Home is Where the Heart Is (Home #1)

by Cheynee Filkov

  A warm hand landed on her shoulder and she instinctively rushed away from the touch.

  Jace held his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, do you want to head in?”

  Isabelle felt her face flush but she nodded and followed after him, taking her first steps into the school grounds and her new life.

  “Sorry I was running a bit late,” he said after they’d walked a few paces.

  Isabelle looked over at him properly for the first time today and nearly stopped in her tracks.

  How was it possible a guy could look so hot in just ripped jeans and a plain white shirt? His hair was still damp from his shower, and though there were darkish circles under his eyes he was still so beautiful.

  “Isabelle?”

  “Sorry what?” she asked, embarrassed that he’d caught her checking him out.

  “I said I was late because I went to the office first and got your schedule for you. We’ve only got two classes together - Gym and photography, but I can see if I can swap a few of my classes around to match yours if you want.”

  He’d gone out of his way to get her class schedule and was willing to change his just so she wouldn’t be alone? Who was this guy?

  “Uh…no that’s ok you don’t need to change anything for me. Do we have either of those classes together today?”

  “Yeah, we’ve got photography for our last period. You’ve got English first up today so I’ll walk you there, and then you can wait for me after class and I’ll take you to your next class too.”

  “Oh, that won’t be necessary, I’m sure I can find my own way.”

  “I didn’t say it was necessary,” he told her with a smirk. “I said that I would take you.”

  Isabelle rolled her eyes. “Are you always this bossy?”

  Jace shrugged in answer as he lightly touched the small of her back and led her into a beautiful white building and up the stairs.

  Isabelle tried to ignore all the stares around her but her body was getting hot from all their gazes. When she braved a look she was surprised to see a lot of them were not looking at her but gazing incredulously at Jace in complete confusion or surprise.

  “Everyone’s staring,” she murmured to him.

  “Yeah, it’s not just you though,” he whispered back. “I don’t normally come to school early…if at all sometimes, so it’s probably a shock for them to see me here, let alone with the prettiest girl in school.”

  Isabelle blushed again. He was always making little comments about her beauty or how special she was, and in such an offhand way like it was a fact of life and not just an empty compliment to get into her pants.

  “Where’s Maia this morning?” Isabelle asked.

  Jace cringed. “Still wrapped around Matt outside of the school office last I saw her.”

  Isabelle smiled warmly. “They’re a really sweet couple. How long have they been together?”

  “Just over five years, but we all grew up together from about six onwards and Matt has been annoyingly in love with her the whole time.”

  “And you didn’t try to pull the big brother card and stop it?” Isabelle teased.

  Jace barked out a laugh. “Have you met my sister? She is an unstoppable force of nature.”

  “She’s definitely something.”

  Jace pulled to a stop in front of a class room where other kids were joking around and chatting animatedly about the holidays. Isabelle even remembered a few from Ben’s party.

  “So this is where English is typically held unless you’re entering in the poetry contest or something, that’s held in the hall. Maia actually has this class with you but you can never count on her being on time, ever.”

  A bell sounded loudly right above Isabelle’s head causing her to flinch.

  Jace put his warm hands over her ears and smiled down at her gently.

  Her stupid heart actually fluttered in her chest.

  “Wait here for me after class and I’ll walk you to Maths after,” he instructed after the bell had finished ringing and he’d removed his hands.

  “How do you know I have Maths next?”

  Jace pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and held it up to her.

  “Made a copy of your classes,” he told her simply.

  Isabelle felt dumb founded. What the actual hell? Tate hadn’t even done that for her.

  “Thanks, I guess,” she mumbled.

  Jace chuckled. “You’re so cute Angel.”

  “ISABELLE!”

  Jace flinched at Maia’s screeching tone. “That’s my cue to leave.”

  A warm body slammed into hers, nearly winding her as a flash of near-black hair whipped into her face.

  “You look amazing! Are you excited? It’s going to be so much fun!”

  Isabelle beamed at Maia, it was impossible not to be affected by her enthusiasm.

  She just nodded at her which was apparently enough because then Maia whipped around and grabbed the back of Jace’s retreating shirt and yanked him.

  “Where the hell are you going?” she demanded.

  “I have Woodwork with Mr. C,” he told her, slipping out of her grasp and righting himself. “And if you don’t let me go, I’m going to be late.”

  Maia narrowed her eyes at him and then slowly her face relaxed.

  “You’re not lying?”

  “No, I’m not lying. The point of school is to go to class, right?”

  “Well, yes but…”

  “I’m going to be late,” he said firmly.

  His smile brightened as his eyes locked on Isabelle again. “You’ll be great, don’t worry about it. You’ve got my number now so text me if you need me and I’ll be right here.”

  After a moment’s hesitation his hand came out and brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and Isabelle was surprised people actually gasped around them.

  “See you in a bit,” he murmured and then he was walking away.

  “How touching,” a voice sneered behind her.

  Isabelle closed her eyes. “Please tell me Kimberley isn’t in our class.”

