Her Secret Cowboy

by Debra Holt

  It just didn’t happen in the last few minutes; it had begun the moment he walked into her vet office holding the bundle of injured dog in his arms. Each moment and each word, he had shown her a different man… one that had maturity and goodness inside. He cared about his family. He helped his neighbors in truly thoughtful ways. And he had not hesitated in going into a building on fire. Yet, she felt there was something more… something that he wasn’t ready to share. Did he not trust her enough? How did he feel about her? He was attracted to her; he wanted to make love with her. But could there be more? There was more to Dev that she needed to know. Going forward, she’d have to take it one step at a time.

  *

  “Everything came through last night no worse for wear,” Chance reported.

  He and Dev had ridden over to one of the newer stocks tanks and inspected it. They sat on their horses on top of a ridgeline that had a view for miles in the distance.

  “Although I might have to revise that a bit if I were to include you in the assessment. I passed a certain vet on the way out of your gate this morning early. She looked a lot better than you do right now.”

  “She stayed during the storm. And I have a lot on my mind right now.”

  Chance gave a nod. “I should think you would. The way you two have been seen together so much, it has to be downright tiresome trying to keep up the act.”

  Dev gave his full attention to his brother at that point. “Act? What makes you think that?”

  “Don’t even think for one minute that it fooled any of us who really know you both. But I think you might have not thought it all out as far as you should have.”

  “Do share your big brother pearls of wisdom.”

  “Gee,” Chance laughed. “I didn’t think I’d hear that one again. But, since you asked… make-believe can get confused with reality if you aren’t very careful. So what happened with you and Rissa?”

  Dev shook his head. “I always hated it when you turned out to be right so often. Reality hit full force. I came back here to get my head straight. To mend my body. To find where I belong in all of this.” His gaze swept the vista before them. “Or even if I do belong here at all. And I found more than I bargained for… acceptance, forgiveness, family.”

  “And Rissa.”

  “And Rissa,” Dev replied.

  “So, now, you need to make some decisions. I can tell you that your family wants you stay right here because you do belong. You’ve stepped in and filled a gap in our businesses that was needed for quite a while. Somehow, you ended up with quite a head for numbers.” Chance’s words were meant to lighten up the mood of the man beside him. There was no visible sign that it had worked.

  “Prioritize. Make a list… whatever works for you. What’s most important to you? What could you walk away from and not regret? Listen to your head… or feel with your heart. In the end, you’re still confused, then toss a coin. I’ve got to leave you with those words of wisdom. I have to watch Emmy while Josie goes to the hospital and takes some things to Dee. Rio had to go into Amarillo, and should be back later tonight. Good luck”

  Luck. He would need a whole lot more than just luck on his side. He needed to figure things out and fast. And he needed to talk to Rissa. She deserved to know more. If she could be a woman who would choose to be part of his life going forward, then he needed to let her see the whole man.

  He fell hard and fast for a smart, gorgeous, incredible woman. How often had he had to pretend to be in love with a woman in his job? How far off the mark he had been in his acting… he had no idea what a man in love would think or feel or react. Rissa had taught him that almost from the first moment he looked into her amber eyes.

  Remembering last night brought a whole other meaning to the act of passion and love. He hadn’t thought how much the strain on his back and leg would be when he had made that seductive move of picking her up and slowly edging their way across the bedroom. When he bent to the bed, a hell of a stab of pain went down his side, leg, and across his foot. He tried to ignore it, but Rissa was too smart… too attuned to signs of pain or distress in an injured being. And she had felt the ridges of scarring.

  Most women would have been repulsed. And to have cold water doused on red-hot passion was not any man’s idea of showing his prowess in bed to the woman he cared about. But Rissa wasn’t like most women… at least not the ones he had known. She had become centered on his needs… what could she do for him? The physician in her kicked in… even though he wasn’t like one of her usual four-legged patients. She had gotten his pain pills. Held out the glass of water and made sure he took them.

  When the night would have ended on that note, she had simply crawled back in bed beside him, pulled the covers up over them both, and told him to close his eyes and let the meds work. Soft, yet purposeful hands had begun a slow massaging of his scarred side and then down the length of his leg. He didn’t stop her. She had magic in her hands because he had never felt his injured flesh respond as it had done. She wasn’t going anywhere. She was there for him, wanting only to alleviate his pain. Between her touches and the pill she had made him take, his body began to relax, and his mind slowed. And that was how they spent their first night in bed with each other.

  He woke early the next morning and two things registered in his brain. For the first time, in a very long time, he had slept the entire night without waking with bad dreams. The second thing was that her pillow was empty. Hearing Rissa’s car outside, he made it downstairs in time to see her vehicle heading down the road. Dev caught the smell of coffee and went into the kitchen where he saw a note propped up beside the coffee maker and an empty mug.

  Have a good day. And you definitely do get a rain check. Rissa

  Dev had realized in that moment, with certain clarity, what his decisions were going to be. And they all began and ended with one person.

