The birthday party
Logan
I wake up with Clary in my arms: her head is on my chest and she’s wearing Joel’s t-shirt from last night.
For a moment I internally freak out but I am sure there’s a logical explanation of why that doesn’t involve anything untoward: she asked me to trust her and I absolutely do.
I watch her sleep for a little while, taking in how beautiful she is and still struggling to believe that she is in my arms, that she loves me and then my mind goes to last night and to what was happening between us in the hot tub before Joel showed up.
I don’t know how far she wanted to go, it was definitely more than she usually allowed to happen and part of me is excited about it and mad that we were interrupted but I am also partially relieved because since I learned that she’s never had sex before, I am terrified to hurt her or do something wrong or be too rough with her.
I am a big guy and she’s so tiny and I would hate myself if I ruined everything.
I wonder if Xander has the same problem: I admit that I am a bit jealous when they kiss or when I know they are going on a date but there’s one good aspect of her dating both of us and it’s that I can talk to Xander about my doubts and see where he’s at.
I trust his judgement, we are becoming good friends and I know that he loves Clary as much as I do and wants to see her happy.
Clary starts stirring and eventually opens her eyes and her lips part in the most beautiful, warmest smile I have ever seen: I swear that her smiles go all the way down to my heart and they never leave it, I treasure every single one.
‘Good morning, gorgeous...’
I whisper kissing the top of her head and she hides her face in my neck, nuzzling me and giving me a few soft kisses.
‘Good morning, my love...’
She answers and then pushes herself closer to me, her arms around my waist.
‘I’m sorry last night I wasn’t better company, Clary. It was the first time we ever spent the whole night together and I slept the whole time...’
I almost whine and she looks up, her eyes twinkling with a bit of mischief.
‘Oh, I’m sure you’ll make it up to me... The hot tub was such a great time until we were interrupted... I keep thinking about...’
‘So what happened last night? With Joel, I mean.’
She asks me if I could go and get some breakfast to go while she showers and then meet her at the beach.
‘Xander has the morning shift at the tower and I would like to have breakfast with both of you and tell the story only once.’
I do what she asks and we end up arriving at the beach at the same time as she does.
Just before we are about to climb the stairs to the tower, I take her hand to stop her and give her a good morning kiss, hugging her soft body to me and inhaling her clean scent.
‘I love you...’
I whisper against her lips and she hugs me tighter and says:
‘I love you too, Logan. And I never grow tired to hear you say it, just so you know...’
We get into the tower and Xander seems happy to see us:
‘Hey, love birds! You brought breakfast? That’s awesome, there’s no one at the beach right now, it’s way too early and I was starving and getting bored... Can you guys stay for a bit or have you got plans?’
For as much as I would be tempted to whisk Clary away and have her all to myself, I know she wants to talk to us and it seems important.
So we settle all down and start eating while she fills us in on her conversation with Joel.
I admit that I’m a bit upset that he felt it was ok to tell her that he likes her, maybe because I have always known that Clary had been pining for Joel the same way I was for her and a small part of me is afraid that she will dump both me and Xander to be with him.
‘I... I think I want to give this friendship a go, guys. Do you think he was being truthful about what he wants, Xander? I don’t really know him that well, after all...’
Xander nods.
‘If he says he wants to be your friend, Clary, he means it. And maybe you will help him out to find his way back to the guy he was before losing Kristen. As for him liking you as more than friends... Would you mind if I had a talk with him?’
Clary shrugs:
‘Of course, you can talk to him...’
Xander explains:
‘I want to be totally honest with him: if he’d told you that he liked you two years ago, I would have been happy for him, especially if you liked him too and would have had no problem with him dating you also... But right now... He’s not the guy I grew up with, there’s some darkness in him and Clary, if he tries to touch you with it, I will kill him. I have seen him doing stuff... I need to make it clear to him that Logan and I won’t stand by watching him play his twisted games with you. But if he’s genuine about wanting to be your friend, if he can open up and find his way back...’
Clary and I look at each other: we can see how much Xander cares about Joel and how hopeful he is that he can get his friend back from the dark place he’s been lost into.
‘You do what you need to do, Xander. But I told Joel one thing without any space for misunderstandings: he needs to start being nice and respectful towards Logan. Right now guys, I am not interested in anything more than a friendship with him but even that cannot happen unless he understands that Logan isn’t a pleasant pastime but that I love him.’
The way she looks at me makes my heart flutter and I reach for her hand and bring her knuckles to my lips.
What she says makes me feel better: I know she’s always had a thing for Joel and I cannot control what will happen in the future but she’s handling it the right way.
I think our relationship should be closed to everyone else but I understand how Austin and Joel are not everyone else to Clary and Xander.
I like the way things are right now but in the future, I might have to prove to Clary that I am going to be with her no matter what, as long as she wants me.
