Agony

by Yolanda Olson

  “Maybe I’ll just throw on a pair of boxers and we can have a pajama party,” he replied.

  “Wear comfortable clothes,” I stressed.

  Arsen laughed and told me he’d be over as soon as he could.

  I called the Chinese restaurant and placed our order. I used my debit card to pay for it over the phone because to be honest, I had no idea where my cash was and I didn’t feel like looking for it.

  Fifteen minutes later, the delivery man knocked on my apartment door. Five minutes later, Arsen knocked.

  I looked through the peephole and my heart started to beat a little faster when I saw him. I smoothed out my hair and opened the door.

  “Comfortable enough for you?” he asked with a grin.

  I stepped back and smiled. He was wearing a loose pair of sweatpants, a black muscle shirt, and flip flops.

  “Come on in,” I said, shaking my head and laughing.

  Arsen dropped a bag on the carpet and looked around.

  Is that an overnight bag? He couldn’t have been serious about the pajama party.

  “What’s that all about?” I asked pointing at his bag.

  “Hmm?”

  “This isn’t a sleepover party, buddy,” I replied shaking my finger at him, in mock seriousness.

  Arsen laughed and followed me as I went over to the tiny kitchen and started to pull containers out of the large brown paper bag.

  “If you look in that cabinet, there are plates,” I said, not looking up.

  While Arsen pulled out plates for us, I separated our food and reached into the drawer I kept my utensils in. I pulled out two forks and gave him one. I grabbed my container of pork fried rice, dumped half of it on my plate, and went into the living room. I set my food down and went back into the kitchen where he was busy putting portions of his order onto the plate.

  “Want a can of soda?” I asked, peering inside.

  “Sure. Anything is fine,” he replied.

  I grabbed two Cokes and went back into the living room. I sat on the couch and crossed my legs underneath myself, my plate on my lap, and cracked open my can. Arsen walked around the table and sat next to me. He handed me a napkin and sat back.

  “Thanks,” I replied absentmindedly as one of my favorite shows came on.

  “You’re welcome.”

  We sat and ate in silence for a little bit, while the first story came and went. By the time the third and final part of the show had come on, I put my empty plate on the table and Arsen had stopped eating to stare at the program.

  “What the hell are you watching?” he asked.

  “It’s a show about women killers. It’s pretty cool; my favorite on this channel,” I replied.

  I felt his eyes on me as he stared but I didn’t turn to meet his gaze. It was the same look that Addie always gave me when I had this on and all I could do was an internal eye roll.

  “Trust me, this sure beats watching people fucking all day,” I said dryly.

  He chuckled and went back to eating his food. The program lasted usually a half an hour or so, but since I could tell he was uncomfortable watching it, I made up some bullshit excuse about how these were reruns and that there was a movie on Netflix I wanted to see.

  I flipped through the new arrivals section until I found something that looked halfway decent and pressed play.

  Arsen finished his food and stood up, grabbing my plate as well, and went into the kitchen. I heard them clink slightly as he placed them in the sink and ran water over them. I glanced over and saw that he wasn’t just rinsing them off and leaving them there, he was washing them.

  Impressive.

  I turned my attention back to the movie, when my phone screen lit up. I leaned over and glanced at it.

  “Adesynne Lee,” I exclaimed into the phone.

  “How’s it going over in sex world?” she asked with a laugh.

  Arsen made his way back to the couch, but stopped and picked something up off the ground curiously. I became mortified when I saw that he was holding the bra I had taken off when I walked in the door earlier and tossed. He turned it around and looked at the tag curiously, then grinned and set it down on the couch.

  “What was the point of that?” I asked him.

  “The point of what?” Addie asked in confusion.

  “Not you. Hold on,” I said into the receiver, before I put the phone against my chest.

  “Well?” I asked him.

  “Curiosity, I guess,” he replied with a shrug and a grin.

  “Pig,” I said rolling my eyes. “Hello?” I said putting the phone back to my ear.

  Arsen was laughing in the background which immediately piqued Addie’s interest.

  “Do you have a boy over, Neve?” she asked excitedly.

  “Yeah, we’re having a pajama party,” I replied.

  “Put him on the phone! I wanna talk to him!”

  I glanced at Arsen who was watching the movie with his head leaned back on the couch and his arms crossed over his chest.

  “Hey.”

  He kept watching the movie without responding.

  “Arsen?” I said, giving him a gentle shove.

  “Sorry, I didn’t know you were talking to me,” he replied with a sheepish grin.

  “My cousin wants to talk to you,” I said holding out the phone.

  Please don’t embarrass me, I prayed silently as he took the phone.

  “Hello?” he said with an overly deep voice.

  I reached over and gave him a shove and he laughed.

  I did my best to tune out their conversation. I knew Addie wouldn’t be able to keep it to herself long anyway, so eventually I would hear about it.

  I curled up into a ball and rested my head on the arm of the couch. Five minutes later I heard Arsen say his good-byes and heard him set the phone down on the couch.

  “Can I ask you something?” he asked clearing his throat.

  “Sure,” I replied with a yawn. “I hope she wasn’t too embarrassing, by the way.”

