Conflicted

by Heather Dahlgren

  “No, asshole. I don’t just want to sleep with her. I like her a lot. I just don’t know if we start something if my leaving would hurt her. Should I even talk to her about it, or do I just ignore the attraction?” He’s quiet for a second, and I think he might actually be thinking it over.

  “Oh shit, are you done talking? I fucking fell asleep listening to what a pussy you are. Dickhead, listen to me. Stop worrying so much about what is going to happen and enjoy today. You are always so damn high strung. Let loose, have fun. Don’t over-think things. When it’s time to come home, you’ll know what to do.” I grin and shake my head. This idiot really does surprise me sometimes. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

  “You know what? You’re right. I’m just going to have fun and see what happens. Thanks, man.”

  “Never doubt me, Dickhead. Now, when you finally get it in, make sure—” That’s when I hang up and laugh. There is only so much of Young’s shit I can handle. I climb out of bed and take a quick shower. Once I’m dressed, I head to the kitchen and make a pot of coffee. After I pour myself a cup, I sit at the table and open up the paper. We don’t get the paper at home, everything is online, but here, everyone still gets the paper. I actually find myself enjoying reading through it. I come to an article about a guy that just got twenty years added to his sentence because he was linked to another crime. I continue to read, and son of a bitch, if it wasn’t one of Mel’s sketches that made that possible. I smile with pride knowing she was able to keep this asshole in jail. I throw the paper down and pull out my cell phone. Fuck it, I’m taking Young’s advice.

  “Hello?” I can tell Connie is nervous to hear from me, so I quickly get to my point.

  “Hey. Listen, nothing is wrong. I wanted to ask you something. Would you be pissed if I told you that I’m attracted to Mel?” She laughs, and I hear a door close.

  “No, big brother, I’m not pissed. It is pretty obvious you are. Sweet as hell of you to think of my feelings, but if you’re looking for me to say it’s fine . . . it’s fine.” I immediately smile.

  “Thanks, Connie. One more thing.”

  “What? Hurry up before you get my ass fired.” Shit, I forgot she’s working. I haven’t been, so I just didn’t realize she would be.

  “Shit, sorry. Give me her number.” I can hear the smile in her voice when she gives it to me, and we hang up. I sit back in my chair and add Mel’s number to my phone. I can’t believe that I am this excited just to have her number. If Young were here, he would call me a pussy, and he might be right this time.

  I know she is working, but I figure a harmless text can’t hurt.

  Me: Mel it’s Keith. I got your number from Connie. I hope you don’t mind.

  I feel like such a fucking idiot. I should have just waited and called her tonight. I finish off my coffee and decide to have another cup. Just as I’m sitting back down, my phone alerts me of a text. I actually get knots in my stomach. I grab my phone off the table and swipe my finger on the screen to unlock it.

  Mel: I don’t mind at all.

  Not to let this opportunity pass, I quickly text back.

  Me: Are you busy? I don’t want to interrupt work.

  The response is almost instantaneous, which makes me smile.

  Mel: Not at all. Just organizing my desk. I have a meeting in about ten minutes though.

  Me: Can I call you real quick before your meeting?

  I don’t want to ask her to dinner over a text. That’s just fucking lame.

  Mel: Of course.

  That’s all I need to hear. I am pressing call within seconds. It only rings once before she answers.

  “Hi.” I close my eyes because just hearing a simple ‘hi’ from her has my cock’s attention.

  “Hey. I don’t mean to bother you at work. If you’d rather me call later, that’s fine.” I’m second-guessing this. I look like a desperate asswipe. That’s the last thing I want her to think of me. She laughs, and it makes me grin.

  “Keith, I told you it was alright. Did you need something or just called to bullshit?” I am squeezing the back of my neck with my free hand, trying to relax myself. I shouldn’t be this nervous to ask her to dinner. It’s ridiculous. I’m a grown ass man. I sit up straighter and clear my throat.

  “Mel, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” She’s quiet, and my already pounding heart beats faster. Shit, maybe I read the signals wrong.

  “I would love to.” I breathe a sigh of relief and smile.

  “Great. How about I pick you up at seven o’clock? Where would you like to go?” This time there is no pause.

