Hand of Thorns

by Ashley Beale

  "Give her a few minutes. She may appear delusional when she comes to."

  I'm not sure who is talking. The first voice sounded familiar, the second one not so much. Both are females. Both sound kind.

  I can't force my eyes to open. Not yet. I'm conscious, but I can't find a way to talk either. So I continue to lay here, listening to the different sounds around me. I believe I'm in a hospital, but I haven't figured that out yet.

  "Is she going to be alright? How about the baby?" That voice sounds familiar too. In fact... I'm almost certain that voice is Sumner. I'm not sure why she'd be here visiting me, but it sounds exactly like her.

  "They're both fine. Her heart rate was high, which can happen due to high stress, low amounts of fluid, not enough rest, or a small list of other things we don't even realize we're even doing wrong. She started to faint, but thankfully the father was close by, he stopped her from hitting the floor."

  "So why is she still passed out?"

  I hate that they're speaking about me as if I'm not even here. Even if the questions are ones I have. And wait... father? The father? As in... Leon?

  "It appears... hold on. Her heart rate is increasing again." I can hear the consistent beeping in the background become more frequent, and almost in an instant I put two and two together. Leon is causing my heart to race this way, even the mere thought of him.

  "Well, what is causing it this time?" The first voice asks loudly. I can put a pin on it. It's Mom.

  The two people who deserted me when I needed them most are the two that are here for me now. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

  The nurse- or so I assume- gets the beeps back to a faint consistency. She then speaks again. "I'm not quite sure. We'll figure it out when she wakes up. Why don't we allow her to rest and get some more fluids. If she wakes I'll come get you from the waiting room."

  I want to say thank you to the nurse but I still can't speak.

  Of course Mom grumbles about not wanting to leave me and the stress this hospital is causing her, but her voice fades away into the distance, then I hear the click of the door as it shuts.

  Silence.

  I don't particularly enjoy silence, but right now I am.

  There is still a humming from some machine, beeping from another, and the soft echoes of voices outside the room, but overall it's silent.

  That is, until the door opens again. I hear the squeak of a shoe scuff across the floor when the door closes again. Assuming it's the nurse, I urge myself to tell her I'm awake, but nothing happens.

  A hand squeezes mine and it's definitely not the nurse- unless she's a guy. Maybe it's the doctor?

  That question goes out the window when I smell the musky masculine aroma. I know exactly who it is, but what I don't know is why he is in here visiting me. After how things ended, he should leave me alone. We can leave each other alone, and it'll be easier. Right?

  His thumb gently caresses the skin of my hand. It almost feels as though my body melts, as everything relaxes inside of me.

  He doesn't say anything.

  It remains this way for quite some time, and I start to wonder about the conversation we had before I fainted. How that could have gone differently, how I should have begged him for more answers, how he should have explained himself further. All in all, what it did was frustrate me to no end. I'm still confused, hell I think I'm even more confused now than I've ever been in life.

  Soon the feeling of grogginess takes over and I slowly drift off into a land of sleep. As I'm delicately in-between the sensation of sleeping and awake, I feel him move. He stands, I think. My hand repositions, and suddenly I'm wide awake again. My body starts to shake, as it does anytime I'm woken too early from a nap. I can't shake it off, and when I notice that he's starting to walk away, every bit of energy I have inside of me begs him to stop.

  But I don't think he hears me.

  "Get some sleep, beautiful," he whispers.

  I groan. It's all I can do.

  There is no noise for a few seconds, then he whispers my name. "Monica?"

  I groan again.

  I can sense as Leon creeps closer to me. His shadow appears on the other side of my closed lids, and with a force unlike before, I move them. Finally, I can see... almost. It's blurry, and the light around me blinds me for a moment, but then I see a face of an angel- or what I would wish heaven looked like.

  He smiles softly down at me, for what appears to be forever. Until his face changes into something else- confusion, frustration, worrisome... I'm not quite sure what it is. I groan again, wanting to speak but my throat feels tight and dry.

