by Kay Maree
“Can you at least come close enough so that I’m not yelling it across the front yard?”
“You really want me in swinging distance, Freddie? Are you really that screwed in the head?” I took a deep breath. One more wise crack like that and this was going to go down like a lead balloon. Folding my arms over my chest, standing my ground, I looked up at him. I wasn’t going away but I also wasn’t about to let the whole neighborhood hear this. It was going to be a battle of who could be stubborn the longest. About ten minutes later, we heard the sound of a bike coming in this direction. JD stood straighter then rolled his eyes when Raven came into view. He looked over at me narrowing his eyes.
“Yeah, ‘cause that is my doing! I can make him appear out of thin air. He isn’t the devil, Jason. I can’t summon him by the mention of his name.” Raven pulled up in Ellie and JD’s driveway and took his helmet off.
“When you two are quite finished. Ellie called me. Freddie, I can’t follow you around all day while you speak to everyone.”
“I didn’t ask you too! You know what? Fuck this! I came here to talk to Ellie and Jason like adults but clearly that is too much to ask. I did what you needed me to do, Cameron. I am gone. It is clear that no one wants me here and after the way I have acted, I don’t blame them but clearly some people are worthy of redemption and some people aren’t.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I looked over at JD. I just shook my head and went to walk past Raven and back to my truck.
“Okay hold the fuck up. Get your ass up on that porch. Jason, pull your damn head in and stand down. Ellie, come out from behind the door.”
“No! You don’t get to call the shots at my house, Raven. Let him go if he wants to go! I am not putting Ellie through this again.”
“Jason. Stand down. Unlock the fucking door so Ellie can come out and stop being an over-protective dick. He wouldn’t be here if I didn’t trust him so, again, pull your head in and take a fucking seat. My God. You are all ageing me twenty years with this.” JD glared at the pair of us before taking his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the door. As Ellie stepped out, she punched him in the arm. I snorted.
“I can’t believe you locked her in the house.”
“Shut it, Freddie.” Raven’s tone was laced with warning. He turned to look up at Ellie.
“Sweetheart, can we take this inside please?” She gave a hesitant nod before turning and going back inside. JD followed her and Raven motioned for me to follow. I shook my head.
“I’ll go last if you don’t mind.” Muttering under his breath, he moved past me, up the path and inside to the front room where and Ellie and JD were standing.
“Jason you sit there and Freddie you there.” He pointed at the two couches on opposite sides of the room. He dragged a chair in from the kitchen and sat between us. Ellie opting for a seat next to JD. “Now, let’s try and be civil here. We are all grownups and so far, we haven’t been acting that way so we are going to be calm and talk.” Once again, JD and I just stared off with each other. Ellie spoke to break the silence.
“Let’s hear what Freddie wanted to say.” JD turns and shoots her a look. Resting her hand against his leg, I notice the engagement ring she is sporting on her left hand.
“I’m not here to ask for forgiveness or to apologize, expecting you to accept it. There is nothing that I can say that will take away what I did to you Ellie before I left. I have no excuses. I knew that I had a problem but instead of speaking up about it or getting help then, I pretended like it wasn’t there. I hurt you and I wish I could make that right, I do. I guess what I am really hoping for by staying around is for us to be able to co-exist peacefully. I miss my family and my place here. It is going to take a long time for me to earn all of your trust back, but hopefully that is something I can do. Not just the two of you but all of the guys.” I watched as Ellie’s face began to soften.
“I don’t speak for JD but I have no hard feelings against you. It would be easy for me to hold a grudge but what is the point. It’s negative and no one needs that kind of toxic energy. I just need you to promise me and Raven, as two people who love and care about you, to come to us if you ever need help. We were there and you turned your back on us. Don’t let it happen again.”
“Look, I am not going to hold this over your head but you have a long way to go to earn my trust again. We do however trust Raven not to have brought you back unless you were ready but at the same time, I have my family to protect.”
“I respect that. I left a wake of destruction behind me and burnt a lot of bridges. I’m ready to make up for it though. As I said, if you want me to stay away, I will do that. I won’t make this any harder than it needs to be.”
“We aren’t the relationship you need to be repairing, Freddie.” Ellie was right. I still had a long way down this road of redemption.
CHAPTER SIX
Diesel
Dad stayed true to his word. Eventually he did sit me down to have a talk. I guess something in me had both him and Mom worried about me. I never turned up on their doorstep without warning. I hated that it brought running away from my problems back home to come and see them. A quick plane trip meant I could spend weekends here, but I still chose to stay away. Long weekends I spent with the boys. It wasn’t until I was back home at Mom and Dad’s that I was reminded of how much I needed them. They took away the club bullshit and I could just be with them. The memories of growing up with three older brothers and the pranks I would play on them, knowing they wouldn’t expect it to come from me. When I hit my late teens, I fucked with Dom’s car and he lost his mind. Oscar was racing by this point and asked me to be on his team and work in the garage. It would keep me out of trouble and get me some experience if I wanted to continue that path. I think everyone was a bit shocked when I upped and moved to Nevada without warning. I told Mom and Dad that I got work there and they accepted that. I was twenty-one so I didn’t need to live at home and I had earned enough money to support myself and get a decent house. Sitting down at the kitchen counter one morning though, I knew that was about to come to an end. Looking up from my iPad when Dad placed a big breakfast down, I locked it and set it to the side.
