Her Secret Cowboy

by Debra Holt

  But he just nodded, and did the same after he took care of their bill. Rissa moved across the patio and down the steps. She was mindful to slow her pace in deference to Dev who was moving to catch up with her. The old-fashioned lightposts lent a soft golden glow along the natural stone walkway. It meandered along the banks of the river. Now and then, music drifted toward them from the town’s dance hall.

  For a few minutes, they walked side by side in silence.

  Then Rissa stopped. “Thank you. Thank you for telling me your story. I didn’t expect that to happen. Thank you for taking care of Braxton. I’m shocked there were such things going on here to such an extent. But you took it on. Instead of being the prodigal son, always in some sort of trouble… you were really a hero. And none of us have ever been able to understand that. You gave up so much of your life to help people who will never really understand what you did for them. That is incredible.”

  “Please don’t think that. I’m no hero. It was a job and it needed to be done. And I really don’t go back there that much… to the past. I have learned, by being back here… and by surviving something that should have killed me, I have learned the value of enjoying the present and being thankful that I have the chance of having a future. Especially in view of recent events.”

  The look he gave her reached inside her chest and wrapped itself around her heart and squeezed.

  “I think you know that I didn’t come back here expecting to meet anyone like you. If anything, I thought I would find life as a hermit more to my liking. But that changed with you. I’ve been able to put things in perspective. Will I continue to have bad dreams? For a while. Will my body still need time to heal? Yes, it will.

  “But I’ve learned that I can’t feel anger over my life. I did what I felt I needed to do. That’s all any of us do each day. And now, I hope you can share with me what has made you distrustful of men like the person I once was… or the one you thought I was. I know you were deeply hurt by the man you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. And then he left you like he did. That had to have almost destroyed you. Yet, it didn’t.”

  She made a slow nod. “I remember the shock. Then there was anger that ripped my insides out. Guilt… where I must have done something wrong, maybe I deserved it. Grief. Humiliation. Being the object of the town’s whispers and pity. It shakes your whole ability to trust yourself, your judgment, and to trust others. It took me a good two years to get through all that. And I’m still working on it… fighting always to keep self-doubt from creeping in.”

  “I can’t imagine any man just up and leaving you, with no explanation. Or at least that’s what I heard. Sometimes the gossip hotline isn’t all that reliable. And Josie is a good friend who believes it is your story to tell… if and when you want.”

  “I suppose tonight is a night for us both to lay open some of our life-truths,” she said, then paused. After a long moment of collecting her thoughts, she continued. “He came to town and was a smooth-talking, handsome charmer who knew how and what to say to gain a person’s trust with little effort. I should have known better. I got caught up in the romance of it all. I fancied myself in love. And when he proposed, I accepted. I definitely had those rose-colored glasses on. And then one day, he left me a voice mail… two weeks before the wedding. Guess I should have been grateful it wasn’t on the day itself. Never heard from him again. But that’s the past.”

  “What did he do for a living? You said he came to town? So he wasn’t tied to any roots in Braxton?”

  “He actually said he had an office in Albuquerque. Something to do with insurance for equipment like big machines and trucks and so forth. Like farmers and construction companies and the like use. That’s why he always traveled a lot… going out and appraising in the rural communities and such. Braxton was on his sales grid. Then he got a better offer and was gone. Someplace on the West Coast as I remember. I’ve blocked most of that time out.”

  Dev was very quiet… almost eerily so. Rissa ventured a glance at him and stopped. There was a pained look in his eyes and then it was shuttered. But before she could ask what was wrong, if he were in physical pain, he asked another question in lowered tones that she had to strain to hear.

  “What was his name?”

  “Tony. Tony Carter.”

  She could have sworn he visibly flinched. He looked ill. Rissa placed her hand on his forearm, and he moved it away from her touch.

  “Dev, are you not feeling well? Was it something you ate? Or maybe we need to go back and order a meal? There’s a stomach virus that’s—”

  “No.” His voice was low and strained… and unfamiliar. “I’m not ill. I… I’m just sorry.”

  “Thank you, Dev. But I’m past all of that. It was a lesson learned.”

  “No… I didn’t mean I was sorry about your broken engagement. I’m sorry because I was the cause of it.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “I think you better explain that statement.” The color had drained from Rissa’s skin.

  She drilled him to the spot he stood with a gaze that held little warmth. There was no turning back or taking back anything he just said. They both were on a one-way road with a no turning back option.

  “I worked a case that began in New Mexico. The subject often visited in Braxton, under the guise of a salesman. His name was Antonio Michael Carter.”

  “Tony… my fiancé… was involved in one of your cases. He was a criminal? He sold drugs?” She felt her throat closing and it was harder to breathe. “You’re telling me that he ran? Not from me… but from you?”

  “He ran to California, where I and my team were brought in and finally caught him. He turned on the rest of the group and is serving a thirty-five-year stretch… under his real name. Joaquin Romano. And that information was not for general public consumption.”

  “His real name? I have to go home. I can’t deal with this. Not now.” She turned and started walking toward the parking area.

