Lost for Words

by Andrea Bramhall

  “Feel free. I’ve got a ton of ’em.” Mags waved a hand.

  “Think she’ll get the part she’s after and ditch us?”

  “What, the sitcom part?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Nah. Dawn French turned it down, and it’s already fallen through. Vanessa’s bigger and better suddenly looked a whole lot smaller and shittier.”

  They stared at the door to Jac’s office as Jac and Vanessa came out arm in arm, sunglasses sitting atop Vanessa’s head as she clung to Jac’s arm like an octopus, laughing at something and stroking her hand up and down Jac’s bicep. Sasha gritted her teeth and tightened her grip on her pen.

  “Looks like she’s trying to rekindle the old flame,” she remarked tightly and made a concerted effort to loosen her grip. What the hell is wrong with me? What do I care if Jac gets back together with her ex?

  “Nah. If that’s what Vanessa’s after, she’s got no chance. Once Jac’s done, she’s done. She’s never gone back to anyone, especially when she wasn’t the one walking away in the first place. She’s not the type to forgive and forget like that. When Vanessa left, she was just going to walk out of the apartment while Jac was at work, leaving a little note. As far as Jac’s concerned, that’s abandonment, and she doesn’t deal well with that. It’s something that…well, it’s something she can’t forget, so if someone leaves her, she just walks and keeps on going.”

  The door opened and Jac walked in, Vanessa barely inches away. “Mags,” she said and inclined her head.

  “Jac. Vanessa, you’re looking well.”

  Vanessa smiled. “Thanks. How’re you doing, Mags?”

  “I’m good.” She stood. “But if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a lot of work to get on with.”

  “Thanks, Mags,” Jac said as she passed her on the way to the door. “Vanessa, this is Sasha Adams, Sasha, Vanessa Coyne. She’ll be taking Gemma’s place and playing Charlie in Nightingale. Vee, Sasha is the writer who created this.” Jac smiled brightly at Sasha as she spoke. “Without her, we wouldn’t be here now.”

  Vanessa’s smile faltered a moment as she watched Jac, but she held her hand out to Sasha and stepped forwards. “A pleasure to meet you. I read the script last night after I spoke to Jac. It’s incredible. The mixture of humour and pathos is just, well, incredible. I’m looking forward to those action scenes towards the end too. That should be a lot of fun.” She smiled warmly, and it was easy to see how much better for the role she’d be than Gemma had been. And just how perfect her teeth were. And her hair. And those blue eyes, smiling at her.

  Sasha cleared her throat. “It’s great to meet you too, Vanessa. Thanks for stepping in at such short notice. We really appreciate it.”

  “Oh, it was no trouble at all.” She stood up straight and wrapped her hand around Jac’s arm again. “I’d do anything to help out Jac here. She’s just the best, isn’t she?”

  Smiling and nodding, Sasha said, “Absolutely.”

  Jac looked like she wanted to roll her eyes as Sasha just barely managed to keep a straight face. She noticed how Jac used Vanessa’s own grip on her arm to edge her towards the door. “Sasha, the rest of the cast will be around the table in about five. See you there, okay?”

  Sasha nodded and lifted a hand to them as Jac moved them out the door. The last thing Sasha heard as the door closed was, “Give it a rest, Vee.”

  Well, gorgeous didn’t even begin to cover Jac’s ex. Stunning. Yes, physically, she was stunning.

  The dulcet tones of soul singer Anastacia telling the world she’s “got another confession to make” erupted from Sasha’s jacket pocket. She reached in and pulled it out, sliding her finger across the screen to answer as she did.

  “I’ve got a confession to make,” Bobbi said by way of greeting.

  “Do you need bail money?”

  “Not this time.”

  “An alibi?”

  “Possibly…later.”

  “We were in the pub watching the football.”

  “Football season’s over.”

  “Rerun?”

  Bobbi chuckled. “Not likely.”

  “Better spill, then, my child. I’ve got rehearsals to get to in a couple of minutes. We don’t have time for a full round of Hail Marys and prayers this time.”

  “You’re always busy,” Bobbi grumbled.

  “And whose fault is that? I didn’t send my script off to a competition, now did I?”

  Bobbi sighed heavily. “Fine. So I might have, possibly, kind of walked out of my job.”

  “What!”

  “Erm, yeah, maybe.”

  “Shit, Bobbi, what happened? You need that job. What’re you going to do?”

  “Which question do you want me to answer first?”

  “Funny. Tell me what happened.”

  “Polyakov was in again. Facial and a mani-pedi.”

  “Okay.”

  “We were short-staffed because the girl Maria hired to replace you didn’t turn up this morning.”

  “Right.”

  “So there was only me there to deal with the racist bitch.”

  “Uh-oh.”

  “She demanded you.”

  “And you told her I didn’t work there anymore.”

  “Yup.”

  “And she was stuck with you?”

  “Yup.”

  “Went over like a lead balloon?”

  “Better. She demanded to see Maria.”

  “Fabulous.”