  As if he knows what I'm thinking, he reaches over to an ugly pink cup with a straw poking out, and he places it in front of my face, positioning the straw so I can take a few sips from it. With a sigh, I lean back, enjoying the fact my throat is lubricated enough I might be able to say something.

  What do I say? Thanks?

  Leon pisses me off. He has created a monster in me I'm not sure I like.

  It's worth it though, when I see the side of his mouth pull up the way it does. "You feel okay?" he asks. "Do you know where you are, or what happened?"

  I slowly nod my head. "Kind of. I heard the nurse. I fainted." It's still hard to speak but it feels good to work through the feeling in my throat. "How long have I been passed out?"

  He glances over at the clock. "Three hours. Not long. There is a line of people waiting for you."

  "Then why are you in here?"

  He winks. "I have a way with the ladies. They turned the other direction to let me in."

  "Oh." I look down at the blanket covering me.

  "What was that oh for?"

  "Nothing."

  "No, what? It was obviously something."

  "You have a way with the ladies," I repeat his words. "I was saying, oh. Like, oh, right, yes you do."

  He chuckles, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "You must be feeling fine then. You're already full of aggression and your eyes have only been open a few minutes."

  I try to smile but I fail. I still don't look at him. My heart is still broken from earlier. After a few seconds of neither of us speaking he whispers to me. "I didn't mean to stress you to this point."

  He catches my attention enough to get me to look at him. His eyes look sad for once. "You didn't do this. I'm stressing myself out. I'm sorry. I should have been taking better care of myself, for your baby."

  "The baby is fine. It's you I'm worried about."

  "That's why you're here?"

  He nods his head, like I should find that completely obvious at this point.

  "I don't get it, Leon. What happened between us?"

  Closing his eyes, I can see him fighting something with himself. "Not this again."

  "Just cut to the chase. Give me an explanation and I'll never ask you again."

  "Considering it's what probably put you in here," he sighs. "I'm attracted to you. More than attracted. I find you intriguing, and beautiful, and special. I want to know you more. I want to be with you more. I have to force myself into work so I stay away. I wanted to fuck you so unbelievably bad that I couldn't allow myself back at that hotel. Today when you fainted, Monica, I wanted to fucking hurt myself for allowing that to happen to you. So I don't know what is going on either, but the more I see you, the more I’m around you... the more I crave it. I want more of you."

  "What if I want more of you, too?"

  He shakes his head. "I told you, I'm no good for you."

  "Beauty and the Beast."

  "What?"

  "You said you're no good for me, and you called me beautiful." I grin stupidly, but I love everything about what popped into my mind when he mentioned that once more. "Beauty and... the Beast. See, it works. It always works out in fairy tales."

  "But this is no fairy tale, Monica. You see, you're pregnant with my child, a child that is to be born to Ellie and me. You have no part in that, except for carrying our baby and handing it over when it'
s born. Don't you see how fucked up that is? I can't give you all of me."

  Looking down, I feel ashamed for my attempt at pulling him towards me. I know I shouldn't, I'm being absolutely ridiculous.

  His curved finger presses gently against my chin, forcing it upward so I face him once again. "I'm not saying I don't want you. I do. I'm only saying it's going to end in a blazing fire. The rose at the end of the movie will wilt, there will be no happy ending."

  "Then I'll prick my finger on a thorn, and I'll burn. With beauty comes pain, isn't that the idea of a rose? You risk your hand being pricked by a thorn, only to be able to smell the delicate aroma of the soft, gorgeous petals?"

  His hand moves gently from my chin to my cheek, holding me precisely. "Then I'm going to kiss you." And he does. So simple, so soft, so sweet... so perfect.

  Until the creaking of the door.

  I quickly pull back, glancing over in its direction. Sumner stands there with a perfectly raised eyebrow and questions covering her face. "Sorry to interrupt," she says. She looks to me, then to Leon, and back around again. "I didn't realize you were awake yet. I forgot my purse."

  She quickly races in but before she gets to where she was previously seated, Leon stands from the bed. "I have to go anyways, I'll talk to you later." Without another word he leaves the room, almost too fast.

