The Truth in My Lies

by Ivy Smoak

  The audacity of this man. “I said I was fine. Go back upstairs.” It sounded like I was shooing a pesky dog.

  He stopped on the step above mine. “Nice to see you too, Addy.” He had such a charming smile, I almost forgot about the horrible files behind me. Almost.

  “I’m sorry. My ankle just hurts.” I shifted to try to block his view. “And I actually need help with something upstairs. Something really important. So if we can just…” I let my voice trail off. It was useless. His eyes had already moved past me.

  He scanned the walls. Or lack of walls. No wall was visible behind the rows and rows of files. “What is all this?” he asked.

  “Nothing. Will you help me back upstairs?” I pressed on his chest. “I have that thing I need help with.”

  He continued to ignore me as he stepped down to the stair I was on.

  I grabbed his arm. “Please, Ben.”

  It was like he was transfixed by what he shouldn’t be seeing. My arm slipped from his as he kept walking. I couldn’t let him see it. “Ben, stop.”

  He didn’t.

  So I did the only thing I could think of. I jumped on his back. Ben was strong enough to support my weight. His muscles had muscles. I could even feel them beneath my flailing body.

  But he hadn’t been expecting me to leap onto him at full force.

  “Addy, what the heck are you doing?” He tried to peel my arms off of him.

  And he definitely hadn’t been expecting me to kick him in the backs of his knees when he didn’t immediately fall. I had taken one self-defense class the first time my husband had hurt me. This was the only thing I had learned from it. The rest of the class was complete garbage. When would walking with a buddy help when you were being hurt in your own house?

  Ben and I tumbled to the ground, a pile of tangled limbs. It was like that first day I’d met him. Except I had landed on a pile of bags that day, not on top of him. Ben groaned.

  Oh God, I hurt Ben! I didn’t want him to see the files. But I didn’t want to hurt him either. What a pair of useless murderers we would be if we were both injured. Stop it. He didn’t agree to be your accomplice.

  The room vanished around me. All I could see was the back of Ben’s head. And the fact that he was no longer moving.

  “Ben?” I lightly shoved his shoulder. “Ben?” I pushed it a little harder. “Ben!” I tried to roll his body over so that I could see his face. “Ben can you hear me?” No. No! “Ben!” A sob erupted from deep in my throat. “Ben wake up. Please!” The tears ran down my cheeks freely. I needed to call an ambulance. I needed to move but I was paralyzed with fear. “You’re all that I have,” I whispered.

  And then suddenly I was on my back, his strong arms pinning me to the ground.

  “Got you,” he said with that stupidly perfect smile of his.

  “What is wrong with you? You scared the shit out of me, Ben!” I tried to squirm out of his grip to no avail. “I thought…” but my words died away as he started tickling my sides.

  “Ben!” I screamed through my laughter.

  He didn’t stop. His hands were all over me, a relentlessly torturous tickling. They felt amazing yet horrible at the same time. The amazing part was winning in my mind though.

  “Stop! I can’t breathe!” But I didn’t really want him to stop. I never wanted him to stop touching me.

  I tried to tickle him back but he barely flinched.

  The warm breath of his own laughter was hot against my neck.

  I stopped trying to fight back. I let my fingers wander into his thick hair.

  He continued to tickle me until I started taking awkward gulps of air. His fingers stopped. I wasn’t even sure if I was having trouble breathing because of the laughter or because of the excitement coursing through. The hard plains of his body were pressed against mine. It’s all I could focus on.

  “You win,” I conceded. I was panting, my fingers still lost in his hair.

  He smiled down at me.

  And God was his smile breathtaking.

  He leaned down slightly, his lips a fraction of an inch from mine. I was tempted to pull his face down to me, but I kept the pressure even on the back of his neck. I wanted him to come to me. I needed to truly know if this was okay with him.

  “Addy.” My name was a groan on his lips. It was like a fuse had been lit. I could practically hear the hissing as the fire spread. And the clanging of my heart beating. A steady bang. Bang. Bang.

  Take me.

