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by Kealan Patrick Burke




  Offline

  Kealan Patrick Burke

  "What follows is the transcript from a series of screenshots emailed to the Columbus City Police on June 7th, 2011, and subsequently distributed to the media."

  Everyone has a page…

  In the last few years, social networking has exploded as one of the best and easiest means of keeping in touch with people. It increases your visibility, allows the creation of a profile that shows you to the world and lets them know everything about you.

  Allows anyone to find you.

  Written mostly as a series of Facebook instant messages and presented as a true-crime case, this short story by Bram Stoker Award-winning author Kealan Patrick Burke illustrates the ease with which innocent associations on the Internet can lead to tragedy…OFFLINE.

  Kealan Patrick Burke

  Offline

  Copyright 2011 by Kealan Patrick Burke

  What follows is the transcript from a series of screenshots emailed to the Columbus City Police on June 7th, 2011, and subsequently distributed to the media. In the wake of the investigation and as a result of the extensive media coverage, countless falsified copies and revised versions of the document were later posted to various social media platforms via a "meme" which later proved to be a virus.

  This is the official authorized version of the document

  # # #

  May 2 nd , 2010

  Josh: Hey

  Mandy: hi

  Josh: Thanks for accepting my request

  Mandy: np. Why did you add me?

  Josh: thought we had a lot in common

  Mandy: cool

  Josh: plus, you're hot, lol!

  Mandy: thx

  Josh: so how r you?

  Mandy: good. Gotta go.

  Josh: ok

  Mandy is offline

  May 3 rd , 2010

  Josh: Hi Mandy

  Mandy: hey

  Josh: What's going on?

  Mandy: nt much. u?

  Josh: cooking

  Mandy: that's cool

  Mandy is offline

  May 4 th , 2010

  Josh: Hey.

  Mandy: Hey.

  Josh: What are you up to?

  Mandy: Txtng my friend

  Josh: Cool. How is she?

  Mandy: Not so good. Her online 'boyfriend' just dumped her…lol.

  Josh: that sucks.

  Mandy: Yeah. I better go.

  Josh: Oh, ok. Sorry I bothered you.

  Mandy: You didn't. ttyl.

  Josh: Ok.

  Mandy is offline

  May 5 th , 2010

  Josh: Hey

  Mandy: Hey.

  Josh: How are you?

  Mandy: Ok. u?

  Josh: bored

  Mandy: sorry to hear that.

  Josh: I like your new profile pic.

  Mandy: thx!

  Josh: you should be a model

  Mandy: lol. Yeah, right.

  Josh: I'm serious. You look a bit like Celine Dion, only hotter…!

  Mandy: Ugh, Celine Dion is gross, lol.

  Josh: lol, sorry! Well you're not gross.

  Mandy: thx

  Josh: so do you have a boyfriend?

  Mandy is offline

  May 7 th , 2010

  Josh: Hey

  Mandy: Hi. Jeez, do you ever sleep?

  Josh: what do you mean?

  Mandy: you're always on here.

  Josh: not always. But a lot, I guess. Nothing better to do, lol.

  Josh: what are you up to?

  Mandy: not much. Just responding to email

  Josh: sweet.

  Josh: do you get much email?

  Mandy: lol

  Josh: what?

  Mandy: nothing. Just an odd question

  Josh: oh, lol. Sorry. Just really bored. Not many people to talk to on here

  Mandy: aww

  Josh: I don't have many friends

  Mandy: on FB?

  Josh: anywhere

  Mandy: that's sad. Sorry:-(

  Josh: s'okay. Where I live it's hard to be popular

  Mandy: where do you live?

  Josh: did you look at my profile?

  Mandy: no, sorry. I will now.

  Josh: cool

  Mandy: You're in Urbana?

  Josh: yep

  Mandy: cool. I used to live there a few years ago

  Josh: I know

  Mandy: ummm…how do u know, lol?

  Josh: says you went to school there on your profile, silly, lol.

  Mandy: lol. Blonde moment. Sorry.

