Halo

by R. C. Stephens

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Ryder

  I get in the car to pick up Halo and Brandon. As I start the engine, a memory flashes in my head, making me dizzy. I’ve been getting flashes since last night.

  I dreamt of Afghanistan. I was on the jeep heading up the mountain. I remembered thinking that I need to get home to Halo and make things right. Then I remember being in a shack, a woman screaming. She was in labor, surrounded by her terrified family. I delivered her baby—a boy.

  Thinking about it causes tears to run down my face. In that instant when I held the villager’s son in my hands, I felt the brunt of my mistakes crashing down on me. I wanted to come home, couldn’t get back to Halo fast enough. Then the dream cut out and the nightmare began—blood, pain, death. Hanson dying, Montgomery dying. I’ve been trying to make sense of it all day. My mind has been bombarded with random memories flooding me and threatening to drown me.

  I pull out of the driveway and reach a stop sign when I hear a loud bang and I flinch. Another memory envelops me. “Make sure you tell my baby girl that her daddy was a hero,” Montgomery’s voice whispers.

  I can’t breathe. The sky is lighting up and thunderous rain beats heavily on my windshield. I’m drowning. My vision has become obscured. I see Halo—she’s young, smiling…she’s sad, grieving. I’m leaving, walking out the door, showing her the dog tags she gave me are around my neck. She holds her own necklace in her hands, showing me I’m close to her heart.

  Rover’s on my back, shot multiple times… More shooting, a bad feeling… The sky is pink and I have dust in my mouth—I can’t move. Lieutenant Commander’s telling our team we got the job done. The pink sky, blood, pain, death. Blood. Pain. Death.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Halo

  I try to call Ryder on his cell, but there’s no answer. I’m becoming frantic. This day reminds me of the day he left me. He’d been sleeping all day and the news had warned about an impending storm. The rain began. Then the thunder. Thunder did bad things to him.

  I know he isn’t Thomas now, he’s Ryder, but something has been off with him all day. The fact he isn’t picking up his phone is sending off all kinds of warnings in my mind. Will he leave? Will he not look back this time?

  Dave returns to the family room. “Halo, it’s looking bad out there. I want to get the kids down in the basement.” He turns his head. “Jenny get down here now,” he commands, and I hear the panic laced in his voice.

  Jenny comes running down the stairs. “What is it, Dave?”

  “I want everyone in the basement. The wind has picked up and there’s a twister forming about ten minutes away. We don’t have much time.” I can tell he’s trying to keep his voice calm because he doesn’t want to scare the kids, but his anxiety is transparent.

  “Okay, okay,” Jenny says, nodding. “Let’s go, kids. Halo, looks like you’re coming down with us.” She gestures for me to follow her down to the basement. I grab Brandon’s diaper bag and I’m thankful that I’m neurotic about over packing—the bag is heavy with supplies. I pass it over to Jenny and I gesture for her to take Brandon.

  She looks confused. “What are you doing?” she asks as if I’ve lost it.

  “I need you to watch Brandon. Something is wrong with Thomas…I mean Ryder. I have to go find him. Can I borrow your car?”

  “Halo, no way,” she snaps at me. “Get your ass downstairs.”

  “Jenny, he’s my husband. I think he’s in trouble. You saw him today. He wasn’t right. I think he’s remembering his past.”

  She takes Brandon hesitantly. “This is not okay, Halo. You’re a mother. You need to take care of yourself for this boy.” She’s mad at me, of course, but mostly she’s scared and worried.

  “And I will, but I need to go help his father so he will have a family,” I insist.

  “That won’t happen if you go out and get yourself killed. Did you see those trees out there?” Her eyes widen and I can tell she’s thinking I’ve lost it.

  “I’ll be careful. Please, Jenny. I can’t lose him again,” I plead, my heart beating fast.

  She takes Brandon and I give him a quick kiss. They all disappear into the basement as another loud clap of lightning strikes. I jump. I’m a wuss. I can’t believe I’m going out in this mess.

