"I realize that, but give me some space. Shit. You don't know what it would mean if I found out I was pregnant."
She moved in front of me. "And you're for sure it's Erik's?"
"Yes. I've only slept with him." I turned away from her and walked back into the kitchen. "It's been weeks, but he was the last person, and the only person I opened my legs for."
"Then take the test and let's find out." She stopped at the edge of the kitchen, and I turned and screamed at her.
"Lay the fuck off!"
She sat the test down, lifting both her hands and nodded. "Sorry." She walked out of the kitchen, leaving me standing there alone.
"Jenna."
The sound of the front door closing caused my heart to ache. I shouldn't have yelled at her. Another door closed, I grabbed the pregnancy test and poked my head in the living room.
"Um... what's going on?" Nate walked in and gave me a curious look.
"Have you seen Erik lately?" I moved to stand in front of him.
"I saw him today. He's doing better." He glanced down at the test as his eye widened. "Is that for you or Jenna?"
Jenna's voice lifted from the hallway. "Me." She walked toward me and snatched it from my hands. "Alright. I'll take the fucking thing."
"Jenna. Stop." I let out a long sigh and turned back to Nate. "It's for me. My period is six weeks late."
"Oh thank God." He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh of relief before looking over at Jenna and apologizing. "I didn't mean it like that, baby."
"It's fine." She reached up and ran her hand over the top of her head. "Grace doesn't want to take the test."
Nate reached out and rubbed my shoulder. "Then don't take it." He winked at me and walked toward the kitchen. "Besides... what's she going to do if it's positive? It's not like Erik has the chance of coming back into her life. She chose Thomas over him."
My heart stopped in my chest. "Wait. What?"
"Don't listen to him." Jenna shook her head and walked toward the kitchen. "Hey, insensitive. Watch what you say."
Nate glanced back as I followed Jenna to the kitchen. "What? She did."
"He was going to murder my brother." I put my hands on my hips. "And he expected me to just stand by and let that happen? Are you fucking kidding me right now?"
"No. He's not an idiot, Grace, but you chose your life over his. You knew he would have to go back and take the hell his father reigned on him because of him choosing you over his father." He turned to face me, and I realized something. He was angry with me. He blamed me for whatever Erik was going through.
I turned without a word and walked to the door. Jenna had given me a lift over, but I didn't need one back home. The early evening air would feel good against my skin. The sound of Jenna calling after me only fueled me to walk faster.
I probably was carrying Erik's baby. Why wouldn't I be? My mother promised me the first time I let a man touch me that I would be knocked up... just like she was.
A hot ball of regret sat in the back of my throat, but I held it back until I was in the comfort of my own apartment. Thomas was nowhere to be found, but things had gotten back to normal with him. He'd delivered the twenty thousand dollars back to Mr. Bertinelli, and as far as he was concerned, the drama was over.
I was too weary to care at the moment.
After fixing myself a glass of water and downing it, I walked to the bathroom. It was the moment of truth, though I wasn't sure what difference it would make to know other than taking better care of the baby.
Warmth raced through me at the thought of having a life inside of me, and I knew I was sick. I was single. Broke. Plain. Me.
I tore the package open and laid the little stick out on the sink before stripping down naked. Why hadn't I just peed on the damn thing over at Jenna's where I had someone to talk to if it turned out to be positive?
My phone buzzed, and I walked back into the living room to answer it. A text from the library asking me to work the night shift. I replied quickly that I would. What else did I have to do?
I moved languidly back to the bathroom and grabbed the test and took it. After laying it back down, I put a timer on my phone and walked around my living room nude as a million thoughts played through my mind.
Some remote part of my heart hoped that I was pregnant. Erik might not come back to me because of the danger of doing so, but if he ever asked me to run away with him again, I would. He spared Thomas' life for me. Because he loved me. No matter if he admitted it or not. He had to.