  Dev caught up with her, but would be best to keep his hands to himself. “I know this is all a major shock. All I wanted to do was to share my story with you, and I had no idea that your fiancé’s disappearance had anything to do with my work until now.”

  They reached her car and she opened the door, sliding inside. Dev placed a hand on it to keep her from shutting him out. She hadn’t looked at him. That twisted the knife that felt like it was stuck in the center of his chest. He couldn’t help the feeling if she left at that moment, he could lose her. “Let me drive you home. Or I’ll follow you and make sure you get there okay.

  “You need time to process this, but we need to talk, too. About us.”

  Dev wouldn’t forget the look in her eyes when they met his. Their usual sparkle was flat.

  She looked at him as though there was a stranger in front of her. “I don’t need a babysitter. I’ve gotten through bad times before. I need to process all of this and I need to do it in my own way. I can’t talk about it right now… I just can’t.”

  He didn’t stop her when she closed the door. The final click was loud and clear. He was left standing alone. His brain told him it was best to move… go home. Give her time.

  But he was fooling himself. Rissa Flanagan was stubborn. She made up her mind about something or someone and that was it. He had taken a gamble. Tell her the truth about your past and she will understand. Then he could have another discussion with her. Tell her how much she had come to mean to him in a short amount of time. That he had never expected to find the missing piece of his heart waiting for him in the hometown he had run from. That she had come to represent his true home. How was he supposed to say that now? She would forever equate him to the loser that had broken her heart and put her through hell.

  Dev closed his eyes and listened to the wind. He sought to find some answer in the sounds of the night. But nothing came. For the first time in his life, he knew what a broken heart actually felt like. He had been the one breaking a few of those durin
g his ‘other life.’ Had they felt this pain? If they had, then he would be truly sorry. It was time to go home. Tomorrow would bring another day and he hoped it would bring Rissa to see things in a different light. That was the hope he would hang on to until he couldn’t.

  *

  Rissa tossed and turned all night… again. When dawn was peeking through the shades, she finally took her shower, dressed, got her mug of coffee, and stepped outside. She had done all of that on autopilot. It was the same routine she had performed for years. And today, she would repeat what she had done for the last three days since her world had imploded with Dev’s revelations. She had not spoken a word to the man since that night. They had both stayed away from communications in that first twenty-four hours. Then, there had been two texts to her. Basically, asking how she was doing.

  She had made no reply as she didn’t know what to say. Rissa didn’t know how she felt… about anything. So, how could she answer him? And then, he had tried to call, but she certainly didn’t want to hear his voice. Phone messages he had left with clinic staff lay on her desk and then ended up in the trash can.

  Drawing the light wrap around her shoulders, she settled into the rocking chair. Usually, she enjoyed the stillness of the time before the sun actually cleared the horizon. The sky would streak with pinks and oranges and bright purples and it was always a new day to look forward to, but she couldn’t find the spark of joy. The coffee was hot and good and that served to wake up her brain.

  Although, it would be good if she could just keep it on auto and away from sore subjects. And speaking of sore subjects, her phone buzzed, and she stole a quick look at the caller ID. No emergency calls from the clinic… just the familiar number of Dev Braxton. Why couldn’t he understand she had no idea what to say to him? What more could he say to her?

  The call finally went to voice mail. Sooner or later she would have to address the issue… confront the man. But not at that moment. Her brain was still too scrambled with feelings and facts and lies. She kept pushing the lid down on the box she had put all those thoughts inside.

  Her gaze left the streaking in the sky overhead to rest on a disturbance in her peace. A familiar lime-green Jeep was heading toward her house at a steady clip. Rissa could make out two occupants in the vehicle… Dee and Josie. The Jeep came to a halt and they wasted little time in exiting… headed straight to the porch on their mission.

  “It’s a little early for a social call, don’t you think?” Rissa took another sip of her coffee.

  “Not when we’re bringing breakfast to you.” Josie held up the two big sacks in her hands. Dee did the same with the drink carrier in her hands.

  “And I even brought fresh-squeezed orange juice for those of us who shouldn’t be drinking caffeine.” They came up the steps and didn’t hesitate, but opened the front door and headed inside.

  Josie called over her shoulder, “Are you joining us or just sitting out there?”

  Rissa shook her head. She pushed herself out of the chair and took in a deep breath. Patience. They were well-meaning friends, and she would need every ounce of patience she could summon to get through the impromptu meal.

  “You sit down, and we’ve got this… including the plates and utensils. Dean over at the Copper Skillet outdid himself.”

  “I won’t lift a finger.” Rissa nodded. “Since I didn’t invite you to begin with.”

  Josie shot her a look while she continued to take items from the bags. “You may not have invited us in so many words, but when you don’t answer our texts, and you send our calls to voice mail more than once, then you are begging us for an intervention. And here we are.”

  “I begged for an intervention? I think the word you meant was intrusion and that means something a whole lot different.”

