Burn So Bad

by J. H. Croix

  When I turned back, she was already soaping up. Just looking at her with soap bubbles rolling down her skin and her lush body flushed and pink from the steam, my cock twitched. It was a damn miracle, but I could probably go another round already. Yet, I sensed we’d already barreled too far and too fast, far beyond where Lucy had ever wanted to go with me.

  So I behaved like something other than the raving lunatic I was for her. We showered, we dried off, we dressed, and then I made breakfast. I was stunned that she didn’t leave earlier. I finally had to leave first when a call came in from the station. I offered to give her a ride, but she shook her head.

  Just as I was about to jog down the steps to my truck, I reflexively turned back to where she stood waiting on the deck. The urge to kiss her was powerful, a current I almost couldn’t withstand. Yet, I sensed her withdrawal and held back.

  * * *

  I went to work that day, Lucy filling my thoughts whenever I had a spare moment. Later in the afternoon, we had a call for a fire that had flashed out of control again in a nearby stretch of undeveloped forest. We’d been dealing with this fire on and off all summer. This happened often in Alaska. There were so many large swaths of undeveloped forest, the fires could restart after we got them under control. Wind and other events could whip them back into a frenzy.

  My crew, along with Cade’s, responded. It was a long afternoon of establishing new firebreaks. A group of hikers had decided it wasn’t worth following the no campfires rules set for this area and then the wind shifted again.

  When we returned to the station late that evening, I was starving, filthy and exhausted, along with my entire crew. After a quick shower, I was walking out into the back area when I saw Amelia pulling Cade close for a hug. It was nothing unusual. In fact, an afternoon like this was par for the course in being a hotshot firefighter. I was well accustomed to the sight of my fellow firefighters being greeted at the end of a long day, or when we flew back in after weeks out in the wilderness fighting fires.

  Something about last night and something about Lucy made me wish she were here to see me today. I gave my head a shake. I’d be lucky if she hadn’t packed up and left my house this afternoon without telling me. I strolled over, greeting Amelia after Cade pulled away. There were several guys lounging around the break room table.

  Cade leaned his hips against it and chatted casually with them.

  Amelia caught my eyes. “Thank God you’ve got a place for Lucy to stay right now.”

  “Oh?” I countered.

  “Well, yeah. We just found out the boiler we want has been back ordered, so it’s going to be another three weeks. We already paid for it. If we try to order a different one, the wait might be even longer, so we’re still camping at Cade’s parents. Lucy still can’t find anywhere to rent. It’s the worst time of year. Honestly, early summer is better. Because at least then she might be able to sweet talk somebody out of their summer rental. But right now, everybody’s all booked up,” Amelia explained.

  I nodded, biting back the urge to grin. Amelia couldn’t know how damn happy I was about that. Because I was hoping for so much more with Lucy than what I had last night and this morning. Yet, I didn’t know what Lucy had told Amelia about us, if anything. I had enough sense to keep my mouth shut on that topic.

  With a shrug I replied, “She’s welcome as long as she needs. I keep telling her I’d do the same for any friend.”

  Beck Steele came strolling out of the locker room.

  “Hey action hero,” I said.

  Beck had picked up that nickname after an elderly woman he rescued declared his name sounded like an action hero’s name.

  Beck rolled his eyes. “I’m no action hero. If I am, we all are.”

  “Wildlands, guys?” Cade asked, his eyes scanning the cluster of us.

  What I wanted to do was call and see if Lucy wanted to meet us, but I knew I might be pushing it with that. I also knew it might raise a few eyebrows if I said no because I almost always grabbed a beer and dinner with the crews. So I nodded. Other voices chimed in, and we all tromped out to head over to Wildlands, a local favorite hangout and tourist hotspot.

  I caught Amelia’s eye as she climbed into the truck beside me. “You headed that way too?”

  She nodded. “Yup. Lucy and Maisie are already there, and Susannah’s on the way.”

  I kept my tone casual, though anticipation flared inside. “See you there.”

