The Hardest Fall

by Ella Maise

“Let’s start small—how many siblings?” I asked, deciding not to dwell on the fact that she was the first person to make me smile since that night.

  “Ah, siblings, huh? None. You?”

  My smile grew bigger and I relaxed. “I have two monsters that happen to be my brother and sister. Amelia is the middle child. She just turned fifteen this summer and she’s the princess in the family, Daddy’s girl through and through, shy and sweet as can be.” I watched Zoe duck her head and take a few more sips of milk. “And then we have Mason. He’s seven, and he is the main monster, the most inquisitive kid you could ever meet. If you think you talk too much, wait till you meet him.”

  Not that there would be an occasion where she would meet my brother, but…you never know.

  “He’s seven? That’s a big age difference.”

  “He is the surprise baby. Can’t imagine not having him around though. It was weird when Dad sat me down and told me I’d have a baby brother, and to be completely honest, it’s a little embarrassing for a fourteen-year-old to know his parents are still doing it, but they did good with him. Now I don’t even know how we survived without that kid. He’s the best.”

  I grinned and watched her lips slowly tip up as her gaze focused on my lips. I didn’t want to ruin our moment, especially when she wasn’t acting like she wanted to collapse in on herself, but I needed to know and this was the best time to ask.

  “That first night…”

  She groaned and let her head drop back on the couch. “You’re killing me.”

  I chuckled. “No, listen—just one question. I need to know.”

  I couldn’t identify the expression on her face, but I could tell saying anything about it was pretty much the last thing she wanted to do. I forged on anyway.

  “Did you cry? I thought I saw you crying when you were trying to get away, but I wasn’t sure.” When she didn’t lift her head up, I kept going. “I kinda looked for you that night, you know. I mean, I was seeing this girl at the time and it was new…but still, after the way you ran out, I guess I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Trust me, it wasn’t about you. Any of the other guys would’ve taken you up on your offer, but—”

  “Oh, please, please, let’s just forget it happened, all right? Yes, I kind of started crying at the end because I was embarrassed and I do that sometimes, but it wasn’t about you. I cry all the time. Okay, maybe I don’t cry all the time, but it doesn’t take much for me to shed a few tears. Show me a video where a dog reunites with its owner and I’m a goner. I’ll cry all over you. Plus, it wasn’t like I was bawling my eyes out because you didn’t want a stranger to kiss you in the middle of a freaking party. I was just embarrassed. If you haven’t noticed, I’m painfully shy. It happens. I cried today when you scared me out of my mind and I thought I was going to die.” She lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “To be honest, it wasn’t because you rejected me. I was pissed at my roommate for putting me in that position and pissed at myself for playing along. I was fine…mostly.”

  It was fun to watch her rambling. “Define mostly.”

  She slumped in her seat. “Oh man. Well…I might’ve walked the other way whenever I saw you around campus after that…which wasn’t often, just a few times, but I still did it. Again, like I said, it was only because I was embarrassed. Now, you’re right here and I don’t have anywhere to run to, so I won’t be doing that this time.” She gulped down her milk and leaned forward to set it on the table between us, unknowingly giving me a brief view of the swell of her boobs. I looked away, because she was off limits. Any girl was off limits, but Zoe Clarke was even more off limits. I was sticking with my decision to be distraction-free for my last year.

  It was the worst fucking timing to meet her.

  “Let me save you and get back to easier questions,” I said softly. She exhaled and soundlessly mouthed her thanks. “Favorite movie?”

  “I’m not gonna be vague like you, but…there really are a ton of movies I enjoy watching. Shia LaBeouf’s Eagle Eye—can’t even count how many times I’ve watched that movie. Speed—I love Keanu Reeves, both on screen and in real life. What else…Transformers, Lord of The Rings, Mean Girls, 2012, and The Holiday because Jude Law and Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet…just to name a few that come to mind.”

  I parted my lips, ready to get to my next question, but she jerked her hand up, stopping me.

  “Oh! Also, I basically love all animated movies.”

