The Hardest Fall

by Ella Maise

  She stood silent for a few seconds, looked at me, then looked away, probably trying to make sense of me. I couldn’t blame her.

  “I’m gonna have to go with a year without a smartphone, though not because I’m dying to have sex. It’s not like I’m having tons of—” Her eyes grew slightly bigger as if she had just blurted out something I wasn’t supposed to know. I leaned back and watched her try to save herself. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m really not dying to have sex, and I could go without having sex for a year, because that would be easy. I just think a year without a phone would actually be therapeutic. It’s probably glued to my hand from the time I wake up to the time I go back to bed, and I think it would actually be nice to use it just for its original purpose, just to see how it goes, you know. Maybe socializing more would have a positive effect on my life, who knows. It’d definitely be good for my eyes, that’s for sure.” She let out another sigh. “I’m rambling again. All I’m saying is I wouldn’t choose sex because I couldn’t possibly go without it for a year.”

  I got up again and stalked toward her as I watched her hide her hands behind her back. “You don’t have to explain your reasoning to me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. Your answer tells a lot about you. Thank you for humoring me and answering my questions. It looks like we’re stuck together for the next few months if I can’t find another place, and I should tell you I’m surprised as fuck that you’re the new roommate. Shit, Zoe, I wouldn’t have guessed it in a million years.”

  Keeping her eyes around my chest area, she nodded. “Good night, then, Dylan.”

  After a quick hair tuck behind her ear and giving me a small smile, she started walking.

  I let her take a few more steps toward her room while I stayed put in my spot. “Flash.” She faced me but kept taking small steps backward.

  “Yes?”

  I tucked my hands in my front pockets. “This is the strangest thing, but I think you’re going to be my best friend, Zoe Clarke.”

  When she fled to her room and was no longer anywhere near me, I sat my ass down and leaned back against the couch. Now that I was alone, I looked up at the ceiling and grinned. She had no idea what kind of trouble she was in with me.

  Chapter Six

  Zoe

  “I think at some point, I said skedaddle. Who says that?” I heaved a sigh and face-palmed myself for probably the hundredth time since meeting up with Jared and Kayla. I’d forced them out of bed at an ungodly hour for coffee and a rundown of the events of the day before. Because I had never mentioned meeting Dylan that first time two years ago, I spent a good thirty minutes telling them all about it. Sucky friend? I didn’t think so. I’d always been good at keeping secrets. When I was nine, I’d kept my first secret from my dad for an entire week before blurting out that Nathaniel from my class had kissed me at recess then told me to keep it a secret. Evidently, I had gotten better with time.

  After Jared gave me hell for about five minutes as Kayla kept shaking her head at me as if she was disappointed, they finally gave me a break.

  “This is just a thought, gorgeous—don’t give me that look—but I think saying skedaddle is the last thing you should worry about, here. You actually attacked him with a rolling pin? Why the hell were you hiding a rolling pin in the bathroom to begin with? I’m still stuck on that, and I wish you had taken a picture of the actual attack, or maybe a selfie while you were jumping him. Could’ve been pure art. I can already see it—vividly.” For good measure, he closed his eyes and hummed softly. “I’m gonna have to sketch that for you. You’re welcome, of course.”

  I lightly smacked his shoulder with the back of my hand and shook my head. “Don’t you dare. I wasn’t hiding it in the bathroom, and that’s not even the worst part of the story here, so can we please focus?” I’d met Jared at the end of my freshman year after we kept bumping into each other in the same classes since we were both majoring in art. He always said it was fate that brought us together and that was that. I couldn’t imagine what I would’ve done if he hadn’t sat next to me in that Art History 201 class, and whenever I needed his friendship the most, he always came through.

