Conflicted

by Heather Dahlgren

  “What’s your biggest dream?” He leans back in the booth and rubs the back of his neck.

  “Being a cop, a husband, and a father. To find the love of my life.” Well, holy shit. I’ve never heard such an honest answer before. I’ve never heard something so romantic either. It makes me wonder if everything he is saying is bullshit. How could it be for real?

  “Keith, be honest with me. Are you just saying shit like this because you know it’s what women want to hear?” He cocks his one eyebrow and stares at me. Yikes, he doesn’t look happy.

  “You think I’m sitting here feeding you a line of bullshit? Well, I guess we have more to learn about each other than I thought. I don’t say shit just because I think it’s what you want to hear. I say it because it’s true. I don’t play games. What about you? You say shit just to impress a guy?” I’m suddenly offended because I think I probably have done that before. I sigh and look down at my hands.

  “I’m sure I have, to be honest.” I don’t even want to look up at him because I’m sure I will see disgust on his face.

  “Mel, look at me.” Fuck, as much as I don’t want to, I slowly lift my head.

  “I don’t give a fuck what you’ve told anyone before, but with me, I want the truth. You good with that?” I smile and nod my head.

  “Yea, I’m good with that.” He finishes off his one and only beer and winks at me. That fucking wink.

  “Glad to hear it. You going to eat, or are you finished?” I push my plate to the center of the table and grab my beer.

  “I’m done. I guess I’m not as hungry as I thought I was.” He looks at me with raised eyebrows. I laugh as I swallow my beer. “Honest. The paper thing freaked me out, but now, I’m just not hungry.”

  “Alright. I’ll have it wrapped for you. You can bring it for lunch tomorrow.” I smile and finish off my beer. I don’t know how I got so lucky as to be sitting here with him tonight, but damn, I’m grateful. “You almost ready? I know you have work, and I don’t want to keep you out too late.” It’s as if the waitress was listening, because she comes over right then and puts down the bill. I grab my purse, and Keith laughs. “You’re joking right? Dinner is on me.” Fuck me. I mean, literally, I want this man to fuck me.

  “Thank you.” After he pays the bill, we walk out to the car. I smile to myself thinking about what a great night this was. We got to know each other a bit more, and it just makes the attraction I feel to him even stronger, if that’s at all possible. We get to the car, and he unlocks the door, but doesn’t open it. Instead, he looks at me and smiles.

  “Mel, I had an amazing time tonight. Thank you.” Without thinking, I lean forward and press my lips to his. He wraps his arms around my waist, bringing me closer. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, and we deepen the kiss. As soon as our tongues meet, I moan, and he swallows it down. He runs his hands down to my ass and pulls me even closer. I can feel his hard cock hitting right where I need it, and unconsciously, I rub my aching pussy against it. He digs his fingers into my ass, and our kiss is now frantic. I know we are in a parking lot, but just like the kiss earlier, it is all-consuming. I don’t care if anyone is looking, that cars are driving by, or that I hear whistles. All I care about are the feelings he is evoking from me. He makes me feel alive, feel beautiful, feel wanted.

  He starts to slow down the kiss, and I whimper. I feel him smile against my lips, and he pulls back. I look up at him, and he is searching my eyes with those bright blues. “Mel, I can’t remember feeling like this before. It’s like I am consumed by you. You are beautiful, smart, funny, and sexy as hell. I know we just met, but I feel like I’ve known you for a lifetime.” I feel myself choking up with his sweet words. I clear my throat and smile at him.

  “I honestly feel that same way. I’ve never felt this connection with someone before or been so attracted to someone. I’ve done nothing but think about you since the minute you walked in my front door. I know it sounds crazy, and it’s completely unconventional, but it’s true.” He pulls me in for a hug, and I feel so comfortable in his arms. I feel like I belong.

  I squeeze my eyes closed tightly and try to make myself come back to reality. This can’t be real, this guy, these feelings. We just met for Christ’s sakes. How can two people feel so much so quickly? It has to be sexual attraction, that must be it. We both just want to have sex so badly that it is fucking with our heads. I smile to myself, proud that I figured it out so quickly.