  I take Jenny’s red raincoat and grab the keys to her SUV off the front table and make my way outside. The rain instantly pounds hard on me and I get completely drenched. I press the unlock button and jump in the car, shaking off the water. I turn on the wipers full blast and pull out of the driveway. Driving down the street is a challenge. I lean forward a bit, straining to see the road through the heavy rain pounding my windshield. The wind is ferocious, causing the car to sway. I persevere, hoping to find Ryder at our house. I drive at a turtle’s pace. It takes me longer to get home than usual. I see the truck on the driveway, but my car is nowhere to be seen.

  Shit! He isn’t here. I turn on the radio to a local station so I’ll know what’s happening with the storm. The speakers blare with a beeping sound followed by a news broadcaster warning people to take shelter and avoid travel. My gut is telling me to go in the house and wait the storm out in the basement. My heart forces me to back out of the driveway.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Ryder

  The wind hits the car and I feel it shifting back and forth. I’m enveloped in a sea of panic and pain. The doctors told me it would be better to remember but how is this better? This is cruel and unusual punishment. It’s too much. Remembering my life, my past, my father… The way he beat me. Miss Randall… Halo….

  Halo has been mine this whole time. No, she hasn’t. I walked away. I divorced her. I was so fucked up.

  My mind is working too fast, I feel dizzy and disoriented. I try to shake off all the bad thoughts but they’re stuck like glue, ripping me apart from the inside out.

  Losing Rover fucked me up. And Hanson—he and I were so much alike. Growing up with abuse, living a lonely life. Using the military to get out of a bad situation. Becoming a SEAL so that we could feel like heroes and not the stupid pieces of shit we were supposed to be. Hanson and I were the same except for one difference. Halo. She saved me from myself. She gave me purpose.

  I begin to scream. I feel like I am losing it. Like if I could just crawl out of my skin and walk away it would be the best thing for everyone. Fuck—it hits me that this is how I felt that day I left Halo. There’s a loud clap of thunder and my mind jolts…

  “Where are you, Montgomery? I can’t see you,” I holler frantically. My head feels like it’s spinning as I search for Kendall and McCall. Where is the Lieutenant? I suddenly see a hand waving in the air with a radio and I make my way over to Montgomery. He looks burned pretty bad.

  “Montgomery,” I breathe out.

  “I can’t see you, Wells,” he answers with a calm voice. I angle myself to the ground to get close to him since his eyesight doesn’t seem right. Why me? I want to yell out. Why am I the only one standing?

  “Montgomery, you hold on. Please just fucking hold on.” I lift his head to rest on my arm.

  “Morphine, man. I called for help they are on the way.” His voice is weak. His body is all mangled up and all I can think about is his wife and daughter. I stick my last needle in his arm.

  “You’re not fucking dying, Montgomery, you stay with me,” I urge him as my tears drip down my face onto him. It stings and it hurts but this isn’t fair. “You are fucking staying with me,” I say with boiling rage and anger.

  “Just tell them how much I love them. Tell my daughter that her daddy was a hero.” His eyes shut and I squeeze mine tight, tipping my face up to the sky.

  A loud clap of thunder makes me jolt. My mind is all over the fucking map. I can’t even hold my head up straight. Montgomery’s words come back to me—all our talks together. He had a wife he loved, a child he cherished. He kept talking to me, trying to convince me to get in touch with Halo. He understood what was at stake, what
I stood to lose. His daughter. Fuck.

  I smack at my steering wheel then whip the car around. My head is spinning. I head to the VA hospital. Between the tears and the rain I don’t even know how I’m driving. As I drive, faces flash in front of me. I’m hallucinating. I need information. I need to go find their families. This isn’t right. I haven’t been right.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Halo

  The sky is black. Like literally black. My heart is hammering in my chest as I drive the streets of our neighborhood, wondering where Thomas/Ryder can be. A giggle hiccups its way out of me. I don’t even know what to call him. I seem to be the only lunatic out on the roads.