  “Seven is perfect. How about we go to Charlie’s Bar and Grill?”

  “Sounds great.” I hear someone talking and know she will need to go. Damn, it sucks not working.

  “Keith, listen, I need to go to my meeting. I’ll see you tonight. I’m really looking forward to it.” I need to adjust my position because apparently this girl can cause me to get a hard-on like a fucking teenager.

  “Mel, you have no idea how much I’m looking forward to it. See you tonight.” I hang up and toss my phone on the table. “Now, what the fuck am I supposed to do for the next seven hours?”

  To pass the day, I decide to do some food shopping, and I call the cleaning lady to see if she is available to come while I am gone. Luckily, she was, and when she got there, I left. I come home to a clean house and put all the food away. I work outside cleaning up the front yard. My piece of shit father should be embarrassed to let his family live like this. I have to weed whack the lawn, or call them what they are weeds, because the lawn mower couldn’t handle it. I clean out the flower beds and figure tomorrow I will surprise my mom with flowers in there and I call around to price sod for the lawn. If I am going to convince my mom and sisters to move, I have to be able to sell this place. Once I have the outside fixed up, I’ll start inside.

  I’m sitting on the porch, checking out my hard work, when my mom pulls up. Damn, is it five thirty already? She gets out of the car and stands there, stunned. I walk over to her and put my arm around her shoulder. “This is only the beginning, Mom. I’ve got plans.” She looks at me and shakes her head.

  “No, you’ve done enough, Keith. Don’t waste your money doing anything; it looks great.” I grin and walk away. When I make it to the porch, I stop and turn around.

  “Mom?” She looks at me, still shocked. “You and I need to sit down and have a long talk soon.” She nods her head but doesn’t say anything. “Oh, and I won’t be home for dinner tonight. I have plans.” This time she smiles, and I rush into the house before she can start questioning me.

  I take a shower and get ready. I put on my favorite blue jeans and a black-and-white striped button-down shirt. I throw some gel in my hair and mess it up. I look in the mirror and am happy with the result. I spray on some cologne, shove my wallet in my pocket, and head out to the kitchen. My mom is sitting at the table with a bunch of papers in front of her. “What’s all that?” I pull out a chair and sit down. She looks up at me and gives me a tight smile.

  “I went to the police station and picked up the restraining order. They also gave me a ton of paperwork on battered women.” She lets a few tears escape. “I’m so humiliated.” I get up and hug her from behind.

  “Mom, there is nothing to be humiliated about. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are a victim. I’m here to help you with all of this, but first, I need you to be honest with me.” I sit back down in the chair and look at her. She nods her head, so I continue. “Have you seen him or spoken to him at all? You need to be truthful here.” She blows out a breath, and I want to fucking punch someone.

  “I went to see him after you did.” I take a second to get a hold of my anger.

  “Why would you do that? You know that if you don’t follow the rules of the restraining order, they are going to take it away. It will be useless. He’ll come right back in here and hurt you again, or maybe, he will spare you this time and take it out on Karen or C
onnie. Is that what you want?” She is crying now, but I need her to understand how serious this is. She snaps her head up and pins me with an angry stare.

  “You think I don’t know that? You think I’ve forgotten what he did to me? Well, I haven’t damnit. I know exactly what he is capable of, and I don’t need you reminding me every chance you get. I went to see him to tell him that I am filing for divorce. I may have taken his shit all these years, but it stops now. Stop being a cop, and be my son.” I close my eyes and try to block out the images of how sad she looks. She’s right. I am being a cop. I need to stop doing that, but it’s hard when I’m trying to protect her and the girls.

  “Alright, Mom, I’m sorry. I just don’t want to see you and the girls hurt.” I look at the clock and see it’s already six thirty, but I need to say this. “Mom, I think the best thing would be for you and the girls to move by me. I know we’ve talked a bit about it, but I really think it would be for the best. I’ll be able to see you more often, and I’ll know you guys are safe. You said you’d think about it. What do you say?” She reaches over and grabs my hand.

  “I’m still thinking, Keith.” Damnit. I’m going to have to bring Connie and Karen in on this. I need back up.