  Keith kisses the top of my head and lets me go. “You ready to go?” I smile and nod. He opens the squeaky door for me, and I climb in. The ride home is quiet. I’m starting to wonder if maybe now that he isn’t so in the moment, he is regretting what he said. I’ll admit, I thought I would be, but I’m not, not yet at least. Maybe we just need to have sex, and then all these crazy thoughts will go away once we aren’t filled with sexual tension. “You haven’t said anything. Is everything alright?” I look over at him, and he has a grin on his face.

  “Everything is fine, perfect, couldn’t be better.” Fucking idiot. I want to slap myself. He, however, finds it amusing and busts out laughing. Well, that makes it less embarrassing.

  “That was so convincing. You’re a terrible liar. Why don’t you tell me what you’re really thinking?” I stare out the side window and watch the trees fly by.

  “You haven’t said anything either. What are you thinking?” I just continue my tree watching, even though I’m starting to sweat a little with this whole conversation.

  “Alright, I’ll go first. I was thinking that this is moving fast, that we just admitted things to each other that I haven’t said or felt ever. How is that possible? How could two people that just met, that only know just the basics about the other person, be having these feelings?” I turn and look at him. I’m curious about what he’ll say next, but I talk before he gets the chance.

  “That is exactly what I was thinking. Maybe we just admitted those things because there is so much sexual tension between us. That would make more sense. Two people can’t possibly feel so connected after just meeting. It’s impossible.” He stops at a red light and looks at me.

  “Mel, everything I said, I meant. I told you I don’t just say shit, I mean everything I say. What I can’t figure out is how it’s possible, but I can tell you, it has nothing to do with sex. Don’t get me wrong, the thought of having your sexy body wrapped around mine makes my cock painfully hard, but that’s not why I said what I did.” The light changes, and he focuses back on the road. I’m stunned. Stunned speechless. I stare at him wondering what the hell is going on here. “I’ll tell you what. How about tomorrow, you let me make you dinner? I’ll tell Connie to go to my mom’s, and we will hang out at your place.”

  “How about you make me breakfast instead?” He whips his head toward me, and I must look like a deer in the headlights. I can’t believe I just said that out loud. Holy fuck, I didn’t mean to say that.

  “What?” He says it with shock in his voice. Thankfully, he has to pay attention to the road. Unfortunately, we are almost home.

  “Oh God, Keith, I didn’t mean to say that. I’m so humiliated. I was thinking it, and I just blurted it out. I’m so sorry.” He laughs, and I can’t help but do the same. We are both laughing hysterically when we pull up to the house. He parks the car and looks over at me.

  “Mel, don’t be embarrassed. I love that you just blurt out what you are thinking. I would love to make you breakfast, but how about dinner first?” I finally get myself under control.

  “That sounds great.” He gets out of the car and opens my door. We walk up to the door hand in hand. Once we are on the porch, I look at him. “Would you like to come in for a little bit?” Sounds like a line you’d hear in a movie. I’m such a tool.

  “You have no idea how much I’d love that.” I can tell that’s not the end of it; he’s definitely got more to say.

  “But . . .” He smiles at me.

  “But, I don’t think it’s a good idea tonight. Even though I
will regret it the minute you close that door, I know on our first date it is the right thing to do.” I shake my head and giggle.

  “Such the gentleman.” He brings my hand up to his mouth and kisses the back of it.

  “Damn right, I am.” He winks that panty-soaking wink, and I laugh.

  “I had a great time tonight. Thank you for everything.”

  “I did too, Mel. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, sweetheart.” He walks down the steps, and I watch him. He turns and raises an eyebrow. “Get in the house.” I giggle, but do as I am told. Once inside, I look back out, and he is already climbing in the car. I close the door and make my way to my room, thinking this has been one of the most incredible nights ever, and it only ended with a kiss on my hand.