My phone went off, and I walked numbly to the bathroom, knowing the answer in my heart before I ever turned the corner and picked up the stick.
Pregnant. With Erik's baby.
A cry left me as I moved over and sat down on the toilet. I pressed my face to my hands and cried long and hard.
It was sick of me, but the child in my stomach gave me hope. Hope that I wouldn't have to live without him, no matter how bad we were for each other.
He belonged to me in some fucked up way, and I belonged to him.
Chapter 25
Erik
Everything hurt as I lay in bed that morning, dipping in and out of sleep. My body was bruised from the week of torture I had endured. Hanging from the ceiling in the basement with nothing more than a little bit of water and a half a sandwich a day. My father had made his point and made it well.
I was a prisoner in my own life, owned fully by him and the Syndicate. I'd never get married and never have kids of my own. Even if he allowed me to. There was no way I would ever put someone I loved through such intense hell. Never. Not even a fucking enemy. A quick shot to the head was the worst it was going to get.
The wind blew in my bedroom around me, the windows wide open thanks to Kane caring to stop by a couple of times a day while I recovered. Without Lizzy, I'd have wasted away into nothing. The pretty girl had spent hours cleaning up my wounds and stitching up the cuts from my father and his guards laying waste to me.
And all for nothing. Thomas wasn't free. The stupid asshole thought he was, but the games were just getting started.
There were worse things than death.
I tried to open my eyes, but the force to keep them shut was almost too much. My body burned for something to take me away. Drugs. Sex. Something. Anything.
Running my hand down my chest, I cried out. Never in a million years had I thought my father capable of the abuse he'd laid against me. The bastard so far beyond vile that I struggled to want to live if it meant serving him. Had he always been that way?
It took me a little while, but I finally got my eyes opened and found some semblance of peace in the view outside my window. The snow was starting to fall. The white flurries left me open, raw. I was truly alone without an ounce of comfort available to me.
A groan ran from my sore throat as I shifted up on shaky arms. "Fuck," I mumbled and let my eyes move down my body. Dark yellow and blue bruises ran just under my skin, my arms, legs, stomach, chest... nothing was left untouched.
I forced myself out of bed and walked over to the window as my knees almost gave out on me several times. Thank God I was allowed my underwear for the week of hell. My dignity was intact, but only slightly.
"Erik?" Lizzy's voice lifted up behind me, and I turned as she pressed her hand to her mouth. "Your back looks so bad."
"It's fine." I waved her off as she started toward me. "Please. Leave me alone, okay?"
"Okay." She moved back. "We're having Thanksgiving dinner. Do you want some help getting dressed?"
"No. I have nothing to be thankful for, Lizzy." I turned back to breathe in the icy cold air outside. Death would have been a beautiful release during the hours of torture I stood against. The thoughts racing through my mind during my awake moments had destroyed me far more than anything my father could do. He could break my body, but only one person could decimate my soul. Grace.
"Your Dad said that he's not taking no for an answer to you coming to eat." She sounded so sorrowf
ul.
"Then tell him to come get me himself. Bring his gun too because I'm tired, Lizzy." I remained looking out at the snow. The drop from my third story room was maybe just enough to stop my heart. I reached out and turned my palm to the heavens, letting the cold snow offer me comfort.
The door closed, and I sagged against the window, so damn tired.
No sooner had I made it back to the bed then my door opened again. My father closed the door behind him, walked in and sat down in a recliner by the window, crossing his hands over his stomach.
I watched him numbly, not sure who I was staring at anymore.
"I know that you hate me, and that's fine." He breathed in deeply and studied me. "You're all I have left."
"You should have killed me. This isn't going to work out well for either of us. When I gain my strength back, I will come after you while you sleep. I'll be the one above you while you take your last breath." I ground my teeth together and sat down, unable to stand any longer. "You should go get your gun now, Papa. Take me out. Get it over with."
