Needing You #2 - Wanting Him

by T. Renee Fike

  “Good. But why’s he coming home?” I ask surprised. He sends me a text maybe once a month, not really saying much, but he never told me he was coming home.

  “Not sure, something about a family situation.”

  “Okay. I’m sure he’ll probably stop over to see you,” I tell her giving her a smile.

  “Yeah, he said he would. You know Parker’s baby’s due soon right?” she says changing the subject.

  “Yeah I know.” I mumble.

  “Okay,” is all she says.

  “Why did you feel the need to tell me that?” I ask slightly irritated.

  “Just wanted to see your reaction.”

  “And what did you see?”

  “That you’re still not over him.”

  “You could have just asked me. I would have told you the truth.” I say annoyed.

  “Nah, it was better this way. I’m gonna watch some television, let me know when you leave.” She says, heading to her room.

  “Will do.”

  I spend the next few hours reading the rest of my current book before getting ready to head into work.

  I let Nora know when I leave, so she can make sure the door is locked and I head into PowerTrips.

  Harper is getting out of Tuck’s car when I park and we head in together.

  “How are things going with Tuck?” I ask, being a good friend.

  “Eh so-so. He’s doing really good, but annoyed when I try to do everything for him.

  “Oh, well let him do things on his own. He’ll be fine,” I tell her.

  “Yeah, I know. I will.”

  “Hey, did you know Parker was coming into town this weekend?”

  She looks at me surprised then looks quickly away.

  “Harp, what’s going on?”

  “I knew he was coming. How did you know?” she asks nervously.

  “He’s been talking to Nora, making sure she’s okay. She told me today.”

  “Oh.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t want to say,” she says looking away.

  “Why not?” I ask annoyed.

  “Because I don’t know if it would hurt your feelings,” she says softly.

  “Please. Whatever it is, I’ll be fine.”

  “He’s bringing Claudia here to meet his family.”

  “Oh,” is all I can say.

  “Nat, Tuck told me that Parker’s thinking of proposing to her; that way they can really be a family,” she says, looking at me worriedly.

  “Really? Proposing? I say shocked.

  “I know, that’s what I thought, but I guess she and the baby can’t go on tour with them unless they are married. He won’t leave his child behind.”

  “Wow.” I feel dizzy from hearing this information. I mean I know I told him to be a family, but marriage already. I didn’t see that one coming.

  “I’m sorry Nat.”

  “It’s okay. He must really care about her to propose. Parker’s not the type to just do it without feeling something.”

  “I guess. Are you okay?”

  “I’m good. Don’t worry about me. We’re both moving on with our lives. I’m happy for him.” I lie. It’s more like jealousy. Claudia gets what I wanted with Parker. She gets him and a family.

  “You’re lying to me,” she says looking really worried.

  “It just took me by surprise. I’m alright, I promise. We need to get to work,” I tell her quickly before heading behind the bar to begin my shift.

  Luckily, the bar gets busy for a karaoke night and I don’t have much time for Harp to corner me or check up on me.

  Around 11:30 p.m., Parker walks in with Declan and Nate making the girls go crazy. They start to laugh and begin signing autographs for the rambunctious bunch.

  “Hey sweetheart, how are you doing?” Declan asks from the other side of the bar.

  “Hey you,” I tell him with a huge smile. I walk around the end of the bar to give him a hug, “It’s good to see you.”

  “It’s good to see you too. How have you been holding up?” he says, eyeing me suspiciously.

  “I’ve been good,” I tell him with the biggest smile I can muster.

  “You do know I know you, right. You don’t have to lie to me,” he whispers in my ear.

  “I know. I’m doing alright though.”

  “You know...you could date me.”

  “Oh that would go over real well I’m sure,” I say with a laugh as I make my way back around the bar, “Plus, I think there’s something between you and Rowan already,” I say with a wink.

  “What?”

  “You heard me. Now what can I get you to drink?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “I’ll take a rum and coke.”

  As I start to make his drink I ask, “How long are you guys in town?”

  “Just until Tuesday,” he says as I hand him his drink.

  “It’s nice you get a little break. Your tour’s almost over, right?”

  “Ha, it was supposed to be, now I’m not so sure,” he says looking a little annoyed.

  “Why, what’s going on?”

  “Our manager wants to go on another tour after this one ends.”

  “Oh, would you get a break between the two tours?”

  “Nope. We would need to leave immediately after our last show.”

  “Well how long is that tour?”

  “Nine months,” he deadpans.

  “Oh wow.”

  “My thoughts exactly.”

  “I thought you loved the touring life?” I joke.

  “Yeah for the first six months. Now I’m exhausted and the guys are really starting to get on my nerves,” he says with a laugh.

  “Nat, you need to take your break,” Harper says interrupting our conversation.

  “Okay,” I tell her.

  “Want to continue our conversation outside?”

  “Yeah,” he says as he follows me to the back alley exit.

  I can feel eyes burning into me and I glance around and connect with dark green eyes looking anything but happy to see me walking outside with Declan.

  I ignore the evil look; push the door with Declan following.