  “A little bit of everything, huh? That’s good. I’m like that, too. Not really into romance movies all that much, but if you have an action movie on, I won’t say no.”

  “Noted.”

  Why did I get the feeling I wouldn’t be at the top of her movie-buddy list?

  “My turn. What do your parents do?” she asked, cutting into my thoughts. “I’m thinking your dad was…a pro athlete? Maybe?”

  “Hmmm,” I hummed, pinching my bottom lip between two fingers. “As far as I know, my dad never played football, at least not while he was in high school, so that rules out him being an athlete like you imagined. He is actually a plumber, and my mom is a kindergarten teacher.”

  “Wow,” she said as she exhaled after a few seconds of awkward silence. “Wow, I really am an asshole, aren’t I?”

  “I wouldn’t put it exactly like that.”

  She laughed, and I had to grip the back of the couch tighter. “I would. So you’re not some rich kid, then? Not that being rich is bad or anything, I just assumed, you know, because…who the hell knows at this point—obviously not me.”

  That soft pink started to spread over her cheeks again, and this time it was me who was laughing.

  “I’m not rich, no. My family isn’t rich either, but we’re not doing that bad. Like you, I try to make extra money whenever I have time. Plus, I have an athletic scholarship, so that helps.”

  She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked down at her lap.

  “What do your parents do?” I continued so we could get back to how we’d been a few minutes earlier before she started to hide herself from me.

  “My dad is an investigative journalist. He used to write for The New York Times, but after he married my mom, they moved to Phoenix. He writes for a local newspaper now. My mom…” She cleared her throat and averted her eyes. “My mom passed away a few months before I came to college. On top of everything that came with her sickness, we had other issues as well. We weren’t the closest mother and daughter, but she was still my mom. So, crying at the drop of a hat when I was a freshman might have had something to do with that too. New city, new people, and when you add in everything else, it wasn’t a good combination for me.”

  That wiped the smile off my face and I straightened up, shifting in my seat. “I’m sorry for your loss, Flash.”

  After a brief glance in my direction, she gave me a small smile and nodded. “She had breast cancer. We were too late.”

  “My last year in high school, we lost my grandpa,” I started after a short period of silence. “We have a pretty close-knit family, pretty loud sometimes, and in each others’ business pretty much always. He lived down the block from us so he was always in our lives, a built-in babysitter. I used to run to his house every evening so I could play catch with him while he told me stories from his old days…just random, unimportant stuff.” Looking away from Zoe, I smiled. “I swear to you I was there every day. As soon as the clock hit five, I was at my grandpa’s, and every time he opened that door his first words were, You again, kid? What’s a man gotta do to get some peace and quiet around here?” Just picturing his easy smile had me chuckling to myself. “And then he’d reach for the football before I could even open my mouth. Don’t tell anyone, but I think I was his favorite. He loved that I was around so much. The effect his presence had in my life…” I shook my head and lifted my eyes up to Zoe, who was listening, rapt, her eyes sad and understanding at the same time. “You lost your mom…I know that’s different, harder, and I know nothing I can say would make it any
easier, but I understand how hard it is to cope with loss. It sounds so fucking stupid and selfish since they can’t even… I’d give anything to have him around so he could see where I’m heading, or just hang out and talk, you know.”

  I forced my gaze back at Zoe and caught her quickly brushing away a single tear that was running down her face.

  “Yeah, I know.” She tilted her head. “We’re getting pretty deep here. You’re serious about getting to know each other, huh?”

  To be completely honest…I wasn’t. Sure, I wanted to ask her a few questions, maybe get a feel for what to expect with her, but I hadn’t planned to get so deep, so soon—or at all, really. The conversation had just led us where we were. To lighten the heavy mood, I tried to steer us in another direction.

  “Let’s do a rapid-fire Q&A.”

  “Oh, I’m gonna suck at that. I’m not good with one-word answers but hit me.”

  “Cat person or dog person?”

