Season of Joy

by Annie Rains

  Her lips parted just slightly. “You told me that I was welcome back when I was ready.”

  “Yes, but there’s a right way and a wrong way. We have to think about the girls. They come first. Yes, they need to see you but don’t you think it would’ve been good for me to prepare them before you breeze back into their lives? To prepare myself?”

  “I…I…” She looked pale and frightened suddenly.

  Guilt slammed into him for making her look that way. He lowered his voice. “I’m sorry.”

  She held up a hand. “Don’t be. I deserve it,” she said quietly. “I’m lucky you’re even allowing me to see the girls.”

  The waitress reappeared at their table. “Can I get something for you two?”

  Granger looked up. Judging by the woman’s pinched expression, she’d heard him raise his voice. She didn’t know the dynamic here, and she wouldn’t understand even if he tried to explain it. “Eggs and bacon for me, please.”

  “I’ll have the same.” Erin kept her gaze on her folded hands. “And a coffee.”

  “Coming right up.” The waitress walked away.

  There was a moment of silence between them before Erin lifted her gaze and spoke. “I should’ve called you before I came. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She shook her head. “I’ve just been trying to get up my nerve to come visit for a while now. I’ve gotten in the car so many times, driven down your road, and almost turned in. I was just trying to get there before I could talk myself out of it.”

  “Willow has been asking questions about you lately. And Abby has been missing you too. I could hardly get her to go to sleep last night, she was so excited,” Granger said.

  Erin’s lips turned up at the corners. “She’s gotten so big. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed.”

  Granger had sent Erin a lot of pictures over the years. Anytime the kids had a formal portrait taken, he’d put one in the mail to Erin. He didn’t have to but some part of him felt like he owed Erin. She was the reason his girls were in this world. Whatever Erin did or didn’t do, he would always be in debt to her.

  And he’d read up on postpartum depression a million times. He’d even gone to a counselor after Erin had left the family. He understood that depression could last a long time, even years. He also knew that Erin had been through a lot growing up. Her own mother had left her, and when they had gotten married, Erin swore she’d be the best mom in the world. She’d set the bar high, and he had no doubt that when her depression kicked in, she’d blamed herself.

  Granger looked down at his hands, which he noticed were shaking. “So what made you finally decide to come back?” He lifted his gaze back to Erin.

  The waitress slid a cup of coffee in front of Erin. Once the waitress had walked away, Erin reached for it and took a sip. “Abby’s letter brought me here.”

  Granger had heard Abby say something about that last night. “What did she say?”

  “She said she loved me and missed me. And that she wanted me to come home for Christmas.”

  Granger nodded. “All the things you’d expect.”

  Erin nibbled her lower lip. “Except I didn’t expect her to say that. When I opened the letter, I expected her to tell me that she hated me. And how awful a mother I was for leaving her and Willow. I expected her to tell me that I’d ruined her life and that she never wanted to see me again.”

  Erin looked away for a moment. “I guess that was what I thought I deserved from her. That’s how I felt after my mom left me. But I really have been working on myself and my thoughts. So I read her letter again and again. Until I believed it.”

  “She didn’t tell me she was writing you.”

  “She probably knew you wouldn’t have let her,” Erin said.

  Granger clenched his jaw, holding back his first response. He wasn’t the one who had kept Erin and the children apart all these years. “Look, I’m happy that you’re doing better these days—I really am. But my responsibility and loyalty go to the girls first. I just want to know what your plans are. You’re here but for how long?”

  The waitress returned and slid their plates in front of them. “Anything else?”

  Granger shook his head. “Not for me.”

  “No, thanks,” Erin added.

  “All right. Just holler if you do need something.” The waitress looked between them, and Granger knew she was trying to decide what they were to each other. A couple? Business partners?

  He waited to speak again until he and Erin were alone. “I want you to be a part of Abby and Willow’s lives but you can’t walk in and out. If you’re walking back out, it’s best that you’re not in at all. For their sakes.”

