”

  “No, I mean my …” Autumn’s voice trailed off and she looked down at the ground.

  Jessie pulled her to the side of the building next to the door and looked down at her.

  “Has anyone been teasing you? I mean, have you had problems with Sydney?”

  Autumn shook her head. “No, but no one comes near me anymore, either.” She gave her aunt a little smile. “I think they are afraid of you.”

  Jessie shook her head. “Well, I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not.” She thought for a moment. “Are you concerned about your speech issues?”

  Autumn nodded.

  “Haven’t you been working with your speech therapist?”

  “Yes, but it’s not getting any better.”

  “These things take time.”

  “I don’t have time. Auditions are in a couple of weeks.”

  “Autumn, everyone knows you have this issue. It shouldn’t stop you from trying new things.”

  “It does.”

  “But it shouldn’t.”

  “It’s embarrassing.”

  “I know it is.” Jessie sighed and shoved her hands in her jean pockets. “You know, some of us carry our carry our burdens on the inside and some of us on the outside.”

  “Huh?”

  Jessie smiled. “With some people you can tell they have a problem. Maybe they walk with crutches or a cane. Those people carry their problems on the outside. You are having speech issues. People can’t tell you are different unless you speak. You carry your problems on the inside.”

  “So what’s your point?”

  “My point is this problem may never go away. You just have to learn to live with it the best you can. If you are confident, others will see you that way.”

  “That’s easier said than done.”

  “I know.”

  “And people have made fun of me because of the way I talk. Why would I want to put myself out there for that?”

  Jessie took Autumn’s hand and looked into her eyes.

  “Your grandmother used to tell me, ‘If people are trying to bring you down, it only means one thing. You already are above them.’”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

  “You are not alone, Autumn Dawn. I am here. And your mother.” Jessie saw the skeptical way Autumn was looking at her and she smiled.

  “Your mother is a little lost right now, but she will come back to us. I told her something the other day that I think will help you too.”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s an Ojibwa proverb that goes like this: ‘Sometimes I go about pitying myself, and all the while I am being carried across the sky by beautiful clouds.’”

  “And just what are you saying? This is all my fault because I’m feeling sorry for myself?”

  Jessie shook her head and started walking back to the front door of the store. Autumn trailed behind her.

  “The proverb means you are never alone,” replied Jessie. “When you feel bad about yourself, look around you and see that you have support to get through it.”

  “So, you are the beautiful cloud?”

  Jessie laughed. “Your father used to call me that.”

  Autumn grinned and linked her arm with Jessie’s.

  “Well, if you are already carrying Dad, then I guess I could hop on too,” she said with a smile. “Let’s go get some white leather.”

  “White?”

  “Yup. I like that color.”

  “Okay then. Let’s go.”

  Together they went into the store and bought the needed items for the moccasins. Then they headed home to make supper.

&nbs
p; Autumn could tell right away there was a problem when they entered the house. There was a pot of noodles on the stove overflowing, and Sam was wailing on the living room floor. Her mother was nowhere to be found.

  Jessie’s look was grim as she went over and picked up Sam. Autumn went into the kitchen, turned off the stove, and moved the pot off the burner. Then she walked over to her mother’s bedroom and tentatively knocked on the closed door.

  “Mom?”

  “What?”

  “What are you doing?”

  “That’s none of your business. Go away!”

  Autumn looked over at Sam still screaming and the mess in the kitchen. She had been having a wonderful time with her aunt and now she had to come home to this. Her mother had ruined things again. Her eyes narrowed, and this time she couldn’t stop the angry words from coming out of her mouth.

  “You need to get out here and take care of things,” she shouted at the closed door. “I’m tired of doing everything around here!”

  The door whipped open and she stood face to face with her mother.

  “What did you just say to me?” asked her mother, eyes narrowing.

  “You need to get over yourself,” said Autumn, hands on her hips. “So Dad left you. We are still here. You are our mother. Start taking care of us. What’s wrong with you that you dump everything on me? I shouldn’t have to do everything.”

  Autumn’s head whipped back from the slap her mother gave her.

  Autumn sucked in a breath as tears rolled down her face.

  “I hate you,” she whispered. Before Jessie could stop her, she shoved her mother back in the room and pulled the door shut hard.

  “Stay in there,” Autumn yelled. “No one wants you out here anyway.”

  Her mother managed to fling the door open as Autumn ran out of the house, leaving the outside door open. Autumn’s mother took a few steps toward the door and Jessie caught her arm. She pushed her off, turning on her.

  “You! You’ve filled her head with all this. She never used to talk to me that way.”

  Jessie shook her head sadly. “You have made her that way, Melissa,” she answered.

  When Melissa took a step toward her, Jessie put up a hand.

  “Are you really going to hit me with your son in my arms?”