‘I’m here, Clary...’
I put my head on his chest, tonight it seems to be his turn to comfort me: I guess this friendship is onto an intense start.
His closeness helps my crying but doesn’t do much for the other situation: I am still shaking, unable to calm down after Austin’s heated touch.
Joel doesn’t move his hands from my biceps but whispers in my hair:
‘I know how you feel right now, Clary. He... He was touching you and then he left. If you want, I can... I can help you...’
Is he really offering what I think he is? He looks at me with those dark blue eyes unnervingly fixed into mine: he looks as handsome as a fairy tale prince, I have dreamed about him for years and now he’s telling me that if I say yes he will...
For a second I consider it, my body certainly wants it after Austin’s attentions: boy what was I doing to my poor Xander and am still doing to Logan!
But they have been strong and patient, they have waited for me and if I let Joel take care of me now, I would be betraying them and I would definitely damage my budding friendship with Joel.
So I muster all my strength and say:
‘No, Joel, thanks. I just need a moment, I guess. Is this what friends do?’
I can’t resist from adding since last night he said he wouldn’t and couldn’t cross that line.
‘They could if a friend was really in need... Especially if these friends are mutually attracted to one another...’
His voice is low and his gaze isn’t leaving mine but I try to shake myself out of this daze because this would be wrong for so many reasons and I list them all in my head to gather the strength to walk away from this:
Xander: he wants to talk to Joel about the situation and doesn’t trust him right now.
Logan: there’s animosity between him and Joel.
Jemma: if we want to be friends, I shouldn’t mess with her boyfriend (even though she has a boyfriend back home she’s cheating on with Joel).
Joel: by his own admission he would stomp on my heart and shatter it to pieces.
Austin: well, yeah, if possible this would make things worse with him too.
So for once since I got to camp this summer, I let my head guide my actions and take a deep breath and say:
‘If we have to be just friends, Joel, I don’t think this would be a good idea.’
He hugs me properly and soothes me.
‘Breathe then, concentrate on something else then. Think about the birthday party and cake. Yes, think about cake. I heard it’s chocolate cake...’
While having my head on his chest isn’t probably the best way to distract myself from what Austin caused, the thought of cake and the party, starts doing the trick.
I have to tell Logan that chocolate cake is a better distraction than dead puppies.
When I calm down enough, Joel steps away from me.
‘So, what did you want when you walked in my room, Joel?’
He smirks for a second:
‘Apart from cock blocking you? I seem to walk in on you...’
I laugh and give him a fake stern look.
‘Yes, we need to work on your knocking skills... ‘
‘I think you have a good point... Anyway, Jemma sent me to look for her bronze high heeled sandals... I went into her room but I wasn’t sure which ones were the bronze ones... To me they look all gold...’
I shake my head: boys!
‘Well, bronze and gold are two different colours, Joel...’
‘Yeah, right! This is why I needed your help...’
We walk into Brie and Jemma’s room and find the sandals she’s after.
‘See? They are totally different colours!’
I say holding one bronze and one gold shoe in each hand.
‘They look the same!’
He groans.
‘No they don’t!’
I laugh.
‘Hey guys?’
Xander enters the room in dark blue jeans and a dark purple button down shirt that makes the green in his eyes pop tremendously. His hair is styled different than normal too, a bit lower on his forehead almost in a Bieber but not quite so over the top.
He looks like he belongs in a Calvin Klein build board and for a second I can’t believe this gorgeous guy is in love with me.
‘Hey...’
I approach him and he deposits a soft kiss on my lips.
He and Joel look at each other for a moment and Xander says:
‘Hey, Joel. I am here to walk Clary to the party but I wanted to talk to you anyway: I saw Justin and Rob sitting on their porch and it looks like they already had a few beers. Just giving you a heads up. I don’t plan on leaving Clary’s side at all tonight but...’
Joel rolls his eyes.
‘Those two are starting to really become a problem...’
‘I hope Justin doesn’t get drunk and ruins Brie’s party...’
I am about to mention Brie’s plan to have sex with Justin tonight but decide against it because I think my BFF would be less than thrilled if she knew I told the boys.
‘By the way, Joel, I was hoping to talk to you later or tomorrow, just us two if you don’t mind?’
Xander asks and Joel nods, his eyes on Xander’s arm, wrapped possessively around my shoulders.
We leave the cabin and right before we get to the pool, Xander leads me to the side, in a slightly more secluded spot and kisses me for several minutes, his hands in my hair, our breaths mingling: he always tastes a bit citrusy, since our very first kiss.
He breaks the kiss and looks at me with eyes deep and glowing.
‘I missed you. I couldn’t wait for our date tonight...’
I smile and caress his cheek, always clean shaven and smooth.
‘I missed you too. Maybe we can find some alone time later?’
I whisper.
‘I was hoping you’d sleep in my cabin tonight?’
He asks and I say that I would love to but what about curfew?
‘Well, Joel won’t say anything and Jemma said she’ll cover for you if needed. I know Brie and Hazel will too...’