  When I get out of the shower in the morning, I quickly get dressed in a pair of black dress pants and a light gray button-down blouse. I blow dry my hair straight and put on my makeup. Satisfied, I step out of the bathroom and scream when Connie is standing there with a smug smile on her face. “Fuck, Connie, you scared the shit out of me.” She follows me to my room and plops down on my bed.

  “How was dinner?” I can’t help the smile that finds its way to my face. “Oh, my God, that good huh?” I laugh and shake my head.

  “We had a very nice time.” I grab my shoes out of the closet and step into them.

  “Seriously? That’s all I get? I’m your best friend, Mel. We tell each other everything. It had to be better than ‘nice’ because I got a text last night telling me to make myself disappear tonight.” I throw my pillow at her and stand up.

  “It’s your brother, Connie. How much do you want to hear? We had a great time, the best time. I’ve never been so attracted to someone. Felt such a connection. I would have loved for him to throw me on this bed and fuck me until morning.” She laughs and shakes her head.

  “Yea, okay. There might be something to you not telling me everything. He told me pretty much the same thing about you, well, minus the fucking part.” I’m buckling on my watch and smile, thinking he talked to her about me. “So, anyway, I told him I would hang out at my mom’s tonight. I’ll pack a bag and everything, so you’ll have the entire night. Just remember this when I want a favor.” I hug her and kiss her cheek.

  “You’ve got it.” I check my watch and realize I need to haul ass. “As much as I’d love to continue this conversation, I need to get my ass to work. Wait, why aren’t you ready?” She smiles and lies back on my bed.

  “My big brother told me to take the day off so we could do something. Not one to argue, I called out first thing this morning.”

  “Well, you lucky bitch, have fun. I’ve really got to go.” I rush out of my room, grab my purse, and head out to work.

  “Thompson.” I look up from my computer and see one of my least favorite cops. Jenson is such a conceited prick. I fucking hate working with him. He’s not even good looking, but he thinks that because he wears a uniform, he is hot shit.

  “What’s up?” He grins at me, and it makes me want to punch him in the mouth.

  “I have a girl coming whose house got broken into, and she is going to give you a description.” I look at my watch and see that it is almost time for me to leave, but I’d never leave without helping her first.

  “Okay. When do you expect her?” He pulls up a chair, sits down, and props his feet up on my desk. I look at him with my eyebrows raised, but he just smiles.

  “I don’t know. I figure in the hour.” This asshole. He must know I have plans tonight, so he’s doing this on purpose.

  “Jenson, is someone really coming in? If not, I’m leaving.” He leans back in the chair and sighs.

  “Mel, you know as well as I do that you won’t leave until you’ve helped every lost soul.” Fuck, he’s right I won’t leave. Not with the thought of a woman who feels unsafe because some asshole is out there. Jenson drops his feet quickly and straightens up. I look behind me and see the captain is coming.

  “Jenson, Thompson, what the hell are you two still doing here?” That fucking lying prick. He looks at me with pleading eyes, and I mentally flip him off.

  “Captain, Jenson said I had someone coming in because her home was broken into.” I give him a smug smile, and I can see him sweating.

  “Jenson, get your ass into my office. Thompson, have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I pack up my things, and Jenson looks back at me. I smile and flip him off. He does this shit all the time, not only with me, but also with all the female workers. He’s been written up more times than some criminals have been arrested, but his dad is the mayor, so it’s always brushed under the carpet.

  I rush out of there and get into my blue Chevy Impala. As soon as I start it, my cell phone rings. I grab it out of my purse and hit talk while throwing the car in drive. “Hello?”

  “You standing me up in your own house?” I laugh but at the same time feel awful.

  “I’m so sorry. I got held up, I’m on my way now. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” He chuckles, and my nipples harden.

  “I’m kidding, but be careful. I’ll see you soon.” We hang up, and I stop at a light. I flip down the visor and check myself in the mirror. I quickly grab the brush out of my glove box and run it through my hair. I throw it on the passenger seat and reach for my makeup bag. The light changes, and I pray I hit the next one. I don’t want to walk in the door and look a mess. Thankfully, I do hit the next light, and I quickly touch up my makeup.