  “That’s splitting hairs,” Dee observed, pouring the juice for each of them and setting the paper cups at the place settings Josie had just put on the table. She and Josie took their seats on either side of the table. “These omelets look amazing, and they’re good for you, too. Dean is a nutritionist and a great cook. We’re lucky to have him in our town.”

  Rissa had to admit the smell of the food was beginning to interest her. She hadn’t eaten all that much of late. Reluctantly, she picked up her fork and cut into the fluffy creation.

  She had to nod in admission. “Okay, I agree that this might not have been the worst idea you two have ever had.”

  “Good. We’re glad.” Josie smiled and glanced over at Dee.

  “And which one of you is going to begin the inquisition?” Rissa decided to cut to the chase. “You didn’t come here to have breakfast with me just on a whim. You both were never very good at keeping up the innocent act for very long.”

  Dee shook her head and gave Josie a nod. “I told you this wouldn’t work. She’d see right through it all.” Dee pushed aside her plate and folded her arms in front of her on the table. “We came because we’re concerned. Things appear to have gone off track between you and Dev.” She held up a palm when Rissa looked about to speak. “And let us set the record straight up front… Dev did not say a word to us. And believe me, we tried our best. So, what gives?”

  “And don’t insult our intelligence by giving us the standard, it-just-didn’t-work-out speech. We saw and heard. You two were working out just fine,” Josie added.

  “There are just some things that Dev shared with me about his past… when he wasn’t here in Braxton. And it isn’t something that is easy to discuss… even with you both. Although, who knows? You two might know more about it than I even do.”

  Josie had the good graces to look a bit guilty. She sent a swift glance to Dee. But she only took another sip of the juice.

  “Dev shared his line of work with you… up until he was injured?”

  “Yes. And while it explained some things, it also brought into focus something that had an effect on my personal life in a most painful way. Were you aware about his connection with Tony’s leaving Braxton?”

  It was clear both women were in the dark about that one.

  “Let me enlighten you, then.” Rissa decided it was time to lay all the cards on the table. “Dev’s work in New Mexico… was linked to some things going on here in Braxton… to Tony, to be specific. Seems my ex had quite a lot of skeletons hiding in his closet. When Dev began to get too close to what Tony was involved in, he ran, leaving me to believe I had done something wrong in the relationship. I carried that guilt around for years. And I don’t need that memory, and the lies and pain, to come back into my life. Dev brought it back. And that is why I’m coping in the best way I know. I had the rug pulled out from under me. Pardon me if I’m not sure how to respond. My ex-fiance was a drug dealer. I never guessed. I thought he had jilted me because of something I did or said or whatever. I blamed myself for not being enough. Except it wasn’t me that sent him running… it was Dev… or rather his duty. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not angry that Dev put Tony in jail. He was a horrible criminal who deserved it. Dev was only doing his job. I’m shocked. I’ve had old wounds reopened. This might be amusing if it didn’t have my life smack dab in the middle of it.”

  “You got hit with an awful lot of information in the space of one evening.” Josie shook her head. “The truth about Dev and his work came as a shock to us all… Chance most of all, I guess. It’s taken some adjustment from all of us. But I think each of us has to look at it from a different perspective.”

  “How did you look at it, Josie? You and Dev always seem to have had a better relationship than any of the rest of the people who thought they knew him.” Dee’s question held Rissa’s attention.

  “I can’t explain it in a simple way. I wish I could,” Josie began. “But I didn’t feel sorry for him so much as I felt a bit of kindred spirit. I know it’s hard for others to understand if you are looking at it from the surface. But Dev seemed to always be looking to prove something. More so to himself than others. I could sense that because I felt the same. I was a young
female, trying to prove that I could be just as good a rancher as any man around these parts. Truth be told, I still find I have to do that at times. And you also are trying not to get swallowed up by the fact you happen to have the last name as that of the town. People place expectations on you… some real and some imagined and a whole lot that are just plain unfair. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I recognized him. And when Chance told me what he had found out in Las Vegas, my heart broke for Dev.”

  “For Dev? What about Chance?” Rissa had to ask.

  “Chance was always able to take things in stride and sort them out in his mind and keep moving forward… doing what needed to be done for the good of the whole. I think he was relieved that Dev wasn’t as lost as people had been led to believe over the years. And he has a good bit of pride in his brother for what he took on and lived with. It had to be a lonely existence when you think about it. And it was dangerous. Dev almost lost his life. If those people hadn’t happened upon him by accident in the desert that day, he would have died and never been found. We would have never known the truth. He would have been that Braxton brother that just disappeared one day, never to be seen again. And he saved more lives than we may ever know about, because he went after the bad guys who preyed on the weak and young and vulnerable. That makes him a hero in my book.”

  Dee nodded. “You know that Rio takes things in stride and makes up his own mind about people and things. All he had ever heard from those in Braxton was the worst side of Devlin Braxton. The side that people thought they knew. But as he got to know Dev, he has given him his respect. Every day, I see Rio opening up and trusting in the fact that he has two blood brothers that are both good men. I just hope Dev realizes how much he deserves to hold his head up and there’s a place for him here… on the land that is his birthright. I’d hate for him to think he isn’t welcome here.”