If he can’t love her and make her happy, I want him to stop torturing her.
While I walk to his cabin, I think about Clary spending tonight with Logan and while I hope that Logan will solve his problems about getting closer with her physically, I am also extremely jealous.
I know I act as if her being with Logan too made me happy and it does, I seriously am not possessive, I just don’t want to see them together.
When he takes her hand or kisses her in front of me, I am very ashamed to admit that my knee jerk reaction is to punch him in the teeth.
But they say if you love someone set them free and I love Clary that much to set her free to love Logan too. I will work on my jealousy because I know that she loves each of us with all her heart and she’s mine in ways that are unique to our relationship.
No one will ever take away from me being her first kiss or giving her her first orgasm, no matter what and this is why I have a surprise for her.
Both Logan and I do, actually as we realised that we both kissed her for the first time on the same day, we got her a present to mark the month anniversary of it next week and we have also planned something else to let her know that what we have isn’t a summer fling but something deep, serious and very, very long term.
I spot my cousin just exiting his cabin and I call out.
‘Hey, Aus?’
He glares at me: he doesn’t seem to be doing anything else than glaring at people these days and I know full well that right now I am not in the top 10 of his favourite people in the world but with mom and Joel, Austin is the person I care the most in the whole world, aside from my sweet Clary.
‘Dude, a word?’
He plops himself down on one of the rolling chairs on his porch and wipes one of his hands on his face.
He looks tired, he has dark circles under his green eyes as if he hadn’t slept in several nights.
‘What do you want, Xan?’
‘I want to start apologising about the situation with Clary... I hadn’t realised that when we talked briefly about being into a girl, we were talking about the same one...’
‘Why? If you had realised that, would have you not pursued her?’
His tone is angry but I would rather take angry over his exterior indifferent look, which I know is just a facade.
‘I am not saying that, Aus. But we wouldn’t have been blindsided, we would have been able to maybe work something out...’
He scowls at me.
‘What, like the arrangement you have with Logan?’
I sigh, this isn’t going how I was hoping but I want to try to get through to him for both our sakes and Clary’s.
‘Look, she didn’t mean to fall for all of us but she did. We can fight amongst us and be hurtful to her or just love her and respect each other...’
‘So it doesn’t bother you that she told me that she loves me, right before kissing you in front of everybody at the party?’
See? No, that doesn’t bother me at all. That actually makes me happy because I don’t blame her at all for loving Austin, I love him too.
I tell him that.
‘I have no problem with her loving you and you loving her back, Aus. Goddammit, I love you too, you asshole and you know that very well. What I have a problem with is you being hurtful to her and taunt her and make her cry. And getting her all hot and bothered to leave her hanging...’
He’s furious, I see his fists clenching and his knuckles going white, his teeth gritted when he says:
‘And what should I do then, fuck her? Do you want to watch, maybe? Or do you want to get in on the action so she can have both of us at the same time?’
Now I’m clenching my own fists to avoid hitting him. God knows I am not a violent guy but how can he talk about Clary this way?
‘Dude, I suggest you tone it down. Yes, you are pissed off, fair enough. But you know this is not about group sex or anything like that. Actually, I really hate seeing her in your arms or Logan’s... And please quit asking her to choose you and dump me and Logan...’
‘So is this your angle? You hope that by allowing her to date someone else, and by looking like the tolerant boyfriend, you’ll be the last one standing?’
Am I?
‘No! Sure, if tomorrow she said she loved only me and wanted only me, I would take that. But I am not trying to manipulate her and I am genuinely ok with her being in love with you and Logan. I just don’t necessarily want to see all the PDAs. I am not jealous about her feelings because I am confident in her love for me but I have to work on the rest because I’m a guy and obviously don’t want to see her doing with you two the stuff she does with me...’
‘And what would this stuff be? Have you finally won the race to her v-card? I heard you yesterday telling her you’d “fuck her all night”... So I guess I’m the only one who needs to watch his language...’
‘It’s not that way, Aus...’
I tell him about what I heard Justin and Rob saying and about the latest note that Clary found.
‘Between Logan, Joel and I, I want Clary to always be with one of us...’
‘What has Joel got to do with it all?’
I explain about the feelings she had for him and how Joel feels about her and he bangs the back of his head on the wall, his eyes closed.
‘So this would be eventually be a 5 people relationship?’
‘We don’t know. Clary doesn’t know how she feels about Joel, she had a crush but she understands love is something different. We aren’t closing that avenue forever but for now it’s just 3 of us or 4 if you decide to give this a go. But Clary has to be your priority, without playing any stupid games or trying to force her to make a choice. And just for your information, none of us has slept with her. We decided to go slow...’
I tell him about my plan and Austin shakes his head.
‘How did I get myself into this mess? Xan, I know you love her and I do too. I just really don’t know if I can bear her not being just with me...’
‘But you could at least try... At least not sever the dialogue and certainly not with me. We will always be family, dude. Please just think about this all, can things make you more miserable and heart broken than you are now?’