  Josh: yeah, but you're not blonde:-)

  Mandy: I am actually;-)

  Josh: in your picture you are, but you're originally a brunette, right?

  Mandy: how do you know that?

  Josh is offline

  May 10 th , 2010

  Mandy: Hi!

  Josh: Hey

  Mandy: Quick question…

  Josh: sure

  Mandy: when I talked to you before, you said I wasn't a real blonde

  Josh: yes. Sorry about that. Didn't mean to upset you

  Mandy: Nah, it's cool. Just wondering how you knew that?

  Josh: so it's true?

  Mandy: Yeah, but I've been a blonde for a long time

  Josh: why?

  Mandy:???

  Mandy: Why what?

  Josh: why are you blonde?

  Mandy: Uh…I dunno. I just prefer it. I like how it looks, I guess.

  Josh: makes sense

  Mandy: So, how did you know? Is it obvious or something, lol!

  Josh: Nah, you just look like you used to be a brunette

  Mandy: Oh. In a bad way?

  Josh: No

  Mandy: Ok, phew, lol. So whatchoo doing?

  Josh: Not much. Bad day

  Mandy: what happened?

  Josh is offline

  May 11 th , 2010

  Josh: Hi Mandy

  Mandy: Hey

  Josh: Sorry about yesterday

  Mandy: S'ok.

  Josh: I've been going through some stuff. Makes me cranky, lol.

  Mandy: no probs. Happens to me all the time. Everything ok?

  Josh: I like your new profile pic

  Mandy: awesome, thanks so much! Do you like it better than the Celine Dion one, lol!

  Josh: Yes. Looks like you didn't crop it enough though on the right side.

  Mandy: I was kind of in a hurry. Does it look bad?

  Josh: No, but you can see your boyfriend's arm in it.

  Mandy: Yeah, I like how I look in that picture so I wanted to put it up.

  Mandy: If I cropped it anymore tho, I'd have had to cut myself in half, lol.

  Josh: So who's the guy?

  Mandy: An ex. A jerk.

  Josh: why'd u break up?

  Mandy: He cheated on me.

  Josh: Ouch

  Mandy: Yeah.

  Josh: He'll get what's coming to him tho. Everybody does

  Mandy: I guess. So what kind of music do you like?

  Josh: It's on my profile

  Mandy: K, will check it out

  Josh: K

  Mandy is offline

  May 13 th , 2010

  Mandy: Hi

  Josh: Sup?

  Mandy: nothing. Just saw that you were on.

  Mandy: you still there?

  Josh: yes

  Mandy: you're not very chatty tonight, lol.

  Josh: bad day

  Mandy: me too

  Josh: seems to be going around

  Mandy: yeah. My friend might be pregnant

  Josh: that's too bad

  Mandy: yeah, she asked me for advice and I didn't know what to tell her

  Josh: how old is she?

  Mandy: 17. Same as me

  J
osh: she should probably get rid of it

  Mandy: she doesn't want to

  Josh: then it's on her

  Mandy: that's not nice. She's really freaked out

  Josh: she should be. Maybe in the future she'll keep her legs closed

  Mandy is offline

  May 14 th , 2010

  Josh: hi

  Mandy is offline

  May 15 th , 2010

  Josh: hey

  Mandy is offline

  May 16 th , 2010

  Josh: Did you get my email?

  Mandy: Yes. Thanks

  Josh: I meant what I said

  Mandy: I know, thank you

  Josh: I am sorry

  Mandy: I believe you

  Josh: Was having another shitty day. Shouldn't have said what I said.

  Mandy: It's ok. I didn't like hearing it, but you're not really wrong.

  Josh: what do you mean?

  Mandy: She sleeps around

  Josh: Ah. Not good

  Mandy: lol, yeah right. You're a guy. I'll bet you do it too.

  Mandy: It's okay when guys do it though. If we do it, we're sluts

  Josh: I don't do that. Do you?

  Mandy: sure you don't. liar:-)

  Josh: I've never had sex

  Mandy: yeah, right

  Josh: I'm serious

  Mandy: really?

