In Her Mind (Mountain High Valley Low )

by Renee Daniel Flagler

  When Brian returned, he had a thermometer, several bottles of Gatorade, ice pops, children’s Tylenol, and a toy car. I took the bag from him and took it to the kitchen. Brian went straight for the couch, took BJ into his arms, and began to talk to him.

  “Brian, sweetie, what’s all of this for?” I asked as I withdrew all of the items out of the bag.

  “Give me the thermometer so I can take his temperature,” he started. “I told the pharmacist about BJ and he told me what to do. He said that he might not have to go to the emergency room if we can break the fever, and that the children’s Tylenol should do the trick. He also asked if he was eating and drinking okay, and if he wasn’t to just give him Gatorade and ice pops to keep him hydrated. Some stuff called Pedialyte is what most doctors or pharmacists recommend, but he said that most kids won’t drink it because it tastes bad. So I went ahead and got everything he said just in case Brice needed it.”

  “Wow, Brian, you are really good at this daddy thing, aren’t you?” I handed him the thermometer and stood beside him as if I was anxiously awaiting the results.

  Brian carefully removed the instrument from the package and read the instructions. “Okay, little man, open up.” He placed the thermometer into BJ’s mouth and watched the seconds tick away on his Raymond Weil wristwatch. After about a minute, Brian removed the thermometer and read it. “Ninety-nine point nine. He’s just fine.” Then he looked up at me. “Shelly, maybe you should give him a little of the Tylenol just in case.”

  “Uh…sure,” I said as I bit the side of my thumb. “Here, let me take him.” I took BJ, who was still half asleep, into the kitchen and pretended to give him the medicine. I quickly brought him back to Brian so he wouldn’t consider leaving so soon. “Okay, I gave it to him. Can you hold him while I check on my dinner?” I gently placed BJ safely back into Brian’s arms then turned toward the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”

  “No, I’m fine. Thanks,” he said quickly.

  “Aw, come on, Brian. I’ve come a long way with my cooking. Believe me. I’m much better than I used to be. I took classes, you know?”

  “Really?” he stated, sounding unconvinced.

  “Seriously, Brian. Try a taste. I made filet mignon, baked potatoes, and asparagus. And it’s more than enough.”

  “Alright, maybe I’ll taste a little.”

  “Yes!” I whispered and pumped my fist in the air. Choosing my best china, I fixed Brian a plate fit for a king.

  I wondered how Lexie was going to like this. Not only was I able to pull Brian away from her with a simple call, but I’m sending him back sated. Soon enough, he’ll realize he doesn’t need her at all.

  Brian devoured the food and hung out for a few minutes more to make sure BJ was doing well. Seeing him satisfied and happy brought a smile to my face and I couldn’t wait until we were permanently together as a happy family.

  “Wow, Shelly. I must admit, that was pretty tasty,” Brian said, snapping me out of my perfect little daydream. “I have to give you credit. You certainly did your thing with that filet mignon. And the asparagus—I don’t even like asparagus and I liked that.”

  “I’ve improved in a lot of ways, Brian.”

  “That’s good. So listen, I need to go. BJ’s resting now. Call me if you need to.”

  “You don’t have to leave so soon, do you?” I said and pouted my lips.

  “As a matter of fact I do. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Speaking of talking…we need to talk about us—you, BJ, and me—.”

  “Whatever he needs, I’ll be there for him.”

  “Hold on,” I told him and ran to put BJ in his bed. That poor boy was sleeping so hard he was snoring, and carrying him around felt like I was carrying weights. I quickly returned to the living room, hoping Brian hadn’t escaped in my brief absence. “I mean us. How do we handle us?” I asked as I sat down on the couch and crossed my legs, showing off my fit, but feminine, muscle tone.

  Brian stood, creating distance between us.

  “We,” he said, pointing from himself to me several times, “being his parents, will work together to give him what he needs.”

  “What he needs,” I got up and met him where he stood, “is his parents around him all of the time, especially when he’s sick and needs us the most.”

