The Truth in My Lies

by Ivy Smoak

  I lifted up the poster board again and tapped it with my index finger before ripping it in half and throwing it in the recycling bin.

  My phone buzzed but I ignored it. I walked back up the ladder and tried to yank the camera out of place. But Ben had freaking screwed it into the cabinet. How had I not realized that he was ruining my kitchen? I looked down at my watch. I only had 20 minutes until my husband would be home. I didn’t have time to figure out how to dismantle it.

  I gave the camera the middle finger and then went to get some duct tape. I wasn’t sure when my tears had started to fall. But I felt them. Big, fat tears rolled down my cheeks as I placed the duct tape over the camera lens.

  My phone started ringing now, but I ignored it.

  I did the same thing to the camera upstairs before changing into a dress and matching sweater. I slid on my engagement and wedding rings and went back downstairs.

  I counted out the number of pills I should have taken from each container and then dumped them in the trash. After the trash and recycling were taken out, I smoothed my dress, buttoned my sweater and plastered my fake smile on my face. I was close to escaping. Just one more week of hell. But this weekend had to be completely normal. I’d be on my best behavior. I’d do everything my husband wanted.

  And then next Friday when he came home at 5:45 pm, I’d murder him.

  My phone started ringing again. Damn it, Ben couldn’t keep calling me. He’d ruin everything.

  I slid my finger across the screen to accept his call. “Don’t you have better things to do than spy on an old lady, Ben?”

  “What the hell are you doing, Addy? We had a plan.”

  “Plans change.”

  “This was going to work. Take the tape off the cameras before he gets home. We’ll capture it on film. We’ll get him sent away.”

  I’d had all afternoon to think about the plan. And I didn’t want to send him away. I wanted him to stop breathing. There would be no prison bars for my dear husband. I still planned on burying him in the backyard. “I don’t want you watching me.”

  He groaned, as if I was the most frustrating human being he had ever met. When in reality, he was the frustrating one.

  “Addy, listen to me…”

  “I’ve done enough listening. Go have fun on your date and forget you ever met me.”

  “Forget I ever met you? What are you talking about? I can’t just sit here knowing what you’re planning to do. You can’t kill your husband, Addy!”

  Oh yes I can.

  “Adeline, I’m home!” my husband said from the hallway.

  I hadn’t even heard him walk in. How long had he been here? Ben was already ruining my weekend before it had even begun. “Would you please be so kind as to place me on your do not call list?” I said, waiting for my husband to emerge into the kitchen.

  “Is he there?” asked Ben. “Jesus, Addy, don’t do anything stupid.”

  “Thanks. You have a good day too. Bye.”

  Right before I hung up, I heard Ben say: “How can you even ask me to forget about you? You know how I feel about you, Addy.”

  I pressed the end call button. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was slamming into my ribcage. I thought I knew how he felt. But all of that was a lie. I wasn’t sure why I was stuck on that part of the conversation. I should have been worried that Ben would try to stop me. He said he wouldn’t sit around while I killed my husband. And he didn’t know that I was waiting on a very important Amazon order. He might think I was going to try to kill him tonight. Or sometime this weekend. I bit the inside of my lip. What if he showed up here trying to stop me?

  “Who was on the phone?” my husband asked as he walked into the kitchen.

  “Just a telemarketer. How was the rest of your week?”

  “Good.” He cupped my face in his hand. “But I was worried about you.”

  “I’ve been doing a lot better. I’ve been taken my pills again. And you’re right. I needed them. I’m so sorry that I worried you. But everything’s fine now.” It was easy to smile. Because soon everything would be fine. As long as Ben stayed out of my way.

  “Let’s go out and celebrate tonight,” I said. I couldn’t stay here, waiting for Ben to barge in and ruin all my plans. At dinner I’d sneak away to the bathroom and send Ben a text. I’d let him know that I wasn’t planning on going through with it this weekend.