  “Maria tried to stick up for me, said I was her best worker and all that guff. She was actually really nice, but that woman is such a bitch, Sash. I couldn’t just stand there and let her say that shit to me. Not again. It’s not right.”

  “I know it’s not, hon. So, what happened?”

  “I just walked out.”

  “You just left?”

  “Yeah.”

  “In the middle of the shift?”

  “Erm…yeah.”

  “Bobbi! What about Maria? You left her in the lurch!”

  “I know, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I just couldn’t.”

  Sasha could hear the tears in Bobbi’s voice. “Shush, it’s okay. I’ll call Maria. I’m sure she’ll understand.”

  “No, don’t.”

  “But, Bobbi, you can’t just leave it like this. You need that job. How’re you going to pay your rent if you’re not working?”

  “I’ll get another job.”

  “Not if you expect Maria to give you a reference after just walking out on her like that.”

  “You didn’t hear what she was saying, Sash.” Bobbi’s voice was so quiet she almost couldn’t hear her. Almost. But while the words were quiet, Bobbi’s pain came through loud and clear.

  “Maybe you should call her, then?”

  “I can’t. I don’t want to go back there, Sash. It’s not the same. It all feels wrong now.”

  “How do you mean? You loved that job. You loved working there.”

  “I loved working with you. The job’s just a job. Something I have to do to pay the bills. I don’t want to go back there.”

  “Oh, Bobbi. We knew things would have to change when I won this competition.” A knock at the door caught her attention. She looked up to find Jac watching her from the doorway, eyebrows lifted in question. Shit, I’m late. She mouthed the word sorry to Jac and stood, grabbing her script and pen as she headed for the door. “Listen, Bobbi, I’ve got to get to rehearsals now. Can I give you a call on the way home tonight? We can come up with a plan then. Maybe you can come around and we can hash it all out over a Friends fest and popcorn. What do you say?” Sasha followed Jac down the corridor.

  Bobbi was quiet for a moment. “Sure, I’ve missed…that.”

  “Okay, then, I’ll call you on my way home tonight. Later, hon.” S
he hung up and slid the phone back in her pocket. “I’m so sorry I’m late. That was Bobbi. She’s had an awful day and just lost her job.”

  “Oh no, what happened?”

  “She was being verbally abused by a customer—not the first time—and she’d just had enough. She walked out.”

  “What was the abuse about?”

  “A racist customer didn’t like the fact Bobbi’s black.”

  “You’re joking?”

  “Nope. Wish I was.”

  “I can’t say I blame her for walking, then.”

  “Nope. But that’s not going to help her when her rent’s due.”

  Jac held open a door for her, waving her through with a slight frown. “Is she a good worker?”

  “Yes. She’d been there as long as I had. She was one of the best members of staff.”

  “Does she make a decent brew?”

  “Her coffee’s spot on; tea’s good, if you like it builder style.”

  “Strong and hot?”

  “That’s the one. Why?”

  “I might have a solution. I’ll tell you about it when we break for lunch.”

  “Get your arse around to mine, I’ve got news,” Sasha said into her phone as she stepped off the bus and turned up her road.

  “Good news or bad news?” Bobbi asked.

  “Good.”

  “On my way.”

  Sasha slid her phone in her pocket, waved to Dante, then looked away quickly with a shudder as he “adjusted” himself. She fished her house keys out of her bag. When she had opened the door, she shouted out, “Mum? I’m home.”

  “In the conservatory, dear.”

  Sasha sent up a silent prayer—for strength—hung up her coat and bag, then went to find her mother. A thick plume of pungent smoke escaped as she opened the door. She wafted her hand in front of her face and tried not to breathe too deeply. “I thought you weren’t smoking as much?”

  “Felt like it today.” Fleur stared at her, glassy-eyed. “Problem?” she asked harshly.

  Sasha shook her head. It was unusual for Fleur to snap. Especially when she was as stoned as she looked right now. Things not going well with Mr Hunt, maybe? Sasha thought about asking but decided against it. She already had far more information on the subject than she needed…wanted…could never remove from her brain. “Bobbi’s coming around in a little bit. She had a bad day.” She quickly filled Fleur in on Bobbi’s news and asked, “Do you want anything to eat?”

  “I’m not very hungry, dear.”

  “Okay.” Sasha pulled the door open behind her.

  “Maybe just a sandwich.”

  Sasha smiled. “What kind?”

  “Spam and egg, I think.”

  “Fried egg?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay.”

  “And black pudding.”

  “All right.”

  “And a hash brown.”

  Sasha snorted. “Bacon?”

  “Oo, yeah. And maybe some sausage too.”

  “One fry-up on the way.”

  She’d almost finished cooking an old-fashioned English fried breakfast for tea when Bobbi knocked on the door. “It’s open,” Sasha called out and spooned beans onto three plates. Bobbi never turned down food. “Mum, tea’s ready.”

  Fleur shuffled out of the conservatory and hobbled into a chair at the table. She grinned at Bobbi. “Dude, heard you had a shit-kicker day.” She held her fist out to Bobbi as she sat down heavily opposite Fleur, then bumped her fist.

  “I feel like I’ve had the shit kicked out of me, that’s for sure.”