  “Well, Shelly. It’s possible for us to be good parents and be there for him without living in the same household. Besides, you are married and I have someone in my life.”

  “That marriage was a sham and I’m now out of it. You’re not married and we have BJ. We need to be together.”

  “I’m sorry, Shelly. That can’t happen.”

  Brian was just talking a little crazy and needed me to show him what was best. I was also ready to remind him of what he had missed all these years. I pulled in close to him and touched his chest. He gently removed my hands. I touched him again.

  “Brian. Listen to me. I told you before—it’s all or nothing, and that hasn’t changed. Now we have a beautiful little boy together and we need to do what’s best for him. I need you in my life and so does BJ. Either way, I’ll always be around because I am the mother of your child, so we might as well go about this the right way. Your friend will understand.”

  “She’s not my friend.”

  Brian was getting annoyed but so was I. And I decided to ignore his ‘friend’ comment.

  “But, Brian, you knew my terms and you sought me out.” Before I could say another word, Brian put his hands up.

  “Shelly, that was two years ago. And the reason I sought you out is because I needed to know if BJ was my son. Any selfrespecting man with an ounce of integrity is not going to be satisfied with the possibility that they might have a child out there somewhere. My dad wasn’t in my life and I vowed that I would be a part of my children’s lives.”

  “So this is how you make that happen. I’ve already done my part. You need to let your ‘friend’ go.”

  “Listen, I’ve got to go. Call me if something happens to Brice.”

  Something in me snapped and I just couldn’t let Brian walk out of that door. He had to know that we could work.

  “No, Brian, don’t go.”

  “Shelly. You are not getting it. There is no ‘us.’ There will never be an ‘us.’ The only connection we have is Brice and that’s it. I have a life that I am going to live. You need to live yours, too. You have to accept that.”

  I started crying uncontrollably. I didn’t expect that to happen and I was pissed that Brian had taken me there emotionally. I was completely out of my head and it pained me that Brian always had the ability to drive me to my breaking point.

  “No, I will not and cannot accept that.” It’s all or nothing. There is no Brice without me, Brian. That’s the deal. Pointblank!

  Brian huffed and held his head in his hands. “So you are telling me that if I won’t be with you, you are going to deprive BJ of having a relationship with his father? Just because I don’t want to be with you?”

  I held my head. The words “don’t want to be with you” played over and over like a broken record.

  “I’m sorry, Shelly, but that can’t work for me. I want to be a part of my son’s life but I’m not going to be with you because you want to place this sick demand on me.”

  “Sick demand?!” Before I knew it, I had jumped on Brian and began beating his chest and scratching at his face.

  My vision was clouded because of my tears and I could hardly hear. Brian tried desperately to stop the barrage of slaps and punches to no avail. I was too wild for him. Finally, he caught hold of my wrists and held them firmly, leaving me unable to move at will.

  “Get off of me! You’re hurting me!” I screamed, huffing and puffing.

  “Stop trying to hit me,” he said.

  Suddenly, BJ was behind us wailing. I pulled myself from Brian’s grip, but before I could get to BJ, Brian had already picked him up and began to comfort him. When I looked at my wrists, they were red where Bria
n held me. Once Brian was able to calm BJ down, he sat him on the couch and left. A feeling of rejection overwhelmed me but I wasn’t done yet. One way or another, I was going to get him. I took another look at my bruised wrist, picked BJ up and headed down to the precinct.

  Chapter 11 Lexie

  Brian came storming into the house pissed off but refused to talk to me about what had upset him. When I asked him about the baby, he spat the word “fine” at me, never breaking his quick stride, never making eye contact. Part of me wanted to curse his ass out for snapping at me as if I was the cause of his nasty attitude. The other side of me knew to give him space and work on getting my answers later. He needed to calm down and I would approach the subject again. If I was going to trust that we were going to work out, then I needed to know what was going on.