  He let out an uneasy laugh and I shifted myself so that I could look at him.

  “Why did you take the job at Devil’s Den?” he asked, glancing over at me.

  “Addie. She tricked me. She told me she found a job that would be perfect for me considering my Masters. She said she had already spoken to the HR department there and they said they would love to have me on board. She gave them my phone number, I did a phone interview, and here I am,” I replied.

  “But if you’re not happy there, then why stay?”

  I sighed heavily.

  “Because it’s the only job offer I’ve got. Not to mention that they took a chance on me; I’m not going to just jump ship. I’ll stick around as long as they need me or as long as I can stomach this pornography mess. Whichever comes first.”

  Arsen scoffed and shook his head before he sighed and leaned back on the couch again.

  “Why? What did Addie say to you?” I asked suspiciously.

  “Nothing,” he replied.

  “She must’ve said something if you’re asking me about Devil’s Den,” I replied.

  “Where do I sleep?” he asked changing the subject.

  I rolled my eyes. Apparently this was a sleepover. I adjusted myself on the couch again so that I could watch the movie.

  “There’s a door to the right of the kitchen. That’s the bedroom; it’s all yours for tonight. I prefer the couch,” I said.

  “I think I’m going to turn in. Good night,” he said getting to his feet.

  I reached out and grabbed his leg as he walked past me. He glanced down at me questioningly.

  “She’s going to tell me eventually. I love Addie, she’s my best friend, but the girl can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

  “Good night, Neve,” he repeated softly as pulled away from me and grabbed his bag. I heard the bedroom door open then close.

  I reached over for my phone and sent Addie a message.

  Me: What did you say to him? He’s all
weird now.

  Addie: Told him about your v card.

  My mouth dropped open. Of all the things she could’ve said to him, she decided to tell him that I was a virgin?!

  Me: I wasn’t going to sleep with him you know!

  Addie: It’s not that Neve. I just feel bad about you working in Pornlandia and I thought he could help you get out of there.

  Me: I’m a big girl, Adesynne Lee. I can take care of myself. You don’t need to tell everyone that I’m still a virgin. It doesn’t make me any less human or more fragile than the next person.

  She didn’t respond. I decided to turn my phone off, because even if she did, nothing she said was going to make me any less angry at her right now. I sat up and reached across the table for the quilt I slept with. I pulled it up over my head and shut out the world for the rest of the night.

  Not that the night cares what a virgin does anyway.

  Three

  I woke up the next morning to the sound of the radio on in the kitchen. I yawned and sat up. I wasn’t sure why it was on but I was going to shut it off so I could go back to sleep. I finally had a day off and I planned on sleeping all day.

  I stopped short when I saw Arsen sitting in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal, flipping through a magazine.

  I had forgotten about him being here and I was startled.

  He must’ve felt my eyes on him because he glanced up and a big grin spread across his face.

  “That is some seriously cool hair!” he exclaimed.

  I gave him a confused look and went straight to the bathroom. I flipped on the light and once I saw my reflection in the mirror I couldn’t help but laugh. Part of my bangs were standing straight up and half of my hair was flattened against the side of my face. I looked like I had been chewed up and spit out of a wind tunnel.

  I grabbed a brush and began to fix the mess that my hair had turned into, then proceeded to brush my teeth. Once that was all I done, I walked back out into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine. I yawned again and went back into the living room. I folded my quilt and tossed it back on the couch, before I did my morning routine of opening the front door and taking in a deep breath of the crisp morning air.

  I heard Arsen push his chair back followed by the sound of his footsteps as he came into the living room. I felt his curious eyes on me but he didn’t say anything. I leaned my head against the doorway. I liked to do this even on mornings that it was raining, because it had a calming effect on me.

  He came over to where I was standing and put his head on my shoulder.

  “What are we doing?” he whispered loudly.

  I began to giggle and he pulled his face away.

  “You know how some people do yoga in the morning or whatever to get ready for their day? This is what I do. A few deep breaths of the morning air and a little bit of time to reflect on the day before and what I hope for the day ahead of me,” I explained.

  “That’s actually pretty cool,” he said.

  I smiled at him.

  The house phone rang and I sighed, walking away from Arsen to go answer it.

  “Hello?” I asked.

  “Hey darlin!”

  It was Max.

  “Hi Max, what’s up?” I asked cradling the phone between my shoulder and my ear.

  “I wanted to tell you that yesterday was your last day here.”

  “What?”

  I almost dropped the phone in shock. I knew I shouldn’t have left early; I just knew it.

  “Did I do something wrong?” I asked close to tears.

  “No! I was just thinking about it after you left, and you seem really unhappy at Devil’s Den. I thought I would just let you off the hook, is all.”

  “But ... I ...”

  Arsen came over to stand by me. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes and he took the phone.

  “Hey Max, it’s Arsen. What’s going on?” he asked.

  I slid down to the kitchen floor and buried my face in my hands.

  Whatever you do, don’t cry.

  I blocked out their conversation. I figured it was pointless to listen since I couldn’t hear Max’s side. I heard Arsen hang up the phone with a sigh. He sat down on the floor next to me but didn’t speak right away.

