Season of Joy

by Annie Rains

  “You’re a wonderful father,” Joy said quietly. And it was her own jealousy talking right now. “What about you?” she couldn’t help asking. “I’m sure Erin is hoping to return to more than just the girls.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I told her over breakfast that we were over. She accepted that.”

  “Over breakfast?” Joy asked.

  Granger narrowed his eyes. In the dim lighting of the kitchen, she saw flecks of amber swirling with the honey brown. “We needed to talk privately. I made sure she knew it was over between us, and she agreed. She’s only interested in reconnecting with Abby and Willow.”

  Joy wanted to believe him but she also wanted to be smart. She’d been dumb when it came to love once before. “So where is Erin staying, if she’s moving back?”

  Granger lifted his mug and took a sip. “Last night she stayed at the Sweetwater Bed and Breakfast.”

  Joy got the feeling he was holding something back. “And tonight?”

  He sighed and placed his tea back on her counter. “Tonight, she’s staying at Merry Mountain Farms.”

  Joy stood and started walking toward the front door, leaving Granger at her island.

  “What? Wait a minute.”

  “I think you should leave,” Joy said, suddenly short of breath.

  Granger followed behind her. “What would you have me do? Erin hasn’t found a permanent place to live yet, and if she spends all of her available funds on temporary dwellings, how does that help her or my kids?”

  Joy could see his point but she didn’t like the idea of Granger and his ex staying under one roof together. She’d been down a similar road last Christmas, and she didn’t want to travel it again.

  “Joy?”

  She turned to face him and blew out a breath. “This was supposed to be casual and fun. Easy.” Her eyes started burning. “There weren’t supposed to be tears and heartbreak or any of the awful stuff that relationships have.”

  Granger looked at her. “Comes with the territory when feelings get involved.” He reached up and swiped his finger across her cheek now. She hadn’t even realized there was a tear there. “You didn’t let me explain. Erin is staying in my parents’ guest room. Across the lawn in a completely different house. And only until she can find a place of her own to stay, which will hopefully be sooner rather than later.”

  Joy folded her arms at her chest, applying pressure to her aching heart. She didn’t know whether to toss Granger out in the cold or kiss him.

  Kissing him sounded like a lot more fun.

  As if reading her thoughts, Chelsea flew out from under the couch and attacked Granger’s leg.

  He stumbled a little, doing his best not to step on her paw. Then she darted off, no doubt to plan her next attack. “I think your cat is starting to warm up to me. She didn’t hiss this time.”

  Joy laughed. Chelsea hadn’t hissed last time either. “She’s a good judge of character.”

  “Joy, I want to be completely transparent with you. I’m not going to break your heart. Not if I can help it.”

  She nodded. “So I’m overreacting?”

  “Not at all. My ex is back, and that’s a big deal. But I like you. I didn’t expect to fall as hard as I have. I can’t seem to help it though. It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt anything for a woman. And I feel a whole lot of things for you.”

  Chelsea flew out from under a chair and attacked his leg again.

  This time he didn’t look away. His gaze held steady on Joy’s.

  Her heart throbbed in her chest. She felt a whole lot of things for him too, and that’s what scared her. “Okay,” she finally said, at a loss for anything more.

  “Okay what?” he asked.

  “Okay, you can kiss me now,” she whispered, stepping toward him. Then she cupped her hands over his cheeks and pressed her mouth to his.

  * * *

  Granger held on to Joy, loving the feel of her in his arms. Loving the sweet taste of her lips, like wine and Christmas. This woman was all he wanted this holiday season, and now that he was holding her in his arms, he never wanted to let her go. This was anything but casual for him. It was complicated and messy—getting messier by the moment. And falling for someone was risky to his little family who needed security and stability. It was his job to give them that.

  His body silenced his mind with all its worries and fears, giving his hands permission to run over Joy’s back, feeling her curves beneath his touch. She seemed to come alive beneath his fingers, her mouth increasingly needy as they kissed.

