His Own Way Out

by Taylor Saracen

  Though Blake wasn’t sure shit would ever get serious between them, he couldn’t deny that he and Tom had amazing chemistry.

  “Alright,” Tom said, peeling their lips apart. “I gotta go get prepped.”

  “I thought that was what you just did.” He watched as Tom cut lines of cocaine on top of his dresser. “Oh, like that.”

  “I’d offer, but I know you’re not into it.”

  The amount of drugs Tom had been doing directly correlated to the money they'd begun to earn. It was hard to tell if Tom was getting high to perform on camera or if he was deeper into the drugs because he could afford them. The more cash, the more coke, and while Blake understood the desire to get fucked up and not worry about funding it, he was beyond messing with anything but weed and alcohol.

  Blake tsked. “Thanks anyway. You have condoms, right?”

  “Don’t you think that would have been a good thing to ask me before you came over today?” Tom questioned, rolling his tongue under his top lip.

  “Do you not?”

  “I do. They’re in my bedside table.”

  “Why are you giving me shit then?” Blake chided, pulling the condoms and lube out of the drawer.

  “I love giving you shit,” Tom shrugged. “You’re so reactive.”

  Shaking his head, Blake noted, “You’re cold, man.”

  “You said I was hot two minutes ago.”

  “You were, now you’re not,” Blake smirked, laughing when Tom slapped his ass. “Get them in now, because I’m about to be spanking yours.”

  “Oh, that’s going to happen?” Tom asked, raising his eyebrows.

  “I think so. You deserve a little something.”

  “Mmm, do I?” Tom flirted, placing his hands on Blake’s face so he could pull him in for a kiss. “This is gonna be fun.”

  “So much fun,” Blake confirmed, giving Tom one last off-camera kiss before they logged onto the website.

  “Hey, hey, hey,” Tom greeted, waving at the virtual audience.

  “Hey there,” Blake said, watching as the viewer count continued to increase. 57, 72, 95, 112. “Wow, there are a lot of you out there today, huh? Did you hear something big was going on?” He smirked before giving Tom a peck on the cheek.

  “Today’s the day.”

  Cha-ching.

  “TyeDye12 is starting us off big with five-hundred tokens. Less than a minute in and we’re halfway to our ‘shirtless goal,’” Tom stated. “Thanks so much for the tip, TyeDye.”

  170, 218, 251, 287.

  “It keeps jumping up by, like, thirty,” Blake whispered to Tom, who gave him a cheeky grin in reply. “Yes, MegaMan,” he read the handle in the comment, “it’s the day for fucking and we’re both really fucking excited.”

  Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.

  “Thanks, guys. We’ve definitely waited long enough,” Tom confirmed. “Um,” he turned to Blake, “CumSkank wants to know if you’re going to split me in half.”

  324, 410, 444.

  “Well, CumSkank, that’s the plan. It’s what he deserves,” Blake answered, waggling his eyebrows.

  “Aw, thanks, babe.” Tom stole a kiss and kept his blown-out pupils locked on Blake’s for a moment.

  “My pleasure.”

  “It will be,” Tom promised.

  Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.

  A chipper fanfare announced that they’d met the first goal.

  “And just like that we’re losing our shirts,” Blake narrated. “Thanks, TyeDye, CumPieI, and Jacksin.”

  613, 692, 736.

  “Are you seeing this?” Tom muttered as they took off their tops. He traced his finger down Blake’s sternum before rubbing his abs.

  Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.

  “Yeah, this is fucking crazy,” Blake replied, in awe by the way the numbers were continuously climbing. “Thanks for the tip, guys. The next goal is ‘naked and hard,’ one-thousand tokens. Let’s get there fast. I’m ready to go.”

  “Me too,” Tom agreed, nudging Blake with his knee and gesturing toward his vibrating phone.

  Blake chuckled when he looked at the screen.

  Greg (1:12pm): Pull your ear to say hi to me.

  Greg (1:15pm): Don’t sit there laughing, prick. Pull it.

