Always There

by Tiara Inserto

Liana secured an appointment with her gynecologist the next day. Because she hadn’t been paying attention to the dates of her last period, her doctor suggested an ultrasound immediately.

  “Congratulations, Mrs. Molloy. Based on your chart and the size of the baby, I think we’re looking at the baby arriving at the end of May or early June,” the doctor said.

  Mitch couldn’t move his eyes from the image on the screen. He was mesmerized. How could such a little heart be beating so quickly?

  “May? You’ll still have two more months of club rugby in May, Mitch.”

  Mitch looked at this wife. “Are you allowed to have pregnancy brain before your first trimester?”

  The nurse tried to hide her laugh with a cough.

  “What are you talking about, Mitchell?” Liana asked, her tone suggested she wasn’t as amused by the question.

  Mitch folded his arms. He kept his gaze on Liana. “That pregnant women sometimes do and say stupid things because your hormones are all over the place.”

  “I think I’m deeply offended by that assumption.”

  “Then don’t say something stupid like ‘there are two more months of rugby,’” Mitch said, mocking Liana’s tone. “When the baby comes, I’ll be there. I’ll be done with the rugby. Don’t you worry about that.”

  Later that night, he watched Liana sleep. She finally looked like she was resting. He studied the rise and fall of her chest, a gentle rhythm that calmed him. He looked at her still-flat stomach and carefully laid his hand on it, awed by who was growing in there.

  Last week, he understood what “heartbreak” meant. The loss of his friend—an unexpected loss—hit so deep in his soul, he wasn’t sure how he’d recover from such pain. Hearing Liana’s voice kept him afloat. And now this; he was going to be a father. How was it possible to go from such depths of despair to the heights of ecstasy in the course of a few days?

  He wasn’t going to question it. He was just going to live it.

  * * *

  They waited until Liana was past her first trimester before telling their families and closest friends. Anusha and Raj immediately made plans to come down the month before the baby was due. Helen announced it was time to reduce her hours at the school, so she would be available to babysit. Mark demanded the right to be “godfather.”

  Liana was more strategic about announcing her pregnancy to the FANZ management. She had Phil meet her in her office one morning.

  “We—you and I—will need to change a few things in the upcoming year,” Liana said.

  “Why? I think we’ve just reached the point where everyone understands how to work with each other. And the boys are even starting to get more answers right than wrong on those bloody questionnaires you send out,” Phil said.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Phil stared at Liana blankly, his mouth open.

  She inhaled deeply and leaned back in her chair. “Yes, that’s pretty much the reaction Mitch and I had when we found out. This was unplanned. The baby is due sometime between the end of May and early June. We have some important friendlies and internationals around that time and through the winter. I’ll take a couple of months off, but I need to stay on top of things.”

  Phil leaned forward, his eyes narrowed. “You take the eighteen weeks you’re entitled, Liana.”

  Liana tapped her fingers together and studied the man opposite her. While he didn’t always agree with her, she could count the number of times, on one hand, Phil verbally questioned her thinking. “I like it when you challenge me, Phil. But it’s not practical.”

  “The team can handle it.”

  “We work well together because we’ve shared the load. You and I know that our main hurdle to Brazil is whoever places fifth in the Americas. And to beat that team means playing up a level. That’s our only goal next year: playing bigger and stronger teams. And between you and me, I have a better chance of getting those matches organized.”

  “What does Mr. Molloy think about you only taking a couple of months off?”

  This time it was Liana’s eyes that narrowed. Watch out for the quiet ones...

  “He doesn’t know... yet.”

  To his credit, Phil didn’t gloat. He looked down at her, the first time she remembered him doing so despite the difference in their heights. He had always looked at her... never down. He pursed his lips. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

  Knowing she had Phil’s support made it easier to speak to the president of FANZ the next day. After Chris Harris congratulated her, she was surprised to hear him echo Phil’s position: take off the time she was allowed after her baby was born. As she drove home, Liana realized that for the first time in her career, she really had no one to reach to for advice. There were certainly no books on how to juggle being pregnant, have a baby, and prepare a team for a major global sporting event.