We finish breakfast and I walk Clary to her cabin, with the promise of seeing her before the party: I know Xander asked her first but I want some time with her today since last night our date was cut short.
She finds Brie and Hazel there and after saying happy birthday to Brie, I walk back to the beach, hoping to catch Xander alone.
He’s about to leave the tower to Rob and the tension among us is palpable: we both want to kick his ass after what he did to Hazel but our friend wants to forget about it all and we manage to ignore him... Barely.
‘Hey Xan... Do you have a second?’
‘What’s up, bro? I am due at the tennis court, do you want to walk with me?’
I agree and don’t say anything until we leave the beach, since now people are starting to show up and I really would prefer to keep our conversation private.
‘It’s about Clary and... Us.’
He urges me to continue.
‘We were having a good time last night in the hot tub, before Joel joined the party...’
He smiles.
‘How so?’
I admit it feels still a bit awkward to talk to him openly about the physical side of my relationship with Clary but in a way we are in this together too, since our girl is still quite inexperienced.
‘Did you and Clary...?’
He cocks his head to the side.
‘Did we what?’
‘You know... Do it?’
His pupils dilate in surprise:
‘You mean sex? Like not fooling around, intercourse?’
I nod.
‘Hell, no! Why, have you?’
I shake my head.
‘Logan, if you have, I won’t be mad. Disappointed because Clary didn’t mention it to me but not mad...’
‘No, dude! I have been really trying to be careful with her, not to push her too hard, you know? And I’m sure you of all people can understand how frustrating it is...’
He smirks.
‘Yeah
, I know all about the dead puppies...’
I laugh.
‘Yeah, it’s the first time I have ever admitted that to a girl but she was so concerned about not giving me blue balls...’
Xander laughs.
‘She’s funny, isn’t she? And sexy and still so innocent, it’s a fucking irresistible combination, even because at the same time she’s so damn hot and... Wow, ok just thinking about it gets me all worked up...’
I know exactly how he feels so I ask:
‘See, that’s my problem. I am so worried about pushing her too far and scaring her off. And while I want her so bad that I pray that she will say that she’s ready, I also dread it at the same time. What if I hurt her? What if I can’t make it good for her and... I am so worried about it that a small part of me hopes that she’ll get there with you first, so I won’t be the one to potentially give her pain...’
Xander puts a hand on my shoulder and asks me:
‘Have you told her how you feel?’
‘No. I don’t want her to think that I don’t want her, because it is the total opposite of that...’
‘You should talk to her, Logan. She might surprise you.’
I ask him what he means.
‘I had this conversation with her on bonfire night: things had gotten hot really fast and I have never had to exercise more self control in my whole life before. If I had pushed her, I think we would be having a different conversation right now but I didn’t think that we were ready to go there yet...’
He tells me all about his arrangement with Clary and about how they spent their time during the storm.
For a second I am so jealous that I almost see red but then I think about last night in the hot tub and I know that she is as attracted to me as she is to Xander.
‘So, what do you suggest?’
I ask him.
‘Look, I told her I am not in a hurry, Logan. And I will accept it if she’ll have sex with you before me. I promise you I will want to punch you right in the nuts if that happens but I am sure you know exactly how I would feel because it could be the other way around. Also, I told her that if she has sex with one of us, it doesn’t automatically mean that she has to do it with the other. I think we should let things evolve naturally. And normally I wouldn’t share all this with you but our situation is a little out of the ordinary, so...’
I agree with him.
‘In the meantime, Logan, just enjoy being with her but above all take care of her. If she wants to touch you, let her but make sure that we get her used to how her body reacts to our attentions, that she’s relaxed when she’s with you and that you build a connection. So that when you have sex with her, it won’t be as nerve wracking. I am not telling you this to make you jealous, Logan but man, hearing her scream my name and knowing that I made her feel that good... I want the same thing for you too. So don’t be afraid. Listen to her and to her body.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Anytime, bro.’
The conversation with Xander reassures me and all I can think about is how I want to hear Clary scream my name too, how I am looking forward to being alone with her again.
***
Clary
When I open my cabin’s door it’s as if I had walked into a hurricane area: there are clothes, make up, shoes, accessories scattered on every available surface. It looks as if someone’s closet had vomited all over the room.
And in the eye of the storm are Brie and Austin: he’s applying some fake eyelashes, the ones that come in individual lashes, so he has tweezers and a pot of glue and Brie has some kind of paper folded into her closed eyes.
‘Hey birthday girl! Austin...’
I greet them.
Austin gives me a brooding look before replying.
‘Clary...’
Brie is about to say something when Austin scolds her:
‘You need to stay quiet, Brie. If you talk, you move and your lashes will be applied wrong. And I could poke you in the eye. So, Clary, if you want to stay, until I am done with this, it’s no talking...’
I resist the temptation of snapping at him with a sarcastic remark but I just throw an annoyed look at his back and walk into my room to get ready.