  The moment I was in my truck and had started the engine, I grinned. I might not want to ponder it, but I was worried Lucy would find a way to avoid me. She wouldn’t be able to tonight.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Lucy

  I leaned back in my chair, glancing around Wildlands. Wildlands Bar and Lodge was a favorite for locals and tourists. It was situated on the shores of Swan Lake, the centerpiece of Willow Brook. With its prime location, the lodge ran its own floatplane services, carrying tourists out in an array all across the wilderness of Alaska. Hunters, hikers, fishermen, sightseers, eco-tourists and more came here to stay and take off for distant parts. Wildlands Bar was busy all year, and tonight was no exception. Susannah and I had arrived before the rest of our friends and snagged a table right by the windows.

  While Susannah took a call on her phone, I looked out over Swan Lake. Like most of Alaska, the view was spectacular. The lake’s far shore was roughly a half a mile across. Birch and cottonwood mixed with spruce along the shoreline. To one side, it expanded out into an open marshy field. A cluster of moose stood in the field this evening, nibbling on alder trees. To the other side, the trees thickened into mostly spruce forest, which stretched into the foothills of the Alaska Range.

  Long, slow sunsets were typical during summers in Alaska. Tonight, the sky was a watercolor of pinks, purples, and soft rays of silvery gold. The sun was a disappearing orange ball in the sky, merely its upper curve still visible above the horizon. Opposite the sun, the moon rose, a half crescent in the wispy light of dusk. A flock of Trumpeter swans floated in the lake. They were the namesakes for this lake. The elegant swans floated through the pink light cast across the lake.

  The hum of a floatplane sounded in the distance as it approached the lake. I watched as it came to a soft landing in the water, leaving ripples across the pond and ruffling the swans as they floated on the surface. I turned back to look at Susannah when she hung up her phone.

  “What was that about?” I asked when she glared at the phone as it sat innocuously where she’d set it on the table.

  Susannah brushed her strawberry blonde hair back, tucking it behind her ears. She was a hotshot fire fighter, just like Levi. While she was on a different crew, she often helped out with Levi and Cade’s crews when needed. This afternoon, all but one of the crews had been dealing with a fire on the outskirts of town. I resisted the urge to ask any questions about Levi. My curiosity about him was a side effect I was coming to find annoying. I didn’t like how much he filled my thoughts, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

  Susannah took a drag on her beer before answering. At a glance, you wouldn’t know she was tough as nails. She was fit, strong, and lovely, almost in an endearing way. With her curly strawberry blonde hair, her wide blue eyes and her freckled cheeks, she was quite pretty. Despite her feminine appearance, I’d heard from the guys she was considered one of the most fearless amongst their crews.

  After another glare at the phone, she shrugged. “That was Ward.”

  “Who’s Ward?”

  “I trained with Ward for my hotshot training in California,” she offered in explanation.

  “Okay, so why are you mad at your phone?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know why he’s calling me. We kinda had a thing.”

  “What does kinda mean?” I countered.

  Susannah’s cheeks flushed. “Just that.”

  “Did you date or something? He obviously means something, or you wouldn’t be all cranky just because he called you.”

 
; Susannah’s glare sharpened to me now. “It was nothing really. Honestly, if I had to give it a label, I would say it was a one night stand. That’s it.”

  “A one night stand isn’t nothing. I mean, it’s not a big deal, but nothing would be, well, nothing.”

  That earned me another glare. “Oh, don’t you dare give me hell about any guys,” she said with a laugh.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, trying and failing to keep the defensive edge out of my tone.

  Susannah leaned her chin in her hand, narrowing her eyes. “You’re kinda anti-men.”

  Defensiveness rose inside, but I pushed back against it. “I’m not anti-men,” I protested.

  “So how come you never, ever see anyone?”

  I took a long drag from my beer and eyed her. For a flash, I wanted to tell her about Levi, but that would bring a host of questions I was nowhere near ready to answer.

  “I’m not anti-men. I just don’t date that much,” I managed, striving to keep my tone casual. “So why is this guy calling now anyway? When’s the last time you talked to him?”