  He sat next to me, rubbing his shoulder and chuckling lightly. He had his black hair styled into a messy bedhead look that always worked wonders for him when he was in the mood for making new friends. I would’ve called them lovers, but he didn’t like the pressure of the word. Since he wasn’t interested in having a serious relationship in college, just friends worked fine. He was only slightly taller than me, probably around five foot nine, tops. The dark brown of his eyes and his plump lips only added to his bad boy rocker looks. If he had any interest in girls at all, I’m pretty sure I’d have been a blubbering mess around him just as much as I seemed to be around Dylan. The day the professor had kicked us out of class for talking too much had marked the first day of our friendship.

  “I didn’t attack him just for fun. I thought he was a thief. What was I supposed to do, welcome him with open arms? While I was naked? I was trying to incapacitate him so I could get out. Anyway, I don’t even remember half the things I said later on, but I do remember skedaddle. Ask me how many times I’ve used that word in my life—zero. I don’t know if you guys understand the extent of how bad and painful the entire thing was.”

  “I think we got it,” Jared deadpanned, bugging his eyes out to Kayla.

  I ignored their looks and kept going. “Every time I opened my mouth, I dug a deeper hole for myself. From now on, I’m gonna need to keep my mouth shut when I’m around him. I’ll use nods and as few words as possible.”

  “I don’t think that’s possible, but believing is half the battle, I guess,” Kayla said wryly.

  I forced the fakest smile I could muster. “Har har. Aren’t you guys just rays of sunshine today? I can’t get enough of you two.”

  Jared just smiled and kept breaking up pieces of his toast then popping them into his mouth. “As you shouldn’t. Plus, you know I’m always moody before the clock hits twelve, so feel free to ignore me and focus on your second best friend.”

  I watched a piece of brownie fly toward Jared, which he caught in his mouth.

  “You’re the actual worst,” muttered Kayla before fixing her gaze on me.

  “So? Any advice? Real advice? The kind friends give each other?” I asked Kayla. “What the hell am I gonna do? How am I gonna go back there tonight?”

  Her perfectly filled thick eyebrows rose higher on her forehead and she gave me an innocent look. “Walk, maybe?”

  I returned her look with my most bored stare.

  “Okay, okay. Sheesh. Save that face for someone else. I think trying to keep a bit more quiet instead of going off on an endless rant might be a better idea. I support you on that.”

  While Jared was the most easygoing and confident one out of the three of us, Kayla—AKA KayKay, as Jared had dubbed her—was our mama bear. She was just the person you wanted to open up to, so nurturing, sweet, quiet, and everything I was not around guys. However, when it came to her actual relationships, her choices were a little skewed. Case in point, her on-again, off-again prick of a boyfriend Keith gave me the creepy chills almost every time he was around. I just wished—actually, both Jared and I wished—that one of the times when they broke up, it would actually be for good. There was always hope.

  “Any other ideas? We’re going to be living in the same apartment and I’m quietly freaking out about it. It’s not like I can stay in my room and never come out, and trying to act all casual when he is around is a no-go because we all know how I get around guys I think are good-looking.”

  “How about you go with being casual and normal instead of acting?”

  “I’m too itchy and nervous around him, Kayla. If you’d seen me last night, you would’ve winced every time I opened my mouth. He was being so nice, and I think I’d love to be his friend. I think I could maybe handle that.”

  “You can definitely do that. Just think of him as already
taken. That should make it easier.”

  “He actually just broke up with his girlfriend.”

  “Dang it, you don’t say.” Jared whistled. “Maybe I should give you a visit one of these days, just to check things out, you know.”

  Feeling like I had some kind of a game plan I could focus on when I went back to the apartment, I leaned back in my seat and let out a huge breath. I was thankful for having Kayla and Jared as friends, more than they could ever imagine. They made coming to L.A.—the biggest risk of my life—worth it for me. God knows nothing else had gone the way I’d hoped it would.

  Kayla cleared her throat and fidgeted in her seat before glancing at me and then at Jared, all the while shredding her empty paper cup into small pieces. “So, I think in light of this new development, I have to tell you guys something.” Before either of us could open our mouths to say anything, she went ahead and continued, “I might have gone on a few dates with Dylan.”

  “Dylan who?” Jared asked, still chewing on a piece of toast as he eyed the rest of Kayla’s brownie.