  “Someone’s knocking on your door,” he whispered against my lips.

  That was a weird metaphor, but I didn’t mind. I was weird too. “And my door is open for business.”

  He laughed, pulling back slightly. “No, Addy. Someone’s knocking upstairs.”

  “Oh. Ignore it.” I tightened my grip on the back of his neck. He was about to lean back down to kiss me when I heard it again. “Wait.” I put my hand on his chest. “No. I need to get that. I have no idea who it is.”

  “So let them walk away.”

  “No one ever visits me. Ever. I mean, except you. It could be important.” I always hoped for bad news. A plane crash. A car explosion. A random bird attack. Death by birds would be a terribly wonderful way to go. I desperately wanted it to be bad news that I would find good. What if my problem had just disappeared?

  I slid out from underneath of Ben. “I’ll be right back.” I was halfway up the stairs when I turned back to him.

  He was adjusting his pants.

  His pants. And there was a noticeable bulge pressing against his zipper. Jesus, what is wrong with me? Why did I have to break that connection? I swallowed down the moan in my throat.

  The knock sounded above again.

  “Ben, can you come up? I mean, no stay down here.” Oh frick buckets. What was I supposed to do with him? “Yeah, come up.”

  He laughed as he looked around the basement.

  Stop doing that! “Ben, please.” I couldn’t have him looking around.

  Another knock.

  Damn it. “Can you just close your eyes for a minute?”

  He laughed and walked over to the bottom of the stairs. “You want me to just stand down here and close my eyes?”

  Bang, bang, bang.

  “Yes! Please, I mean.”

  “Well, since you said please.” He placed his hand on the banister and slowly closed his eyes.

  Oh, you’re a freaking prince, Ben Jones. “I’ll be right back.” I stumbled up the stairs and down the hall. I was completely out of breath when I threw open the door.

  Charlotte was just walking off the front porch. She turned around at the sound of the door opening.

  “Adeline. You poor thing.” She hurried back up to the door.

  Why was she saying that to me? I ran my fingers through my hair. I thought about being pressed against the floor, laughing hysterically. Oh my God, I have sex hair. I have sex hair and I didn’t even have sex! I could feel the color rising to my cheeks.

  “Did I wake you, hon?” she asked.

  Oh phew. Not sex hair then. Just crazy sleep hair. “Yes. I’ve been so exhausted ever since I hurt my ankle. I guess healing takes it out of me.” I laughed awkwardly. “Um…what’s up, Charlotte?”

  She raised her eyebrow. “Nothing is up with me.” Her tone couldn’t have been any snootier.

  Geez, she knew what I meant. Why did she have to be such a witch? I could have sworn she gave me an up-down with her prissy gaze.

  “I just wanted to check up on you. To see how you were feeling.” She smiled sweetly.

  “Oh that was really kind of you. But as you can see, I’m good. Thanks for stopping by.” I started to close the door, but she put her hand out, stopping me.

  “I was worried, Adeline. After you scadoodled out of the meeting the other day.”

  Who talks like that? “I’m fine. Thanks.” My fingers gripped the door harder. Please just go away.

  “I know you don’t have many other friends in the neighborhood t
o check in on you. You know that you’re always welcome at my place. Or maybe the girls and I could come here sometime?”

  She looked over my shoulder like she was trying to study my foyer. I wasn’t an idiot. There was nothing remotely interesting in my foyer. Such a thing would lead to a discussion. I hated discussions. So my foyer was barren. The thought rolled around in my head. Why had I used such a horrid term. I cringed, trying to focus on the conversation.

  “Sure,” I said. “Some other time. As you know, I haven’t been feeling well.”

  “Us girls were thinking next week? Maybe Wednesday afternoon before the civic association meeting? It’ll be fun.”

  The way she said it made it seem like it would be anything but. And who invited themselves to someone’s house? For such a perfect housewife, she was rather rude. “Um…I guess,” I said.

  “Oh great.” The fake smile returned to her face. “It’s a date then. Also, could I speak with Ben?”

  I felt faint. I knew she knew. Oh God. “Ben? Ben who?”