  Movement stirred under their feet, and Granger was sure that Chelsea had made another attack. But all he cared about was Joy. Little moans left her as they kissed, adding fuel to his overloaded senses. The taste, the sounds, the feel of her.

  He lifted his head and opened his eyes, breaking away from the kiss. His breathing was heavy, as if he’d just jogged across the parking lot. “I want you,” he whispered. If his mind were in control, he definitely wouldn’t be saying that.

  “I want you too.” She looked up at him with dreamy, half-closed eyes. Her lips were swollen, a deep rose color from their kiss. He just wanted to dip his mouth to hers again and kiss all night. That would lead to more than kissing, though, and possibly to all the things he meant when he told her he wanted her.

  “But we probably shouldn’t,” Granger said.

  “Where are the girls?” Joy asked.

  “With my parents.” And Erin too, but he left that part out. It didn’t feel right to even utter another woman’s name at this moment.

  Granger took a step back, distancing himself from Joy.

  Her brow furrowed softly. “What’s wrong?”

  “I want to pull you in my arms and stay here all night. But…”

  “You need to get back to your family.” She stared at him for a moment and then nodded. “Okay. So then what should we do?”

  Granger chuckled because he couldn’t believe what he was about to say. “I should probably go home now. Staying would only test my willpower. Another ten minutes and we’d be kissing again.” And kissing would lead to roaming hands and discarded clothing. He headed for the door. “Don’t run off after your workshop tomorrow evening.” He looked over his shoulder as he reached for the doorknob.

  She tilted her head, a questioning look in her eyes. “Another hayride?”

  Granger shrugged. “Are you getting tired of my moves already?”

  She grinned. “I don’t think I’ll ever tire of sitting with you under the stars.”

  He was tempted to read a lot more into that than he thought she intended. That sounded an awful lot like forever to him. And he was pretty certain he would never tire of Joy either. “Good. I’ll see you after closing.” He turned around and then dipped to give her a soft kiss, pulling away before things got out of hand this time. “Good night, Joy.”

  “Night.”

  He opened the door and stepped outside. As he walked to his truck, he heard her front door close. He’d been a breath away from losing her tonight. And a breath away from making love to her.

  And he was long past falling in love with Joy Benson.

  He unlocked his truck and got in. Then he drove the short distance home and hurried through the biting cold into his house. His mom was sitting at the kitchen island with a book in front of her. She turned and gave him a visual assessment that ended with her smiling. Could she see Joy’s fingerprints on him? Did his mouth reveal that he’d been kissing someone?

  “Thanks for watching the girls,” he said as he removed his coat.

  She closed her book and stood.

  “You don’t have to thank me. You know that. And I didn’t do much. Erin made popcorn, and they watched holiday movies all night.”

  “Is Erin over at your place already?” he asked.

  His mom shook her head. “No. She fell asleep on the couch with the girls. I think it’s best if we don’t wake them, don’t you?”

  Granger looked
past his mom toward his living room. He didn’t see how Erin staying under his roof overnight was best for anyone. He also couldn’t see waking her though. That would only stir the girls. He ran a hand through his hair and tugged.

  His mom swatted him. “Stop that. You’ll be bald if you keep pulling at your hair…Were you at Joy’s tonight?”

  “Yeah.”

  His mom nodded and smiled. “Good. Joy makes you happy, and that makes me happy. Everything else will fall into place just like it should.”

  His mom’s perspective never ceased to amaze him. She could make a root canal sound like something positive. “You make it sound so simple.”

  “It should be simple. The heart knows that. It’s the mind that gets in the way.”

  Granger chuckled. “The two are kind of inseparable, you know.”

  “Yes, but they’re complete opposites. That’s what makes them perfect for one another.” She winked up at him.

  Something told him she was referring to him and Joy more than the heart and the mind. “You’re anything but subtle, Mom.”