  “My Dyl—ah, I mean the Dylan that’s staying in my apartment? The wide receiver? Dylan Reed?”

  “Yeah. That one.”

  Jared stopped eating.

  Something weird settled in my stomach. “Huh?”

  “Two dates, Zoe,” she rushed out, lifting two of her fingers to emphasize her words. “It was just two times.”

  Some guy bumped my chair from behind, and I scooted myself a little forward as I took a few sips of my already cold coffee, my attention focused on the table. It was fine. It was a surprise, sure, but still completely fine. It wasn’t like I was interested in Dylan in that way or anything like that. It would’ve also been completely fine if they had gone out more than two times. He was off limits anyway, wasn’t he? Not just because he was my roommate and out of my league, but because he was one of Mark’s players.

  “It was freshman year, before I met you guys. I think it was a few months before actually. I was having this two-month hiatus kind of thing with Keith”—which meant he had broken up with her for some stupid reason—“and my dorm roommate was going out with this football player. She kind of forced me to go out with them because I was upset about Keith, and the guy was gonna bring a friend, so I was supposed to keep him occupied while also occupying myself. You know I didn’t have any friends other than Keith my first year here, so I said fine.” She grimaced and went back to shredding pieces. “He was really sweet actually, but you know how I am. I love Keith, and I just wasn’t into getting to know anyone else. I barely talked the whole night, and the second time…my roommate happened again. That time I actually managed to chat with him for a little while. We talked about our families, how we both had big, loud ones and all that, but neither one of us was acting like it could turn into something more. It was just a friendly night out sort of thing. I think my roommate started seeing the other guy—his name was something weird like Rap or Rip or something—so she didn’t need me to hold her hand after that second time. I barely saw Dylan again. Also, it was only double dates, never just the two of us. Plus, a few weeks after that I was back with Keith anyway. He would always say hi those rare few times we ran into each other on campus, but I don’t think I’ve seen him in a year.”

  Jared hummed and drew my gaze back to him. “Those don’t count as dates, KayKay, at least not in my book.”

  “I agree, but at the time I might have described it as if I went out on these big dates with a football player to Keith, just to make him jealous. I just wanted to mention it now in case Dylan saw me with Zoe and actually remembered and said something. I didn’t want it to be a surprise.”

  “I wish I had my own little interaction with this Dylan guy. You girls have both met him one way or another, one of you in a much weirder setting, of course.” He gave Kayla a wide-eyed look and gestured at me with his chin.

  That earned him another smack on the shoulder, which he barely managed to escape. “Haha. So funny.”

  “And here I am, the guy who only watches…oh, I don’t know, all his games, and I’ve never gotten the chance to meet him? You will fix this horrible wrong, Zoe.”

  It was the wad of paper hitting me in the face that brought me out of silence. I flung it right back at Jared and turned my head to look at Kayla.

  “Nothing will happen between us, Kay. He is way out of my league. Trust me. So, even if you had dated for real, that would’ve been okay.”

  “Because you have Mark to think about, right? And of course you’re paper bag ugly, can’t forget about that,” Jared piped up, his tone flatter than it had been just a few seconds before.

  Yes, there was always Mark.

  “I’m not saying I’m ugly at all. I happen to find myself beautiful at times, but he is still way out of my league. You’d know what I mean if you saw him up close.”

  Jared sighed and shook his head. “And Mark?”

  “Yeah, there’s him, too,” I mumbled without looking either of them in the eye as I busied myself with finishing my coffee.

  “And when are you gonna get shot of him, Zoe? I’d be lying if I said I’m exactly clear on what you’re expecting to happen here, but I can tell you it’s not gonna happen—I know that much. You need to get out of his apartment, too. He is treating you like a paid slut, only calling you when he wants to and only meeting you at that apartment or all the way across town in a random restaurant, never anywhere public.”

  “Hey, take it down a notch, would you?” Kayla snarled at Jared as I swallowed my coffee down the wrong pipe. “That was a little harsh, don’t you think?”