  “Ben Jones. Your gardener.”

  “Oh.” I laughed. “I had forgotten his name. He’s not here.”

  “Of course he is. That’s his truck, isn’t it?” She pointed over her shoulder.

  I leaned out and looked at the driveway. Sure enough, Ben’s truck was parked right in the middle of my driveway. Like he freaking lived at my house. Why the hell is his truck here? I had told him to come around back. He knew I was married. What was he doing? I had just smoothed everything over with the gawkers. And now this? There was no coming back from this.

  “Oh, silly me,” I said. “He’s fixing my…water heater. It’s all…broken. I completely forgot he was even here.” Why did I pick the one piece of equipment in this house that I knew nothing about?

  “That’s so nice of him. Could I speak with him for a moment?”

  “What about?”

  “About Sally Ann of course.”

  “Who?”

  “The girl I’m trying to set him up with. Sally’s daughter.”

  “Her daughter’s name is Sally Ann?” Was she joking?

  “No, actually it’s Sally just like her lovely mother. Her middle name is Ann. She’s just always gone by both. I guess it made things easier growing up.”

  “Mhm.” How stupid.

  “So, can I speak with him?” Charlotte asked.

  “He’s pretty busy fixing that water heater. It’s not much use when it doesn’t…heat.” I sounded so dense.

  “It’ll just take a minute.” She walked past me into my house.

  Maybe I was born to be a gawker. Because I was certainly gawking at her.

  “Ben!” she called.

  The last thing I needed was her to see my basement too. “I’ll go grab him. Wait here one sec.” I hobbled down the hall an turned the corner to the basement stairs.

  Ben was still standing there, holding the banister. His eyes were closed and there was pure amusement on his face. He had clearly heard our whole conversation. At least someone was finding it humorous.

  “Ben. Can you come up here?”

  “I’m a little busy,” he said.

  “Charlotte needs to talk to you.

  “I’m preoccupied, Addy.” He pointed to his closed eyes. “Can you take a message for me?”

  Oh for goodness sakes. “Ben please,” I hissed. “You can open your eyes. And you can come up.”

  He slowly opened his eyes and smiled at me. “Why thank you, doll.” He pretended to tip an invisible hat at me as he made his way up the stairs.

  “Be cool,” I whispered. “And don’t call me that in front of company.”

  He laughed. “I’m always cool.” He winked at me and made his way to the foyer.

  Please don’t make this any worse. I followed him and stood awkwardly to the side as Charlotte gave him a hug. A hug. The act of her touching him made me shiver.

  “Good to see you again,” she said with a giggle. “You haven’t returned my calls.”

  “I’ve been busy. Picking up odd jobs during the offseason. I’m sorry I missed your calls, Charlotte.”

  “Please, call me Char.”

  I swallowed down the laugh in my throat. Char? Who was she kidding? There was not one casual bone in that woman’s body. It probably hurt her teeth to say such a nickname.

  “Char, then” he said. “What can I help you with? I’m just finishing up a job here. I should be done soon.”

  For some reason his words hurt. He’d be done soon? Was that all this was to him? A job? I thought back to when we first met. He had offered to help me out while I was hurt. I bit the inside of my lip. Was I just imagining the sexual tension? Had I imagined all of it? I put my hand to my forehead. A sharp headache had just hit me.

  “It’s nothing work-related,” Charlotte said.

  Her stupid sing-songy voice was driving me insane. I wanted to clock her in the face.

  “I just wanted to make sure you’d gotten Sally Ann’s number. I heard she’s free tonight.” Charlotte’s eyebrows seemed to disappear under her bangs in anticipation.

  “I haven’t had time to call her yet,” Ben said.

  Yet. It was like a knife to my heart. He had been planning on going on a date with Sally’s daughter the whole time. What horrible lies had I been telling myself? He was 23 years old. He was young and handsome and not a murderer. My mind was growing fuzzy.

  “Now’s as good a time as any,” Charlotte said. “I happen to know she loves that new Italian restaurant on Concord Pike.”