His eyes filled with tears, as if the fucker had a soul. He glanced out toward the snow as his tears began to fall. "Terrance wanted retribution for what happened to his wife, and honestly, who could blame him. He cleared his own name in your mother's death and flew here to meet with me. I knew the price would be great, but not nearly as great as it was."
Horror lodged in my chest. "What did you do?"
He glanced over at me. "I had a choice to make. It's one you'll never have to face because I won't let you go through that kind of pain." He pointed to my chest and waved his finger around. "This shit is nothing compared to losing someone you love."
"I lost them too," I barked loudly.
"But you didn't have to choose, Erik." He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose as a sob rose up out of him that broke me. "He wanted you both. He lost everything when I killed his wife. She was pregnant, but I had no clue, so two deaths sat on my head."
"Oh my God." I pressed my hand to my mouth. "You knew they were coming that day."
He nodded and turned his attention back to me. "I had no choice with Delaney, but with you, I couldn't let him have you. I told you to go with Nate and do that first hit. Do you remember?"
"How could I forget? I've lived with the regret of leaving the house that morning for ten years."
"And I've lived with so much more." He wiped at his face and stood. "The hit was on a Mister Carlos Vantaga. He was Terrance’s nemesis; the bastard having been a thorn in Terrance's side since they were boys. I offered Delaney and the hit."
"You sent me to kill someone that another Don couldn't get rid of while you let them come in here and take my baby sister?" Bile rose up in my throat.
His eyes darkened as he lifted his finger. "You have no fucking clue what I've been through. I saved you from being torn apart by monsters."
"So that you would have someone to keep your inheritance alive. You don't give a shit about me. You care about you. You probably killed Mom too."
He crossed the room and slapped me in the face. "You're alive because I kept you alive. Don't ever forget that."
"I wish you would have let them take me too," I mumbled and wrapped my arms around myself. I wasn't a man anymore, but a small boy trapped in a nightmare. Everything I knew to be true was a fucking lie, and the man I'd love for the entirety of my life was the devil himself.
I'd get my strength back, and then I'd kill him. I had no other choice.
****
"Bro?" Nate's voice was soft as he stuck his head inside my bedroom.
I was wrapped up in a thick blanket, sitting on the chair near the window, letting the snow blow in on me. "What?"
"You doing okay?" He closed the door and moved over to kneel in front of me. The worry on his face should have touched my heart, but it didn't. I wasn't sure I had one anymore.
"I'm alive, man. That's as good as it gets." I continued to stare out the window. I wanted to ask about Grace, but it was a dead subject. We were nothing to each other but a hopeful ending. It was sick and overrated.
"I just left your father's office."
"Awesome." I blinked slowly and focused on my breathing. My only task was to get better.
"He said that Fredrick is late on his payment." Nate reached out and gripped my shoulder, rubbing softly. "Erik. What the fuck did he do to you man? Talk to me. It's me."
I glanced over at him and turned away. I didn't have much control over the last of my emotions as my heart died in my chest. His face opened up too many wounds, the memories good and bad. He'd taken four bullets for me the day we killed Carlos for my father. Little did we know that my sister was being taken while we were gone. Nate would die inside just like I had.
"Are you going on the hit to kill Fredrick?" I snorted. The irony of it all. Nate liked Fredrick a lot and had been working for the guy for a long time.
"No. You are." He glanced down.
"I'm not doing anything for that bastard anymore. He can put a bullet in my skull." I shrugged and closed my eyes. "I'm tired man. Get out."
"Erik. Dude, please. You're scaring me. I need to tell you something, but I'm not sure you're going to hear me right now."
"Get out!" I turned and screamed in his face. "Now!"
He stood and lifted his hand. "Alright. I'll be back soon though. If you need me-"
"I won't. Get out and don't come back, Nate. Whatever friendship we had is dead. Leave me the fuck alone." I pulled my blanket closer and leaned to my right, pressing my bruised cheek to my shoulder. "And tell Kane to deal with Fredrick. If he doesn't have the money, I'm sure he has something in his past that will cripple him. Just stay out of it. I'll have you out of this shit soon."