  “Geez,” I coughed out when I could breathe again, taking the half-full water bottle and napkins Kayla offered me. “Thanks for making it sound creepy. He is not as bad as you’re making him sound, and it’s not like we can walk around campus together, at least not yet. I wanted to move out, remember?” I wasn’t blaming Kayla for flaking on me in any way, but I was blaming Keith for being a needy bastard.

  While my plan for my third year had been to move out of Mark’s apartment and move in with Kayla, it hadn’t exactly gone the way I wanted it to. We’d found the apartment and were days away from signing the lease when Keith had a fit about her moving in with me.

  If she was moving out of the dorms, why wasn’t she moving in with him? Why would two college girls wanna live together? Was she seeing someone else? It went on and on and on and on. Kayla would’ve never gone back on her word, but when I saw the toll it was taking on her, how scathing Keith’s words were, I told her it wouldn’t be a problem if she chose to move in with Keith instead of me. As long as she was happy, I’d be fine, though after the whole deal, I wasn’t sure how anyone could be happy with Keith. But, that wasn’t for me to say, at least not then.

  Jared’s home was close to campus, only a fifteen-minute walk, so he didn’t need a new place or a closer one to rent. Considering he needed to be home to help his single mom raise his five-year-old half-sister, he couldn’t afford to move out anyway. These little facts prevented me from moving in with either of my best friends. Unlike Kayla, who had enjoyed her two-year stint in the dorms, I hadn’t enjoyed dorm life all that much, so back to Mark’s apartment I’d gone. I’d thought maybe things would change, thought we’d get closer and he’d keep his promises for a change.

  “I’m really sorry, Zoe,” Kayla said, breaking into my thoughts. “I was looking forw—”

  I reached out and rested my hand on her arm. “Don’t apologize, please. You have nothing to apologize for anyway. I didn’t mean it to sound that way. I’ve been saving money, yes, but I can’t afford to move out on my own yet. I still need to save money for New York too, as lame as that sounds, and you know I went back because he kept promising me it would be different this year. If things don’t change and I can manage to stash away the amount I need, I’m getting out of there around April or May. Also…you know what I want from him, Jared. Don’t be like that.”

  “That’s the t
ime you’re giving him? Almost another full year?” Shaking his head, Jared reached out and covered my hand with his long, thin fingers, his features hard. “Look, I know this hurts you, but he’ll never tell them about you, Zoe, not his wife, and definitely not his son. He is a pig. You deserve better than that.”

  But Mark had promised, and I wanted nothing more than to believe him.

  When I didn’t say what I knew he was waiting to hear, what he wanted to hear, he sighed and drew his hand back. “If I can get that part-time job at that gallery next year, I’ll move in with you. You will get out of there, right?”

  I gave him a silent nod.

  “It’ll be great.”

  “Even though I couldn’t leave the love of my life to come live with you guys, I’ll come visit so much that it’ll feel like I’m living there.”

  She’d come only if Keith let her, but she wouldn’t say that. She’d been with Keith since she was sixteen and still loved him enough to believe he could and would change. I could see an intervention happening in our future.

  I felt a little sick, both in my stomach and in my heart, as I did every time Mark was the subject of our conversation. Jared’s statements were not news to me, but unfortunately, that didn’t help lessen the pain. I managed to force a genuine smile on my face. “Thanks, guys.”

  “You still want advice on what to do with the hunk in your apartment?” Jared asked after a few moments of heavy silence.

  I huffed out a breath and fell back in my seat. “Yeah. Hit me. God knows I could use all the help I can get.”

  His next question made me question that. “Are you attracted to him?”

  “I mean…he is attractive, sure, and I have eyes. I like his smile too—I’ll give you that much—but I don’t know him well enough to say if I’m attracted to him. I don’t have a crush on him…let’s say that instead. I’m attracted to his looks, but I don’t have a crush on him. He seems nice, so I like him as a person—that sounds even better. Even if I did like him and by some dumb luck he was interested in me too, though I doubt that—”