  With my feet up on the couch, I started to read my book, Silent Fear, by a new author on the scene, Renee Jones-Brown. Just as I was getting to a really good part, Brian came storming out of our bedroom, creating gusts of wind as he marched in haste.

  “I can’t believe this shit!” he yelled as he paced hard across the floor. I watched in silence, my head following him to and fro like I was watching a tennis match. “This…girl is unbelievable.” I knew he was about to call her a bitch and had stopped himself. Thinking it was one thing, but actually saying it was out of character for Brian.

  “Who are you talking about?” I asked, even though I knew he was referring to Shelly. I wanted a piece of her really badly. All I needed was one good reason.

  The veins near Brian’s temple created several speed bumps across his forehead and they pressed against his smooth, dark skin. Brian tightened his fists and grunted, then threw his hands in the air.

  “Brian,” I said calmly, and he looked my way. He was staring directly at me, but there was no presence in his eyes. The eerie emptiness caused chills to creep along my spine. “Have a seat and talk to me,” I continued softly.

  Brian approached the couch but stopped just before turning to sit. His facial expression turned from anger to defeat and my heart stopped beating momentarily.

  “What is it, Brian?” I asked. He wore his vulnerability plainly on his face.

  Brian dropped his shoulders with a sigh then sat with his elbows on his knees, holding his head. I gently placed my hand on his back and rubbed small circles, hoping he understood that, despite our trials, I was still there for him. After a few more sighs, he finally began to explain.

  “I just got a call on my cell phone from the precinct.”

  “For what?” I yelled. My brows knitted and my heart rate went from zero to sixty in less than two seconds. I hoped Brian hadn’t kicked Shelly’s yellow behind earlier. Brian was not abusive but Shelly’s antics had the ability to make the most composed person act like a pure fool.

  “Shelly went down to the precinct and told the cops that I assaulted her. A detective by the name of Raul Johnson called and asked me to come down to the station so he could speak with me and hear my side of the story.”

  “Brian, you didn’t—did you?”

  “Lexie!” Brian called my name as if he was scolding me. “How could you even ask something like that? I didn’t assault her. She assaulted me!”

  “What?! Why?” This was getting crazy.

  “After I got Brice’s fever under control, I got ready to leave. Shelly wanted to talk about how we could work things out. I told her that I would always be there for the baby but there was no chance of us being anything more than just BJ’s parents. She didn’t like what I said. We exchanged more words until she just flipped out and started punching me. I grabbed her by the wrists to keep her from punching me, but she kept trying to pull her arms from my grip. After that, I left. I guess she had some kind of mark on her because the detective said that she was bruised.” I sat there looking at Brian in disbelief. “I didn’t hurt that girl. If anything, I was trying to make sure she didn’t hurt me.”

  “I can’t believe this. So are you going down to the precinct now?’’

  “I have to. If I don’t, they will come and arrest me.”

  “So how do you know they won’t arrest you when you get there anyway?”

  “I don’t, but that’s a chance I have to take,” Brian said as he began to lift himself from the couch before heading to the bedroom.

  I felt so bad for him and tried to think of what I could do to help. My mind kept coming up with a very vivid image of me trying to choke the life out of Shelly, but I knew that wouldn’t help the situation, particularly now. I could just see the headlines— Love Triangle: Mad Fiancée Beats the Life Out of the Ex!

  “Well, I’m going with you!” I announced, then got my purse and met him at the door before he could protest.

  On the way to the precinct, I called Brooke to tell her the news. I could tell by the sound of her voice that I had awakened her and scared her half to death. I knew I sounded desperate as I struggled to hold back my tears.

  “Lex, calm down! Tell me exactly what happened.” Brooke’s voice was filled with concern.

  After a few deep breaths, I managed to calm myself some and explained everything to Brooke. Finally, we added Ava into the conversation, who called my Mom to discuss what was going on. Mom reminded me that my absentee godfather, Frederick Gerald, was an attorney. She called him and he offered to meet me down at the precinct. When I got down to the stale-smelling station with the old dingy tin desks, Freddie was already waiting for me. I had never been happier to see him in my life. My godfather was a tall, caramel-colored man who looked a lot like Jessie Jackson. As a child I saw him all the time because he and his wife were good friends of my parents. However, they moved to a fancier neighborhood, and his wife acted as though she was too good to hang with my parents anymore.