  Maia’s small hand found hers and tugged her inside. “Ignore her, she’s nothing.”

  Maia led Isabelle to the back of the room and ushered her into a two person desk before sliding in next to her and taking out her book.

  It was completely covered in photos of Matt, Giselle, Kandi, Jace and others for whom she couldn’t remember the names of. Mostly the photos were in party atmospheres with glasses raised, lazy smiles and bodies all entwined with each other but the photo on the left corner had Isabelle’s eyes nearly popping out of her head.

  It was of her and Jace sitting on the beach near sunset. Isabelle was laughing in the photo, her face completely relaxed and happy as Jace watched her with a smile tugging on his lips and possession in his eyes.

  It must have been taken a couple of nights ago when they’d all had a barbecue on the beach, but Isabelle couldn’t remember anyone asking her for a photo or even seeing a camera present.

  Maia noticed her gawking so she reached into her bag and dropped another stack of books completely covered in photos on the desk.

  “It’s what I do every term,” she explained. “Cover my books with all the favourite people in my life, so even if it’s a shitty day at school I’ve got something to smile about.”

  She shoved the rest of her books back into her bag and then turned her attention to the teacher who had just begun speaking, completely oblivious to Isabelle’s raging emotions beside her.

  She could cry right now she felt that overwhelmed with emotion. Apart from Tate no one else had ever told her she was their favourite before and she had never been featured on someone’s books so publically.

  Forcing down the emotion Isabelle faced the teacher and tried to focus on the lesson as slowly the ice she felt in her veins and heart began to melt just a tiny bit more.

  *

  The rest of the week passed without too much incident. After the first day, the novelty wore off somewhat an
d the stares eased up. Maia had been right to bring her to Ben’s before school started because it meant she already had a built in friendship group to ease her transition.

  The weirdest part of her week would have to be the fact that Jace was getting a hell of a lot more stares than she was, and they weren’t easing up.

  He walked her to every class, swinging her bag over one shoulder with his other arm lightly on her back guiding her. And if they didn’t have the same class he would smile warmly down at her and stroke her hair lightly before leaving again. You would have thought he’d grown six heads from the gapes of people around them.

  When Isabelle asked Maia what the deal was, Maia had just looked at her weirdly and then explained that Jace wasn’t really known for his attendance or attention to a particular girl and in a small town everyone was in everyone’s business.

  She’d wanted to ask if he gave his attention to a lot of girls but had stopped herself. Was it even any of her business what he got up to with other girls before her or even now that he knew her? No, it was not.

  Didn’t stop her from being weirdly jealous though.

  Another strange part of her week was Kimberley. They had English and home room together but even if they weren’t in class, Isabelle could always see Kimberley slinking away in the shadows, constantly texting on her phone and eyeing Isabelle off.

  Knowing her luck she was probably recruiting some hit men to take her out so that Jace would be all hers again.

  Note to self: invest in a bullet proof vest or join a convent where her aversion to touch and male interaction would be celebrated.

  The dim light coming from the closed curtains on Jace’s balcony caught Isabelle’s eye. She moved to her door and just watched his silhouette move around his room with a casual grace and confidence she envied.

  What the hell was she doing with him? This weird game they were engaged in flirted with disaster, and yet she couldn’t seem to be able to stay away from him. Weeks in and he was already finding a way to ease past her walls undetected which scared the hell out of her.

  She didn’t come to this town to make emotional attachments to anyone and here she was, effortless in her friendship with Maia and teetering dangerously on a fine line with Jace as she fought as hard as she could not to fall.

  Moving around the room like a caged tiger she came to stand in front of her mirror and faced the unrelenting gaze of her reflection. Haunted hazel eyes stared back at her from a pinched and tired face. It was the oddest thing to be looking in the mirror and not really recognise who you were seeing. Could one terrible moment in time really change you so entirely that you became a stranger to those you loved and felt like an alien in your own life?

  She didn’t want to be damaged or selfishly taking from others while she gave nothing back, but she honestly didn’t know how to get past this. She still couldn’t sleep properly because she was plagued with intense night terrors that sometimes triggered a panic attack so bad she would wake up gasping and then pass out again from not getting enough air.

  She should never have forced Tate into that party. She should never have gone in that room with him alone and come to think of it, she should never have gotten lost in her fantasy world and ignored the reality in front of her. Disney definitely had not prepared her for the reality of romance with someone who was not the charming guy she thought she knew.

  Her phone ringing broke her out of her reverie and she answered without even checking who it was.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Belle bear,” Tate greeted teasingly.

  Isabelle smiled warmly; Tate hadn’t called her that in years. “Hey Tater Tot, what’s up?”

  “Survived your first week then?”

  “A miracle, isn’t it?”

  “Not really. Listen, I was calling to see if you had given more thought to what we were talking about the other night.”

  Isabelle wracked through her memories and then froze. Right, the suggestion to see the school counsellor. And Tate’s insinuation that she was never going to get better unless she faced her past and learnt how to move forward.

  “Tate…I told you, I don’t think that’s going to help.”