  "Spill." Sumner drops her purse at the end of the bed before taking the spot Leon just vacated. "How long has this been going on? And uh..." She takes a peek at my ever growing stomach. "How did you get impregnated?"

  I want to start out by apologizing for everything that went wrong between us, but I like that we can pick up as though nothing happened, so I save my apologies for another time. Locking them away in a safe place, deep in my heart. Then I proceed to tell her everything that has happened from the moment we got our pedicures done together to now.

  Her jaw remains slack for a majority of the story, then pretends to swoon. "What the fuck. No wonder you fainted. Who are you, and what the hell did you do with my hermit of a bestie?"

  "Cute," I joke with her. "I'm so freaking confused, Sumer. What do I do?"

  She shrugs. "Honestly. It's not like you can get knocked up." She chuckles to herself while I narrow my eyes. "Fine, fine. I don't know. My honest opinion is end it before it actually begins. Yes, you have the hots for him. Every girl in America does, even the lesbos. He is Leon fucking Owens." She fans herself mockingly. "He is drop dead gorgeous. But... he is also in a relationship. And those who will cheat with you..."

  "Cheat on you," I finish her sentence. "I know, but I'm not looking for a relationship." Which is half true. I'm not looking for one, however I wouldn't complain if I had one. Especially with Leon. "It's fun. It's sexy. It's..."

  "Leon Owens." This time Sumner finishes my sentence, with a pout. "I get it. I really do. If I were in your shoes, I'm pretty damn certain I'd be banging the shit out of him every chance I got, but this is you. You're the cautious one, the one who is extremely smart, the one who protects herself and everyone around her. You're not naive nor a mistress."

  "Well, kind of," I admit.

  Sumner rolls her eyes. "Yeah, but you have a chance to stop it. What is your heart telling you to do?"

  "Go for him. That it's worth the chance of screwing my entire life up."

  "And your head?"

  "That I'm an idiot, but I'd be more of an idiot if I didn't try with him." I half-heartedly laugh.

  Sumner reaches for my hand, gripping onto it. "I'm sorry I was a horrible friend, and I'm sorry I took off when you needed me the most. I think I was more envious of you than anything, but from here on out, poor decisions or not, I'm going to be by your side."

  "Wait, you're apologizing? I was going to say I'm sorry."

  "No need." She smiles, and it's as if all is right in the world. I've really missed Sumner.

  "And why would you be envious? Do you not see the mess I'm in over all of this?"

  "I do," she mildly jokes. "But what I saw the most was someone who knew what she wanted and took charge, uncaring of the consequences. I saw someone stand up for herself, regardless of the fear she had for what others thought or said. I saw strength and courage, and I was jealous."

  "There is nothing to be jealous of."

  "Um." She throws her hand in the direction of the door. "I have one thing to be jealous of!"

  We get talking about her and Gunther, and how they've been, which appears to be better. I also scold her for the fourth of July and the whole idea of Ben. We get to talk about all the eventful things we've missed in one another's life, and sadly it was a summer missed between us, but we managed to do alright- and more than that, we managed to rekindle a friendship that shouldn't have been broken.

  The nurse comes in to do vitals, and lets the doctor know I'm awake. Within the following hour I'm discharged. The first thing I do is go out to lunch with Sumner, with Mom attached to our hips. For how much of a mess my life has been lately, I finally feel at ease.

  Chapter Nine

  September 4th

  Sliding on a dress over my head, I glance towards the mirror. Is it possible I've gained five pounds over night? Nothing fits. Every dress is suddenly too short or stretches out weird, and every shirt wants my stomach to play peekaboo underneath. I would wear a sweatshirt, except that it's an unusually humid ninety five degree day for early September. It has been all week long, actually. I've gone to school each day this week in yoga shorts and a tank top, but currently even the tank tops look too tiny.