‘Have you got any plans?’
I ask him hugging him tighter and he touches his lips to mine just barely before he murmurs:
‘Absolutely. I can’t stop thinking about the other night and I really want to do all sorts of really hot things with you, if you are up for it...’
‘Xander, if it wasn’t Brie’s birthday, I would just tell you to skip the party and go to your room... But I guess we must make an appearance, at least stay until the cake...’
‘Let’s go, then baby, before I cause you to be rude to your bestie. By the way you look absolutely smouldering hot tonight...’
We walk into the pool area holding hands and the party has already started: there’s a buffet spread out on several tables, Mrs Taffar is grilling some meat for tacos al pastor, there’s music and everyone is out here eating and having fun.
Brie is sitting by a central table drinking a red fruity punch that matches her red ruby body bandage dress: she looks like a dark haired princess: Austin has outdone himself by enhancing her already stunning features with a beautiful French twist for her raven black hair and a smokey eye make up that enhances her deep dark brown eyes.
I spot Hazel talking to Logan and Brooklyn and I go see her, dragging Xander with me: he isn’t letting go of my hand.
We have Brie’s present and go to her table to say happy birthday and hug our BFF.
She opens the jewellery set we made and designed for her and she squeals in delight:
‘Oh my god, girls! It’s gorgeous, thank you, I want to wear it right now!’
We help per put the earrings and necklace on and while I am fastening her bracelet, Justin shows up behind her and stares at me with a strange glint in his murky brown eyes.
His gaze is insistent and makes me feel uncomfortable but he averts it as soon as Xander steps closer to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders whispering
in my ear:
‘Hey, let’s go dance, baby.’
I follow him to the poolside dance floor and he takes me in his arms for a slow dance.
If only everyone else could disappear and leave me with my friends and my boyfriends: this year Camp is exciting because of Logan and Xander and Austin and Joel too, I guess. I have my girlfriends to talk to and have fun with... If only Lucy, Justin and their circle could disappear and leave us all alone: I really hate their silly games, their mean remarks, their race to be popular and cool when in reality they are just being mean to everyone including each other.
I rest my head on Xander’s shoulder while we sway to the rhythm of a slow song and it feels good until I feel observed and lift my gaze to spot Rob and Justin standing at the edge of the dance floor staring at us: Xander sees them too and he spins us around until we are in full view of them and lands a searing kiss to my lips, stopping dead in the middle of the dance floor: everybody is looking at us.
When Xander breaks the kiss leaving me breathless, Rob and Justin are still staring.
We leave the dance floor and find a table where we sit to eat some dinner: Xander seems to make a point of feeding me bits of food from his fork, and having always at least one of his hands on me.
If he wasn’t always affectionate, I would think that he’s trying to show off our relationship and his behaviour doesn’t go unnoticed by Logan because he approaches our table followed by Leah who’s been trailing him all evening.
Logan sits on the other side of me on the settee I am occupying with Xander, leaving Leah to sit in one of the single chairs near him.
She’s straightened her normally frizzy brown hair and I notice she’s wearing a very similar dress to the one I have on.
Once we are done eating, Xander lifts me from my seat to place me on his lap and that earns him a frown from Logan.
My two boyfriends are staring at each other almost as begrudgingly as they were before we talked about our dating situation a few days ago: I am concerned and quite confused.
It was Xander’s idea to begin with that I didn’t have to choose one of them but now he seems to be staking a claim on me in front of everyone and of course Logan isn’t happy...
Leah, oblivious to the silent drama unfolding among us, keeps chattering away, trying to convince Logan to dance with her but he isn’t even listening to her: his gaze is fixed on us.
‘Dude...’
Begins Logan but he’s interrupted by Austin, coming to our table to ask me to dance.
Xander doesn’t release my hips, he actually tightens his hold on me when his cousin insists:
‘Do you mind, Xan? I would really like to dance with Clary...’
That stops Leah mid sentence and Xander loosens his grip on my hips.
‘Do you want to dance with him, baby?’
Austin takes my hand before I can reply anything and leads me away towards the dance floor.
I don’t say anything observing Logan talking to Xander with a tense jaw and clenched fists until Xander whispers into his ear for a few minutes and that seems to shut Logan up: he actually gets up and walks away leaving Leah behind.
Something is obviously going on and I realise that I have been looking at my two boyfriends while in Austin’s arms.
‘Clary... Have you heard a word of what I was saying to you?’
I apologise to him and ask him to repeat but I avoid his gaze, still mad at him for the way he left me this afternoon and trying not to let myself relax in his arms.
‘I’m sorry for how I left things between us earlier...’
I look at him without saying anything: I really wonder where this is going.
‘I still want you to choose me but that isn’t an excuse for what I did...’
‘I am not choosing anybody, Austin...’
I retort still irritated by his behaviour earlier and by the nerve he’s showing now, insisting with his plea.
‘It does seem like you have chosen Xander...’
He observes in response to my refusal to acquiesce to his request.
‘I have not...’
