Burn So Bad

by J. H. Croix

  High school in Willow Brook had been far more bearable than in California. I’d made a few friends. After I graduated and managed to get through college, I started working with Amelia. I finally felt like I’d found my tribe.

  I loved my job, I loved my friends, and I felt like I belonged here. My mother was still here, and even now, I kept expecting her to tell me she was going back to my father. We didn’t have a great relationship. I would usually find a way to call or visit every few weeks. She actually had a few of her own friends, including Janet. Janet occasionally tried to nudge me into a deeper reconciliation with her. I wasn’t there yet.

  Right now, looking out over Swan Lake and around at my friends, even with my anxiety gnawing at me inside about seeing Levi, I was happy to be here. Yet, for the first time in years, a thread of regret wove through me. I had easily decided that romance wasn’t for me years ago. Maybe some people got lucky in love, but life had taught me plenty about not wishing for too much. The peace and relief of escaping life with my father was profound. Knowing how much he’d torn my mother down to almost nothing had taught me it was best to rely only on myself.

  The depth of my physical response to Levi mingling with intimacy was something I hadn’t been prepared for. All the more reason to remember why it was smart to avoid emotional entanglements. I didn’t need a man, and I certainly didn’t need Levi. Lust didn’t equate to love. It was nothing more than that.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Lucy

  It wasn’t long before the guys arrived at Wildlands, Beck reaching the table first. For a while, Cade had held the honor of the most pussy-whipped man I’d ever known. Beck now held that honor. Beck was ridiculous around Maisie. He consistently embarrassed her with his public displays of affection.

  Take now for example. He came up behind her, landed a lingering kiss on her neck before tilting her head back and kissing her as if they were alone in a room. By the time he drew away, Maisie’s cheeks were flushed red and her hair tousled.

  “Get a room dude,” Cade commented with a chuckle as he sat down beside Amelia and dropped a quick kiss on her cheek.

  Beck shrugged nonchalantly as he sat down beside Maisie. “I’m just happy to see her, plus you don’t have any reason to give me shit. You’re as whipped as anybody.”

  Cade merely shook his head. Our waitress arrived at that moment. Amelia had wisely ordered a pitcher of beer for the guys. While our waitress took a few more orders, I wondered if Levi had changed his plans. It never crossed my mind that I shouldn’t be sitting here expecting him to arrive. He hadn’t shared his plans with me, but Maisie had seemed to think he’d be here, so I’d hung my silly hopes on that.

  Within a few moments, I heard his voice and glanced over my shoulder to see him coming in through the back hallway. His eyes met mine from across the room, darkening the moment our gazes locked. Butterflies amassed in my belly, and I squeezed my thighs together. I needed to get a grip. For God’s sake, he was simply walking to the table. I didn’t want to embarrass myself, not with all of our friends here. I certainly didn’t want it to be obvious something was going on. Levi, easy-going as ever, reached the table and slipped into the only remaining chair. By pure chance, it happened to be beside me.

  Over the hum of conversation around us, he spoke, his voice low and only for my ears. “Hey Lucy, missed you today.”

  His voice—that honeyed whiskey voice—sent a shiver chasing over my skin. I felt my cheeks heat. “Don’t say that,” I hissed.

  “Why not?” he countered, his mouth curling at the corner in one of those ridiculously sexy grins. His dark blonde hair was damp, so I figured he must’ve showered at the station.

  Calculating that I was better off without steering anywhere near his comment again, I changed the subject quickly. “Were you out at that fire this afternoon?”

  “Of course. We got a few new firebreaks established. Looks like the wind is dying down, so we should be able to keep the fire down.”

  Susannah said something, and Levi looked away, replying to her comment and snagging the pitcher of beer when Cade passed it to him. Nights like this with friends were common. Levi was firmly in the social circle we shared. I knew his history from bits and pieces. He had moved here from Juneau after high school and left later to do his hotshot training in Arizona before returning. His mother was originally from Willow Brook, which was what brought their family back to the area.