  *

  “She looks much better today.” Rissa commented the observation to Josie as they walked across the parking lot to their cars later that afternoon. “And terribly happy.”

  “You and I will give her a shower that will be amazing. We should start making the invitation list and…”

  “Hold on, Josie,” Rissa said, grinning at the woman’s enthusiasm. “We will, but there’s plenty of time for that.”

  “I know. I just want my two friends to be as happy as Chance and I are, and I guess I get carried away sometimes. You are happy with Dev, right? I might have been a bit reticent in the beginning, I will admit. I just didn’t want you… or him… well… you two are perfect together. And you know I would be perfectly honest with you if that wasn’t the case.”

  “Yes, I do know that about you. And I understood what you were trying to say. We’re doing okay. It’s time for me to get back to work or I won’t get out in time. Dev texted earlier and said he wants to meet for dinner. There are some things we need to discuss.”

  Josie stopped and looked at her. “That sounds like one of those important talks… like ones that lead to important questions being asked and more.”

  Rissa held up her hand. “Hold on, don’t go designing wedding invitations, either.”

  “Did I say anything about wedding invitations?” Josie at least tried to look aghast. “You made that leap. But, I certainly won’t object. But, seriously,” Josie said, her demeanor setting kidding aside. “I’m really glad that you gave him a chance and got to know the real Dev. It’s been hard on him all these years having to play a part and not share that with anyone. You are just the right person for him to have found. And now, I have to run and rescue Chance from babysitting duties so he can get some work done. Call you later!”

  Josie was gone before Rissa could ask the questions forming in her mind. Her friend’s cryptic response stuck in her brain. Dev played a part for years? What part? It sounded strange… and for whatever reason, she felt a shiver lift the hairs at the back of her neck. That was never a good sign in her experience to date. It usually preceded something bad… ne
ws of the tragic or earthshaking kind. Why did she feel that her world was about to get tossed upside down?

  Chapter Twelve

  Dev swallowed the last bit of water from his drinking glass in almost a gulp that caused him to have to clear his throat for a moment. It was nerves making him thirsty. While he might have preferred something a bit stronger in his glass, he needed to keep his wits about him and have his mind clear. The words he was going to try to present in a sensible form to Rissa were still a tangled mess in his brain.

  Each time he had rehearsed them, they had ended up sounding like some bad grade C movie… if there was such a category. He was about to entrust his past… all of it… to a stranger. Rather to someone who wasn’t a stranger, but she wasn’t family. At least not yet. And he also faced the fear that once she had heard it all, she might go running in the opposite direction.

  He had gambled a great many times in his life, but he was aware he was about to take the biggest gamble of his life… one that would affect the rest of it. But if he scared away Rissa… would he be able to survive the blow? Trust was such an intangible thing. It was quicksilver through his fingertips.

  “Did you get some bad news or something?” Rissa’s voice brought him back to the present and he quickly stood after realizing she had arrived at their table while he had been trying to sort through his thoughts. He allowed the sight of her to bring a smile back to his face. Why did he feel each time he saw her that she brought the warmth of the sun into his world? Maybe because he had stayed too long in a world that thrived in darkness?

  “No, I was just working out a problem or two from the day. Please sit.” He held her chair while she got comfortable. “I hope you don’t mind that I chose this spot outside here on the deck, instead of in the main dining room? It seemed too good an evening to waste being shut away.”

  “Absolutely agree with you. You know that I prefer to be outside whenever possible. And I approve of this little alcove out of the main flow of things. It makes for easier conversation.”

  There it was. The reminder of why they were sitting there each trying to ignore a large elephant on the patio with them.

  The waiter appeared and they gave their drink orders and decided on an appetizer platter to begin the meal. Although neither seemed too inclined to pay attention to the food.

  “You look beautiful tonight. That’s not to say you don’t always look beautiful,” he said, correcting his first statement. “That color of green is really nice. And I can’t remember being tongue-tied around any woman before. This is a first for me.”

  She gave him one of her smiles that made him think of fields of sunflowers and soft summer breezes. And neither had any female ever made him wax such poetic thoughts. If his brother heard him in that moment, he’d be saying “I told you so” and laughing his head off.

  “Thank you. I’m going to sit here and quietly sip my iced tea while you tell me what’s weighing so heavy on your mind. You said you have a lot you want to tell me, so begin at the beginning and I won’t interrupt… or at least try my best not to do so, until you tell me you’re finished. Sound like a plan?”

  “Deal.” Dev took a sip of his drink to help out an already dry throat.

  Then a deep breath. Begin at the beginning.

  “Chance and I are half brothers. That is something not too many people outside the family are aware of. We share the same father in Royce Braxton, but we had different mothers. I start with this because it plays an integral part throughout my life to date. And neither he nor I were aware of this for quite some time. I never knew my real mother… not until after her death. But that’s getting ahead of things a bit.