  Freddie greeted me with a warm embrace and a peck on my cheek then greeted Brian with a firm handshake.

  “Look how you have grown. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. Delia told me to tell you hello. She’d love to see you.”

  “That would be nice,” was the only polite response I could think of. The last thing I was concerned about was how much he thought I’d grown since the last time he’d seen me, and I could care less about his snooty wife’s far-off greeting.

  “What’s going to happen to him, Freddie?”

  “Well, I’ve already spoken to the detective.” Then he gestured at Brian. “It appears that his son’s mother claimed that he assaulted her because she told him she didn’t want to be bothered with him.

  “Lies! All lies! I can’t believe she’s doing this,” I blurted. Several people in the precinct stopped what they were doing and looked over at us. Freddie placed his hands on my shoulder to calm me down.

  “Honey, things like this happen all the time,” Freddie said. The cops are used to these types of domestic disputes. There are reports filed against exes and cheating boyfriends every single day. As soon as some woman finds out that the man they want is seeing someone else, they come running to the police, crying wolf in an attempt to get back at them because they were rejected.

  “So are they going to put him in jail?” I asked, focusing on Freddie’s lips as I awaited his answer.

  “To be quite frank, yes. He will be processed and put through the system, and he’ll have to see a judge. They will determine if he gets to go home or if bail is set. If he has no other offenses then he will most likely be released on his own recognizance. I know most of these judges and since he has no priors, I doubt they will keep him. As for right now, all we can do is wait until he goes before the judge.”

  “Freddie, thank you so much for helping us out with this.”

  “No problem at all, honey. Anything for you, dear! Now let me see who I can talk to so we can get this to move a little faster. Come on, Brian. Let’s go handle this.”

  My eyes met Brian’s. I grabbed his face and kissed him hard before dropping my head. Brian lifted my chin and stared into my eyes once again. The emptiness was gone and h
ad been replaced with reassurance. Brian kissed the tears that began to run down my cheeks and I held on to him for dear life.

  “I’ll be right here!” I assured him and swatted at my tears.

  Solemnly, Brian and Freddie went to meet with Detective Johnson. I searched for a nearby chair and prayed that my weak knees would carry me to it. Not too long after they went inside, Freddie returned to let me know that Brian had been officially arrested and was in the process of being put through the system.

  “Go home and get some sleep. I’ll call you in the morning and let you know what to expect,” Freddie said.

  “But I…when will he get to come home?” I stammered.

  “Hopefully, he’ll be home sometime tomorrow afternoon as long as the judge sees fit to let him go. Brian’s got a clean record so I don’t see that being a problem,” Freddie tried to reassure me.

  The only thing that would have been reassuring to me would have been to see Brian walk back out those doors. But that wasn’t happening. I left the station and rode home in overwhelming silence, no music or anything. We had three and a half weeks left before our wedding day and I wondered what more could happen. Suddenly an even more fearful thought entered my mind—I wondered if Brian would be able to leave town after our wedding.

  Chapter 12 Shelly

  “That wasn’t a good move at all, Shelly,” the caller scolded.

  Shut up! Shut up! I kept thinking it but really wanted to say it instead. Again, this person was giving me the goods and I had to remember to keep some kind of balance when communicating with her, even though the last thing I needed from her was a reprimand.

  “Well, he made me mad,” was all I could say to justify my actions.

  “You have got to be kidding me. You are not going to get anywhere by getting him arrested. In fact, he probably doesn’t want anything to do with you now, regardless of whether or not you have BJ. You’ve messed up big time and I strongly suggest you find a way to make this up to him. Not to mention you are targeting the wrong person,” she said, almost as an afterthought.