  On the heels of the intimacy that had passed between us last night, what would normally be a typical evening out with friends didn’t feel typical at all. My body was aflame—inside and out. All I could think about was when we could get back to his place, and I could have him all to myself again.

  Thinking like that was so not me. Fire talk, as Amelia dubbed it, carried on around us. Everybody at the table but Amelia and I worked at the fire station. I half-listened as I sipped at my beer and nibbled on fresh baked bread served for the table. One comment got my ears to perk up.

  “You think we’ll get called out to that burn outside Fairbanks?” Beck asked.

  Levi shrugged beside me before taking a swallow of this beer. “I don’t know. We’re definitely due for a rotation.”

  I watched as Maisie’s eyes flicked to Beck, concern held there. With Amelia being my best friend and Maisie another close friend, I was accustomed to them worrying about their respective men out in the field. Up until just now, I’d taken that concern at face value. Hotshot firefighters did dangerous work, grueling work that took them away for weeks at a time. It wasn’t that I didn’t have empathy. I did. It was simply that the worry was usually one step removed from me.

  After the closeness I’d felt with Levi, I felt a flicker of apprehension inside. I didn’t know where the hell that came from.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Levi

  The lights caught in the gold of Lucy’s hair. With her hair pulled up in a slapdash ponytail, no one could say she was trying to be glamorous. Yet, she was so damn beautiful. I conveniently had a perfect view of the shadowed valley between her breasts. Were I a sane man when it came to her, I’d appreciate the view and nothing more. Yet, I was crazed for her, so it wasn’t exactly comfortable to try to relax with friends when I was rock hard.

  I was frankly relieved for the hum of conversation around us. Our table of friends was full, and conversation moved along at the usual bantering pace.

  I loved that Lucy didn’t have a baseball cap on, which was her standard fare. Her ponytail was slightly lopsided with loose tendrils of her blonde hair framing her face. Her cheeks were flushed as she laughed at something Amelia said. She was slightly tipsy, and I figured I would need to give her a ride.

  “Levi!” Jesse Franklin called from across the table.

  I glanced over. “Yeah?”

  “You must be going deaf. I said your name three times,” Jesse offered with a chuckle.

  Frankly, I wasn’t paying much attention. Lucy’s mere existence beside me had muddled my brain. Well that, and all the blood had gone straight to my cock. I shrugged and returned his grin. Jesse was one of the guys on my crew, solid, steady and quick with a joke.

  “We’re betting ahead on the Nenana Ice Classic for next spring,” Jesse explained.

  “You’re betting now? It doesn’t even start yet,” I replied.

  He was referencing an annual ritual where Alaskans bet on when the ice would break on the Nenana River every spring.

  Beck caught my eye. “We’re having our own pool, so we have to bet early.”

  “What’s the pool so far?”

  Cade chuckled, glancing around the table. “Levi doesn’t like to bet unless it’s worthy.”

  I rolled my eyes. “So what? I like it to be worth my while.”

  Jesse chuckled. “Well, the pots already past five hundred from the station.”

  Beck chimed in. “Last year, Levi wanted the winner to get a flat screen TV."

  I felt Lucy’s eyes on me and glanced her way, shrugging sh
eepishly. “My TV broke, so I figured I might as well bargain for something good. Anyway, I’m in. What’s the minimum bet?”

  “Twenty bucks,” Jesse said quickly.

  “All right. I’ll get it to you tomorrow.”

  Cade was seated at an angle across from me, his arm slung across Amelia’s shoulder. I felt Amelia’s curious gaze when I looked her way. Her eyes flicked from me to Lucy, and I wondered if Lucy had said anything to her. I knew they were best friends, yet I didn’t know how much Lucy shared when it came to things like that. I ignored Amelia’s gaze and listened as Jesse bantered with Beck over when he thought the ice would crack next spring. Lucy murmured something at my side, and I leaned down because I couldn’t hear her.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  Her eyes caught mine, and need bolted through me. My mind suddenly flashed to last night—Lucy’s dark blue gaze, hazed with passion and locked to mine as her channel clenched around my cock and she came with a rough, breathy cry.