"Out of what shit?" His voice was far too timid to sound like the Nate I knew.
"The syndicate." I closed my eyes and took a slow, deep breath. The icy cold of winter rushed over me, leaving me more alive than I could remember ever feeling. Except when I was in Grace's arms.
"Erik."
I came up out of my chair and turned to face him as the blanket fell. "I swear to God I'm going to fucking blow your cock off if you don't get out of here."
"Holy shit." He cupped his hand over his mouth and stumbled back. "Erik, man. We have to get you to a hospital."
"Get out." I stumbled toward my nightstand and got my gun, turning and lifting it toward him. I jerked to the left and let off a round as he stood in stony silence, his face a mask of horror.
"Did your father do this shit to you?"
"I'll shoot you, Nate. I don't care who you are. I don't want anyone around me. Not ever again. "I jerked the gun toward the ground and shot at the floor in front of him, causing him to stumble back toward the door.
"I'm leaving, but I'm here for you." He reached for the door, opening it and talking to the guy who came running. He was almost through the door when he paused and turned, dropping a bomb on me that I wasn't sure how to recover from. "I came by to tell you that Grace is pregnant, man. It's yours."
"Get out." I put my back to him as the air seemed so hard to breathe all of a sudden. Grace was pregnant? It had to be mine. He said it was mine, right? "Nate?" I jerked around, but he was already gone.
Fuck me. Grace had my baby inside of her? No. This was terrible news. There was no way I could be with her after what happened, after my father's threats. Even if I put a bullet in his head, could I really go to her? She'd chosen freedom, Thomas, normalcy over me. She'd rejected my hopes of getting out town together.
"She didn't even try to call, knowing my father would most likely kill me." I dropped down on the side of my bed so fucking weary.
Pregnant? It didn't matter. It couldn't.
I sat there for an hour, thinking through the possibilities and knowing that I had to see her. At least one last time before the showdown with my old man. It took me for-fucking-ever to get dressed, but once I was, I grabbed my gun and walked through the house, ready to shoot anyone that ev
en paused to look at me wrong.
The laughter from the dining room made me sick. Thanksgiving dinner was a joke. Life was a bitch, and then you died alone, starving for affection.
"What the fuck do we have to be thankful about?" I walked out into the snow and got in my father's jeep. Grace would probably be with her family, or maybe not. I wasn't nearly that lucky.
Pregnant. How fucked up was that?
Chapter 26
Grace
Everything hurt as I lay on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, my heart broken and life shattered by a few stupid decisions. I should have gone with Erik out of town when he asked me to that night, but I knew the consequences of that. His father wasn't anything like him. He would find us and kill us both.
The asshole knew he was sending Erik to kill my brother. He was probably the one who had Cole bring me to the frat house that night. But why? Tears dripped down my face, and I cuddled up tighter on the couch. What had I done to deserve such hatred?
Did Lucien really not want Erik to find love? To be secure in a relationship outside of theirs? A soft knock at the door had my heart skipping a beat. Jenna? Had to be.
Thomas was visiting our parents for the holidays, but I faked a sickness to keep from going. My mother would see my baby bump and watch me vomit a few times and know exactly what was wrong with me. She'd demean me and make me feel like I was nothing more than the whore I was. It wasn't happening.
I got up and walked toward the door, ignoring the tiny tank top and boy shorts I had on. Jenna wouldn't care. "Coming."
Shock rolled over me quickly followed by horror as I opened the door. Erik stood on the other side of the door, his beautiful face black and blue, his eye swollen shut and lip busted pretty bad.
"Oh my God." I reached for him and pulled him into the apartment. "Baby, what happened to you?"
"Nate stopped by." His voice was low, his tone dead. "He said you're pregnant. I came by to see what you wanted to do with it."
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