by Kelsey King
"Vayda, calm down honey. This isn't anyone's fault. It happened, and we love each other," Levi says reaching for her, but she flinches back from his grasp.
“This is your fault. Both of you. You could’ve said no, you could’ve ignored whatever fucked up feelings you had, so yes—this is your fault.”
I feel tears well in my eyes even as my hand stills over my unborn baby. "This is no one's fault, and if you're saying that my baby is a mistake, then you never were the friend I thought you were," I declare, feeling overwhelmed.
As the words tumble from my mouth, I wonder where they came from. Suddenly I understand the "job description" my mother mentioned. My job was to protect this baby, and I wasn't going to let anyone insult its existence in my presence.
"Well excuse me from being slightly shocked by the sudden news that my best friend is pregnant with my sibling," Vayda shoots back.
I look into her eyes, and I see nothing of the friend I have loved for so many years. The only person I see is a stranger that hates me. I chew on my bottom lip, I've cried enough for one morning, and I'm still fighting off nausea. "I'm sorry…" I finally say, inspecting my shoes. I can't see the hatred in her eyes for another second.
“Whatever,” Vayda mutters before rushing out.
For a moment the four of us exchange glances, the silence is so thick in the air you can cut it with a blunt scissor until my mother finally speaks. “Oakley, dear. You should rest and calm down. Stress isn’t good for the baby.”
Her concern is touching even though I can sense the disappointment beneath.
“Are you alright?” Levi turns toward me concerned.
I nod, and my father curses again. "Levi, get the fuck out. I can't look at you right now. Besides your daughter might need her father right now.”
Levi clenches his jaw, and his carotid artery is pumping a mile a minute in his throat as he glares at my father. "I'll go John, but know this—I will be back. I love her, and I'm not going to give her up. Not for you, not for Vayda, not for the fucking man on the moon."
Levi presses a kiss to my cheek before he leaves. My father’s voice trails after him. “We’ll see about that you fucking dick!”
I flinch at his words, and the bile tastes bitter in my throat. I rush toward the guest bathroom and make it just in time to empty my stomach. As I'm hanging over the toilet, holding my hair back with one hand and my other over my stomach, I realize I've never felt more alone in my entire life.
19
Levi
“Vayda?” I call out as soon as I step into the house. As much as I want to go back and support Oakley, I know John is right. Vayda needs me right now.
“Fuck off!” I hear her calling from the kitchen. I head into the kitchen and find her sobbing on the floor. “How could you?” she demands as she spots me.
“I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t plan for it to happen.” I try to console her, reaching for her. “I didn’t plan for you to find out this way.”
Vayda slaps my hands away. “Don’t fucking touch me you asshole.”
"I don't care how you feel about this, but you're not going to talk to me like that." I know my anger is driven more by pain than by insult, but it is the only weapon I've got right now to keep my composure.
“Really, you’re going to talk to me about my word choice when YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING MY FRIEND?”
I recoil from her hysteric scream and step back. “I love her, Vayda. Is that a sin?”
Vayda shakes her head as tears stream over her cheeks making me feel like the world’s worst dad. “You could have loved anyone else, Dad. Why did it have to be my best friend? You’re a fucking artifact compared to her, how could you do this to her?”
Vayda's words hurt me even more than John's did. "I didn't choose for this to happen, Vayda. You have to know that."
"How did it even happen?" she asks then shakes her head. I sigh, and luckily she stops me. "Don't! I really don't want to know. She's pregnant, Dad! She's having a fucking baby. Do you really want another child?" The shock in her voice reverberates through me. I never even considered having another child until a few minutes ago. I find myself looking at my daughter and remembering all the joy she bought me.
I sink down beside her and a smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. “I didn’t, but I love her. I can’t wait to have a baby with her. A baby that will never replace you, you need to know that.” I reach for her hand, needing some physical touch to assure me that things were going to be all right between us.