  “I came to the ranch as an infant. Mom Braxton found out about me when my birth mother landed us on the doorstep of the Braxton Ranch one day, hoping for lots of money. And to make that part of the story short, Mom Braxton made certain that my father did the right thing. There was an exchange of a large sum of money, and I was taken in and raised beside Chance. To say I was a thorn in my father’s side would be an understatement. But I cannot fault Mom because she did her best to make up for all the care and love any child could ever want. And when she died, things were shaky. Chance did his best to protect me, but he had his own demons in our father to contend with. I did not help, because I seemed to be good at one thing and that was doing anything possible to break out of the Braxton mold.”

  He took another breath. She was still sitting quietly, watching and listening. There was the light of compassion in her eyes. Not pity.

  And he was grateful for that. “I haven’t bored you to tears yet… guess that’s a good sign.”

  “Far from it. I’m still listening.”

  “I couldn’t seem to find my place here… on the ranch or school. I felt like I was like a pebble that kept getting kicked in one direction and then another. Poor analogy, but best one I can think of. People tended to see me as lazy, unmotivated, always choosing to walk on the outside of the rules and never between the lines of normal. You saw me in that stage. And then I was approached one day, by an older student. He was very good at what he did. I thought we were buddies, but he turned out to be recruiting me.”

  Rissa’s expression did change to concern. “He recruited you for what?”

  “And this is where my life took quite a turn. He was an undercover DEA agent. He needed to bring in some younger talent as he was aging out and needed to graduate. There were some bad people who had happened on Braxton as it served their purpose for a low visibility drug route from the border, northward. And I thought what the heck? It had some perks. I could miss class, and no one would really be on my case, not too much at any rate. I was good at BSing my way out of things. But to make it work, no one in my family was to know. And only one person at the school ever did. I reported to an agency handler. And I became quite good at the double life. Guess it was in my genes or something. I followed in my father’s footsteps of keeping secrets and not telling the truth.

  “Anyway, I managed to put heat on some of the older adults that were running things through the school and our area. I can’t speak to who they were, but some were local townspeople and even a couple of teachers. And, then, I aged out. So, they made me a good offer of a college education and more specialized training and I took it. I left this town and my less than sterling reputation behind.”

  “That explains why you seemed to disappear at the oddest times. Why people couldn’t count on you to carry through on things. You managed to fool a good many people.”

  “And I managed to hurt some good ones along the way. Like Josie and Chance. And, in college, even you. That was the worst part of the job. Good people got hurt despite my intentions.”

  “So, you came back to Braxton because you’re taking a sabbatical or something? Between assignments?”

  He sensed the underlying tenseness in her voice. She had every right to voice that question.

  Another sip of water and he continued. “I’m not on sabbatical. I’m ‘retired.’”

  “And the scars you have on your body? The limp? All in the line of duty?”

  “Not really. I wasn’t on the agency’s clock when I decided to follow up on some information I found about my biological mother’s death. I evidently made the right people involved upset because I ended up in the desert outside Vegas, left for dead, with a couple of bullets and other injuries. I was lucky to have been found by a couple out backpacking. You know about my stay in the hospital.

  “Chance found out about my work when he was called as my next of kin. We spent a couple of weeks getting reacquainted. Then Josie got hold of me when I agreed to come here and try to find where I fit in to things. They both adhered to my wishes and have left the telling of my story up to me. I realized that it might be a challenge in some ways, but I underestimated just how many people had reactions to the way I was as a kid and a teenager here. I kept the charade going each time I came for a visit… which was few and far between for good reason. And that bring
s you up to speed on why there is a new, yet old, Dev sitting here with you. Hoping I haven’t managed to make you run for the hills.”

  While he had talked, he had watched Rissa’s many emotions move over her face in stages as he spoke. She sat across from him, her brain clearly trying to sort through all the information he had laid out for her. And he waited to see where his honesty might leave them. Her response held the key to much of the future decisions he needed to face.

  “You say you’re done with the agency. Yet, you had to have made some enemies along the way. What if they come after you?”

  “I can understand that concern. But I had a different name and background once I left here. There were only three people who knew anything about Braxton. One is dead and the other two are behind bars or in witness protection for the rest of their lives. The agency makes certain no harm exists after we’re back to being just plain citizens.”

  She shook her head. “Just citizens. You might be able to be a new person and have people here accept that, but there isn’t erasing so many awful memories so easily for you. And you said you came here to decide what was next in your future. Have you done that?”

  “If there is one thing I know for certain, it’s that I could move to the other side of the world. But that wouldn’t change the past. I’ve spent the last few months doing a lot of thinking on many things. I’ve come to terms with the life I had. I managed to do some good things and help people who needed it. Put some really bad guys where they belonged. But that’s in the past and now one moves on.”

  *

  One moves on. He had proven to be an expert on that one. If anyone deserved to leave his life behind, it was someone like Dev who had been living a double life for over half his lifetime. She tried to take each part of what he said and put it in perspective. But it overwhelmed. It was almost too much to absorb.

  “I don’t think I could eat anything right now. I need to get up and move. Do you mind if we just walk for a bit… maybe along the path in the gardens? I just need more air.” She stood, not waiting for his response.