Xander turns me around gently, so that I am now facing him: he lowers his lips onto mine in a sweet and emotional kiss.
‘No, you are not. If anything, you have the sweetest, most loving heart I could possibly imagine. As I said, we’ll talk about Austin in a bit but what if you didn’t have to choose between me and Logan?’
‘Because you both hate me...’
Logan interrupts me.
‘Can you stop with this hate thing, already? Look, Clary, I didn’t hate you when you ignored me for two years, I could never hate you, I love you too much.’
I look at both of them, still kind of sandwiched between them.
‘What Logan and I are trying to say is that we talked about this when we realised that you were involved with both of us and that we both were in love with you. And we have decided that you don’t need to choose one of us if you don’t want to. You can date us both. We love you and we want to be with you and make you happy. If you will have us... That is.’
Logan joins in.
‘Yes, we both want to be your boyfriends if that is something that you think you might be ok with...’
I am a little shocked. I don’t know how to even start to wrap my head around this.
‘But... It would never work, guys... Won’t you be jealous if I...’
Xander jumps in:
‘Look, Clary, I am not going to promise that there won’t be any jealousy or any problems but what relationship is always perfect? We will work on the jealousy, we will figure things out as we go, like we would have done if you had picked only one of us. And I think I am talking for Logan too here if I say that we are starting to become friends and all we really want is to love you and be loved by you and make you happy. If it takes the both of us for you to be happy, we are in.’
Logan nods, his light blue eyes full of love and something else too, maybe apprehension.
I am still trying to make sense of what they are offering.
‘But it isn’t fair of me to ask you this: I am not going to be ok with you two seeing other girls, so it cannot work out. How can I expect you to be with just me when I would be with you both?’
Logan speaks first:
‘None of us is interested in anyone else, Clary. We just want you and for you to love us and be honest with us...’
Xander agrees:
‘Each relationship can progress at its own pace, baby. We don’t feel like it’s a competition, as Logan said, we just want you to be happy and to be honest with us if anything changes for you. We will figure out what works for us as we go along, when problems will come, we will sit down and talk and see what makes us all the happiest.’
Logan adds:
‘And Xander and I have talked about this and we both agree that we don’t want it to be just a summer thing and we will figure out a way to see you in the winter too, as much as possible. If you are happy with this whole thing, of course.’
My eyes are full of tears but this time is mostly relief, maybe even happiness.
‘Yes. I love you guys. Both of you. I can’t believe you would do this for me...’
Logan kisses me briefly and this time Xander takes me in his arms and seals his lips to mine.
‘Now, can we sit down?’
He asks and I agree so we sit on the bench with me in the middle and each boy is holding one of my hands.
‘As for Austin...’
Xander begins.
‘... If you want to get to know him better, you have my blessing. Look, do I mind sharing your time with one more guy? Possibly. But I know that each of us will have all your love, so I am not worried about competition. And Austin is my cousin but he’s really more of a brother to me. The only issue I can see is that I don’t know if he’s going to agree to all of this...’
He gestures between us three.
‘Austin is a great guy, talented, loving and considerate. But he’s always been a bit more protective of his relationships with his loved ones, maybe because the military life has made him move so often that forming lasting relationships has always been harder for him...’
I nod, I think I get what he’s trying to say. Then I look at Logan and ask him what he thinks.
‘I guess I will have to get to know Austin too. If he’s in with this, I think it will be easier if we are all friends and we trust each other. Am I ecstatic that there’s another guy in the picture? Honestly no. But if I can live with Xander, I can try to make this work too, as long as there’s respect among us guys. I would like the same respect among us that we expect to give and receive from you Clary, if that makes sense.’
That’s so mature of Logan: I can’t believe that I treated him like a kid for so long.
‘Guys, there’s a few more things I would like to talk about...’
I ask them what they want to do about other people: do we hide the fact that we are all dating or not?
‘I am not ashamed of it...’
Begins Xander.
‘Neither am I but in all honesty, I don’t think what we do is anyone else’s business...’
Logan is right and Xander proposes:
‘I think we shouldn’t hide it nor flaunt it. We just live our relationship how we want and if anyone asks, we will tell them the truth.’
We agree on it and then I break another piece of dreaded news: I show them the two blackmailing notes I got.
They both freak out but more than anything, they are furious.
‘Clary, this is bad! I bet the same person who tried to grab you last night in the woods has given you these...’
This is Xander.
‘I bet it’s Justin, I am going to kick his ass until he admits it...’
Logan.
‘Guys, in a way, this gave me the push I needed to come and talk to you about our situation...’
Xander shakes his head, clearly trying to contain his rage.
‘I appreciate that, baby, but you should take this more seriously. Someone is watching you and I think that Logan might be right about who the creep is...’
I tell them that while it’s easy to think it’s Justin, there are other people who dislike me and relay that confrontation with Lucy, Hayley and Leah.
‘Sweetie, I think Xander will agree with me that it isn’t a good idea for you to wander around by yourself, especially at night. Yes, it might be just someone trying to mess with you but after last night, I don’t want to take any chances.’