  “Okay, okay. That’s better.” I unbutton the top button on my shirt and push my boobs up to make sure I have some cleavage showing. Yes, I realize I’m being ridiculous, but I just want to impress him. The closer I get to the house, the more my heart starts to race. I’m excited, nervous, and getting turned on just thinking about him. I pull up in front of the house and take a deep breath. “Stop being such a puss. You had a great time last night, and you weren’t the least bit nervous.” I nod my head with my pep talk and get out of the car. I make my way to the door, and holy shit, I can smell dinner before I even open the door. Once I do, I am assaulted with the most amazing smells, and my mouth waters. I walk into the kitchen, but Keith isn’t in there.

  I turn around, and he is standing in the doorway holding out a single red rose. My heart starts pounding and my uterus explodes, not only because of the romantic gesture, but because he looks fucking amazing. He’s wearing white shorts with a thin blue plaid shirt and a blue T-shirt. I take the rose from him and smell it. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Why don’t you go change and I’ll finish up in here? By the way, you look beautiful.” I am stunned stupid. I can’t even form any words right now. I carry my rose to my bedroom and close the door. I sit down on the bed and look at the rose. It’s such a simple thing. I don’t know why it’s making me feel so many things. I shake my head and stand up. I take off my pants and throw them into the hamper. I unbutton my blouse and toss it in as well. I do a quick check of my bra and panties to make sure they are sexy enough, just in case. I smile when I see they are actually my favorite, black with pink trim. I go into the closet and pull out one of my comfortable dresses. I have about five of them. They have a thick strap so you can still wear a bra, are low cut, hug my upper body, and flow out from the waist. I decide on my green one and toss it onto my bed. I close the closet door and my bedroom door opens. I swing my head toward it and see Keith with wide eyes. “Oh shit. I’m so sorry.” He can’t be that sorry because he is still standing there, eyes roaming every inch of me. It is just the encouragement I need.

  “Don’t be sorry.” I don’t know where this confidence is coming from, but I make my way to him and grab his shirt pulling him in for a kiss. Our tongues touch and he growls. He runs his hands up and down my back a few times before he slowly makes his way to my ass. It feels so fucking amazing to feel his hands on my bare skin, and once he grabs handfuls of my ass, I just lose control. I hike my leg up, and he lifts me by my ass. I wrap both legs around his waist and fist my h
ands in his hair. He nips at my bottom lip before pulling back to look at me.

  “Fuck, Mel. What are you doing to me?” I run my hands down to his neck and look right into his eyes.

  “Keith, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” I try to drop my legs, but he walks forward toward my bed and sits down with me now straddling him. He kisses my lips gently and smiles at me.

  “I meant that as a compliment. You are fucking stunning right now. It is taking all my willpower to keep from throwing you on this bed. However, let’s have dinner and see where it leads.” I am embarrassed and want to hide my face. “Mel, don’t.” I look at him and try to smile. “You know what?” He stands and puts me down. “Climb on the bed and get on your back.” I look at him, but he is pulling his shirt over his head. “Now, Mel.”

  I’ve lost complete control. Seeing Mel in her sexy bra and panties, kissing her, and feeling her unbelievably soft skin was hard enough, but seeing the disappointment on her face, the rejection, it was my undoing. I need to show her that I am feeling the same sexual attraction she is. For once in my life, I’m not thinking with my head; I’m thinking with my heart, and let’s be honest, my cock.

  I get my shirt over my head and look at this breathtaking woman lying in bed, breathing heavily with her arousal and looking at me with lust clear on her face. I unbutton my shorts, letting them drop to the floor. Never once taking my eyes off her, I climb onto the bed and up her body. I look into her emerald green eyes that are searching mine. “You tell me if it’s going too far. You are in complete control here. Alright?” She just nods her head, but I need to hear her say it. “Mel, tell me it’s alright.” She swallows a few times and licks her lips.