‘Well, then maybe you should talk to my cousin because he’s obviously behaving in public like a very attentive boyfriend and that isn’t going down well with Logan... So maybe your little ménage a trois isn’t going to hold up for much longer...’
‘That’s none of your business, Austin! Since you decided not to be a part of my “ménage”, then you don’t get to comment on it. And I repeat that it isn’t the dirty thing you imply and you know it very well...’
‘So you haven’t slept with them yet?’
‘What do you want, Austin?’
‘I want you...’
‘And you know very well that I want you too but you also know what I am offering you...’
I still feel guilty about hurting him but his attitude is really rubbing me the wrong way.
The song ends and I start walking back towards Xander but Austin grabs my hand:
‘Princess, please...’
‘Don’t princess me, Austin. You know how I feel about you but trying to force me into what you want won’t work. Sorry.’
I let go of his hand and he stands there, looking angry and defeated.
I am definitely in love with him because that sight is almost enough to make me go back but while I get that what I have with Xander and Logan is very unconventional, at the same time, Austin is trying to force me into an exclusive relationship with him without any consideration for his cousin and Logan’s feelings or for mine.
I reach the table where Xander is still sitting and as soon as I approach, he stands up and places a hand on the small of my back and tells me that Brie is about to cut the cake.
We go around the table where the biggest 4 tiers chocolate cake I have ever seen is laden with 17 candles.
Mrs Taffar has lit them all and we all shout at Brie to make a wish. She closes her eyes and then looks at me and winks.
Ew. I know what she’s wishing and oh... Ew!
She blows on her candles and starts slicing the cake. We are all waiting and Xander goes to get us a huge piece to share.
We sit at our table, sharing forkfuls of the cake and while I enjoy that rich, silky flavour, the little hair on the back of my neck stands at attention: I turn around to see who’s watching me and I spot Justin and Rob standing behind our tables and staring at me and Xander.
My boyfriend notices I am distracted and follows my gaze and when he spots them, he grabs my hand and says:
‘Let’s go, baby.’
We stand up and I struggle a bit when he drags me to walk right by them but he pulls way harder than I can fight.
He then stops at a few feet from them and kisses me hard.
The thing with Xander’s kisses is that I could be in a room full of people and his kiss will make everything else disappear.
He breaks the kiss and I see Justin and Rob staring even more intent and I try to pull away but Xander holds my hand firmly and whispers in my ear:
‘Clary, trust me, please?’
He’s been behaving really oddly tonight but I do trust him, so I nod and he hugs me closer and says loud and clear:
‘Let’s go baby. I am going to fuck you all night long!’
My eyes widen in surprise: Xander has never used that kind of language with me before and I am not sure if I like it, it makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable, I guess.
I am about to say something when he squeezes my hand and signals with his eyes to not say anything: Justin and Rob are still staring at us.
We walk towards Xander’s cabin and he keeps looking behind his shoulder to make sure we aren’t being followed.
***
Brie
I blow on my candles and my birthday wish is for this thing with Justin tonight to go well: I am going to go through with it and have sex with him, I have decided.
Justin is so cool and I admit that I am attracted to bad boys but he’s so grown up compared to Ma
tt and Kyle, he’s a man.
I look around at all my friends eating cake and laughing and talking: Clary and Xander are sharing a huge piece and he’s feeding her with his fork. He’s been all over her more than usual tonight, I wonder if he’s jealous because of something that has to do with Logan or if Clary has made a choice and she’s now dating only Xander.
My eyes are about to skim away from Clary when I spot Justin and Rob staring her way and muttering something to one another.
I have to admit that my boyfriend hasn’t really been that into me tonight: he’s been rather distant since the other night when we fought after I told him that blow jobs were the most he was going to get because I am saving myself for my future husband.
His words “come back when you are a woman” are still burning and I want to show him that I am a woman, I just feel really bad because I’ll have to lie to my parents about this.
To be honest, if they knew the stuff I’ve been doing anyway, they would be horrified. My mom has been clear that anything more than a kiss is a sin and that there are certain expectations on me because I come from my family.
And I would never admit it to my friends but Clary is right: I should either go ahead and do what I want or really keep myself pure because the whole point of waiting isn’t certainly going down on boys I don’t even care too much about.
The whole point would be to offer my husband a pure body and the purest possible soul but I guess I might be a virgin but pure isn’t a word I would use to describe myself.
Clary maybe, but not me.
But Clary is more than intentioned to eventually have sex with both Xander and Logan and I guess that I am very jealous of her lack of guilt, of how she’s enjoying her relationship with them.
I mean, her mom is as bad as mine, actually even worse in the respect that she watches her like big brother but Clary is a free spirit and the only reason why she hadn’t even been kissed until 2 weeks ago was for lack of opportunity because her mom keeps her on a super short leash and because all her energy was spent pining over Joel regardless of the fact that he didn’t even know that she existed and was busy fucking every girl he set his eyes on.
Justin isn’t even around when I finish opening all my presents but I spot Matt and Brooklyn talking not far away.
Lake Emerald Chronicles: The First Summer: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 27