‘Logan is right. Please, Clary, don’t underestimate this...’
I have to admit that seeing my boys on the same page is nice and makes me hopeful for our relationship but I hate to see them so concerned.
‘Ok, guys. I promise I will avoid being by myself until this either stops or we figure out who is leaving these notes. One last thing...’
I explain what Hazel told me about Rob not using any protection and how I promised that I would get her the morning after pill.
‘Xander, would you drive me to town? I also think that it might be easier if you are there when we buy it as I am still only 16... I don’t know what the minimum age to buy without a parent is in this state...’
Xander agrees and Logan offers to go keep Hazel company and make sure she eats something and try to distract her from her ordeal.
I hug him tight and place a soft kiss on his lips.
‘You are so kind and thoughtful, this is one of the many things I love about you...’
I whisper in his ear and he gives me a gentle squeeze before asking:
‘I know that you guys are running an errand, really, but could I spend some time with you tonight, Clary? Since you are going to spend several hours together...’
Xander agrees and asks me to meet him by his cabin in ten minutes as he’s going to tell Joel what’s going on and make sure his shifts are covered.
Ten minutes later, we climb in Xander’s black jeep and drive off Camp Lake Emerald in silence.
After a little bit, he takes one of my hands in his and smiles, bringing my
knuckles to his lips.
‘Clary, I love you. I’m so glad that you are going to give this thing a chance... The only idea of losing you...’
I see the intensity in his eyes and tell him that I can’t believe that he and Logan are ok with it.
‘We are, baby. Sure, if you had said no and that you wanted to be just with me, I would have been absolutely happy but I knew why you hadn’t picked one of us. And I did surprise myself when I thought that I just needed to be with you and not necessarily to have you all to myself... And on that note, there’s something I want to tell you...’
I ask him what it is and he sighs before starting:
‘You know how we talked about sex and eventually getting there?’
I nod a bit worried about where this is heading.
‘I obviously want to be your first, baby, but if for some reason you decided that Logan or Austin are the one you want to share that with, I would accept it. No, before you ask me, I want it to be with me and the idea of you and one of them... It makes me jealous and I will have to work on that. But deep down, just know that whoever you chose, I will learn to accept it and won’t hold it against you. And I will talk to Logan about this and eventually Austin if he is ok with this whole thing, that you deciding to go all the way with one of us, shouldn’t automatically mean that you have to with the others. You do what you want with who you want, when you feel ready. Does it make sense?’
Now it’s my turn to kiss his knuckles.
‘I can’t believe that you are so considerate of my feelings...’
He smiles, a mischievous glint in his aqua eyes.
‘You set the pace, baby, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t try to get there with you... And I can’t wait to start getting to know that gorgeous body of yours a little better...’
I blush at the idea of what we decided to do last night but I am also excited about it and I love and trust Xander.
***
We come back from town where we buy the pill for Hazel and I stay with her for a few hours until she falls asleep.
Logan brings dinner for all of us and once our friend is sleeping peacefully, he asks me:
‘So, sweetie, what do you want to do tonight?’
I tell him that honestly I am quite tired after the events of last night and today have left me quite drained.
‘What about a movie then?’
He suggests.
‘I have several downloaded to my iPad Pro and we could watch something light and funny and maybe relax a bit.’
That sounds like a great plan and we walk hand in hand to his cabin.
‘Brooklyn and the other two guys are playing video games all evening, so we shouldn’t be disturbed for a while...’
He sets up the iPad, gets a bag of haribos and we settle on his bed, his arm around my shoulders.
We are watching “kick ass” but for as much as it’s a fun movie, I am distracted by his scent of cotton candy and by the memories of the last time I was on his bed, over a week ago.
He must be thinking the same thing because he moves the iPad aside and takes me in his arms, the movie still running but his attention totally focused on me.
He looks in my eyes with his day sky coloured ones and smiles, his lips descending on mine, tasting of fizzy gummy bears.
He gives my lips one of those delicious nibbles, his tongue lightly touching the seam of my lips.
I give myself to his kiss in an entirely new way: he’s my boyfriend now, I know he loves me and I don’t have to feel guilty about feeling the same way about Xander.
I open my mouth to let him deepen the kiss and his tongue starts exploring and stroking leisurely at first and then more urgently.
His big hand is cupping my jaw but after a while it starts a descent towards my neck, my shoulder and it’s followed by Logan’s lips.
One of his hands stops at my waist, the other one cups one of my breasts: hesitant at first and then more decisively when I don’t stop him.
His kisses and touches feel really good and I relax into his arms, touching his chest through his t-shirt: he’s so strong and muscular, tall and blonde like a Viking.
He must like my touch too because he groans and his hands leave my body for a moment to take his t-shirt off.
I have seen him shirtless countless times on the beach but now I really take the time to appreciate how handsome he is and how silky his skin is.
His hands return to my body and his lips leave mine again to descend down my neck and shoulder and start placing light, little kisses along the cleavage of my dress.
I grab his biceps and feel the strength of his arms, surprised about how gentle he is despite being so big.