  “It’s not all bad news, Neve. He said he got you a job at Golden Hills Media. You know, the big movie production place? He said that was the first thing he did when he decided to let you go,” Arsen said softly.

  I sniffled and looked at him with a tear stained face. How Max managed to do everything so quickly was beyond me. It only made sense that he had probably thought of letting me go for a while now.

  “That was nice of him,” I replied softly.

  “See? It’s not a total loss,” he replied kindly.

  “Yeah,” I said getting to my feet. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind myself. I just wanted to be alone. I knew that Max had at least found me a good job that I would probably love, but I just didn’t feel like faking happiness.

  I leaned on the sink and closed my eyes. I heard a soft knock on the door and turned the faucets on. Maybe the sound of rushing water would deter him.

  “Neve?” Arsen asked softly.

  Maybe not.

  “I’m fine,” I said through the door.

  “Okay,” he answered. “Um, I’m going to head out. Max told me he wanted me to come in today to fill in for someone who called off, so I have to go home and shower and stuff. But maybe we can get together later?”

  “Sure.”

  “Alright. Bye, Neve.”

  “See ya,” I replied.

  Arsen didn’t leave right away. It took him a moment or two before he even backed away from the door.

  I sat down on the toilet seat and waited patiently, until I finally heard the front door open then close.

  I waited another minute before I opened the door and stepped out. I went straight to my couch and flopped down on my back.

  I was fired from the first job I ever had. I felt like a failure. There had to be some underlying reason that Max wasn’t telling me.

  I put my pillow over my face and let out a muffled scream. Why was my life so weird? I left my side of the United States to come out to Odessa Valley, California to my dream job, which turned out to be a joke.

  I didn’t even have any friends out here. I couldn’t count Arsen as a friend; I had just met him yesterday, even if he did spend the night.

  I blindly reached for my phone on the coffee table and held down the number two button.

  “Neve, Neve, go away,” Addie sang playfully.

  “I got fired,” I replied.

  “What?” she asked in surprised.

  “Max called this morning. He fired me. Arsen got on the phone with him after I almost started bawling. He said that Max secured a place for me at Golden Hills Media first,” I explained glumly.

  “Arsen was there? He ... Stayed with you last night?”

  “In a completely non sexual way. God, Addie, I tell you that I get fired and you’re more interested in if I got fucked or not,” I replied angrily.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, apologetically. “It’s just that you’ve never had a guy stay with you before and I thought that maybe ...”

  “I met him yesterday. What the hell makes you think I’d just hand it over like that?”

  Adesynne stayed quiet. I could tell that yelling at her wasn’t going to make me feel any better. Hell, all I wanted to do was piss and moan about losing my job and she assumed that I had turned into a whore while I was at it.

  “Let me let you go, Addie. I’ll call you later or tomorrow,” I said quietly.

  “Okay, Neve. I love you. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah. I love you too.”

  We said our good-byes and hung up. I put the phone down, feeling worse than I did before. After a few more minutes of just lying there and wallowing my self-pity, I decided to go out for a walk to clear my head.

  I went into the bedr
oom and grabbed a pair of underwear, a bra, my favorite pair of blue denim jeans and a white t-shirt. I went into the bathroom and put my clothes on the edge of the sink and turned on the shower. Once I got the water temperature to my liking, I took off my pajamas and red panties and tossed them into the hamper.

  I stepped directly into the powerful semi-hot stream and began to wash my long, wavy brown hair.

  I scrubbed myself to the point of it almost being painful before I decided I was clean enough and stepped out of the shower. I dried myself off, blow dried my hair, and got dressed.

  I slid on my flip flops when I got to the living room and walked out the front door.

  Straight into Arsen.

  “Whoa!” I cried out in surprise.

  “Sorry,” he replied with a laugh. “I called Max and told him that I couldn’t make it in today.”

  “So you came back here?” I asked, smiling up at him.

  “Yeah, I thought we could hang out or something,” he replied with a shrug. “Where ya headed?”

  “Nowhere in particular. I was just going for a walk to clear my head.”

  “Why don’t we grab some food and go to Las Vegas? We can just hang out and talk,” he suggested.

  “I don’t know if I’m allowed in the Devil’s Den lot anymore,” I replied quietly.

  “Yeah you are. You’ll be my guest,” he said with a wink.

  I laughed and nodded. Arsen grinned and walked me over to his car. He opened the door and closed it after I sat down.

  A real gentleman, I thought to myself with a small smile.

  “Any idea what you’re in the mood for?” he asked as he pulled his seatbelt on.

  “It’s your turn to pick,” I replied.

  “Chinese it is,” he said with a grin.

  I started to laugh again and directed him to the Chinese restaurant a few blocks away.

  Four

  Arsen pulled up in front of the restaurant and looked at me.

  “This feels kind of redundant,” he said making a face.

  “Well, there’s a sub shop a few blocks away that makes some really awesome sandwiches. Turn the car off; we can walk from here,” I replied, taking off my seatbelt and getting out of the car.