  “Subtlety is for the young with time to spare for misunderstandings.” She headed toward the back door. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’ll cook breakfast.”

  He knew she was also making sure that Granger didn’t have to deal with Erin being under his roof alone. He was thankful for that. His mom had always understood him the way his father couldn’t seem to.

  “Will you try to drag Dad over here too?” Granger asked, stepping onto the porch behind her. The cold rushed around him, making his frozen breaths visible. “This year doesn’t feel quite the same with him taking a back seat at the farm. I miss talking to him.”

  “I think he feels the same way. I’ll drag him over. I’m sure he’d love to see Erin as well. We might not approve of her choices but we’ll always love her. We’ll always do our best to support you too.” She nudged Granger softly.

  “Just like you always have.” Granger kissed her cheek. “Love you, Mom.”

  “I love you too, son. Good night.” She started walking home. Granger watched her for a moment and then headed back inside. He stopped in the entryway of his living room, where Erin was sleeping. He’d told Joy that Erin was staying at his parents’ place tonight, and yet here she was in his living room. Should he text Joy and let her know? He hated keeping secrets.

  He picked up his phone and brought up Joy’s contact but hesitated. This was no big deal, really. And what Joy didn’t know wouldn’t keep her up tonight. She needed her sleep. For full transparency, he would just make sure he told her as soon as possible tomorrow.

  * * *

  Granger was up early the next morning, careful not to wake anyone as he tiptoed toward the kitchen. He needed that first cup of coffee before he could deal with any of what the morning would bring. Erin was still asleep in his living room with Abby and Willow curled against her. For a moment, Granger stopped to look at them. The girls looked so peaceful.

  Granger turned the coffee brewer on and listened as it grumbled to life. Wow, he never realized how loud this thing was until he needed it to stay quiet. He tossed a glance over his shoulder, hoping not to wake Erin before his parents got here. He didn’t want to be alone with her. Not because he was attracted to her. Just because, well, he didn’t feel like he knew her anymore. She felt like a stranger in his house—one that he’d once known intimately.

  He retrieved a mug from the cabinet and turned to bring it over to the pot.

  “Can you make that two?” a woman’s voice asked.

  Caught.

  He looked over and met Erin’s watchful eyes. “Morning.”

  She looked away shyly, using one hand to tamp down her sleep-ruffled hair. “I guess I fell asleep here last night. Sorry.”

  “No need to apologize. It’s fine,” he said quietly, although now he didn’t mind if he woke the girls up. Their chatter would ease the tension between Erin and him. “Mom will be over with Dad for breakfast in a bit.”

  Erin nodded and looked at the coffee again.

  “I’ll grab another mug,” he said.

  “Thank you.” She looked down the hall and gestured. “I’ll freshen up and be right back.”

  Granger nodded, realizing that they’d have to share a cup of coffee together when she returned. Just like the old days. A heavy sigh rattled through his chest. He suddenly felt exhausted, even though he’d had a full night’s sleep. He poured two mugs and carried them back to the kitchen island. Then he adjusted the stools so that he and Erin wouldn’t be sitting too closely.

  When she returned, her hair was neatly brushed, and her skin was fresh. The only evidence that she’d just woken was the faint pillow crease running diagonally across her lower cheek. “Thank you.” She sat on the other stool and pulled her mug to her mouth.

  Granger did the same, and they sat quietly together for a long moment.

  “So Abby tells me that you’re dating their babysitter.”

  Granger choked on his sip of coffee. “What? No.” He shook his head. “Joy isn’t the babysitter. She’s helping with the girls temporarily until I can find a new nanny to watch them after school. It’s more of a favor on her part.”

  “But you are dating her?” Erin seemed to search his face.

  He hesitated before nodding. “Yeah. It’s new.”

  Erin looked down into her coffee. “So I guess that’s where you were last night?”

  He cleared his throat. “Yeah.” Not that it was any of her business.