  I'm still tiny everywhere except my stomach. People are definitely noticing every time I leave the house. I've heard it all lately. The rude ones such as kids shouldn't have kids, or that I'm probably having twins- which thankfully I'm not- or that I should know what I'm having already since I must be half way through my pregnancy. Sadly, I'm only shy of twelve weeks. I don't want to know how huge I'll be in the end.

  Then there are the nice ones, like I'm glowing, or that pregnancy looks good on me, and a huge handful of congratulations. A few belly rubs to add with that as well.

  Tossing my dress to the ground, I pad through the bedroom to my en suite bathroom in my tiny apartment, which is finally put together completely. I step on the scale to see that I haven't gained even an ounce, in fact I've lost two pounds. I'm not sure where that weight went, but that is what happens when you have a thyroid condition as I do. I'll have to inform the doctor when I go in next, but for now I have other things to focus on, such as what I'm going to wear.

  My phone rings from the bedroom, so I race back in. "Hey," my voice rushes while I answer Sumner's call.

  "Uh. Hi?"

  "Sorry, I was in the other room, didn't want you to hang up."

  "Oh. You ready? I'll be there in about ten minutes."

  "Uh..."

  "You're not ready?" She yells.

  We have to meet Rochelle and Penelope. They're always early, and I'm always late, which they know. “It's not my fault this time. I have no clothes that fit me."

  Sumner chuckles over the line. "Good thing I love shopping."

  "We don't have time for shopping."

  "I'll be there in ten." She hangs up, leaving it at that, so I pull a baggy tee-shirt from my pajama drawer and put that on. It remains baggy on me, so maybe I should consider wearing more oversized tee-shirts.

  When Sumner knocks on the door several minutes earlier than I expect, I run towards the door in only a tee-shirt and underwear, since I haven't figured out which pair of unwashed shorts I'm going to wear yet.

  Opening the door, my face flames in an instant. I guess it'd be different if my underwear weren't starch white, but there is nothing sexy about cotton underwear and a tee-shirt that says Zero Fox Given. Leon chuckles while he takes in my lack of clothing. "Sexy," he jokes.

  Giving him a death stare while I pull down at the hem of my shirt to cover my undies, I ask, "What are you doing here?"

  "I left the set early and I haven't seen you except once si
nce you left the hospital. I wanted to surprise you."

  "Well... surprise! I'm leaving."

  He loses his smile in an instant. "Where are you going? You're not even dressed."

  "Because nothing fits. I'm huge," I whine. "I'm having a girl’s weekend. I thought you were Sumner."

  "That's what you wear to a girl's weekend?" He eyes my body once more, that side of his mouth lifts the way I adore. "Are pillow fights expected too?"

  I shove at his shoulder for mocking me. "No. We usually drink, so honestly, I have no idea what we'll be doing, but it's long overdue and I know it'll be fun. Sumner is the planner of these things, not me."

  He walks into my apartment without saying anything, then I realize... I never told him where I live. He's never been here. He must've looked through the file at Tranquil Mind. I don't bother asking, instead I follow after him. He heads straight for my bedroom, which isn't hard to find, as I only have four rooms in this entire place.

  When he steps inside, he glances around, taking in the lack of decor on my walls, then he stares at the bed, clearing his throat before looking at me. "You need to put on shorts or something," he suggests demandingly.

  "I was trying to find a shirt to wear. Nothing fits."

  "Then buy bigger clothes, but you're not even big yet."

  "Yeah, right." I pull my shirt up to reveal my belly. "Look."

  He's already staring before I tell him to. A light flares in his eyes, something I wasn't expecting him to see. Honestly, I was expecting him to be disgusted by the pull of my skin and the fact that I no longer am a size two. He doesn't look at me like that though, he looks... turned on. "Don't ever call yourself huge again. And put on shorts." He turns towards my dresser to open up a couple drawers, only to close them once agian. "Where are your fucking shorts?"

  I glance down at what I'm wearing, and apparently the white underwear aren't his specialty with how much he wants me to cover them up. I didn't exactly want him to see me in them, and if I had known he was at the door I would have been wearing something else. So I reach into the closet where my shorts are to grab the pair I wore yesterday. "I got it. Don't worry."