“Fuck this!” Vayda says and pushes herself up from the floor. “I’m calling Mom. I’m not staying here.”
“Vayda, you can’t. I’ve got custody,” I remind her, knowing if she leaves she’ll probably never come back.
She snorts and laughs caustically before she gives me a cold look. "I'm eighteen. That custody thing no longer means shit."
I shut my eyes and shake my head as I hear Vayda trudge upstairs and slam her door. When did my baby girl get so old? How did I get myself in this situation? Everything seems mixed up and out of place, and the only thing I'm sure of is how much I love Oakley. I imagine the conversation that'll go down between my ex-wife and Vayda and groan out loud. I can only imagine Rebecca's reaction. I close my eyes and hope she doesn't turn my daughter against me for good.
I stand up and pour myself a stiff scotch ignoring the fact that it’s still early morning. The fiery liquid races down my throat, warming my insides, and I wonder if I would change anything if I could go back six months.
A smug grin spreads over my face.
I wouldn’t change a fucking thing. I was meant to love Oakley. We knew this was going to be hard, we knew it would take time for everyone to accept our relationship. I just didn’t realize it was going to be this hard.
I sigh and pour myself another drink. I had a woman and a baby to take care of, and I just needed to find a way to make it work. A beam of sunlight streams into the kitchen, reflecting the amber liquid in my glass onto the white counter and I remember the first night I took her right there. My heart expands in my chest, my body warms and a sudden sense of calm washes over me.
Everything is going to be all right, I promise myself. It has to be.
20
Oakley
“We’re doing the right thing,” Levi tells me as he picks up my luggage.
I feel like I’ve fallen into a scene from the movie Great Balls of Fire and Jerry Lee Lewis is promising my parents he'll take good care of me, only I know Levi will take good care of our baby and me.
Ever since he arrived at our house a week before declaring his love for me to my parents, my father has avoided me. Every time our eyes meet I can see his deep-seated disappointment. I won’t go so far as to say he hates me, but I know he isn’t happy about this.
I nod at Levi and swallow down the tears that threaten to escape. My mother comes into my room and pulls me in for a hug. She’s been a constant source of support over the past week. I never expected her support, but I’m grateful for it.
I know she's disappointed in me as well, but at this point, it seems she's putting my needs before her thoughts. I appreciate her even more for that.
She glances around my room, and I notice her eyes fill as well. “I’ll just be on the other side of the fence, Mom,” I remind her, struggling through the emotion clogging my own voice.
“I know, honey. It’s just all happened so fast.” My mother tugs at an imaginary piece of lint on her sweater.
“Mom, I know this hard. But just know this, I love Levi. I love you and Dad too.”
“I know you think you love him honey, but do you think that’ll be enough? A baby changes things. I’m just not sure you’re ready for that yet.”
“We’ll soon find out,” I say with a forced smile, refusing to let doubt crawl through the happy picture I’ve imagined.
"I'm here if you need me," mom says, and I know this is hard for her. Hard to offer her help while my father refuses to further acknowledge
my existence.
I nod and grab the last few things before I head out of my childhood room. Levi is waiting for me by the car, love shining from his eyes.
He’s so excited about the baby, a thrill courses through my body every time he asks me how the little babe is doing. “I know this is tough, baby. We’re doing the right thing though. I want to take care of you and our babe.”
A sad smile spreads across my face. “I know. It’s just sad, you know. Seeing them like this. I feel like I’ve let them down.”
Levi sighs and raps the steering wheel a few times. “Consider this, do you think they would’ve been happy were it anyone else? At least they know I can take care of you and the baby. At least I’m not some pimpled asshole fresh out of college without a job or a home. They have to realize that as well.”
"They don't…" I say, trailing off as Levi pulls out of the drive. I see my father pushing the drapes aside gazing at us the last time before Levi turns on to the road.
“Just give them some time. Finding out about us would’ve been shocking enough, but the news of the baby just exacerbated everything. Have you heard anything from Vayda?”