  “And how would you know?” he asked.

  “Because they’re going to just ask me how I feel and what my relationship with my mum is like and stupid irrelevant things.”

  She could actually hear Tate roll his eyes. “You’ve been watching too many movies. They are going to listen to you, give you a safe place and then they are going to help you work through your misplaced guilt and self-loathing.”

  “I’ve got it all under control,” she replied curtly.

  “You do, huh? And how’s that going for you? Stopped having nightmares? Stopped scrubbing layers off your skin in the shower and started to accept human touch again?”

  Isabelle’s silence was all the answer he needed.

  “That’s what I thought. Come on Belle, I’m worried about you. If you won’t go for you, will you go for me?”

  His pleading tone went straight to her heart and wrapped around it.

  Damnit Tate.

  “Fine, I’ll consider it, if you consider getting out there more with the ladies,” she countered.

  He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well actually… I have been talking with this girl for over a week now.”

  Isabelle sat up quickly; this was definitely news to her. “What? Why haven’t you told me sooner! Who is she?”

  There was a long pause.

  “Tate?”

  “I’m still here - it’s just… it’s really new and I don’t want to jinx it by talking about it too much, but she’s really interesting, full of surprises and makes me smile.”

  Isabelle smiled, feeling her heart swell for her best friend.

  “I’m so glad Tate, you deserve to be happy and smiling, keep me posted, OK?”

  “Will do. How’s lover boy?” he replied with only a hint of sarcasm.

  “Jace,” Isabelle said firmly hating that Tate never used his name. “Is being his usual charming self, and taking good care of me.”

  “Has he asked you out yet?”

  “Tate! It’s not like that, OK? We’re friends.”

  “Oh Belle bear, you are so utterly clueless to what is going on around you,” he said with amusement.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ve gotta go and take a shower so just text me, OK?”

  “No worries, say hey to your folks for me.”

  “Will do, love you.”

  “You too.”

  *

  Guidance counsellor.

  Isabelle traced the words in front of her with shaking fingers.

  For the fifth time in two weeks she found herself hovering by the door, her heart pounding and her body weak with nerves.

  The night terrors were getting worse and she couldn’t always control the disgust and urge to flee whenever anyone touched her. She was far from OK and if she was truly honest with herself she knew Tate was right and she never would be OK again without help.

  Her hands clenched into fists as she gathered her courage. Hadn’t she let Jason take enough from her already? She couldn’t give him her future too. And yet, even still knowing this, she couldn’t bring herself to write her name down on the call sheet.

  “Here for your Daddy issues, Barbie, or did you break a nail?”

  Isabelle whirled around to face a smirking Kimberley.

  “Are you stalking me?” she demanded.

  Kimberley grinned. “I’m just watching your back.”

  “So you can make sure it’s only you attacking me when I’m not looking?”

  “Something like that,” Kimberley replied, edging closer. “So, any reason you’re looking at that door like it holds all the answers?”

  Panic pressed down on her chest. Kimberley couldn’t know how messed up she was. No one could. She had to lie and it had to be convincing.

  Thinking on her feet she remembered a poster she’d eyed earlier.


  “I’m looking for the poetry competition,” she said boldly.

  Kimberley raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  Pursing her lips Kimberley grabbed Isabelle in an iron tight grip and yanked her down the hall ignoring her protests and struggles.

  For a skinny thing she certainly had some strength to her.

  It wasn’t until Kimberley stopped in front of the door to the hall and loosened her hold that Isabelle could break free.

  “What the hell?” Isabelle snarled rubbing her raw arm.

  Kimberley gestured to the hall with her head. “Poetry contest is inside. You’re welcome.”

  Isabelle’s eyes widened. Oh damn, Kimberley had totally called her bluff. Now what was she supposed to do?

  “Are you going in or am I walking you back to kumbaya your feelings out?”

  Isabelle’s jaw tightened. Yeah, she was so done being pushed around and manipulated by this damaged, slip of a girl.

  “After you,” she replied curtly.

  Kimberley smirked, but her eyes had almost softened which was pretty weird and totally confusing.

  Shaking it off Isabelle slunk into a chair at the back of the room and half listened to the teacher explain the rules.

  Raw.

  That was the theme. To write about something raw and real. For once she embraced the tightening in her chest and rode the anxiety instead of trying to suppress it or let it overwhelm her.

  She picked up her pen and just let her emotions flow through her.

  I am ice.

  Cold. Hard. Unfeeling.

  I feel no warmth, nor can I create any.

  The world passes me by as I stand motionless.

  Trapped in this rut I seem to fall deeper into.

  The colours; so bright, blinding and harsh to my eyes are unfocused.

  I am ice and from my frozen prison the world is blurred.

  My heart shatters into frozen shards.

  I can’t get close to those I should love.

  I cannot register anything other than cold.

  I am ice with no means to ever defrost.

  Where I should feel heat from passion,

  I am frozen. I am numb.

  Desperate hands try to clutch me,

  Attempt to melt me even just a little.