  Josh: swear

  Mandy: wow

  Mandy: nothing wrong with that though!

  Mandy: r u religious?

  Josh: not really

  Mandy: i c

  Josh: so do you?

  Mandy: what?

  Josh: sleep around?

  Mandy: that's a bit personal, isn't it?

  Josh: well, I was honest about it

  Mandy: still not sure I believe that

  Josh: why not?

  Mandy: dunno. You're pretty good lookin

  Josh: I'm blushing here

  Mandy: lol.

  Josh: so…

  Josh: do you?

  Mandy: aaargh!

  Josh: what?

  Mandy: my little sister is being a pain in the ass. brb

  Josh: k

  Josh: hello?

  Josh: u there?

  Josh: talk to you soon

  Mandy is offline

  May 18 th , 2010

  Josh: Hi Mandy

  Mandy: hey there

  Mandy: sorry I had to go the other night.

  Mandy: Ended up watching a movie with my sister and fell asleep on the couch

  Josh: no sweat. What was the movie?

  Mandy: eh, just some Jennifer Garner flick. Fell asleep about 20 mins in, lol

  Josh: I don't know who Jennifer Garner is

  Mandy: wow, you need to get out more, lol

  Josh: probably

  Mandy: so what you up to?

  Josh: looking at your pictures

  Mandy: oh yeah? I'm a hottie! lol, j/k

  Josh: You are

  Mandy: aw thx. ur sweet

  Josh: if I was closer, I'd totally take you out

  Mandy: yeah?

  Josh: yeah

  Mandy: my sister says you're cute

  Josh: cool

  Mandy: says you look a bit like Toby Maguire

  Josh: I don't know who that is either

  Mandy: Jeez, do you ever watch movies? He was in Spider-Man

  Josh: I prefer to read

  Mandy: Google Toby Maguire. I'll wait, lol

  Josh: ok

  Mandy: well?

  Mandy: hello?

  Josh: I don't look anything like him

  Mandy: well, my sis thinks you do

  Josh: tell her I said thanks

  Mandy: she says you're welcome. She asks if you have a girlfriend

  Josh: tell her to ask me herself

  Mandy: she is! This is her typing

  Josh: no, it isn't

  Mandy: now it is! HI! This is Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  Josh: hi Sarah.

  Mandy: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

  Josh: Are you retarded?

  Mandy: ur being a dick again

  Mandy: what's ur problem? That was my sister talking to you

  Josh: Sure

  Mandy:???

  Mandy: have a good night.

  Mandy is offline

  May 20 th , 2010

  Josh: you there, Mandy?

  Mandy: what do u want?

  Josh: to apologize

  Mandy: you could save yourself a lot of apologies by not being an asshole in the first place

  Josh: I didn't mean to be

  Mandy: then why did you?

  Josh: I get angry a lot

  Mandy: at me? Why?

  Josh: at everything. I don't like where I am or what I am and it gets to me. Makes me crazy

  Mandy: what are you?

  Josh: angry and miserable

  Mandy: maybe you should talk to somebody

  Josh: I am. You.

  Mandy: maybe somebody who could help u with your issues

  Josh: you could help me with them

  Mandy: not sure I'm qualified

  Josh: do you have issues?

  Mandy: sure. Everybody does.

  Josh: what are yours?

  Mandy: I hate my nose, lol

  Josh: you have a lovely nose.

  Josh: for an anteater

  Josh: that was a joke

  Mandy: better be. You're on strike two, buddy

  Josh: lol

  Josh: seriously though, you're beautiful. I've always thought so

  Mandy: always? You added me about three weeks ago, lol.

  Josh: I knew you before I added you.

  Mandy: explain pls

  Josh: I remember you from middle school back in Urbana

  Mandy: seriously?

  Josh: yeah, we were in the same grade for a year

  Mandy: wow

  Mandy: that's cool!

  Josh: you don't remember me, do you?

  Mandy: I think so

  Josh: no you don't. lol. That's okay though. not many people do.

  Josh: my family only moved there in time for me to take the last grade.