I am wearing a flower printed navy blue dress closed by little buttons all down the front and Logan starts opening the first one, placing his lips on the bit of skin that he has just exposed.
A second button is popped open and his lips start following this trail, kissing every new bit of skin revealed by the opened buttons and my dress starts to come open and the fabric collects at my sides by the time my stomach is exposed.
I am wearing plain black Lycra underwear, it doesn’t reveal more than a bikini, so I don’t feel particularly self conscious about him seeing me in it.
Once his lips find the area where my belly button is and continue their way down, I start getting light goosebumps all over me: I could let him kiss me like this forever.
My dress is now totally open and his lips are trailing kisses on my lower stomach right above my panties seam.
I squirm a little bit when he puts his fingers under my underwear’s fabric on my hips, now kissing where my hipbone juts out.
My skin feels alight everywhere and heat and wetness are pooling down between my legs and I feel a bit worried that I might make his light blue comforter wet.
My hands go on a little trip of their own, trailing the muscles on his back, my nails grazing his spine making him moan lightly against my skin.
His lips abandon my hips and go back up until they reach mine again.
He kisses me with total abandon, sucking on my bottom lip from time to time until one of his hands fumbles with his belt buckle and his shorts come off leaving him in his boxer briefs.
The thought to stop him doesn’t come to me when I feel his hardness on the edge of my hips where his lips where a minute ago.
His hands start wandering up and down my body, gentle but feverish at the same time, as if all of a sudden he couldn’t get enough of me.
Our bodies are now crushed together, the skin on skin contact giving me all sorts of delicious feelings, making me tingle and feel hot, my heart beating fast and my core feeling tight and sensitive.
His fingers go back to my panties, under the fabric and start lifting it off and tugging the material down.
My hands descend to cover his and stop him from undressing me.
‘Logan...’
He lifts his head and locks his gaze with mine.
‘Am I doing something wrong, beautiful?’
He whispers, his warm breath caressing my lips.
I am very tempted to let him go ahead but I don’t know how far he intends to go, what he exactly wants to do and for as much as my body is more than ready to do anything as long as his skin keeps touching mine and he keeps kissing me, I don’t think I am ready to let him go all the way right now, at least not without him knowing that I have never done it before.
I also wonder about his level of experience, since he’s younger than me.
‘No, honey, everything you are doing feels amazing and I am sorry to ruin the moment but I need to talk to you...’
He touches his lips to mine briefly and rolls over on his side, hugging my body to his and holding me close.
‘Anything you want, Clary. But can I keep you in my arms? I want to still feel you against me...’
I smile, hugging his neck like a lifeline.
‘Being this close might make the conversation a bit more difficult bu
t I love being in your arms. Just promise you’ll hear me out and pay attention...’
He nods.
I really hate this but he needs to know why I stopped him: Xander was right that if I decide to have sex with any of them, they should at least know that it will be my first time.
So I swallow and hide my face in his chest, inhaling his cotton candy scent and hoping that what I am about to say won’t change things between us.
‘Logan, I love you. And I can’t even put it in words how attracted to you I am... But I think you need to know that I have never... What I mean is that I’ve never been further than what we were just doing. And before last week, I had never even kissed a boy...’
Might as well make my embarrassment complete and tell him the whole truth.
He hugs me tighter and kisses the top of my head.
‘ I love you too, Clary. I guess I will need you to tell me when to stop... And I really don’t want to hurt you so if you decide you don’t want to stop then... I admit that I am a bit worried about hurting you... All I can say is that if you decide that you want me to be your first then...’
I interrupt him and look at him with a mix of worry and trepidation:
‘Logan, am I misunderstanding you or have you already...’
He closes his eyes and sighs, he holds me a bit tighter as if he was scared that what he’s about to say could change things between us.
‘Clary, I don’t want to lie to you but I am really worried that what I’m about to say will change the way you feel about me. So please, listen to what I have to say and understand that I am not proud of myself...’
His blue eyes are full of concern but I don’t know what could be worse than what I just told him and Xander this morning. If he could accept that, then I can at least try to listen with an open mind and I say that much.
He shakes his head still worried:
‘I will start from the beginning and please try to understand that I accept responsibility for my behaviour and I am not trying to shift or share blame with anyone else.’
I nod and encourage him to continue.
‘As you know, I have been in love with you for a long time. And yes, until last summer I was short and I looked like a little kid, so I don’t blame you for not being interested in me. But I wanted to change that, I wanted you to feel towards me the same way that I felt and feel towards you. So, I guess nature did help, I grew, I got tall really fast, by Christmas I was 6 ft and I have always loved sports and last year I played both football and basketball. During the winter holidays, our quarterback got hurt in a skying accident and the coach decided to give me a shot as QB1. I did well and I found myself playing varsity football and I was invited to all the coolest parties overnight, despite being a freshman. This meant lots of attention from all sort of girls, including the cheerleading team. At first, I didn’t really care: all I could think about was you. I am not a creep or anything but I thought about you whenever I saw something you would like, or about what you would say in a certain situation and I even started reading all the books that I saw you read last summer, so I would read something you had...’
Lake Emerald Chronicles: The First Summer: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 19