He seems to relent and I see doubt creep into his face.
‘But what if I decide I can’t do it?’
‘Don’t lie to her, just tell her that you want to try. No relationship is perfect or guaranteed, Aus. Even if it was just the two of you, it could still go wrong.’
Austin sighs and nods.
‘I just love her so much... You don’t know how I felt that I have known her forever the first time we had a full conversation...’
I laugh.
‘Don’t I? Look, I wanted to get her attention and I got her to absolutely despise me. She kept yelling at me. But then when I stopped trying to impress her, I felt the same way you did, as if I had known her forever and she looks like an angel...’
‘That she does... Well, when can I spend some time with her? I guess you and Logan have a schedule?’
‘Look, we will have to go back to town tonight, we have an appointment for something we are doing. What about you hang out with her? I’m supposed to sleep in her room because after the attack, we decided one of us has to protect her at night. If things go well between you two, just take her to your room and leave this walkie talkie outside and I will know she’s safe. By the way, we are using the walkie talkies to make sure we know she isn’t alone at any time. We aren’t taking any chances: Joel and I have realised that Leah was wearing a similar dress to Clary the night she was attacked and even though they have different builds, they are the same height and in the dark...’
‘So, are you giving out your night for me?’
He shakes his head.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Logan and we will work it out. Just don’t hurt her, man.’
He gives me a hug and I know that I will have to deal with more jealousy but if that will make my Clary ha
ppy, then it will be all worth it. Also, Austin’s happiness is very important to me.
***
Austin
Can I do it? Xander is right that even an exclusive relationship could go wrong and I live only about one hour away from Clary, if I don’t do my graduate programme at Stanford. I could look for something in San Diego or even LA and see her most weekends. We will just have to work on some ground rules because like Xander is starting to not tolerate seeing Logan kiss her, I think that would definitely be a no no for me too.
I walk back into my cabin to shower and shave and make myself as presentable as possible for my princess.
When I enter my room, I find my brother Brooklyn sitting on my bed: he looks a little worried when I ask him what’s going on.
‘I... I have been hanging out with Brie...’
I cock my head and ask him what does he mean with hanging out.
‘I guess hooking up? We’ve been hanging out in my room...’
‘Have you had sex with her?’
He shakes his head, his pupils dilating in surprise.
‘No, no... We have been making out. Nothing... God, this is embarrassing, shirts off at the most.’
‘Ok? Then what’s the problem? I like Brie, she’s fun and very beautiful. You’re a lucky dude. But wasn’t she seeing Justin?’
‘She said they are done, he is sleeping around and she got tired of it.’
‘Yeah, I think Justin is way worse than Joel. At least girls throw themselves at Joel because even I admit that he’s a looker but Justin is just a real asshole and he and Rob have no respect for women. I’m glad that Brie has moved onto someone way better.’
I wink at him and he sighs, his blue eyes concerned.
‘I think she wants to do it, Aus...’
‘She wants to do what?’
He shoots me a dirty look.
‘Oh come on, dude! Do you have to make me say it? She wants to have sex...’
I shrug.
‘And the problem is...?’
‘I really like her. I’ve liked her since the first day we got here...’
‘Again, bro. I really don’t see a problem here.’
He groans, his head in his hands.
‘I have not done it yet... I am terrified of disappointing her. I think she has more experience than I do...’
‘Hold on a sec, every time I’ve come home from college, you were surrounded by girls...’
‘Just friends.’
‘Ok, well if I’m being honest, you might have misread her. I think Clary mentioned a promise ring.’
‘Seriously, she said that she wants to.’
‘So, if it’s the first time for the both of you, it’s ok. She won’t have anyone to compare you to. Just make sure you use protection...’
I open my bedside table’s drawer and give him a couple of condoms. He takes them but looks at them as if he was holding a rabid dog or something that bites.
‘I don’t know if I’m ready. What if...?’
I sit next to him on the bed and wrap an arm around my brother’s shoulders.
‘You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Brooks... I get how you feel: you really like her and you are worried about giving her a good time. You can only try your best and if she cares for you, she won’t judge you on one time only. It takes a few times anyway to get to know someone’s body and get rid of the awkwardness and know what you are both into... Just make sure if you decide to go for it, you take care of her first in some other way. For a girl the first time is not always easy...’
‘Ok... I really don’t know if I want to go all the way though...’
We talk a little longer and I try my best to reassure him: I don’t tell him that my first time I was 15 and my girlfriend, who I thought I was desperately in love with, was the same age and we were both extremely inexperienced. It was a disaster: it took me several tries to even start at it because she said it hurt too much. Once we were finally doing it, it was the oddest feeling and I didn’t think she liked it at all. And for me it wasn’t that great thing all my friends kept talking about. We actually broke up shortly after.
I dated a lot after that and had my longest relationship my freshman year of college: I was in love and everything but things ended when she got a study year in France and met someone else.
I don’t tell him that sometimes to find your princess, you need to kiss a few frogs.