  “Okay. I need to get going. I don’t know what time I’ll be home, so I’ll probably just see you tomorrow.” I start to get up, but she squeezes my hand harder.

  “Have fun with Mel.” She winks when I look at her with wide eyes. “Small town, honey. You keep forgetting that.” She laughs, and I get up and kiss her cheek.

  “Goodnight, Mom.” She laughs again, and I walk out the door with a grin on my face.

  I pull up to Connie and Mel’s, and I’m excited and nervous. It’s definitely something I haven’t felt in a long time. I get out of my mom’s beat-up Camry and notice that Connie’s car is gone. I guess she had plans too. I make my way to the door and knock. Mel opens it almost immediately, and I once again have the breath sucked out of me. She is stunning. She has on a blue dress similar to the one she wore last night. Her hair is a riot of curls, and she has on the perfect amount of makeup. She opens the door wider so I can come in. “Mel, you look beautiful.” She smiles at me, and I see that blush creep onto her cheeks.

  “Thank you. You look amazing too.” I wink at her and hand her the daisies I picked up on the way over. “Keith, thank you. They are so pretty. Let me get them in water.” She walks into the kitchen, and I follow, of course. Once they are in the vase, she says she needs to grab her purse out of her room. I watch her walk down the hall and all common sense leaves me. I slowly walk to the hallway, and when she comes out of her room, I trap her against the wall. We both stare at each other, breathing heavily. I need to kiss her. Her arms are at her side, so I push my knee between her legs, grab each hand, and lift them above her head. We haven’t said a word, but she is searching my eyes. I am able to hold her arms up with one hand around both her wrists. I bring the other hand down and slowly trace her cheek with my thumb. She sucks in a breath and pushes her tits forward when she arches her back. I trace her lips with my thumb, and she closes her eyes. I lean forward and press my lips to hers. I lick the seam, seeking entrance, and she opens right up. Once our tongues collide, it is fucking electric. She moans in my mouth, and I feel myself growl with approval. It goes from slowly exploring to frantic in a flash. She is rubbing her pussy on my leg, and it makes my cock painfully hard. I break the kiss and begin kissing down her neck. She lets out another moan, and it makes me want to slam into her. I continue to kiss down until I reach the top of her breasts. I lick each one, and she bucks forward. I have my body pressed up against her, holding her in place, so I know she can’t go anywhere. I press my hard cock against her, and my reward is the same reaction. “Oh fuck.” That just about does it for me. I look up and see her head back, eyes closed, and the flush of desire on her face and neck. I kiss back up to her mouth and kiss her once again. Her taste is intoxicating. I don’t think I will ever get enough.

  I slowly pull away, and she opens her eyes. I let go of her wrists and place both hands on either side of her face. “Fucking amazing.” She is still breathing heavily, and damnit, I like that I have this effect on her.

  I straighten up and hold my hand out for her. She places her hand in it, and I smile at her. “Keith, that was . . . wow . . . I mean . . . wow.” I chuckle and walk down the hallway, holding her hand.

  “You said it, sweetheart.”

  We are sitting in Keith’s mom’s car on our way to Charlie’s Bar and Grill, and I can’t get my mind off that kiss. I’ve never been kissed like that before. It was all consuming, having his body pressed up against mine, the way he held my arms over my head, and his knee between my legs, not to mention, his mouth on mine. Holy shit, when he kissed me, it was like all of reality disappeared, and it was just the two of us. I couldn’t help grinding against his leg and moaning, I was so turned on. I still am. My panties are soaked already. When he started kissing down toward my breasts, I felt like I could orgasm just from the thought of his mouth on my nipples. “You alright?” I snap my head to look at him and squeeze my legs together to relieve some of my built-up tension.

  “Yes, super. Couldn’t be better. Totally great.” Holy shit, I’m a fucking idiot. He laughs and checks his mirrors before switching lanes.

  “Glad to hear you’re so good.” I feel the embarrassment creeping up on my cheeks. I hate that I ramble like that when I’m nervous or caught off guard. It makes me look like the biggest fool. “You hungry?” I smile at him for changing the subject.