  Would he have gone to Miss Randall? It doesn’t make sense. She already gave him the answers he needed. The lake? That would be crazy in this weather. The VA hospital? Yes, that must be it.

  I pull to the curb and look up the VA’s address on my phone. The data takes forever to load due to the storm. The wind howls and there are warning sirens going off on all the streets. I’m now in full-out panic. The address pops up and I insert my location for directions. The broadcaster on the radio stumps my focus when I hear him say a funnel cloud has been spotted not too far from my location. I follow the directions on my phone, hoping I don’t find myself in more trouble than I can handle.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Ryder

  I drive down the streets in Halo’s SUV. I feel like I’ve just experienced the biggest mindfuck of my life. My body is charged and agitated. I can’t calm the fuck down. Before I can even process my surroundings or think of how I got here, I realize I’m at the VA clinic. I need to find Bob. I pull up to a parking spot and whip the car into park. Then I brace myself as I open the car door and step out into the storm. The wind is howling and fierce as I make my way inside. I’m completely drenched as I pass through the automatic lobby doors. I’m well aware that people are looking at me as if I’ve lost it. I’m soaking wet from head to toe and my shoes are making sloshing sounds as I walk down the hall like I have a mission to accomplish. Bob has mentioned numerous times that he comes in on the weekends and I know Dr. Wembley is on call sometimes. I am hoping that either one of them is here to help me.

  I stop dead in front of the outpatient psychiatric clinic. Bob is sitting at a desk speaking with a veteran. There is no receptionist. His eyes meet mine, acknowledging me. But then he continues the conversation. Fuck me. My patience is non-existent. I know it’s animalistic but I want to throw the guy he’s talking to out of his chair. I hear him cutting the conversation short, telling the man to go to the nurse. They are apparently rounding everyone up to keep them away from the windows. Thank fuck.

  Bob approaches me and we stare into each other’s eyes for a little more time than would be considered normal. In fact, I’m growing uncomfortable by the seconds.

  “You got it back,” he mutters as if it’s a fact.

  I nod.

  “Follow me.” He waves for me to follow him and he walks away from the psych ward. “We need to go into one of the offices in the inner part of the hospital. The psych clinic has been cleared out. We need to stay away from the windows,” he explains and I follow. “I don’t think we’ll catch Dr. Wembley right now. Everyone is trying to get the patients into a secure area because of the storm. I’m surprised that you drove in this mess, but I’m gathering you didn’t feel like you had much choice.” He pauses and we enter an office that is all cement walls.

  I’m too uptight to sit, so I pace the room. Bob takes a seat in one of the chairs and leans back with his hands on his stomach, calmly watching me.

  “How does it feel?” is his first question.

  I eye him, not sure how to describe the storm brewing inside me. “Fucking bad.”

  “That’s to be expected. You wouldn’t have shut down the way you did if it was good.” He shrugs matter-of-factly.

  “I need to leave. I have to find Montgomery’s wife. I have to find Rover’s wife. I should have attended their funerals. I should have placed a trident on their casket.” I can’t stop fidgeting the adrenaline pumping through me is making me so on edge.

  “Fair enough.” He walks over to a computer and logs in. He does his search while marking things down on a yellow Post-it. “Here.”

  He passes me the Post-it and says nothing. I read the addresses I requested. They are both out of state. “That’s it. Aren’t you going to say something else?” I ask, a little taken back. He always likes to give his opinion on everything. Now he chooses to be quiet when I need his input the most?

  “What do you want me to say?” He shrugs again. He’s too at ease about this. He’s been giving me crap for months. Now he chooses to take a fucking chill pill? It’s pissing me off but knowing him, he has an angle.

  “I don’t know. I’m freaking the fuck out. I remember the ambush. My team. They were burned, their bodies were mangled. I survived. I tried to save them. I couldn’t. Montgomery made me promise to tell his daughter that he was a hero…and…and, I’ve been renting out the garage in my own house.” My voice cracks and the tears begin to fall. I let out a breath and fall back in the chair. “How did that even happen? I’ve been living with my wife and son and I didn’t know them. I was such a fool. I thought I found myself an angel and went home with her. Then I let myself fall in love with her.” I let out a loud burst of laughter. The joke is on me.