  Mitch had signed up for one more year of club rugby after asking her opinion about it. He continued to perform at a high level and still enjoyed pushing his body through the training regime. The only downside was the intensity of the travel schedule. Liana encouraged him to keep going. He loved being a rugby player, and, if it were at all possible, he played better because there was no more pressure to prove anything. As a former athlete, she didn’t want to deny him the last few years of playing at a top level.

  The juggling continued.

  They would either meet in Auckland or Christchurch, usually early in the week when their professional commitments were less distracting. Liana rearranged her overseas trips so they could be done earlier rather than later into her pregnancy. Mitch continued to surprise his critics by being an integral part of his club; he even received a call from Barnsey asking if he’d consider working out with the National Team. Mitch said “no” immediately but indulged in the feeling of satisfaction that he would still be regarded as good enough.

  One morning, after practice, Mitch was sitting in the soon-to-be-nursery with a set of instructions for the crib when the doorbell rang. He wasn’t expecting anyone, least of all his mother who arrived with a basket of jarred fruit and vegetables.

  “Everything all right, Mum?” Mitch asked, carrying the basket in. Helen also brought in two large bags.

  “I’ve been receiving these from the families at the school,” she said, reaching into one of the bags. “They’re clothes and presents for the baby.”

  Mitch took the knitted hat that his mother held out for him. He smiled, trying to picture his child with Liana’s eyes wearing it. “The school families did that?” He looked up. “That’s very kind.”

  “Presents started showing up at school one day. The jars of fruit and vegetables came to the farm yesterday,” Helen said. “Everyone seems to be getting ready for the baby—except maybe you and Liana.”

  Mitch’s head jerked up. He heard the change in his mother’s tone. She didn’t look at him as she continued taking out the baby clothes, folding them into piles on the dining table. “Neither of you have mentioned what you’re going to do after the baby is born, Mitch. Quite frankly, both Anusha and I are worried.”

  “Mum, we’re both taking family leave. I’ll be done with the season once the baby arrives. I’ll be home. We’re not going to be unprepared,” Mitch said as he opened the second bag of clothes. He copied his mother’s actions, keeping his hands busy while avoiding eye contact.

  “Yes, you both will be on family leave. There was something in the papers the other day that Liana was only taking two months off,” Helen said. “That’s fine. But is that how you both are planning to raise the baby? As a part-time job?”

  “People with jobs raise children all the time,” Mitch replied. “We’re luckier than most because we can afford to hire help. The baby will have full-time parents who happen to work, that’s all. Nothing unusual about that. You and Dad worked.”

  Helen paused. She finally looked at her son. “No, there’s nothing unusual about both parents having to work. But neither of you have normal jobs. Even without the
baby, you two struggle to see each other often. It’s going to get harder when the baby arrives.”

  “I’m not sure what you want to me to say, Mum,” Mitch said, controlling his voice. He gave up on the onesie he was trying to fold and threw it back into the bag. He put his arms on his hips. “We’ll make it work.”

  Helen also stopped folding the clothes and returned Mitch’s stare. He looked away first. He reached to pick up something—anything—from the bag.

  “You’ve always been a planner, son. I remember, when you were six years old, and I found your exercise book containing a schedule for how you were going to improve your running time. Six years old, and you had already figured out how to meet a goal in steps. I knew then you were going to be all right in whatever you chose to do,” Helen said. “But babies and marriages don’t always follow your plans.”

  “I know that.”

  “Hang on; I’m not done. It’s obvious how much you and Liana love each other. And you both are going to love your baby. But marriage and family, it’s more than just about loving someone. Your love is the fuel, but unless you create the conditions to keep that love burning, it can die out.”

  “Mum...”

  Helen sighed. She pulled out one of the dining chairs and sat down. She massaged her forehead, took a deep breath and returned her gaze to Mitch.