“I have left it a few days, Princess, but I think we need to talk.” He moved away to grab the coffee pot and came back to fill my cup and his. Sliding his plate over to the empty space beside me, he rounded the corner of the counter and took a seat. “We are happy to have you home, don’t get me wrong and your mom said it was a surprise visit but I don’t buy that.” I picked up my coffee mug and took a drink, trying to swallow the ball in my throat.
“I missed you guys so I came to see you. I realized that I don’t do it enough.”
“Princess, I can’t recall a time where you came of your own doing. We love it, we do and we aren’t trying to make you feel bad about coming home...”
“I feel a but coming on though.”
“I just want to make sure that you are okay. You aren’t in any trouble, are you?” I shook my head no. Taking a big bite of pancakes, I needed to try and delay answering that question. I could brush Mom off, but there was no way I could tell Dad that I was okay when I wasn’t.
“It’s not fair that you are having this talk and not Mom.”
“Why’s that?” He chuckled.
“Because you call bullshit when I try and convince you otherwise.” He laughed again and just kept eating. I took a breath.
“I’m fine now. Had I have come home a couple of months ago then I wouldn’t have been able to say the same thing and I sure as hell wouldn’t have been able to hide it from you. Not even the boys would have believed me if I’d have said I was okay.” His eyebrow raised and he set down his knife and fork.
“Want to start elaborating on that Ruby before I call your brothers and we pay a trip to someone?”
“No! It’s nothing like that! I was emotionally battered and bruised but that’s all!”
“That’s a
ll?! No Ruby, that is not okay. Do not play this down. Start talking.” I let out a sigh and told him everything. From the MC club to Freddie and now him being back. I had left out that he was the clubs hitman and could kill people with accuracy better than anyone. He let out a breath. “When you do something, you definitely don’t do it by halves do you?”
“Nope! Always been an all or nothing kind of girl.” He was quiet for a few minutes.
“Why didn’t you tell us about the club?”
“I didn’t know how you would react. I finally found somewhere I belonged and I didn’t want that taken away.”
“Princess, we never would have made you come home if that’s where you wanted to be. We sure as hell wouldn’t have judged you for it, but if something had of happened to you, we wouldn’t have known anything.”
“I know, Dad, I’m sorry!” I moved and wrapped my arms around him. Laying my head against his shoulder, he pressed a kiss against my hair and wrapped me in a hug.
“You need to go home though.”
“What?” I pulled back, confused.
“I’m not saying now or even today but Ruby, we have always taught you kids to face your problems head on. When Freddie first went to rehab, he didn’t have to deal with the mess that he had caused. You running away here, he still doesn’t have to. Sure he is fixing what he broke with everyone else and by the sounds of it, that boy has a lot of cleaning up to do, but you have given him a free pass. The Ruby that I know would have raised hell before leaving town.” I looked away, speechless. He was right. In one moment, I had given him back all the power I had been fighting to reclaim. I used to be so outspoken and say exactly what was on my mind. I’d told him that he was dead to me and just left.
“You’re right. I guess the shock of him being back hit and I didn’t stop to think about what I was doing. I didn’t even think about where I was going when I left. I just drove. It wasn’t until I slept on it that I knew where I needed to go and that was to come home.”
“I don’t blame you, I think anyone in that situation would have reacted to the fight or flight instinct. Now that you have a clearer head though, would you have made that same decision?” I shook my head. In the cold light of day, I wouldn’t. Had I have been given some warning then I could have dealt with it but the shock of it all had me running away. Dad wrapped his arms back around me. “Give it the rest of the week then go home. We love you and are here for you. I will not even tell your brothers about this so that you can get home and kick his ass before they want to.” I laughed and rested my head on his chest.
“Thanks, Dad. You’ve always made me feel better.”
“Always will do, Princess. Just know if he hurts you again, in any way I will be headed there to kick his ass.” I was going to take his advice. I was going to see out the week, spend time with my family before I go home and deal with this shit head on.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Diesel
After spending the week with my family, I headed home and went back to reality. I took the day off after I got back before heading back into the workshop. To be honest, I kind of missed working. It kept me sane most of the time. I put my phone in the dock and pressed play on the playlist. I turned on the computer and brought up the listing of all the repairs that were due in today. I had a few bikes that were easy repairs and a service so nothing too bad for my first day back. After the first bike came in, my day went pretty quickly. Humming along to the music that was filling the silence, I heard a throat clear behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Freddie standing there.
“I thought I had made my feelings for you pretty clear.”
“No, you did. Being told that you are dead to them by the woman that you love was received loud and clear.”