  Susannah cocked her head to one side, drumming her fingers on the table. “Not since my training.”

  “So how long ago was that?”

  “Four years,” she said simply

  “And he’s calling now because…?”

  Her cheeks flushed, and she lifted her beer, sighing when she discovered it was empty. “Because he just accepted a position here in Willow Brook. On my crew,” she added.

  “Oh. Well, if that one night stand was nothing, why do you care?”

  I wasn’t about to say it aloud, but my questions were as much for me as her. As of today, I could say I’d had a one night stand with Levi. I’d spent most of the day mentally arguing with myself over how much it meant.

  “Because it might’ve been the best sex I ever had,” she finally said, her flush deepening.

  She couldn’t have known that one little comment instantly sent my thoughts flashing—again—to last night and this morning with Levi. Both times I’d had sex with Levi had been the best I’d ever had. Just thinking about it now made me hot all over.

  “So if it was just a one night stand, did things get weird or…?”

  Susannah shook her head. “It happened the night before I moved back here,” she explained, leaning back in her chair and signaling at the waitress who was weaving her way through the tables with a tray.

  Susannah looked back to me, her brow furrowed with worry. I experienced a pang of empathy, something I likely wouldn’t have felt before last night.

  “Well, maybe it’ll be a good thing for him to move here,” I offered.

  Susannah’s eyes narrowed. “How’s it going to be a good thing? It’s messy for people on the same crew to get involved with each other. So I just hope…” She paused and waved her hand back-and-forth, searching for her words. “…whatever we had is gone.”

  “Um, okay…” I began before pausing. Susannah was usually direct and clear. I wasn’t accustomed to seeing her be muddled about something, or rather someone, like this. Oddly, it comforted me. When I allowed myself to be honest inside, I could admit I hated, absolutely hated, feeling out of control. Levi definitely made me feel out of control. I gave a mental shake and forced my attention back to Susannah.

  “I’m guessing maybe you might still feel something, or you wouldn’t be weird about it,” I finally offered.

  The waitress arrived at our table. Susannah quickly ordered a beer, looking back to me as our waitress hurried away. “Fine, so I’m weird about it, but I haven’t seen him in four years so maybe it’s nothing. Back to you. You don’t worry about guys ever. I actually envy you,” she said bluntly.

  Tension spooled inside. I’d been tense all day. I couldn’t stop thinking about Levi. The glaring problem was I wanted him even more now than I did before. Last night with him had been like pouring a vat of gasoline on the coals of the fire banked between us and lighting them on fire. The burn of that fire was so good and so delicious, I got hot all over just thinking about it. I didn’t know how long the fire was going to take to burn out, and I didn’t know what to do about any of it.

  I hadn’t expected to feel this way. I thought it would be just sex. It didn’t help at all that sex with Levi was the best sex ever. There was something shimmering under the surface with him, something that hit me—smack in the heart. Despite the fact that I could be dismissive about men, I didn’t like being that way. I wanted to be more relaxed and, well, normal.

  So I met Susannah’s gaze. “I’m not anti-men and I do worry about guys. I just don’t really talk about them much. I’m really happy for Amelia,” I offered, referencing Amelia’s personal fairy-tale second chance with Cade. “If Ward moves here and your best sex ever becomes more than that, I’ll be really happy for you. Hell, if I hadn’t believed in happily-ever-after before, Maisie and Beck proved it to the whole wide world. I never expected to see her settle down with anyone, much less Beck.”

  Susannah flashed a grin. “I know, right? They’re perfect together.”

  As if conjured by name, Amelia and Maisie appeared through the cluster of people crowding the entrance. They threaded their way over to us, slipping into chairs at the table. We’d commandeered a large round table because Susannah anticipated several of the guys from the station would join us. I couldn’t help but wonder if Levi would be one of them.

  Amelia leaned her elbows on the table with a sigh. “God, I need a drink,” she announced.

  “Yeah?” I replied, looking her way.