  “I’m not afraid for you,” she said, a small smile softening her words. “All your life, you’ve shown me—and the world—that you are capable of great things. People sometimes tell me that I must be some sort of supermum because I raised the legendary Mitch Molloy. But all that success, you did that yourself. Your father and I simply put food on the table and encouraged you to go for your dreams. I think you and Liana need to make sure that the environment you’re creating for your child is the one you really want.” Helen paused, then looked Mitch straight in the eyes. “My grandchild is going to need at least one of his or her parents to be there. Who’s it going to be, Mitch?”

  It was a question someone was going to ask. But Mitch hadn’t thought it’d come from his own mother. They had a quiet lunch afterward. She helped put the crib together, their conversation limited to “I think that goes here,” and “Pass me the screwdriver.”

  Afterward, alone again, Mitch stood in the doorway of the nursery. Moira had emailed pictures, and together they had narrowed down design ideas. She ordered the furniture—“It’s our gift!”—and contacted the local shops to see who carried the specific paint colors she wanted. Mitch couldn’t believe someone in England was helping him put the room together.

  Liana was in Japan when all this happened.

  Mitch sighed. He walked into the room and sat on the rocking chair, another gift. This time, it was from the Danes. They, too, had received a mock copy of what the nursery would look like from Moira. Mitch rocked in the chair gently. There was a moment when Liana had come into the room on one of her visits home. It was soon after it was freshly painted, still empty except for the mobile hanging in the corner. Liana had fingered the metal figurines of kiwis, ferns, footballs, and rugby balls. Their eyes had caught each other’s. He came in and hugged her.

  “There’s nothing from me in this room, Mitch. I’ve not given our child anything,” Liana had said. Her voice was so soft; Mitch wasn’t sure if he had heard correctly.

  Mitch pulled her into his arms, surprised at the vulnerability he’d detected in his wife’s voice. “Baby girl, you’re giving our baby life.”

  Despite the questions from his mother, Mitch knew that he and Liana were aware of the challenges ahead. But now he wondered if they were prepared to tackle them? Ending his commitment to the National Team was one thing, a big thing. But to give up rugby altogether? No, he just wasn’t ready to leave the only life he had ever known.

  * * *

  New Zealand football lost the next friendly against Australia, and the media reports on the result were harsh. Liana bore the brunt of the criticism. Phil had never seen Liana look so angry on the sidelines before. She was usually more controlled. He told his mum that night he was just glad he wasn’t on her list of people she needed to see at the FANZ office the next day.

  Then the president of FANZ told Phil he needed to break some news to Liana, and Phil should have known at that moment it wasn’t going to be a good day.

  Phil was waiting outside Liana’s office, staring through the glass walls at the hunched-over figure of young Henry Reid, when he heard the heavy footsteps of FANZ’s head of IT.

  “What’s going on?” Roger Chong asked, panting.

  They both winced when they saw Liana slam a book on her table. Henry slumped further into his chair.

  “Liana’s giving him the riot act for what happened last night during the friendly,” Phil replied.

  “What happened?”

  Phil glanced quickly at Roger. “You’re part of the team. Why weren’t you watching?”

  “It’s why I’m here. I have to tell her that we couldn’t process any merchandise orders from the website. The entire system crashed last night. I think we lost thousands of dollars’ worth of orders. I still haven’t figured out why.”

  Phil shook his head. “When it rains it pours.”

  “What happened last night?”

  “Henry took a dive.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, a bad one too. The defender wasn’t anywhere near him. She pulled him out of the match immediately.”

  The door opened suddenly and out walked a red-faced Henry. Liana stood in her doorway, her arms folded. “The next time you want to take a dive, I strongly suggest you find a pool!” She turned, slamming the door behind her. The glass walls shook.

  Roger and Phil looked at each other.

  “Are you going in?” asked Roger.