  She looked up. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Granger. For everything.”

  “Me too,” he said. “But I’m glad you came home. The girls need you in their lives.”

  “I need them too.” Erin held his gaze for a long moment. Granger wondered if things would be different if he hadn’t started seeing Joy right before Erin came back. Would he have tried to go down this road with her again? He didn’t think he would.

  “Do you have someone special in your life?” he asked.

  “No.” She gave her head a quick shake. “I’ve been working on myself in counseling. But I’m not ready to be with someone else. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready. But I am here for our kids. You don’t need to find someone else to watch them anymore. I can handle their care after school, and I want to.”

  Granger took a sip of his coffee. He wanted to say yes but his girls came first. Their safety got priority over what they would want. “Let’s see how the next couple weeks go first, okay? Then we’ll talk.”

  Disappointment colored her expression. “I get it. I’ll just have to show you that I’m ready. And I will.”

  * * *

  Joy had finished her workshop thirty minutes ago but she couldn’t find Granger anywhere. Her day had been unexpectedly busy, and she hadn’t gotten a chance to see him all day. Instead she’d taught a class at the community center and the library and then had made a run to the art supply store for more materials to use at her Christmas tree workshop tonight.

  Joy spun around, looking in all directions. Last night before he left, Granger had asked her to meet him tonight after the crowd had gone. He seemed to have disappeared with them though.

  Joy knew the girls were inside with Erin. Maybe he’d gone to check on them. She headed in that direction. Joy didn’t really want to talk to Erin but she had promised Granger that she wouldn’t run off tonight like she’d done last night. As she drew closer to the house, she heard sniffles coming from the front porch. Joy bypassed the back door and headed in the direction of the sound, pausing for a moment when she saw Willow crying.

  Willow was usually such a happy girl. It broke Joy’s heart to see her cry, her little body twitching softly as she tried to take in air.

  “Willow? You okay?” Joy climbed the steps and headed toward the little girl.

  Willow blinked up through her big tears, and despite her sadness, she smiled.

  That turned Joy’s heart to mush. This was the sweetest little girl in the whole
wide world. Her and Abby both.

  Joy sat on the swing next to Willow, her elbow bumping against Willow’s shoulder. “Wanna talk about it?”

  Willow lifted her forearm and used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe beneath her nose.

  Joy laughed softly. No doubt that snot would be all over her own clothes when they hugged in a minute. Not that she minded.

  “I asked Santa to bring me a new mom.” She looked up wide-eyed at Joy. “And he got it all wrong.”

  Joy pulled back to look at her. “What? But your mom is here.”

  “I said I wanted a new one.” Willow shook her head, her body trembling again. “Not the old one who doesn’t even want me,” she squeaked out.

  Joy pulled her in close. “Oh, honey. What makes you think she doesn’t want you?”

  “Because that’s what the kids in my class told me. Last year, when I asked the teacher why I was the only one without a mother for the Breakfast with Mom at school, my friends said it’s because my mom didn’t want me…So I don’t want her either.”

  Some friends. “Is that why you asked for a new mom? Because of the kids at school?”

  “And because my old mom is sick. At least that’s what Daddy told me.” Willow hesitated. “But she doesn’t look sick to me. I even asked her if she felt okay, and she said yes.”

  Joy reached for Willow’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Sometimes you can’t really see when someone is sick. They don’t get a fever or sneeze or anything like that. But your mom seems to be doing well now. I think the doctors have helped her feel better.” At least Joy hoped so for this little girl’s sake.

  “I just…When I asked Santa for a mom, I meant new. Why couldn’t he have picked you?” Willow asked with a sniffle.

  Joy sucked in a sharp breath. “Me? I’m just the babysitter,” she teased, regurgitating Abby’s words from the other day. It was strange that Willow was the one pushing her mom away. Joy would’ve expected this from Abby, who had counseled her sister on stranger danger. Erin was their mom, but they didn’t know her.