  “Fuck off, Greg,” Blake joked, flipping the camera the bird.

  1021, 1063, 1084.

  “The people want to know if Greg’s your ex,” Tom said, rubbing Blake’s back.

  Cha-ching, cha-ching.

  “No, he’s my annoying friend,” Blake answered. “Thanks, MegaMan and CumPieI. We’re only eight-hundred away from the next goal.”

  Greg (1:20pm): You’re annoying. Fuck you right back.

  Blake rolled his eyes and tugged his ear. “There you go.”

  Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.

  Greg (1:21pm): See how easy that was?

  “TyeDye says Blake should turn off his phone. I agree, TyeDye.”

  “I do, too,” Blake said, shutting it down. He was at work. “Seven-hundred-and-twenty to our goal.”

  “I’m tempted to skip the next one and go right to the banging,” Tom flirted, licking his lips as he rubbed his palms over Blake’s abs. “You look beyond sexy right now.”

  As they made out, Blake listened to a steady succession of tips, followed by the flourish of another goal met.

  “Thanks guys,” Tom said breathlessly. “We’re noticing all your names, I promise, and we’re super appreciative.”

  “Definitely,” Blake agreed as he shed his pants and boxer briefs. He stood up to give the camera a view of his ready cock.

  1097, 1120, 1153.

  Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.

  “The screen’s frozen,” Tom reported, attempting to refresh the page. “I think we broke it.”

  “Broke what?” Blake asked, leaning over to check out the screen. “BodyBanter?”

  “Yeah. We’re getting a server error.”

  “Holy shit,” Blake laughed. “Do you really think it’s us?”

  “I really think it’s us,” Tom asserted, his eyes wide. “They don’t have the bandwidth for the activity or something.”

  “The girls are going to be so pissed we’re fucking up their afternoon.”

  “So pissed.”

  “What are we supposed to do?” Blake wondered.

  “You can blow me while we wait.”

  Blake grinned and dropped to his knees.

  As he serviced Tom, all he could think about was how he hoped someone was servicing the overwhelmed website. They had a show to do.

  34

  While Blake had expected the consummation cam show to be a hit, he never imagined it would be as epic as it was. Not only did they break BodyBanter, but Blake and Tom managed to make more money than Blake had made over months at the Tulip Tree Tavern. Since he kept his job at the restaurant while he was building a following, Blake was finally doing alright. It had been so long since he felt he was being compensated fairly for his work. If anything, he was awed by the chance to make money doing something he would have done anyway. He loved sex, and obviously people loved watching him have it. It was a win-win. Still, there were tough decisions to be made.

  As much as Blake liked Tom, being around his lifestyle was asking for trouble. Tom was snorting an insane amount of coke now that he had a steady stream of income, and his constant use was wearing on Blake. It wasn’t like he wanted to do cocaine all of sudden just because Tom was, but he struggled with his ability to control his thoughts of Adderall. It was wild that a prescription drug could have flipped the script on his life. There was no way he was going to let any substance take hold of him the way the orange powder had. So, in an effort to stay well, Blake invested in his own laptop and paid Peter and Dave’s overdo cable bill, driven to go out on his own.

  The majority of the comments on BodyBanter and Twitter were about Blake’s assets; his body, his dick, his personality. While he was grateful to have had a partner in the be
ginning, he was starting to believe he could be successful on his own. And he was right. In his first solo show, Blake raked in almost as much as he made on the earlier shows with Tom. The influx of money confirmed what he’d suspected. He was the draw.

  Tom had taken it relatively well. He told Blake porn had never been his goal anyway and that once he earned enough for a year of tuition he was going to quit. It wasn’t until he realized Blake was ending off-camera stuff that Tom became irritated.

  “So, that’s it? We’re not even going to fuck for fun anymore? Like, I get you wanting to veer off on your own on BodyBanter, but why can’t we bang?” Tom asked, seeming completely perplexed by the turn of events.