  “Dog person. Cats…they kind of scare me, not the kittens or the cuddly ones, but I don’t like how some of them focus on you like they’re plotting ways to kill you. You know what I mean? It’s not all of them, but still. I’m a dog person all the way. You?”

  I couldn’t hold back my smile. She was right, she wasn’t the best person for short answers, but I wasn’t complaining. “I’ll say dogs, too. So, art and photography, huh?”

  “Yeah. Your major?”

  “Political science. Your favorite movie snack?”

  Her lips stretched into a smile and she played with the edge of her shirt.

  “Moving on to harder questions, huh? Peanut butter M&Ms, hands down, but I don’t actually buy them—that would be dangerous. Same with chips. Usually, I have no self-control when it comes to food. Yours?”

  “Popcorn. You gotta have popcorn when you’re watching a movie. And not buying M&Ms…not sure what to say about that. What’s your biggest weakness?”

  “I thought it was my turn, but fine, I’ll answer.” She sighed and dropped her eyes before answering. “Pizza. It’s pizza.”

  “What’s up with the face?” I asked, laughing.

  “It’s bad,” she answered, looking up at me through her eyelashes. “Really bad. I can eat a big one all by myself even though I know I’ll feel miserable and have trouble sleeping because of being so full, but I can’t say no. I can never say no to pizza. I’m definitely not gonna start saying no any time soon, either. Ask me what food item I would choose to have for the rest of my life or if I was stranded on an island and I could only have one thing and—”

  “Let me guess, you would say pizza.”

  “Yeah. It’s a weakness. Carbs galore. I know it’s not good for you and all that stuff, but it’s so good. All that cheesy gooey goodness, and the sauce is just as important. So is the dough, and the toppings…God, the toppings. Every layer is important. So many choices. It’s magical, a circle of love. What’s your favorite topping?”

  The more she talked, the more my smile grew.

  “Pepperoni, or any kind of meat, really.” I could’ve sworn I heard her groan softly as she licked her lips.

  “What is your biggest weakness?” she asked.

  “Not to sound like I’m copying you, but if we’re talking about food here, it has to be cheeseburgers. Pizza would be a close second. Okay, next one. Tell me your biggest pet peeve.”

  “This shouldn’t be a surprise, but I have more than a few. I’m fascinated by people, which is a big reason I love portrait photography, but…I hate fake people. Can’t stand them, don’t care to be around them. People who constantly talk over you as if your opinions don’t matter—just nope. It gets my blood pumping in the worst way. Entitled people. Unflushed toilets. Saggy pants on guys. People who believe they’re the shit and good at everything—they usually aren’t, and even if they are, I’d love to be the one to comment on it, not hear it from them. I could go on and on, so please shut me up.”

  “Unflushed toilets and saggy pants, got it.”

  There was something about her. Maybe it was how open she sounded, so honest and real, or maybe it was the way she talked like she couldn’t get the words out fast enough…the way she quickly looked away every time our gazes clashed, the way her hands seemed to be constantly busy with something around her—the pillow, the olive green watch on her wrist, the hem of her t-shirt. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but something made me feel relaxed around her, like this wasn’t the first time we’d ever sat down and enjoyed a pointless, simple conversation.

  “I don’t want you to shut up. I like this,” I admitted without a second thought. Why lie when I was enjoying her so much? “I’m gonna have to agree on entitled people, but my biggest pet peeve is actually people who chew loudly, especially when they’re chewing gum. I’ve come to blows with a few of the guys on the team because of it. Now they all chew gum whenever they wanna piss me off. The smacking sound…fuck no. I hope you’re not one of them. If you are, stop it, or I can’t promise it won’t get ugly.”

  “Sir, yes sir,” she deadpanned with a serious but amused expression on her face.

  “Another one is when people play with their phone all the damn time, like it’s glued to their hand or some shit.”

  “My dad is the same. We actually have a rule about that. If we’re having dinner—and he always insists on eating together, whether it’s in front of the TV or at the table—I can’t touch my phone. The same thing goes if we’re having a conversation. He hates when I stare down at my phone while I’m talking with him.”