  “I haven’t even had a chance to tell you because we were at different sites this afternoon. Our new boiler’s been back ordered for two more weeks. I love Cade’s parents, but I want to be back home.”

  I should’ve been frustrated with this news, but I wasn’t. Unless I got lucky in the next few weeks, it was going to be at least until October before I could find a rental. Janet had assured me her B&B would have availability then. She even promised me she would let me stay for no charge, so I was prepared to argue that point with her. But that was over six weeks away.

  My reaction, or rather lack thereof, confused me. On the one hand, my heart sank and tension coiled inside. Staying with Levi was testing my limits. On the other hand, I wanted to jump up and down for joy. This gave me a perfectly good reason to keep staying with him. That meant I might get more of what I had last night. And that… That was fucking crazy.

  I realized I hadn’t replied while Amelia was looking at me expectantly.

  “Well that sucks,” I finally offered.

  “Gee Lucy, you were totally zoned out there for a minute,” Maisie commented with a smile.

  Maisie was so cute, it was almost too much. With her round cheeks, her dark curly hair and her wide brown eyes, she was plain adorable. She’d been so cranky at the station when she first moved to town. She’d gradually become friends with us sometime over the past year. Given how much I understood what it was like to not quite fit in, I’d been happy to see her let down her guard. Beck flat adored her, having gone from the town’s playboy to the most loyal fiancé in the world.

  He was trying to sweet talk Maisie into having a big wedding, while she was fighting him on it. It wasn’t my place to say, but I thought she wasn’t used to anybody giving her that much attention. In the end, all that mattered was Beck adored her and he would go along with whatever she wanted. My heart thudded in my chest, emotion knotting in my throat.

  Watching my friends fall in love hadn’t elicited any contemplation for me personally. Until now. When sex was always ho-hum, I’d figured it wasn’t worth the bother to take things further with anyone. Not to mention, letting down my guard made me feel so vulnerable, I could hardly think about it.

  Realizing I was spacing out again, I caught Maisie’s gaze with a laugh. “Long day. I just spaced out.”

  Conveniently, our waitress arrived. After taking everyone’s orders, she checked to see how many more people are coming. />
  Amelia glanced to the waitress. “Cade, Beck and Levi will be here. Anybody else?” she asked, flicking her eyes around the table.

  “Jesse and maybe Thad, but I’m not sure who else,” Maisie added. As the dispatcher at Willow Brook Fire & Rescue, Maisie was the go between for everyone there.

  The waitress promised to check back after everyone arrived before she hurried off. Hearing Levi’s name had my body tightening in anticipation. I hadn’t seen him since this morning, which felt like forever at the moment. Which was, of course, completely ridiculous. Just thinking about him arriving soon had me shifting my legs restlessly as heat coiled in my belly and radiated through my body, swirling into slick need at my core.

  I was relieved at the distraction of casual chatter. While Maisie and Amelia debated the finer points of wedding cake, I watched as the last bit of the sun fell below the horizon, its golden rays stretching high into the sky in its wake. I loved living in Willow Brook. In the years since I’d moved here, I’d found my place with friends and work. The spectacular beauty still took my breath away day after day.

  I doubted my mother knew it, but her bringing me here after my last stint in foster care had been the best decision for my life. It hadn’t even been my decision. In fact, when I’d gone to court that day with my caseworker, I’d been downright pissed off to watch my mom plead with the judge. She’d begged for a chance, promising she’d already left my father. At the time, I’d been positive she was lying. Yet, I’d been wrong. For the first time in my life, she didn’t choose him over me.

  I was grateful she brought us here, yet there was so much history of being let down, of her cowering in the face of my father and all but once, always choosing him over me. It made it hard to find a way to bridge the chasm between us.

  When she walked us out of the courtroom, I’d been given two hours to pack up at my foster home. It hadn’t been a great foster home, just okay. All in all, I’d been an easy teenager since all I wanted to do was stay out of the way. I hadn’t been thrilled to learn I was leaving town. Before I knew it, we were on a plane flying to Alaska