  “Oh, I just said it’s silly to bet now. It’s not even winter yet,” she said with a shrug.

  I grinned. “That’s what makes it fun. It’s totally random. Winning then is even better because you haven’t a clue if you might have a chance.”

  She held my gaze for a beat, and it suddenly felt as if we were talking about something else altogether.

  She stared at me, cocking her head to the side. “Really? I like to know,” she suddenly said.

  “Know what?”

  “Well, I like to plan, to make decisions based on contingencies,” she explained.

  I bit my tongue. I wanted to ask her what kind of contingencies she’d considered when she climbed in my bed last night. But that would definitely piss her off.

  Whether Lucy meant it or not, I was busy interpreting every damn thing she said the last few days. She was still a bit of a mystery to me. She’d been standoffish and guarded ever since I’d known her, but then she and Amelia started working together. She slowly got pulled into my social circle. She was a strong woman, her appearance belying her strength—inside and out. Beyond her obvious beauty and the fact that she called to my body in ways too powerful to ignore, half of my attraction to her originally had been the mystery and the challenge.

  Last night had only deepened the mystery. She was a passionate woman, that itself didn’t surprise me. What startled me was the depth of vulnerability I sensed flickering behind her prickly exterior.

  So I listened to her saying that she liked to know things, to plan, to have contingencies, and I filed that away. If I wanted a shot with her…

  What the hell was I doing? I didn’t usually think about things like this. But then, Lucy was something else.

  As I sat there looking at her, it felt as if we were all alone even though we were surrounded by friends, and conversation floated around us. It occurred to me I knew very little about her life beyond the surface.

  She moved to Willow Brook in high school and graduated in her senior year. My family had moved here from Juneau right around the same time. I knew her mother in passing, but I certainly didn’t know much about her mother. If Lucy had a father who was involved in her life, he sure as hell didn’t live here in Willow Brook. Although the town’s population exploded every summer with tourists and seasonal residents, the core of locals was tight. You couldn’t live here and not eventually be known in passing by everyone else who lived here.

  My passing acquaintance with her mother was solely because she was friends with Janet James and my mother. This was the entirety of my knowledge about Lucy beyond her friendship with Amelia and their small circle of friends. I supposed it should give me pause that I was suddenly quite curious about her. I wanted to know why she was so guarded and prickly, why she kept me at a distance, and dammit, I wanted to know why she’d initially rebuffed me so thoroughly.

  I’d known what I felt between us. There was a spark, the flame of it flickering higher whenever we were near. Hell, now it was a damn bonfire, but it had always been there. Yet, she hadn’t even given me a chance. Until now.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Levi

  I walked out into the parking lot at Wildlands, looking up toward the night sky. Stars glittered like diamonds with the moon casting a glow over Swan Lake. I felt a tug on my sleeve and glanced over my shoulder to see Amelia.

  “Need something?” I asked.

  She nodded quickly. “Give Lucy a ride, please.”

  Lucy had stepped into the restroom in the back hallway as our gathering broke apart.

  “Already planning on it,” I said in return.

  Cade stood beside Amelia, his hand hooked in her back pocket. He caught my eyes as well, nodding in agreement. “Good call. She’s had a few too many beers to drive.”

  “Want me to wait until she comes out?” Amelia asked.

  Puzzled, I shrugged. “For what?”

  Amelia chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Well, she might argue with you about it,” she said with a small smile.

  I chuckled. “Oh, I bet she will. I can handle it. You guys go on. I’ll catch you tomorrow,” I replied, my eyes flicking to Cade.

  Amelia looked uncertain, but Cade nodded firmly. “Got it. Come on, babe. Lucy will only get more annoyed if you’re here trying to tell her what to do.”