  “I’m a little busy at the moment,” Ben said. “I have that water heater to fix.”

  “Oh come on, Ben.” Charlotte grabbed his arm and gave it a light squeeze. “You should go ahead and give her a call now.”

  “I probably should finish this first.”

  Finish with me? Well screw him. I needed to be alone. The foyer was starting to sway in front of me. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “That’s okay, Ben.” My voice sounded foreign to my ears. “I actually watched a YouTube tutorial on water heaters. I think I can fix it myself.”

  “I can stay…”

  “I don’t need you,” I said, cutting Ben off. “Really. I don’t. So go have fun on your date. Tell Sally I said hi. Or Ann, or whatever her name is. I’ll let you both out.” I walked past them and opened the door.

  “It was great seeing you,” Charlotte said. “Try to stay off your feet, hon. And we’ll see you Wednesday!”

  “Great.” I hated the fake smile on my face. I kept it as I turned toward Ben. “Thanks for all your help.” I waved my hand through the door to show him to keep walking. “See you around the neighborhood.” Even though I wouldn’t. I’d go through with my original plan without him. And then I’d hightail it out of this stupid town.

  He stepped through the door, but quickly turned around when Charlotte was out of earshot. “Addy, what are you doing? I…”

  “Just go, Ben. I don’t need you to finish anything here. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” I slammed the door in his face.

  The door swayed in front of me. I had lost my mind. I stepped back, tripping on nothing but my own feet.

  Ben pitied me. No. Ben wanted Sally Ann. No. I had imagined everything. The sexual tension. The lust in his eyes. Him wanting to help me out of this hell.

  I laughed. The sound echoed around me in the empty foyer.

  Chapter 31

  I stared at the computer screen. I had added even more to my cart than before. This wasn’t a backup plan anymore. I was going to kill my husband. And even though the idea of setting booby traps seemed ridiculous, I couldn’t think of anything else. The plan that Ben had set up consumed me. I’d show him I could do it without his help.

  My order was all ready for checkout, but I didn’t know what to do. The countdown timer was clicking down. I was running out of time if I wanted the items in two days. The Christmas ornaments stared back at me, mocking me.

  If I ordered with my cr
edit card, my husband would see it. But I needed those items. Stupid Ben with his stupid face had ruined everything.

  I pulled out my credit card and quickly typed in the numbers before I could change my mind. I’d tell my husband I didn’t order anything and that our credit card must have been stolen. Or that I’d ordered him a gift. Christmas was only three months away. It wasn’t that preposterous.

  Before I could chicken out, I pressed the place order button. It didn’t matter now. It was done. I exed out of the internet browser and stood up. Today was just another Friday. And I needed to clean before my husband came home. If he saw the poster board or leftover pizza he’d have too many questions.

  ***

  The poster board was the last thing to go. Everything else had been thoroughly cleaned and scrubbed. Any trace of Ben had been completely wiped away. Except for his scent. His grassy smell seemed ingrained in my nostrils. I had even blown my nose several times. I wiped it absentmindedly with the back of my hand as I spread the poster board out on the counter to study it once more.

  I knew where everything went. My husband wouldn’t just end up dead. He’d end up tortured and fairly humiliated. A smile curled onto my lips. It was the perfect plan.

  I was just about to throw out the poster board when I spotted the camera out of the corner of my eye. It was silly to even think about it. It’s not like Ben was watching me right now. He was probably busy getting ready for his date. Or maybe he was already out.

  But I didn’t want him to see me go through with the plan. I didn’t want him to be able to see me at all. I grabbed a stepstool and wrapped my hand around the camera.

  My phone buzzed and I almost slipped off the ladder. I stared daggers at the little device and hobbled back down the ladder. There was a message from Ben. I glanced at the camera for a second and then opened up the text.

  “Addy, don’t.”

  I exhaled slowly. He was watching. Well, I had something to say to him too. I flipped over the poster board and wrote on the back in big, bold letters: “FUCK YOU, BEN.” I held it up to the camera.

  Another text came through. “What about the plan?”