  Except even as he said it, he knew it was already too late. Erin had visited with the girls, and if she disappeared again, Abby and Willow would feel abandoned and rejected. In that case, Granger would likely have to put them in counseling.

  Erin used her fork to move her food around on the plate but she didn’t take a bite. Granger hadn’t touched his breakfast yet either. “I’m moving back.”

  “Moving back?” he echoed.

  Erin swiped a lock of hair behind her ear. Once upon a time, he’d loved that gesture of hers. He’d loved the way she’d looked away shyly even when there was no reason to be shy around him. “I work from home so it doesn’t matter where I live. And I’ve already made an appointment with a therapist here just to keep myself moving in the right direction. For the girls and myself.”

  She swiped her hair out of her face again, looking vulnerable. “My last therapist told me that I will always regret leaving. But I don’t have to also regret never coming back.” Her voice choked with emotion. She moved her food around on her plate some more. “Anyway, I’ll be at the new inn on Mistletoe Lane while I look for somewhere more permanent.”

  Granger nodded. “The Sweetwater Bed and Breakfast. It opened about two years ago.”

  “That’s the one. It’s cozy. The owner, Kaitlyn, is really nice too.”

  “She married Mitch Hargrove,” Granger told her, making small talk and moving the conversation around the way Erin was moving the food on her plate.

  “I saw Mitch. He looks great,” Erin said. Granger and Erin had both gone to school with Mitch, Jack, and the current mayor of Sweetwater Springs, Brian Everson. Erin was as much a part of this town as Granger was, and he had no right to tell her not to return. Even if that’s exactly what he wanted to beg of her right now.

  “I can’t stay at the inn forever. It’s reasonable but I’m ready to get settled here.”

  Granger had so many mixed emotions about that. Things were good at home. This would disrupt the balance, but if there was a chance for Abby and Willow to have both parents, it was worth the risk, right?

  “Janelle Cruz can help you,” he finally said. Janelle was great at helping people find the perfect home. That wouldn’t be easy in this situation though. The perfect home should be where your family was but that wasn’t going to happen in this case.

  “So you’re okay with this?” Erin asked. “With me coming back?”

  “It’s going to take some time for me to let my guard down,” Granger said. “It’s not because I’m trying to hurt you. I’m just trying to protect the girls.”

  Erin nodded. “I knew coming back that it would be a long row to hoe. I’m stronger than I used to be, and I’m going to prove myself to you. And your mom and dad. Everyone who has Abby and Willow’s best interests at heart.”

  Granger scooped some grits onto his spoon and nodded. “I’ll be honest. I’m wary, Erin…But I’m also rooting for you.”

  * * *

  What is Dan doing here?

  This was Joy’s Christmas tree workshop, and he had no right to be here. Except, apparently, he did. Tonight, she was giving a workshop to the men’s group at a local church, and Dan was a new member. The group was making trees for the children’s home an hour away.

  Ignoring Dan, Joy walked over to Pastor Philli
ps and put on a smile. “Wow, these trees look amazing. The kids are going to love having their very own tree in their rooms.”

  Pastor Phillips stopped what he was doing and faced her. “They’ll need these trees to put their gifts under. The Hope for the Holidays auction chose the children’s home as their recipient this Christmas. And the Ladies’ Day Out group has generously offered to go shopping for the kids with the money earned. Our men’s group is tasked with delivery.”

  Joy had already heard that the children’s home was this year’s Hope for the Holidays recipient. Usually the town chose a person in need but this year it had chosen the orphanage. It was a bigger job but it would benefit the kids so much.

  “What are you donating to the Hope for the Holidays auction this year?” Pastor Phillips asked.

  Joy shrugged. “I don’t have much to offer. I guess just a private art class.”

  “You have more to offer than you think,” the pastor said, returning to his work.