  “I think it’s better if we make a clean break,” Blake said, not wanting to go into great detail about how Tom’s lifestyle had become a dangerous deterrent. The truth was, Blake wasn’t convinced he’d want to be with the guy even if he was straight-laced and responsible. Try as he might, he couldn’t get Jay off his mind.

  His ex was everything he was looking for, and Blake worried nobody else would be able to stand up to his comparisons. It was a challenge to get over someone who had dug so deep under his skin. He wanted to believe it was possible, though, because if it wasn’t he would feel obligated to suffer. As the months passed, Blake’s belief that they’d eventually work things out had dwindled. Dave had convinced him that it was only a matter of time, but time kept passing and Jay wasn’t coming around. Occasionally, Blake attempted to connect, hoping that the effort would be rewarded with a lengthy conversation. It never was.

  Blake (6:25pm): Hey. I know finals are next week. I wanted to wish you luck.

  Jay (6:39pm): Thanks, Blake.

  “Blake.” Not “baby” or “love,” but his first name as if Jay hardly knew him. He’d considered what to write back in a plan to stimulate conversation, but after an array of ideas, Blake did nothing. It was too strange to be a stranger to a man who had claimed to love him. He wanted to be as far away from the heartbreak as possible. So, he traveled to Florida.

  Blake was surprised when his former Facebook flame, Caden, reached out to him. It had been years since they’d last chatted online. Though they had a strong connection, time, distance, and the inability to meet in person wore on their relationship. Still, there was history between them, and the fact that Caden was also camming hinted at the chance that there was a present, too. Finally having enough money to get out of Kentucky, if even just for a couple of days, Blake boarded a plane for a long overdue date. The trip was intended to be for pleasure in more ways than one, but it turned out to be highly educational as well.

  A quick Google search after checking Caden out on BodyBanter had informed Blake that his friend had parlayed his camera success into a career in porn. Caden’s scenes were incredibly hot, and once Blake began his descent down the Helix Studios rabbit hole, he found that the rest of the content on their site was fire, too.

  “Porn, huh?” Blake asked as he lay in bed beside Caden.

  “Yup.”

  “Tell me about it,” Blake prompted, turning on his side to have a better view of Caden’s handsome face.

  “There’s not much to tell,” Caden shrugged. “I get to fuck hot guys and it pays the bills,” he paused, “and then some.”

  “I can see,” Blake noted, glancing around Caden’s bedroom. Though the place wasn’t a palace, it was nice with its new furniture and top of the line speaker system.

  “I’m not rolling in it, but I’m doing alright.”

  “How often do you film?”

  “They fly me out to San Diego once a month and I do a few scenes, lay on the beach, and party,” Caden replied as he tickled Blake’s arm. “It’s fun.”

  “It sounds like fun,” Blake said, his interest officially piqued. Like with all things, he knew there wasn’t a chance it was as straightforward as Caden presented it to be. “There have to be downsides, though. If it was that easy and enjoyable everyone would do it.”

  Caden laughed at the assertion. “Dude, it’s still porn. Not everyone would do it because you literally get naked and fuck on camera. It takes a certain type of person and a big set of balls.”

  “I mean...” Blake smirked, gesturing toward his lap, “check.”

  “Yeah, well, the whole world is going to see them if you decide to try to do porn. It’s something you have to think about.”

  “First of all, the whole world doesn’t watch gay porn.”

  “They should,” Caden interrupted with a chuckle. “Imagine the good it could do for the Middle East.”

  “Peace, finally,” Blake grinned. “Seriously though, there’s no way the general public recognizes you from your scenes.”

  “Well, they don’t, but I can’t rule out the chance that someday it will bite me in the ass.”

  “You like having your ass bitten,” Blake teased, gnashing his teeth together.

  “With jobs and shit in the future,” Caden admonished, playfully flicking Blake’s ear. “Once it’s out there, it’s out there. There’s no taking it back.”

  Blake shrugged. “The same could be said for BodyBanter.”

  “Yeah, but that’s on a much smaller scale. Cam sites don’t have the reach that the major porn companies do.”

  “Do your parents know you do porn?”

  “Do yours know you cam?” Caden shot back.