  “I’m supposed to, but I don’t have good news either,” Phil admitted. “We’re supposed to play Saudi Arabia in September, but no women are allowed in the stadium, even if she’s the manager.”

  Roger grimaced. “I think your bad news should be delivered first.”

  Phil drew himself to his full height. “I think learning that the team lost money would take priority.”

  “I don’t want to go in there. She’s pregnant and angry. I’m mum’s only child.”

  Jacintha pushed through between them and opened the door to Liana’s office. “Just get in.”

  Liana didn’t look up when they both walked in.

  “What now?” she asked. She flipped through a notebook Phil recognized as his notes from last night’s match.

  “Phil has something to say,” Roger started.

  “You start, Roger, since you spoke first.” Liana’s attention remained on the notes in front of her.

  “Oh... uh... well...” stammered Roger. “Uh... the system went down... is still down. I’m not sure why. But we couldn’t process any orders from the website over the weekend.”

  Liana looked up from her desk and stared at Roger. She didn’t say anything. Just stared. Roger wrung his hands. “I’ll let you know when it’s up running again.”

  Phil wouldn’t say Roger ran out of Liana’s office, but he walked pretty quickly. Phil didn’t blame him. He felt nervous and wished he didn’t have to deliver the news. He had been tempted to ask why Chris didn’t talk to Liana himself but valued his job too much. He took a deep breath and was about to say something when he realized Liana’s stony demeanor had been replaced by a look of shock. She was looking at him, her eyes wide with confusion.

  “Phil, my water broke.”

  He really didn’t want to be there now. “You’re joking.”

  “No.” Liana continued to look at her coach. “I’m three weeks early. This can’t be happening.”

  “Have you felt any contractions? Are you feeling any now?”

  Liana shook her head. “I don’t think so. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the usual aches and pains.”

  Phil opened the office door. “Jas!”

  Jacintha looked around her cubi
cle.

  “The baby’s coming. Call the ambulance. Where’s Mr. Molloy, Liana? Please tell me he’s in Auckland. Please. I don’t want to be the one to tell him he missed his baby’s birth.”

  Liana glared at Phil. “Yes, he’s in Auckland. He’s actually picking up my grandparents at the airport.”

  Phil reached for his phone and called Mitch. Liana looked at him in surprise. “Why do you have Mitch’s number?”

  “He gave it to me last month. Just in case... you know... with the baby... for an emergency. Oh, shit, Liana, don’t ask me any hard questions right now! We have to get you to the hospital. You cannot have your baby here!”

  “It’d be appropriate, wouldn’t it? Being born where both his parents spend most of their time?”

  “No,” Phil said, a little more forcefully than he intended. He started to sweat. His phone rang, and he answered it immediately. “Mr. Molloy? Her water broke. We’ve just rung for the ambulance. Right. As soon as they get here, I’ll message which hospital.” Phil looked at Liana. “Uh... she looks angry. Do you want to talk to her?”

  Liana continued to glare at him when he passed her the phone.

  “No. I’m wet, and it’s starting to hurt,” Liana said. She was listening to Mitch but kept her eyes on Phil. “I’m not sure, Mitch. He looks like he’s going to faint. Why did you tell my head coach to keep an eye out on me?”

  She raised her eyebrows at Phil.

  His mouth went dry.

  Liana handed the phone back. “My husband wants to speak to you again.”

  He took a deep breath while she tapped her fingers together, her eyes never leaving his face.

  “Mr. Molloy?”

  “She’s scared and nervous. You stay with her until I get there, do you understand?”

  “Ah... sir... I really don’t do well in hospitals—”

  “Phil, I’m counting on you. I have to go. I see her grandparents coming out of Customs. Message me when you know which hospital you’re going to.”

  * * *

  When Mitch reached the hospital, he was efficiently directed to the maternity ward. Anusha couldn’t stop crying when they were in the lift, assuring Mitch that they were just tears of excitement. He just wanted to know that both Liana and the baby were safe. He’d be excited later.