  “That’s a wonderful idea, Adeline. There’s a lot to celebrate tonight. I have some exciting news as well. Call and make a reservation while I go freshen up.” He placed a kiss against my lips. “We have a lot to talk about tonight.”

  Somehow I was able to manage a calm, “That’s lovely,” before he exited the kitchen. What the hell else are we celebrating?

  Chapter 32

  My husband reached for my hand in the middle of the table. I was trying to grab a roll. Couldn’t he see that? My stomach growled as he kept my hand in his. I stared at the rolls longingly.

  “Adeline?”

  I looked up at him. There was a tiny spot of salad dressing on the side of his mouth. A good wife would tell him about it. But that certainly wasn’t me. Instead, I smiled, enjoying the fact that he was making a fool of himself.

  “It’s good to see you so happy,” he said. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen your smile so carefree.”

  It was true. I couldn’t contain my excitement for next weekend. Hopefully he wasn’t growing suspicious. “I really do feel great. I’m sorry I worried you earlier this week.”

  “It’s alright. I know that sometimes the autumn is hard for you.”

  The smile twitched on my face. It was like he wanted my good mood to crumble.

  He sighed and leaned forward. The elbows of his crisp suit looked out of place on the linen tablecloth. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned that.” He squeezed my hand.

  “It’s okay.” But it wasn’t. It was as if he wanted me to be miserable. But that shouldn’t have been a surprise. The man loved seeing me cry. I needed to change the subject. “What was your good news?” I bit the inside of my lip. Why had I asked him that? I didn’t want to know.

  “I got that promotion. I’ll be working from home now.”

  “Congratulations.” Could he hear the anguish in my voice? When was this happening? I needed more time.

  “And I thought maybe a change of scenery would be nice. Since I’ll be around more and we can really focus on your health. Maybe somewhere down south? Florida perhaps?”

  “I don’t want to move.”

  “Adeline.” He squeezed my hand again. “I spoke to Dr. Nash on the phone this afternoon after I got the news. And she thought a move would be very beneficial. New scenery. A fresh start for both of us. Maybe we can try to have another baby.”

  I pulled my hand out of his. Way too fast. Too brash.

  His eyebrows lowered.

  “You talked about your promotion with Dr. Nash before you told me?” It was irrational for me to be upset, but why would he tell good news to that woman before he told me? I shook away the thought. I never told him anything.

  “I was excited to tell you about the move. I wanted to make sure it was in your best interest first, though. I didn’t want to see you get your hopes up only to squash them later.”

  Didn’t he, though? “Is Dr. Nash so eager to be rid of me?”

  He laughed. “No, I don’t think that’s it. We both think this move would be best for your health.”

  My health? Yeah right. He was running from something. I didn’t believe this promotion shenanigan for a second. People in his line of work didn’t get promotions. Unless there had been a lot of death and destruction.

  “What do you say, Adeline? We can start looking for houses this weekend. I already have a flight for us that leaves tomorrow morning.”

  This weekend? I thought about Ben. I didn’t want to move. Yes, I was mad at him, but that didn’t mean I didn’t still like him. I couldn’t move away from him. Just the thought made
me feel like I was being strangled. But what did it matter? Ben didn’t even like me. I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t. My whole body was starting to feel sweaty. “Can’t we look at houses online?”

  “You need to feel the air down there. See how much of a difference this will make for us. We can fly down there, pick a house and stay. We’ll have movers send our things. We can be out of Delaware by the end of the weekend.”

  What?! “That’s not how these things work. We need to pack. And we need to find a buyer for this house.”

  “We don’t need to sell before we can afford to buy a new home. We’ll put it up for sale once we’re out.”

  “But buying a new house takes time. There are inspections and…”

  “We can stay in a hotel until closing.”

  My fingers fumbled with my purse. I needed to text Ben. Not to tell him that everything was fine. But to tell him that I had moved up my plans. That my husband needed to die tonight.

  “Adeline.”