  Mandy: wow

  Josh: yeah

  Josh: I think I was in love with you

  Mandy: awww, that's so sweet. Why didn't you ever say anything?

  Josh: I did

  Mandy: what did you say? I don't remember?

  Josh: better if we don't go there

  Mandy: uh-oh…was I mean?

  Josh: a little bit, lol. It's okay though.

  Josh: I was awkward as hell in those days. Had a stammer. Probably spat all over you

  Mandy: lol. That's cute

  Mandy: I'm sorry if I did anything mean. I was a bit spoiled in those days

  Josh: no worries

  Mandy: so I've gotta get ready

  Josh: where u going?

  Mandy: staying over at Sue's. not looking forward to it. She's still a mess

  Josh: cool. I'll be here for a while, so if you can get online later, I'll chat at ya then.

  Mandy: okee dokee. l8r!

  Mandy is offline

  May 20 th , 2010

  Josh: hi

  Mandy: SUP

  Josh: how is the sleepover going?

  Mandy: UD

  Mandy: GUD

  Josh: what are you all up to?

  Mandy: IGNOREING U

  Josh:?

  Josh: why?

  Mandy: BC UR A FAGET SHIT 4 BRANES

  Josh: uh…what?

  Mandy: MANDY TOLE ME WAT U SD ABT ME

  Josh: is this Sue?

  Mandy: WHO D FUCK U THNK U R? U DNT EVN NO ME!!

  Josh: Yes I do

  Mandy: HOW?

  Josh: I know you from school

  Mandy: U DNT GO 2 MY SKOOL DICKHEAD

  Josh: And you don't go enough, apparently.

  Mandy: MY FREIDNS WLL FUCK U UP U MESS W THIS!!!.

  Mandy: DNT U DARE TLK SHIT ABT ME!!!
>
  Mandy: U DONT ME OR WAT IM GIONG THRU.

  Josh: You're right. I got you confused.

  Josh: I only know you from your picture on Mandy's FB.

  Josh: You're the one who looks like a diseased crack whore, right?

  Mandy: FUCK URSELF PEACE OF SHIT

  Josh: maybe if you'd done that, you wouldn't be in the trouble you're in now.

  Mandy: CANDY ASS BITCH. ILL BRAKE UR FACE

  Josh: Where's Mandy? Can you get her for me? At least she speaks English.

  Mandy is offline

  May 21 st , 2010

  Mandy: nice job dude

  Josh: what?

  Mandy: Sue is pissed at u. big time.

  Josh: So what? I don't even know her. Or as she would say: U DNT EVN NO ME!!!!!

  Mandy: LOL

  Mandy: yeah, well I know her

  Josh: my condolences

  Mandy: she said you were on her friend list

  Josh: For a little while, until I started reading her status messages.

  Josh: They made me a little queasy. The ones I could understand anyway.

  Josh: So I unfriended her.

  Mandy: ic

  Josh: you probably shouldn't have told her what I said about her

  Mandy: I didn't tell her your name. just said a guy on FB I was talking to.

  Josh: is that what I am?

  Mandy: what?

  Josh: a guy on FB you're talking to?

  Mandy: what else would u be?

  Josh: dunno. Thought we were friends

  Mandy: we are, kinda. But I think to be friends you have to have met in real life

  Josh: we have met in person, remember?

  Mandy: years ago

  Josh: so those 1,355 people on your FB are all people you've met in real life?

  Mandy: you're giving me a headache. I'm not in the mood for this.

  Josh: I could have told Sue what you said about her

  Mandy: what did I say?

  Josh: You agreed with me about her being a slut

  Mandy: No I didn't

  Josh: I could email a screenshot to her. How mad would she be then?

  Mandy: don't

  Josh: why not?

  Mandy: fine. Do whatever you want.

  Mandy: if you do, I'm unfriending you bc a friend wouldn't do something like that

  Josh: I'm kidding

  Mandy: u better be. I have enough trouble

  Josh: so do you want to meet?

  Mandy: I'm tired. Need to sleep. night

  Josh: just answer me before you go.

 

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