  Amelia threw a glare at him, but let herself be tugged along. Cade was quite right. Lucy didn’t appreciate being told what to do period, much less with an audience.

  I watched as they drove away and leaned against the back bumper of Lucy’s small truck. I glanced out over Swan Lake, the lights of the lodge reflecting on its still waters. A few more lodges were scattered around the lake’s shore, but the far side was empty. The moon cast a shimmering path over the water.

  Hearing footsteps, I turned to see Lucy walking from the back door of the lodge. Her eyes narrowed when she saw me leaning against the back of her truck. She stopped a few feet away from me, putting her hands on her hips.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “Waiting for you. I’m giving you a ride.”

  Her eyes narrowed further, her lips tightened, and she shook her head slightly. “I don’t need a ride. I wasn’t even sure I was coming out to your place anyway.”

  No surprise there. I didn’t say my thoughts aloud. I cocked my head to the side and held her gaze. “And where were you planning to stay then?”

  She shrugged.

  “Well, you’re in no shape to drive.”

  “I’m not drunk,” she protested. “I only had three beers.”

  “You weigh next to nothing.”

  “I do not! In fact, I weigh almost one-hundred and fifteen pounds” Her speech wasn’t quite slurred, but it was close.

  I bit back the urge to laugh because that most definitely wouldn’t help matters.

  “Amelia asked me to give you a ride,” I offered.

  Lucy tapped her foot, her glare becoming more mutinous.

  “Amelia is not my keeper,” she mumbled.

  “No, she’s your friend. She asked me to give you a ride, but I was already planning on it. You’re not driving anywhere. In fact, I’m not getting off the back of your truck until you hand over your keys.”

  Lucy pulled her phone, or rather attempted to pull her phone, out of her pocket. It clattered to the ground. She leaned over to pick it up, her aim only slightly off when she stumbled. I snagged it quickly, only to have her stumble into me. When her shoulder bumped into mine, I steadied her.

  She snatched the phone out of my hand. “I’m calling Amelia,” she announced as she quickly tapped her screen and called Amelia, on speaker no less.

  Amelia answered immediately. “Hey Lucy, what’s up? Are you arguing with Levi about giving you a ride?”

  I chuckled. “Yes, she is,” I said.

  Amelia didn’t even laugh. “Lucy, don’t be stupid. Just let Levi give you a ride. You’re staying with him anyway, so it’s not like it’s out of his way.”

&n
bsp; “What if I don’t want to stay with him?”

  Amelia didn’t miss a beat. “You’re welcome to come to Cade’s parents, but it seems kind of silly. If you try to drive over here, I’m going to tell Levi not to let you. Cade and I will come back to pick you up. How’s that?”

  I was starting to realize Lucy might be drunker than I’d initially thought. She bit her lip, glaring at her phone. “I can’t stay at Levi’s anymore,” she said, her words definitely slurring now.

  “How come?” Amelia asked.

  “Because we had sex!” Lucy announced.

  My mouth dropped open, part of a laugh escaping before I cut if off. She’d shocked the hell out of me.

  I could practically imagine the look on Amelia’s face about now. She was silent when the sound of the car’s blinker echoed through the line. At which point, I realized Lucy had just made her announcement on the car’s speakerphone.

  “Are we on speakerphone?” I asked.

  “Sure are,” Cade offered, his smile evident in his tone.

  Lucy’s eyes flicked up to mine, wide and almost panicked. “I was joking, just joking.”

  Another long silence ensued.

  There was no way in hell I was going to add anything at this point.

  Lucy sighed. “I’ll let Levi drive me home. Okay, bye.”

  She ended the call without waiting for Amelia or Cade to say goodbye, dropping the phone in the process. I picked it up, only to realize she hadn’t managed to end the call. “Guys, I got it. I’m driving. Talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Night Lucy. Thanks Levi,” Amelia said quickly over Cade’s low laugh.

  I successfully tapped the end call button and handed the phone back to Lucy.