  Joy had only meant financially. But his words hit her with a soft punch. Until lately, she wasn’t sure she had what it took to invest in another relationship. But Granger had made her think otherwise. Maybe it wasn’t too soon to consider something serious again. Maybe she could fall in love and have it actually work out this time.

  At least, that’s what she was thinking before Erin came back. Now her thoughts were a jumbled mess.

  Joy continued walking around to look at the trees, chatting with various guys in the group, continuing to avoid Dan. Not going over to speak to him, however, would imply that she cared about him. And she didn’t. With an inward groan, she headed over. “Looks good,” she told him with all the insincerity she could muster.

  Dan held a can of bright-pink spray paint in his hand. She’d put out a rainbow of colors for her students to paint the trees tonight, thinking that the young recipients would love that. “Thanks.”

  “Since when are you in a men’s group?” she asked.

  Dan gave a humorless laugh. “Since about three weeks ago. I’m trying to make some positive changes in my life.”

  Joy’s mind couldn’t help but come up with a list of changes she wanted to suggest for him. She truly believed that people could change, but somehow, she thought he was the exception. He’d betrayed her, broken her for a while, and in her mind, he was beyond saving.

  As if reading her thoughts, Dan nodded. “At least, I’m going to try. I have good motivation to want to help the children’s home. And to want to be a better man.”

  “Oh?” Joy folded her arms over her chest, barring the cold and guarding herself from this man who’d hurt her heart so much.

  His expression looked apologetic, and something told Joy she didn’t want to hear what he was about to say. “Nancy is…well, she’s pregnant.”

  Pain poured over Joy, stealing her breath and threatening to buckle her knees. Not because she still loved Dan. No, she didn’t. But he was getting his second chance at love and a family, and he was changing for Nancy the way he hadn’t found Joy worthy of changing for.

  “Are you okay?” Dan asked.

  “I’m fine.” Joy held up a hand. “Congratulations on the baby. That’s wonderful news. I’m happy for you two.”

  Dan nodded and looked down at the can of spray paint in his hands. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry about what happened between us.”

  “Which part?” Joy asked, knowing that she should be a bigger person. He was apologizing. She should accept it graciously and move on. “The part about lying to me and telling me you loved me? Or the part where you cheated on me with one of your nurses? Or maybe the part where we…” She trailed off.

  He was a doctor, and he hadn’t held the baby inside him. He hadn’t had time to even get attached to the idea like she had. Then when she’d found out it was an ectopic pregnancy, he’d talked about it as a medical event. Like having a gallstone. Inconvenient and unimportant. But it’d been more than that to her.

  “All of it.” Dan frowned and nodded as if he expected her anger. “This pregnancy is why I’ve wanted to make amends with you lately. When you’re faced with something like parenthood, it makes you look at your life. I want to be my kid’s hero, and a hero takes responsibility for his actions. I was a jerk—I admit it. I treated you badly, and I’ll always regret that…I’m sorry, Joy.”

  Joy wasn’t sure what to say. She couldn’t very well hate him now. “I, um…thank you. And congratulations.” She sucked in a breath, realizing now that it was unusually quiet. She knew without turning around that people were watching and listening to their conversation. Crap. She didn’t like airing her dirty laundry even if Dan had just made a noble attempt to clean it.

  She put on a smile and turned to the group.

  “Hi, Joy.” Local newscaster Serena Gibbs and her cameraman stood a couple of feet away. “I heard this is one of the most talked about places to be this Christmas, so I wanted to make sure I got a good story.” Her gaze jumped from Joy to Dan, who was standing behind her now.

  Oh no. That was old news. It was in the past, where Joy would leave it and her resentment for Dan from now on. He was moving forward, and she wanted to do the same. That was the only way she and Granger had a chance. A second chance at love for both of them.

  Joy put on a bright smile to match the newscaster’s as the camera pointed at her. “Welcome to the Christmas tree workshop.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Joy slipped off to her car as soon as the workshop was over. She’d seen Granger chatting with several customers and hadn’t wanted to bother him. Plus, she’d known that Willow was inside biting at the bit to talk to him about something that had excited her. Erin was in there as well.