  “Yes, actually, I am starving. I missed lunch today. I had to try and composite a sketch from a cold case, and it just consumed me. You know, these cases that were left unsolved all those years ago, it makes it that much more satisfying when they catch the bastard. They think they got away with it, and nothing makes me happier than to see the look of disbelief on their faces when they are hauled in.” I giggle, and he looks over at me completely serious. I feel like maybe I’ve offended him for a minute, until he gives me a smirk and looks back to the road.

  “Mel, you have no idea how much we think alike. There is no better feeling than having some piece of shit pay for their crimes. I am honored to be a part of it.” I look at him with wide eyes, even though he is not looking at me and getting ready to turn into the restaurant parking lot.

  “Keith, you are the only person I’ve ever heard say that besides myself. I have been telling my dad since I started doing this, that I am honored to be a part of it all. I can’t believe you just said that.” He parks the car and turns to face me with that incredible sexy grin in place.

  “I think we have a lot more in common than we realize.” He gives me a wink and gets out of the car. I reach down to grab my purse, and before I can even reach for the handle, he has the door open. He holds out his hand to me, and I gladly grab it. He helps me out of the car and pulls me close to him. I instantly go back to being turned on. I want him to kiss me again, but he only whispers against my lips. “Let’s find everything out at dinner.” Shit, at this point I’ll tell him anything he wants to hear, if it would mean taking me home and fucking me. He pulls back and searches my face. I know I am flushed with desire from my thoughts, and it’s like he can sense that. He traces my bottom lip with his thumb while staring in my eyes. “We will get there, I promise you.” As if I wasn’t turned on enough. He takes my hand, and just like at the house, he starts walking like nothing at all just happened.

  Two hours into dinner and I feel like I know his friends back home. They sound like the most amazing people. I wish we lived closer so I could meet them all. I think it is hilarious that they play truth or dare. What a fun bunch of people. He’s told me all about working for the NYPD. Honestly, who wouldn’t want to work there? It is such a huge honor, and one I can only hope for one day. I told him all about growing up all over the country and all about my parents. I love them dearly. My dad was always busting his ass to provide for me and my mom, and she busted
her ass in other ways. She stayed home and raised me. She gave up her career to raise me, and I am so grateful because I’ve had the best possible life. I have experienced things most people never will. I’ve seen all the amazing sites this country has to offer, I’ve met unbelievable people, and I’ve learned so much. I’m lucky, that’s for sure. My dad did a lot of undercover work, so he wasn’t around as much when I was growing up, but damn, he never let me forget how much he loved me. “Mel?” I snap out of my thoughts and look at Keith.

  “I’m so sorry. What?” He chuckles and bites into his bacon cheeseburger. Once he finishes chewing, he smiles at me.

  “I asked if your hamburger is good. You’ve hardly eaten.” I look down and realize I haven’t. I laugh and look at him.

  “I guess I’m just enjoying the company more.” He winks at me, and I take a bite of my burger. Damn it is good.

  “By the way, I saw your name in the paper. Great fucking job.” I furrow my brows and look at him.

  “My name in the paper? Why?” I put the burger down because suddenly I’m not so hungry.

  “One of your sketches. It was used to find a guy guilty of a shooting a few years back. He’s already in jail, but because of you, he just got an extra twenty years tacked on.” He smiles with what looks like pride, but my stomach drops. I don’t like when they put my name in the paper. People talk, and I get a lot of negative attention because of it. “Hey.” I don’t realize I’m just looking at my food until he speaks. I look up at him and he frowns. “What’s wrong?” I wring my hands together and clear my throat.

  “Sometimes, my name in the paper isn’t a good thing. I’d rather they didn’t do that.” He reaches across the table, places a hand on top of both of mine, and squeezes.

  “He’s locked up, Mel. He can’t hurt you.” I force a smile and try to feel it.

  “I know. You’re right. I just let myself get paranoid sometimes.” He finishes off his burger and smiles.

  “I totally understand. You never know what these pieces of shit are capable of, but just remember, they only blame us for so long. Soon enough, they will start blaming someone else. I see it all the time.” I giggle because he is right. I take a sip of my beer and smile, for real this time. I figure it’s time to get to more personal questions.