  “You’re going to get an earful later,” I tell him.

  “Why?”

  “Parker was just glaring at us for walking out here together.”

  “Oh fuck that. He’ll get over it. Plus he can’t say shit; he’s with that stupid bitch.”

  I start to laugh, “Tell me how you really feel.”

  “Damn Nat, you got no idea how nuts she is. I get that he fucked up, but damn why did it have to be with a gold digging bitch like her?”

  “You would need to ask him that. So back to touring, what’s going on?”

  “I’m tired of constantly traveling. I just want to be home for a few months. Get my life back, ya know?”

  “I can understand that. So what does everyone else think?”

  “Nate and Luke are all about partying it up and making money. Don’t get me wrong, I want that too but I want my own bed. Then you got Park, he’s about to have a baby. The bus is nowhere to raise a baby.”

  “Is that what he wants?” I ask surprised.

  “No, he was fine with taking a break after this last leg, but I guess Claudia told him it would be fine that they would just come along. The baby would be little anyway so they wouldn’t have to worry about anything until it’s in school.”

  “Oh, well that makes sense, I guess.”

  “No it doesn’t,” he says shaking his head, “He’s being stupid.”

  “But it would be harder to tour when the kid’s older and in school. Not being on tour could possibly end your career early, right?”

  “We’ve been touring for almost two fucking years. We need to come home, write new songs, put out another record and then think about another tour.”

  “Did you voice your thoughts?”

  “Yeah he did,” Parker says from the door, looking pissed.

  �
��Look man, you know how I feel about this shit. I want a break,” Declan argues.

  “It’s not just about you. It’s whatever the group decides,” Parker snaps.

  “No it’s not; it’s about what Claudia wants,” he spouts off.

  “No it’s not, shut the fuck up,” Parker yells.

  “The hell it isn’t. Whatever she’s fucking telling you, you’re doing it. It’s like you lost your fucking balls or something,” Declan argues back.

  “Knock it off,” Parker yells.

  I try to sink back as close to the wall as I can, hating to watch these two guys who have been friend’s forever fight.

  “You know I’m right. She says marry her and boom look at you, getting fucking married,” he yells.

  As soon as the words are out of Declan’s mouth he snaps it shut, looking in my direction apologetically. Parker looks at me too with sadness in his eyes, but doesn’t say anything.

  “I need to get back to work,” I say before rushing out of there and back to the bar.

  “Are you alright?” Harper asks, looking worried.

  “Yeah,” I say before heading to the end of the bar to start serving customers.

  Parker

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “Shit, sorry man,” Dec says.

  “I wanted to tell her that shit in private, not have you fucking scream it at me during a fight,” I yell, angry at the world right now.

  “She was going to find out sooner or later.”

  “Yeah, but it should have come from me jackass.”

  Declan starts shaking his head. “Are you seriously going to marry that bitch?”

  “If that kid’s mine, I don’t have a choice,” I say defeated.

  “The hell you don’t,” he argues.

  “If I want to see my child, I don’t. You know if we go on tour, the only way she can come is if we’re married.”

  “So let’s not go on the fucking tour.”

  “We’re just getting our name out there; we can’t back out of an opportunity like this.”

  “The fuck we can’t. We’ve been touring for almost two fucking years. I want a break. I want to come home.”

  “Where’s this coming from? You were all about touring until recently, what the fuck happened?”

  “I just realize there’s more to life than living on a tour bus,” he says, looking anywhere but at me.

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Why did you pick this weekend of all weekends to come home?” Declan asks.

  “Cause it was the longest break we could get at one time. Why?” I ask confused.

  “You just had to bring her this fucking weekend?”

  “What the hell is your problem?”

  “You! You’re a fucking jackass.”

  “You gotta tell me why Dec, I can’t read your fucking mind.”

  “Do you even know what this weekend is?”

  “No, what’s so important about this fucking weekend?”

  “Man you really are an asshole. Were you planning on telling Nat that you were getting engaged to Claudia this weekend?”

  “Yeah. I figured when I went over either tomorrow or Sunday to check on Nora I could have sat down and told her, but you fucked that up,” I so annoyed.

  “Wow.”

  “What?” Declan just starts shaking his head. “What the fuck is your problem?”

  “Well good luck seeing them on Sunday. Way to fucking wait to tell her on the anniversary of her mom’s death that you’re marrying a gold digging bitch,” he yells in my face.

  “What? That’s not this weekend,” I say frustrated.

  “Check your fucking calendar asswipe. You are definitely the king of douchebags. Maybe she is better off without you,” he says, before opening the door and heading back inside.

  “Fuck,” I yell.

  How the fuck did I not realize what Sunday was? I am a fucking asshole.

  “Hey, you okay?” Harp says from the door.

  “Hey Harp. I’m fine, just realizing how big of an ass I am.”

  “What’s going on?” she asks as she takes a seat on an old crate.

  “I didn’t realize what Sunday was.”

  “Oh.”

  “How’s she doing, honestly Harp?”

  “She’s okay. I need to tell you though. I sorta kinda slipped that you were going to propose to Claudia to her,” she says, looking at the ground.