Guilt curls in my tummy like a tightly coiled spring. I haven’t heard a word from her since she rushed out of my house a week ago. Levi told me she left for her mother’s the same day. I feel horrible for knowing I’ve lost her friendship and even worse for knowing I ruined her relationship with her father. I shake my head, not trusting my voice.
“She’ll come around. You two have been friends forever,” he tries to reassure me, though it doesn’t.
I turn to Levi as he pulls up in his driveway. “Have you heard from her?”
"Yeah…" he trails off and kills the engine before turning to me. "She blames us for not telling her, feels like we used her to see each other." Levi heaves out a heavy sigh, and I can see the lines around his eyes that have deepened in the last week. "I told her that I loved you and that I hoped one day she would be mature enough to talk about it like adults."
“Ouch,” I cringed. Vayda hated it when anyone was condescending to her, most of all her parents.
"I'm not ashamed of us, Oakley. I'm not ashamed of loving you. In the beginning, I was because it felt wrong, but I know this isn't wrong. We're just two people that weren't meant to fall in love, but we did. Maybe the universe did want us to fall in love anyway. Hell, who would've thought I'd be this excited about being a dad again?"
A smile slowly spreads across my face, and my heart warms. If there's one thing I could be sure of it's that Levi didn't ask me to move in with him out of pressure, he wanted me to.
I open the door and step through the front door of Levi’s home, struggling to comprehend it’s now mine as well. I head straight for the kitchen needing something to moisten my dry throat when I notice Vayda sitting on the terrace outside.
Without hesitation, I step outside. "Hey."
She doesn't even look at me. She just sighs and shakes her head. I know I can't expect more from her, but I need to talk to her. I want to tell her my side of the story if she still wants to hate me afterward at least I know I tried.
“I miss you,” I begin. “Since you’re not running for your car I take it you’re willing to listen. Where is your car by the way?” I ask realizing her car wasn’t in the driveway. I notice her workout clothes and her sweat-soaked back.
Oh My God. Vayda just ran about four miles from her mother’s house. She must be really upset. She doesn’t respond, only lifts her shoulders a little bit.
"Okay, so I don't know what you want to know and what you don't want to know, so I'm going to tell you everything." I sigh and take a deep breath when I notice Levi heading our way. I meet his eyes and shake my head. I need this time with Vayda alone.
"I've always noticed your dad was attractive, but not in a gross way. More like we thought Mr. Thompson the P.E. teacher was hot. Then about six months ago, I came over looking for you, and you weren't here. Without giving you the details, we shared a connection, and things escalated. I don't know, it just happened. Suddenly he didn't feel like your dad, and no other boys interested me. We tried our best to avoid each other, but it didn't work. He even dated that blonde, if you remember? Anyway, it didn't work staying away from each other, but we really tried. Andrew and none of the other boys could hold a torch to him. I know he's your dad and you don't want to hear this but… he's amazing. He's passionate, kind and caring and he doesn't talk to me like I'm a child. He believes in me, and I can honestly see a future for us. I never knew I could love someone this much. I know it sounds corny, but it's true. Obviously, the baby wasn't planned, but nothing we can do about it now except embrace this new life. Even though the timing sucks, I won't regret getting pregnant. I really love him, Vayda, and I'm sure if this were any other guy you would've been happy for me."
Vayda's shoulder's move again, and I heard her sniff softly. I moved toward her and hug her from behind. "I'm so sorry we hurt you. If I could've chosen anyone else, I would have, but I couldn't. I love him, and I love you so much, and I don't want to lose you over this. We didn't try and hide it from you, well maybe we did, but only because we knew you would feel like we let you down. That was never our intention. We didn't want to upset everyone if it didn't work out."
“So this is working out for you then?” She turns and faces me.
“Yes. I’m really happy and in love. I’m just sad my happiness is causing so much pain to others.”