  “Ryder, relax,” Bob urges. He still looks calm and not surprised at all by anything I’ve said. I don’t understand, because what are the fucking chances? It’s pretty damn crazy.

  He leans back in the chair and swipes at his mouth. “Ryder, listen to me, but promise that you will remain calm and not walk out of here after what I am about to tell you.”

  His words get me more stirred up. I’m a jittery mess. “Okay.” I reply hesitantly.

  “When you were released from the hospital you were sent to us for rehabilitation. You were adamant that you did not want to stay here. Dr. Wembley was hesitant in granting you your freedom until you gave us the address of where you wanted to stay and it matched your previous home address.” He pauses. Holy shit he knew! He knew and he didn’t fucking tell me. I want to… “Ryder, breathe and let me finish.”

  I take a deep breath and continue to listen. It’s hard to sit still. My mind is still rushing all over the place. I wish it would slow down and give me a minute to think.

  “Okay.”

  “What were the chances of that? You renting a garage from a woman you met at the hospital? A woman who had just given birth to a boy and you wanted to rent space from her. The chances are nil, Ryder. From what I’ve seen in my life, miracles like that don’t happen everyday.”

  As he says the word “miracles” more tears fall. I’m not even sure why I’m crying. It feels like I’m crying for everything. For walking out on my wife, my child, for the death of my best friends. A lot of bad happened to me. I almost died and it’s a miracle that I was given a second chance with my family.

  “You see what I am getting at, Ryder?” Bob continues. “Dr. Wembley thought you were in a good place. A safe place even though your ex-wife didn’t realize it was you. Dr. Wembley reviewed your file and saw that you took a medical leave after Iraq. The issues you had with your wife were listed. The terms of your divorce were also included. You witnessed the death of a close friend. You were grieving and scared to become a father. It was also very clear to you that your wife loved you and was devoted to you. The pysch team hoped that you would reconcile these feelings while spending time with your wife and child. During our sessions you repeatedly stated how you enjoyed spending time with Halo and her son. Dr. Wembley also figured that if you were going to ever get your memory back it would be better to be in a place that was filled with your history and not here in the hospital. If we had told you the truth of where you ended up it may have backfired. Dr. Wembley consulted with the team. You weren’t ready to face reality. It wouldn’t have been fair to push that reality on you. I’
ve seen death too, Ryder, it fucking sucks. It rips your heart open and stamps on it. It leaves you raw and in pain. I told you I’ve been there, but I came back from there to my wife, to my two children. I did the best I could. Did I have nights where I woke up in cold sweats wondering how I could have changed the fate of the men that died? I have. The pain doesn’t go away but I learned to live with it. When I see my wife, my children and their children. Those are the times I smile. Those are the times that help me get out of bed every morning and come into work to help you crazy soldiers.” He waves me off with a slight smile and sad eyes. “I feel for you, Ryder, I do. You need to make your own decisions now. You either leave this hospital and go home to your wife and child or you take off again.” He stares me squarely in the eyes.

  His gaze washes over me. It’s not judging, but it’s saying man up and do the fucking right thing. My head drops and then snaps up. “Halo, Brandon. There’s a storm.” My heart beats crazily as I realize I was supposed to pick up Halo and Brandon before the storm hit.

  “Ryder, all hell is breaking loose out there. You can’t go anywhere now. You have to wait it out.” Bob gives me a chiding nod. “You should call them and let them know where you are.”

  “It’s Thomas Wells and I need to go.” I stand and salute Bob. “I need to go find my family. I have to keep them safe.” As I say my name “Thomas”, I feel like Thomas Wells again and it isn’t so bad. It actually feels good.

  “Glad to see you’ve come to your senses, boy.” Bob smacks me on the back. “I knew you were the honorable type or I wouldn’t have spent so much time listening to you whine.” He grins devilishly.