  “I don’t like people who lie,” I said.

  “I don’t like liars either.”

  “People who don’t love animals.”

  “Oh, yeah. I wouldn’t trust them with anything. So basically it sounds like we don’t like people very much.”

  “Well, we have that in common, so that’s good.”

  Resting her wrists on her crossed legs, she fidgeted in her seat. “I believe it’s my turn to ask something.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Who do you wanna be?”

  “I’ll be a pro football player. You?”

  “I’ll be a professional photographer.”

  We smiled at each other. I liked that we were both so sure about our futures.

  “What’s your favorite spot?” I asked.

  “As in, my favorite spot…to go to?”

  “Yeah, and don’t tell me it’s the library or anywhere near campus.”

  She raised her eyebrow at me, pairing it with a little grin on her face. “Now who’s being judgmental? It’s not the library. It’s actually the beach. I don’t have a long list at all, but it’s probably one of the few things I love about L.A., especially when it’s a little deserted. A few people here and there is okay, but I hate when it’s too crowded. Santa Monica can be a bit much. It’s even better if it’s closer to sunset. And yeah, fine, I do like the library, too. You?”

  “The field.”

  That earned me an eye roll. “You’re probably on the field all the time.”

  “And I wouldn’t have it any other way. So you’re from Phoenix?”

  “Yep. You? L.A.?”

  “Nope. San Francisco.”

  “You know, none of these questions have anything to do with us living together. If you’d asked me what my schedule looked like, if I was a loud roommate, or if I sleepwalked, or…I don’t know, anything related to this situation, I’d get it, but…” She pointed a finger somewhere over my shoulder so I turned to look and saw she was pointing at the big clock hanging on the wall. “It’s past midnight, and something else you might want to learn about me is that I rarely stay up this late, so I better…skedaddle. This was—” She paused and seemed to be surprised at what she was about to say. “This was fun, and maybe not so bad, and hopefully you won’t be scared to go to sleep now. I’m not planning on hurting you with my secret ninja skills or anything like that. I have an early class tomorrow, so…” She uncrossed her legs and pushed
herself up.

  I stood up, too, and went to stand right in front of her. She rubbed her forearms as if she was itchy because I was standing so close to her. That close, I could smell the faint scent of her perfume, something fresh and sweet, but not over the top. It suited her.

  I held out my hand, and she looked at me as if I had sprouted a second head.

  “What’s that for?” she asked with a small frown on her face.

  “We’re gonna shake hands.”

  “Why?”

  I reached out, gently grabbed her wrist, and put her hand in mine. “Now, we shake.”

  With my help, she shook my hand. “No one does this anymore, you know that, right?”

  “I don’t know what you mean, but I like that we have officially met after two years of skirting each other.”

  “You think you’ll be able to sleep on your own?”

  She didn’t realize what she’d said before I raised an eyebrow and grinned at her.

  “Shit. I didn’t mean it like that. You’re gonna be sleeping on your own either way—that wasn’t me trying to say I’d like to sleep with you if you can’t sleep on your own, or that I would. Not sleep sleep, as in sex, but just sleep next to each other…and why don’t you just go ahead and kill me now? Please?”

  She tried to pull her hand away, but I held on to it. “For you, Flash, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear any of that. It was nice getting to know you, Zoe Clarke. This was good. We should do it again sometime.”

  “Sure,” she agreed, but somehow made it sound like the opposite. I let her hand go. “This Flash thing, the nickname—that’s gonna be a thing isn’t it?”

  Grinning, I nodded.

  She had only managed to get a few steps away from me when I called after her.

  “One last question.” Reluctantly, she looked at me over her shoulder. “A year with no sex or a year without a smartphone?”

  “Aaand good night to you too.”

  “Come on. It’s the last question—you can’t skip this one.”

  “Again, this has what to do with us being roommates?”

  I sat back down. “It will tell me a few things about you. Come on.”