I just hope that my princess will forgive my behaviour of the last week.
I find her after dinner sitting by the pool with Hazel, Joel and Jemma.
She’s stunning in a green floral wrap dress that falls a few inches above her knee and displays her gorgeous legs.
I go around the table and smile at Hazel who understands my predicament and moves allowing me to sit between herself and Clary.
‘Hey...’
I whisper and she responds with a small smile.
She doesn’t seem cold towards me but I understand her not being overly happy to see me, I wouldn’t be either if I were her after our last few exchanges.
The group decides to move to the arcade and I follow them.
Hazel goes to play table soccer with Brie, Brooklyn and Leah and we sit at a table to play uno.
Jemma keeps joking with Joel but Clary is quiet and keeps trying to dump all her cards on me, giving me these indifferent looks but her determination to make me lose shows that she does indeed care.
Joel keeps looking between me and Clary and when Jemma excuses herself to go to the restroom and I start walking away to get us some ice tea, he whispers something in her ear.
I try not to let that get to me, especially now that I know that Joel cares for Clary more than just as friends, despite being relegated to the friend zone.
We play a few more games with Jemma winning most of them when Clary stands up and walks away.
‘Excuse me, guys...’
Joel tries to stop her.
‘Hey Clary, not by yourself...’
‘I got her, Xander gave me a walkie talkie, I’ll stay with her until he’s back...’
Joel gives me a half glare.
‘What if she doesn’t want your company? She seemed pretty mad at you after the party...’
‘I know, I am trying to make amends but if she doesn’t want me, I will call you and let you know, ok? I will make sure that she isn’t alone.’
That seems ok with Joel and I rush out of the arcade and catch up with Clary who’s going up towards the cabins.
‘Hey, Princess, please wait up.’
She doesn’t slow down and when I catch up with her and try to take her hand, she shrugs me off and asks me:
‘What do you want, Austin?’
I take her hand again, holding it tighter this time.
‘Can we talk?’
She sighs.
‘Is there anything left to say between us?’
I guess I deserve that. So I lower my head, looking at our joined hands and then I take a tentative step closer to her and lift her chin with one of my fingers to bring her to my eye level.
‘Yes, Clary. There is. Please, just hear me out and then if you don’t like what I have to say, I will either walk you back to the arcade or call on Joel on these ridiculous walkie talkies, I feel like it’s 1995 again...’
She sighs again.
‘Ok, whatever, but make it quick, I am tired.’
I tuck one lose strand of her soft hair behind her ear and my fingers linger a few seconds more than necessary, stroking her soft skin.
She doesn’t move away, her eyes intent on mine.
‘I’ve been a total douche bag, will you ever forgive me, Clary? First of all for the other day, for leaving you the way I did, for all our fights. I was trying to force your hand and you just kept telling me how you felt but I didn’t want to listen. I... I had time to think and Xander really made me look into my own heart earlier on and the truth is that I love you, Clary...’
‘Austin...’
>
She starts to object but I place a finger on her lips and charge ahead.
‘I am not trying to get you to dump Logan and Xander. I am just trying to get you to un-dump me. I’ve been an idiot and while I can’t guarantee that things will always work, I want to try if you will have me. We will need to establish some ground rules, I guess, so I can keep my jealousy in check. I cannot promise that I won’t be jealous but I can promise that I will try my best to react better to it. Can you forgive me and un-dump me?’
I try to joke and I see a small smile pulling at a corner of her luscious lips.
‘Hmm, you’ll have to un-dump yourself, because I’ve never dumped you. I always told you that I wanted you...’
‘I know. I’m so sorry for being so...’
‘Look, I understand that what we are trying to do isn’t the most normal...’
‘It doesn’t matter, princess. Can we start afresh? I want to focus on me and you and I will try to accept the other two. Xander is right: he’s family and I love him as much as I love Brooklyn and I can learn to live with Logan. He doesn’t seem like a bad guy. I just need to not see them kiss you or stuff like that in front of me, at least at first...’
She smiles, her grey/green eyes shiny:
‘I think I can talk to them about it...’
‘Princess, I missed you so much...’
She whispers:
‘I missed you too...’
My lips touch hers ever so softly but it lasts only a second and she moves away.
‘Not outside. I feel like I am always being watched. Can we go somewhere else?’
I suggest my room and she agrees but seems a bit hesitant.
‘I don’t want to start this on a bad premise but I think Xander expected to spend tonight with me...’
I reassure her that I talked to Xander and that he understands if we want time together, so she follows me to my room holding my hand until we get inside my cabin.
‘Who do you room with?’
‘Kevin, one of the lifeguards. He’s away for the weekend though, so it’s just us...’
She checks that all the blinds are closed and then stops in the middle of my room, turning her gaze to me.
I take in her petite but voluptuous body: she has curves in all the right places, she looks juicy and I know her body feels so soft in my arms.
Lake Emerald Chronicles: The First Summer: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 32