“You’re basically going to be my stepmom. Do you know how fucking weird that is?” Vayda says, acid dripping from her voice.
A laugh bubbled from my throat. "I haven't even gotten used to the idea of being a mom, could we table the stepmom thing for now? I'll always be your friend, and I really hope you'll be mine. I want you to be my child's godmother, just like we dreamed about in high school."
Vayda’s eyes finally met mine and instead of the disappointment I expected I found love. “I love you, Oakley. This is just a lot to take in.”
"Would you consider moving back? Or at least staying over a few nights a week? I don't want to lose you, and your father is going crazy without you. I'm talking losing his shit crazy. He misses you."
“I didn’t think he’d notice since you’re around,” Vayda snaps.
“Vayda, I’ll never be you. Don’t you get that? No one could ever replace you.”
“I don’t know…” Vayda shrugs, shaking her head.
“Stay for dinner at least?” I ask.
“Fine, just dinner. And no icky stuff in front of the kids,” Vayda teases with a pointed look. I can’t help but laugh at her. “I promise, no icky stuff, just us.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
Levi chose that moment to step out onto the terrace. “Vayda?”
“She’s staying for dinner, Levi,” I say with a bright smile.
Levi's eyes communicate how grateful he is that I've made a little progress with her.
Vayda stands up and looks at us before she bursts out laughing. “I guess Mr. B is a little out of place now?”
Levi and I exchange a nervous look before we join in the laughter. The fences weren’t mended, but the pieces were slowly being picked up.
21
Levi
"Stop fidgeting," I say with a crooked smile to Oakley. We're sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for her first appointment. She's as nervous as a baby doe about to face a pack of lions. I squeeze her clammy hand and remember the last time I sat in this part of the hospital, waiting to take a look at my baby. That was almost twenty years ago, and yet the excitement was fizzing through my body.
“I’m nervous,” Oakley admits, looking at me with wide eyes.
“There’s nothing to be nervous about. They’re just going take a look at the baby, give us an estimated due date and maybe prescribe some prenatal vitamins.” My voice is encouraging, even though I’m nervous as well.
My phone buzzes and I check the caller ID.
&
nbsp; Rebecca. Just great.
Vayda's been spending more time with Oakley and me, but she slept at Rebecca's last night. I hoped nothing was wrong. I excuse myself from Oakley, promising to be back in a few minutes before stepping outside to answer the call.
"Rebecca, is Vayda okay?"
"I've kept quiet about this until now, Levi, but I'm done. It's time someone talked some sense into your head. What the fuck? When Vayda told me about you and Oakley, I laughed it off saying it was just a midlife crisis, but now I hear she's moved in with you. Vayda tells me this is serious? The worst part is, Vayda just told me she's happy to see you happy! What the hell are you thinking? Are you going to do diaper duty in your forties?" Rebecca's voice screeches over the phone grating on my nerves.
"Rebecca, I honestly don't see how this is any of your fucking business. You left your daughter and me when you had your early life crisis. And believe me, this is no crisis. I love Oakley. She's more of a partner to me than you ever were. I can't wait to do diaper duty with a wife who doesn't constantly complain about it."
"You know I had a rough time after Vayda's birth. Besides Oakley probably adheres to every stupid demand you make. Such a stupid girl," Rebecca says, using the same old excuse.
“Oakley isn’t a fucking puppet. She’s the love of my life. And what about when Vayda was a toddler, or in grade school? You’re the last person to judge what we’re doing. Have you ever told Vayda why you divorced me? Have you told her about the countless affairs?” A deadly silence settled between us. “You know what. I’ve moved on. I stopped blaming you for your choices a long time ago, maybe it’s time you stopped interfering with mine.”
“I don’t want Vayda to spend time with you when she’s there.”
I couldn't restrain the caustic laugh. "You can't stop her, Rebecca. We love her, and she's starting to realize we're still the same people. She's old enough to make her own choices anyway."