  “No!” My eyes got round as soon as the word fell from my lips. A few people at nearby tables turned their heads toward us. I leaned forward and dropped my voice. “I’m not moving.”

  “You haven’t even seen…”

  “You can’t make me.”

  “Darling.” He reached out and grabbed my arm because I refused to give him my hand. “We both know perfectly well that you have to do as I say.” His fingers dug into my forearm.

  “You’re hurting me.”

  He didn’t let go.

  “I don’t want to leave. I’ve finally made friends. Charlotte and the other girls are coming over on Wednesday.”

  Nothing I said was helping.

  “And I…” God, what could I say to make him change his mind? That I was in love with someone else? Just the thought was jarring. In love? I wasn’t in love with Ben Jones. I barely knew him. And he didn’t even like me back. “I’ll…kill myself if you make me leave.”

  He let go of my arm, like my skin burned him. “Why would you even say that?”

  “Because it’s true. I love it here, and I won’t be happy anywhere else you take me. For once in your life, would it hurt you to ask what I want?”

  “I’ve already made up my mind. We’ll look online for houses if that’s what you want. But we’re moving, Adeline. I have a few meetings this week that I can’t reschedule. I’ll leave Monday morning and be back Wednesday night. Take the time to pack and say goodbye to your friends. I’ll pick you up after my flight on Wednesday night and we’ll leave together.”

  For the first time in years, I saw the tick. He hid it well. He always had. But I could see it now. He was clenching his jaw, grinding his teeth back and forth. He was nervous. Something wasn’t right. The promotion. The move. “What did you do?” I whispered. Because whatever it was, it had most likely put me in danger too.

  “If you don’t have anything productive to add to this conversation, then it would be best if you said nothing at all.”

  “What are you running from?”

  “Enough, Adeline.” His tone was harsh but his voice was quiet.

  I nodded and looked down at the salad I hadn’t touched. “I need to use the restroom.”

  He grabbed my hand before I slid out of my seat. “I love you, Adeline.”

  “I love you too.” The words were hollow. And I breathed easier the farther I walked away from him.

  Chapter 33

  Wednesday night. It moved up my timeline, but it was still doable. Definitely still doable. I started pacing back and forth in the restroom. The stuff from Amazon would come Monday night at the latest. I could get it all set up on Tuesday. And I’d have Wednesday morning and afternoon to perfect everything.

  No. Charlotte and the gawkers were coming on Wednesday. That would ruin everything. I’d need to call her and tell her not to come. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. I didn’t have the witch’s number. I had none of their numbers because I wasn’t actually friends with them.

  My eyes stayed glued to the ceiling as someone else walked into the restroom. I didn’t care if I looked like a crazy person. I was a woman with a deadline and I didn’t give a shit about anything but the end result. I’d figure out the Charlotte issue. Even if I had to walk down the street and tell her to stay away from me. Was her number in the phone book? Did I even have a phone book?

  The click of the lock made me tear my gaze from the tiles on the ceiling. Ben was standing there with his arms folded across his chest in the sexiest way possible. His face was stern and his eyes were staring daggers at me. But he was wearing a ridiculous fake mustache and a baseball cap. We were at a fancy restaurant. What was he thinking?

  “What the hell, Addy?” he said.

  It took me a second to realize he was really there. That the man with the weird mustache was actually Ben in the flesh. “What are you doing here?” For a moment I wanted to run into his arms. Like he was here to protect me from that monster sitting across from me in the restaurant. But I knew that wasn’t why he was here. He was probably going to report me to the police. Was planning a murder a crime if I hadn’t done it yet? I’d feign innocence. I’d tell them that Ben made the sketches.

  “Are you serious right now? You tape up the cameras so I can’t see you and then you leave the house. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  “You followed me here?”

  “Yes. I was worried about you.”

  “Well as you can see, I’m perfectly fine. And he’s still alive too. So stop worrying about everything so much.”

  “Addy…”

  “And stop stalking me.”