  “Don’t worry; if you wouldn’t have told her, she heard it from Declan out here during our argument.”

  “Why are you marrying Claudia?”

  “Harp, she’s having my baby.”

  “That’s not a good reason. We know for you to propose that you have feelings for her because you wouldn’t do something stupid like marry her, if you didn’t love her.”

  “Shit.”

  “Do you love her?”

  “Which one?” I ask confused.

  “Claudia,” she says with a laugh, “Are you in love with Claudia?”

  “I…I…”

  “Seriously Park, it’s not that hard of a fucking question,” she retorts.

  “It’s not an easy answer.”

  “The hell it’s not. Now answer it.”

  “I care about her, she’s carrying my child. But no, I don’t love her,” I admit.

  “Then don’t trap yourself into a loveless marriage. You deserve better than that and so does she.”

  “I know.”

  “I get you’re not over Nat. I don’t think she’s over you either, but she’s trying to move on.”

  “I know, but if it wouldn’t be for me and my fuck up I wouldn’t be in this situation and Nat and I would be getting married.”

  “Marriage huh? Wow, you really are whipped. You should teach Tuck a few tricks.”

  “Haha. I’ll always love Nat. I guess it’s just my luck that I get to wake up every day knowing I’m the one that fucked it up.”

  “Karma’s a bitch.”

  “You got that right.”

  “But Park, you aren’t a bad guy. Don’t settle for Claudia. You can raise your child without being married. Don’t make that mistake.”

  “I hear you.”

  “Tuck seems to be doing real good.”

  “He is. I’m glad too.”

  “Me too.”

  “I gotta get back to work”

  “Alright.”

  “Oh, and Parker…Don’t be a douche and marry that bitch,” she says as she hops up off the crate and heads inside.

  Fuck. How did I mess everything up?

  I head back inside to apologize to Nat when I see some guy talking to her at the end of the bar.

  Maybe Dec is right, maybe she is better off without me.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Saturday comes and goes. Thankfully, I didn’t have to see Parker or his soon to be fiancé. Ugh, I’m not sure I could stomach that.

  Today’s Sunday, the anniversary of mom’s death. Nora and I always spend this day visiting mom’s favorite restaurant, the beach at her favorite spot, and her grave.

  “Hey, how do I look?” Nora asks standing in a yellow sundress with a cardigan sweater.

  “Beautiful, mom would love that dress,” I tell her with a smile.

  “Thanks. You look great too,” she says about my baby blue dress.

  “Where do you want to go first?

  “Why don’t we start with her favorite shops?”

  I like that idea. Just then there’s a knock at the door. “I got it,” Nora says.

  I hear his voice before I even see him. Why is he here?

  Parker’s standing in the doorway holding yellow lilies, my mom’s favorite.

  My sister has the biggest smile on her face looking up at Parker.

  “Hey,” I say with no enthusiasm.

  “Hey. So I know what today is and all and thought if I could catch you two before you leave you could add these to your mementos for your mom’s grave,” he says stuttering
a little bit.

  “Thanks,” I say not taking a step towards him.

  “Do you want to come with us today?” Nora asks excitedly.

  He looks between me and Nora before saying, “I’d love to,” he says with a smile.

  “Nor, I’m sure Parker has lots of other things on his plate for today, let’s not hog his day,” I say earning a glare from my sister.

  “Nope, my day’s free,” he pipes up.

  Great, just want I wanted to do today. Hang out with Parker, the guy I can’t seem to get over.

  I hear Nora say something to him, but I ignore it, heading down the steps to my car.

  “Parker said he’d drive.”

  “No, that’s alright. I’ll drive.”

  “Oh, come on Nat. Let him drive. I don’t want to have to be squished in your tiny backseat,” she complains.

  “Ugh, fine.”

  “Yay,” she says as she skips to Parker’s car.

  We get in and the two of them talk amongst themselves as I sit here and wonder how I got myself in this predicament.

  An entire day with Parker…I’m screwed.

  We start by heading to mom’s favorite spot for breakfast. It’s a little diner, but she always brought us here for birthdays growing up.

  “Here,” Nora says handing me the first picture of mom.

  We take our normal seats in the back booth at the diner, which is pretty empty right now and I place mom’s picture on the windowsill. Nora and I reminisce about the times we spent at this diner, laughing and getting teary eyed a few times. Nora’s sitting beside me, so that leaves Parker to sit across from us.

  He sits quietly and lets us have our moments talking and laughing about mom. I glance his way every now and then and he’s always smiling back. He never got the chance to meet mom, but when we first started dating, he was at the house when it was the anniversary of her passing. He asked to come along and I didn’t have the heart to tell him no.

  Luckily, Nora didn’t mind. He would just sit back and watch, allowing us to enjoy in the moments we got to spend with her.

  It seems as though he is going to do the same today.

  “On to the next stop?” Nora smiles proudly.

  “Yep,” I say as I grab mom’s picture off the windowsill and we head back out to Parker’s car.

  “Where to next?” he asks.

  “Shopping center,” Nora and I say in unison. We start laughing immediately.