I’m wearing a little black dress with lace inserts on the bodice and lace trim at the hem that floats about 1 inch above my knee.
Silver sandals and jewellery complete the look and I leave my hair down.
Once I’m ready, I walk towards my dresser and spray myself with a bit of my favourite Gucci perfume. My back is to the door when I hear it open and I say:
‘Brie, are you dressed?’
I get no reply, instead warm hands are placed delicately on my hips and as I turn around, I am pinned against the dresser and Austin is standing very close to me, his eyes dark and intense.
‘Brie has gone to the pool to check that everything is ready...’
‘Oh, ok...’
He looks at me for a moment, silent, his hands still on my hips and I almost can’t breath under his scrutiny.
Then, as if he has made up his mind, he crushes my lips with his so hard that I am sure I will have a bruise.
Only when I feel his lips against mine, I realise how much I wanted him to kiss me and open my mouth for him but this time I am not willing to let him take charge and I struggle with him to take control of this kiss as if I had to prove a point.
We fight for several minutes, lips locked, tongues tangled, his hands on my hips and my arms around his neck, until he lifts me and sits me down on the dresser and my knees part to let him closer, our crotches now touching too.
I push myself closer to him, his hands squeezing my hips a little, our chests now touching too.
When he breaks the kiss, we are both panting.
He stops for a second to look at me and his eyes are so green and so deep that I might never be able to stop looking into them:
‘Clary... Princess, I need you...’
I let out a shuddering breath: I want him more than I can express out loud but I’m so scared of being hurt again, so I only whisper.
‘Austin...’
He kisses me briefly and then he drags his lips down my neck and bites when he gets down to the base: I am sure he’s going to leave a mark but I don’t care.
He keeps kissing my shoulder and starts lowering my dress down my arm, as far as the fabric will yield, kissing every bit of skin he manages to expose.
He sees the lace of my black bra and starts teasing my skin above my boob with his finger first and then with his lips and teeth.
I release the breath I have been holding when his hand finds my boob and he starts teasing my nipple through the fabric of my dress and bra.
‘You are so hot...’
He whispers biting me again.
I feel him harden against me and I grind my hips against him, this seems to make him loose all the restraint he was exercising before because he emits a low growl and his hand sneaks under my dress to press my hips against him and then settles on my ass, keeping me as flush as possible against him.
We are still completely dressed and yet, I have never felt so naked in my whole life: it’s as if his eyes could see deep down inside me and I want to let him in to see that I love him, that he can have what he wants.
‘Clary...’
One of his fingers finds its way under my dress and he takes a step backwards to give himself space to stroke my centre through my underwear: I’m on fire, every little touch making me burn for him more.
‘I love you Clary...’
He whispers, increasing the pressure and making me moan against his mouth.
‘I love you too, Austin...’
‘Then please, be mine, princess. Only mine...’
His words are like a bucket of cold water: I open my eyes, looking in that blazing green, my body is screaming against what I am about to do, I try to push him away.
‘No... Austin, stop...’
I don’t sound convinced, not even to
myself and he knows because he doesn’t move his hand, nor lessens the pressure on my centre but I don’t want to share this with him now, I need him to stop.
He must see it in my eyes, because he withdraws his hand and takes another step backwards, one of his hands still on my hip, my arms still around his neck.
‘Austin, I... I can’t give you what you want. I love you but I love Xander and Logan...’
I pant.
His breathing is as rugged as mine when he utters:
‘What do I have to do to show you that I need you more than I need air?’
He tries to push me closer to him again but I resist: he left a throbbing need within me but I can’t give him what he wants, so I cannot let him give me what I need.
‘If you do, you know I am yours but also Xander’s and Logan’s.’
He’s about to say something when Joel walks in looking for me.
‘Hey Clary... Oh...’
Austin walks back another three steps, his eyes always on mine:
‘You know I can’t...’
And he leaves my room.
I am still breathing hard and fighting tears: a battle I lose.
I am so wound up, my cheeks are flushed, my chest still heaving and I am still throbbing with a need that makes me squeeze my thighs tighter together in search of relief.
I don’t dare climb off the dresser for fear that my knees won’t support me.
I am a real mess, tears start streaming down my face certainly making my make up streak but I don’t care: my dress is still off one of my shoulders and bunched up, barely covering my thighs.
Joel takes in the whole scene and certainly doesn’t miss the signs of my distress because he walks closer to me and stops just short of coming into contact with my knees.
‘Clary, are you all right?’
His hand cups my cheek, his dark blue eyes full of concern.
I keep crying quietly for a second, trying to calm down and failing miserably.
Joel’s other hand stops on my bicep, my breathing doesn’t slow down and I inhale his scent of sunscreen, and soap with a hint of something woodsy, maybe white musk.
‘No, I am not all right...’
His arms surround me and he rests his chin on the top of my head:
Lake Emerald Chronicles: The First Summer: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 26