  He took off his baseball cap and fisted it in his hand. “I’m not stalking you. I’m trying to protect you.”

  “By dressing up like a homeless man?”

  He exhaled slowly. “It’s a disguise. I didn’t want anyone to recognize me.”

  “Why? So that you can’t be brought down as an accomplice?”

  He took a step toward me. “You are planning on doing it, then?”

  “I didn’t say that.” I kind of had. His stupid disguise was distracting me. “I’m definitely not doing it this weekend, so you don’t need to worry.”

  “We’re leaving right now. Before he gets here. Walk out of the back of the restaurant and get in my truck. We’re going to the police station.”

  For a stalker, he was pretty bad at stalking. “He’s already here. And I am not going to the police station.” I turned away from him and washed my hands, hoping he’d leave me alone.

  Instead he walked over to me, sandwiching me between him and the sink. I could barely turn around to face him.

  “We’re leaving right now.”

  “You can’t tell me what to do!” I was breathing too fast. The anger coursed through me. I could make my own damned decisions. Why did everyone always try to make up my mind for me? I tried to shove him away from me.

  He didn’t move, but his gaze softened. “I’m asking you to come with me, Addy. Please.”

  “To turn myself in? I don’t think so.” I shoved him again but he grabbed my hands. I struggled against his grip until suddenly I wasn’t struggling at all. I was pulling him closer. My anger had completed transformed to lust. And God, I wanted him.

  His mouth paused a fraction of an inch in front of mine. “Please, just walk out that door with me. I’ll protect you.”

  I laughed. This time when I moved back, he let me slide from his grip. “What are you really doing here, Ben? Just say it. You think I’m crazy and you’re worried I’m going to murder my husband.” He should be worried. But I hated that he thought of me that way. I thought he liked me. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t want anyone to hear us.

  “I don’t think you’re crazy for wanting to do that. He hurts you. It’s normal to want to hurt him back. But that’s not why I’m here.”

  “Then why? Don’t you have a date with Sally Ann, the doctor that’s apparently perfect for you? I have to ge
t back to my husband before he comes wandering back here.”

  He grabbed my shoulder. “Yes, okay? I’m worried that you’ll do something that will get you sent to prison rather than him. Take the tape off the cameras. Let me help you.”

  “I don’t need anyone’s help. Especially not some 23 year old boy who doesn’t actually give a shit about…”

  His mouth was on mine. He pushed my back against the dirty bathroom wall. How could I not kiss him back? I was falling for him. All I wanted was to spend the rest of my days kissing this man. Even if his fake mustache tickled my upper lip in the most annoying way.

  I could taste his anger on my tongue. I could feel it in the way he was holding me. In the way that his fingers tugged at my hair. Anger wasn’t love. But it was an emotion I understood. And I was getting drunk on his anger.

  He pulled away far too soon. “Tell me I don’t like you, Addy. Tell me you can’t feel this.”

  “That’s the problem, Ben. I do feel it.” I was seconds away from crying. “And I don’t deserve it. And we both know you could do better.” I unlocked the door but he grabbed my hand to stop me from leaving.

  “Addy, I know how I feel. And you’re lying to yourself if you think this isn’t real.”

  I’ve told myself so many lies that I don’t even know what’s true anymore. I tilted my head slightly to the side as I studied him. Did he realize that? That I didn’t even know if this conversation was real or if it was in my head?

  “I know he has something on you,” he said. “It’s why you won’t leave. But it doesn’t mean the police won’t believe your story.”

  I shook my head. He really didn’t understand. “It’s not just one thing, Ben.”

  “Yeah, I kind of gathered that. Your basement looks like a freaking serial killer’s lair.” He smiled, but I didn’t find his joke funny at all.

  “I’m glad you find my issues hilarious.”

  His smile vanished. “That’s not what I meant. But if the police saw all those records…”

  “You were supposed to keep your eyes closed.”

  “It was a little hard not to see any files when there were thousands.”