“Really? Because here you are in my doorway.”
“You can’t avoid me forever, Ruby.”
“No, but I can try Freddie. Just because you are back in the club doesn’t mean our paths need to cross. I spend all of my time here and you don’t need to.”
“Is that how it’s gonna be?”
“Yep, you stay out of my way and I will stay out of yours.”
“Ruby, please don’t be like that.”
“Freddie, you need to leave me alone. I’m not fucking kidding. The hell you put me through damn near killed me. Until I am ready to face you, you need to stay away! I can’t deal with you.”
“Ruby...”
“Just fuck!” I turned around to meet his gaze. “Why can’t you get this through your head. You destroyed me and dealing with the idea of you coming back has been hard enough. I can’t do this. Why can’t you respect that? What do you want from me?!” He moved over and stood in front of me. His hands gripped my face as he looked down at me. He pressed his lips against mine in a heated kiss.
“I want you. Please, give me a second chance? I wish I could take back all the hurt that I’ve caused you, but I can’t. I want to make it up to you though. I love you. You are the one I want to be with, the one I want to wake up next to. I want to build a life with you. What is it going to take for you to believe me?” I placed my hands against his chest, pushing him back.
“I can’t do that. I gave you chance after chance and you broke me. The others may be able to forgive you or look the other way but I can’t. You fought for Ellie but you couldn’t do that with me.”
“I’m doing that now! I gave you your space but Ruby, I can’t do that anymore. I need you to believe me. I made mistakes before. I shut you out when I should have let you in. If I couldn’t trust anyone else, I should have been able to trust you, but instead I shut you out. I need to make things right again.”
“You can’t. The damage is done. We will talk when we need to but I can’t be anything more than that Freddie. You have done enough damage. I have already given you too much power by running away when you got back, but I need to look out for me now because no one else is. Please, I am begging you, just leave me alone. We are done.” His hands dropped to his sides and he let out a sigh.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Diesel.” I felt an ache in my chest as he used my club name. I watched him turn and leave the workshop without another word and let out a breath. Sitting down on the stool beside my workbench, I covered my face with my hands and took a minute. Everything in me was wanting to crumble, but I had to stand my ground. He was saying all the things that I wanted to hear but that is all they were at this stage. They were just words. Taking a deep breath, I dropped my hands and saw Cameron standing there.
“Welcome back.”
“Thanks. Already had the welcoming party though so you’re a little late.” Grabbing the wrench I wanted, I crouched down and started working on the bike I needed to.
“He means what he says, Ruby.”
“That’s awesome, Cameron. I asked for one thing though and none of you can fucking do that. Keep him away from me. It’s not a hard ask.”
“Come on, Ruby, you are in the same club. Can you really avoid him?”
“What, so I’m just supposed to join the lobotomy club and forget everything he has done and jump straight to forgiveness? Fuck that. I ran away for fuck’s sake. He is poison to me, Cameron and toxic to be around. Until I am ready to come around everyone just needs to stop trying to force the issue. If you can’t respect that then I will fucking leave and make it easy for everyone.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“Funnily enough, I am deadly serious. All I am asking is to keep him out of this workshop. I will do my thing and he can do his. I am not part of the road team so I don’t need to put myself around him. If you need me at the table, I will be there, but that is it. I have a lot of respect for you which is a huge part of why I am still here or even came back. Please just give me this one thing. I have never asked you for anything. I don’t give you trouble. I come in, get my shit done and leave. I want to continue to do that.” He nodded.
“Okay, if that is what you want then I w
ill respect that and make sure that he does too.”
“Thank you.” He moved over and gave my shoulder a soft squeeze.
“It’s good to have you back, Rubes. If you need anything, you know where we are.”
“I appreciate that.” He left me alone and I felt a massive dip in my energy. Seeing the time, I decided to go and grab a coffee and something to eat. Maybe that would help me get through the rest of the day before I could crawl into bed and relax this day away with some Winchesters. I’m not an idiot. I knew he would come to see me eventually, but day one of me being back was way too soon. I just needed to regroup and get ready for day two, hoping that Cameron was at least true to his word.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Freddie
When I overheard the guys talking about Ruby being back, I was at war with myself. I will admit though, going to see Ruby like that probably wasn’t one of my smarter ideas. Raven was undoubtedly going to have my balls for that. I guess part of me thought when she saw me and heard me out, that she wouldn’t still wish death upon me. It was selfish of me though because I knew what she needed was space and to not have me in her face. Now, if I wanted to keep my heart beating, I would have to put the distance she had asked for between us and leave her be. Raven warned me when she told him that she was back not to go near her. Chaos and JD warned me as well but in true fashion, I ignored that and walked out of there with my tail between my legs. I fucking hated this though, I just wanted her back. Outside after leaving Ruby, Raven headed straight for me after he saw her too.
“What the hell, Freddie! We fucking warned you to stay the hell away from her! You just had to go ahead and do the opposite though and piss her right off!”
“I know, I’m sorry! I thought I could get her to hear me out!”