  Joy took a deep breath, trying not to feel jealous. Because that would be immature and silly. Granger had told Joy he wasn’t interested in reconnecting romantically with his ex, and Joy didn’t need to worry.

  Instead, she drove home and carried the small tree she’d purchased for herself into her little townhome. She planned on decorating it while she binged on Hallmark Channel holiday movies. If she couldn’t have real romance tonight, she’d live vicariously through the characters on her TV.

  First things first though—she poured herself a deep glass of wine from a local vineyard in the valley—not some far-off place in California—and took a healthy gulp. “Ah, that’s good.”

  Chelsea poked her head out from under the couch. Meow.

  “Don’t worry. The coast is clear. There are no children or men in tow,” Joy told her cat. “Just you, me, Hallmark, and wine.”

  The doorbell rang.

  “And an unexpected visitor.” Joy headed to the door, wondering who was on her porch. It could be her mom—who she wasn’t in the mood to see right now. Or her elderly neighbor, who regularly knocked to ask for milk, eggs, or even toilet paper.

  Or it could be Granger. But he was likely with his family by now. And she knew how important family time was to him. There was no way it was him, even if that’s the only person she wanted to see tonight.

  She opened the door, and her heart did a free fall into her belly.

  “Hi,” Granger said, standing on her porch. He was dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and a long-sleeved flannel shirt per usual, and he was the sexiest man alive in her opinion.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You left tonight before I could talk to you.”

  Joy gestured him inside. “Come on in. It’s cold out there.” She closed the door behind him, and immediately, Granger’s arms wrapped around her.

  “And it’s warm in here,” he said. “I came all this way just to kiss you good night.”

  Joy’s breath caught as she looked up at him. “Really?”

  “You sound surprised. Nothing’s changed from yesterday when I told you I wanted to keep this thing between us going,” he said, voice lowering.

  Except a lot had changed. Erin had returned, and his family needed him more than ever.

  See
ming to read her thoughts, Granger sighed and kissed her forehead. “Okay, it’s a little more complicated than it was but I’ve never been one to back away from a challenge.”

  Joy grinned. “Are you calling me a challenge, Mr. Fields?”

  Granger’s arms wrapped more tightly, squeezing her softly in a hug. “The challenge is keeping my hands off you every time you’re near.” Granger looked around. “Am I going to be attacked by a cat if I kiss you right now?”

  “There’s a good chance,” Joy said with a tiny laugh. “But Chelsea comes with the territory. If you want to be with me, you’re stuck with random cat attacks.”

  Granger nodded. “And my family comes with my territory.”

  Joy already knew and accepted that about him. But she wasn’t sure if his family now included Erin. She was the girls’ mom after all. Instead of kissing him, Joy wiggled free from his arms. She fidgeted momentarily and then gestured at her kitchen. “Would you like some peppermint tea?” she asked, needing to be busy. She didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, she turned and headed to the small open kitchen of her townhome.

  Granger sat on a stool at her kitchen island and watched her work. She prepared and carried the mugs of tea to the island and took the stool opposite him.

  “I guess we need to talk before kissing, huh?” Granger finally said.

  Joy curled her fingers around her mug, soaking in the warmth and letting it soothe her frayed emotions. “Is Erin…back?”

  Granger reached for his tea. “Yeah. Looks like it. She’s actually moving back for good, so she says.”

  Joy stiffened. This should be good news, and she felt a wave of guilt for being disappointed by it. “Wow. That’s a big turnaround.”

  “And unexpected. I just wish she had told me she was coming so I could have prepared the girls. But it’s a good thing for them. At least if she stays.”

  Joy couldn’t help being hurt somehow. “So you’re just letting her back in that easy?”

  Granger lifted a brow. “It’s not easy for me to let Erin back in. It’s hard. But what kind of father would I be if I denied my children the chance to have their mother in their lives?”