  “Deflecting skills on fleek!” Blake joked, squeezing Caden’s obliques. “My dad knows but I haven’t told my mom yet.”

  “Yet?” Caden asked, raising his eyebrows in interest. “You’re going to tell her?”

  “Sure, I’ve had to tell her way more fucked up shit in the past, at least camming is legal and I’m making money.”

  “What does your dad think?”

  “He’s a free-spirit,” Blake said easily. “He thinks it’s cool.”

  “Do you think she will?”

  Blake shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m still working at the Tulip Tree Tavern so it’s not like there’s no going back. I think my dad’s glad about that.”

  “Your parents are way different than mine,” Caden sighed. “If they ever found out they would disown me.”

  “Then they don’t deserve you,” Blake stated.

  “That’s simple to say but when you’re facing it, it’s a lot more complicated.”

  “Why did you do it then? Porn. Why’d you do it if you thought there was a chance you wouldn’t be able to handle the ramifications?”

  “Because it’s fun,” Caden grinned, “and I’m only young once, right? I want to live life to its fullest and deal with consequences as they come.”

  “And you think they’ll come?”

  “They always come,” Caden answered with a wink.

  “Do they?” Blake laughed, rolling on top of Caden to slot their mouths together.

  As they kissed, Blake reminded himself that although Caden was sexy, he wasn’t the kind of guy he needed long-term. He was a worry-about-the-consequences-later kind of guy, and Blake needed a guy who weighed the consequences before making a decision, someone who would make him better. Someone like Jay. Time spent with other people seemed to do nothing but confirm to Blake that he wanted to be with his ex. Unfortunately, wanting to be with someone and having the ability to actually be with them wasn’t the same. Longing didn’t promise fulfillment, no matter how much the satisfaction was craved. Intent on pushing the swirl of thoughts from his mind, Blake decided to push a finger inside of Caden.

  “Mmm,” Caden crooned, climbing on top of him. “I wanna ride you.”

  “Go ahead then,” Blake grinned.

  Placing his hands behind his head, Blake decided there was no use in worrying about things he couldn’t control, especially if he could lay back and enjoy giving it up to someone else. At least for a night.

  35

  Though Blake prided himself on having an abundance of pride, he wasn’t too prideful to contact Jay when he returned home from Florida. It had been too long since
they had last seen each other, and Blake was convinced that if he could just get in front of him they could work things out. He wasn’t wrong.

  “I missed you,” Blake whispered into Jay’s neck as he fucked him.

  “Holy shit,” Jay sighed, throwing his head back on the pillow, his fingernails digging into Blake’s flexing back muscles. “I missed you, too.”

  “This or me?” Blake asked breathlessly, the distinction important to him, even in the heat of their passion.

  As soon as Blake entered Jay’s apartment their lips had been on one another, and it had taken seconds for their bodies to follow suit. While his intention had been for them to speak, Blake couldn’t deny that reconnecting physically was pretty fucking nice. Though Blake had banged a bunch of people after they’d broken up, the sex was better with someone he loved.

  “Both,” Jay confessed.

  The admission brought a wide smile to Blake’s face. Jay missed him just like he’d missed Jay. They were having sex and they’d missed each other. He liked his odds of a longer-term reunion.

  Falling into a familiar rhythm, they worked toward climax and shuddered their way down as they kissed hungrily. They snuck glances and grins as they pulled apart, lying on the pillow beside each other.

  “So,” Blake began, rubbing his knuckles against the scruff on Jay’s chin. “That was amazing.”

  “It always is,” Jay agreed, holding Blake’s hand so he could give it a smooch. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “I’m glad to be here. It’s just like old times.”

  “It’s only been a couple of months.”

  “It feels like years ago,” Blake mused.

  “What have you been up to?” Jay wondered, squeezing Blake’s bicep. “Other than working out.”

  “I haven’t been working out that much. I sort of got into a new business venture that’s taking up my time.”

  “Sort of? How can you be successful at something if you’re only sort of into it?” Jay challenged.