  “Well, I’m going to make it better for you,” Sasha said as she put down the plates, then added a plate to the middle filled with slices of buttered toast.

  “You’ve got that racist bitch’s address and a shovel handy?”

  “Not that much better.”

  “You won the lottery and you’re going to share?”

  “Not that much better either.”

  Bobbi dipped a bit of sausage in her egg yolk and shrugged. “Buggered if I know, then.”

  “I’ve got you a new job. Starts tomorrow.”

  “I don’t want to go back to Serenity. It’s too—”

  “You’ll be working for Kefran Media as a runner. It’s not a great job, but you’ll be on set, doing whatever needs doing. Tomorrow I think Jac said you’d be helping with the final touches to the sets being built for the film.”

  Bobbi dropped her fork, spattering her “dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians” hoodie with bean juice. “Shut the front door.”

  “Already closed, my friend.”

  “I’m gonna be working with you again?”

  “Well, not exactly. But you’ll be on the set. You’ll have a job, but it’ll be different from what I’m doing. I won’t be able to hang around with you all the time like we used to, but—”

  “The A-Team is back in business!” Bobbi fist-pumped like she’d just won Wimbledon, then pulled a version of Usain Bolt’s signature move…while the strings of her hoodie dipped themselves through the bean juice.

  Sasha leaned back in her chair and tossed a tea towel from over the handle of the oven at her. “Clean yourself up, Murdoch.”

  “Why do I have to be the crazy one? Why can’t I be Face?”

  Sasha looked at her mum. “Do you wanna take this one?”

  “You see, dude, it’s like this…,” Fleur started, a huge grin spreading across her face.

  Chapter 15

  Jac leant on the door frame to the office she’d had set up for Sasha and smiled. Sasha was frowning at her computer screen, seemingly oblivious to anyone else around her. It gave Jac time to study her while she waited to be noticed.

  Sasha’s hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun with a pencil sticking out of the side, in what she was quickly coming to see as Sasha’s signature hairdo. Jac wasn’t sure if the pencil was holding her hair up or had merely been stuffed there for safekeeping. Not that it mattered; either way, it was just so perfectly Sasha. She tapped the end of a pen against her lips, occasionally pulling it away to scribble something on the pad beside her laptop. The black-rimmed glasses perched on her nose added to her studious expression and threw Jac into yet another series of sexy-librarian fantasies that had always been a not-so-guilty pleasure of hers.

  Jac closed her eyes. It occurred to her why she’d decided to offer Bobbi a job and put Vanessa on the project while getting rid of Gemma. The answer was simple. Sasha was important to her. Bobbi was important to Sasha. Gemma was being mean to Sasha, and it had been within Jac’s power to do something about all of that. It didn’t matter that having Vanessa on set for the next two months would be uncomfortable for her. The situation would be easier for Sasha to have Gemma gone. So she was gone. Sasha would feel better having Bobbi here. So she was here.

  But what did that mean? Did it mean anything? Other than she thought Sasha a good person who deserved someone making her happy?

  The past week of rehearsals had gone well. Vanessa had fit in well with the rest of the cast, and she’d even been pretty well behaved with the crew. Mostly. Bobbi was a different story, but one that could be dealt with. She just needed to temper her…enthusiasm a bit. Okay, a lot. But still, Jac could see her heart was in the right place. Mostly.

  Jac sighed heavily, glad she’d already seen Vanessa leave for the day and she didn’t have to face the prospect of turning a corner and running into her. She was debating the merits of carrying a mirror to look around corners for the foreseeable future—just in case—when Sasha looked up and offered her a beaming smile.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Hey,” Jac replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “You ready to get out of here?

  “Has everyone gone already?” She closed the lid of h
er laptop and started packing her bag.

  “Yup. Why? Do you need someone?” Like Bobbi, maybe? The woman had barely been in her new job for an hour before it had become clear that that she intended to do everything she could for Sasha. Regardless of what her job actually was. A production assistant was not Sasha’s secretary or personal assistant or whatever Bobbi seemed to think she was. Jac held back the sigh that wanted to escape her lips for fear of the questions Sasha would ask as a result. Questions she didn’t want to answer. Or really even think about, if she were totally honest. Sasha and Bobbi were friends. Good friends. Sasha had been clear about that. Jac just needed to talk to Sophie—again—about making it clear to Bobbi exactly what her role was. And to make sure she was doing it.

  “No, just wondered how you shook Vanessa today.”

  Jac rolled her eyes. They were only a few days into working together, and Vanessa had already propositioned her. Several times. “I really couldn’t have been more clear with her and she’s seeing someone else. I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

  “Maybe she’s realised what she lost and is genuine that she wants you two to work it out.”

  “Do you really believe that?”

  “Does it matter what I believe?”

  Yes. “I value your opinion.”

  Sasha shrugged as she got to her feet. “I don’t know her like you do.”

  “You know her enough.”

  Sasha sighed as Jac held the door open for her. “Thanks. Okay, well, I’m not convinced it’s you she wants back as much as what you can do for her.”

  “Exactly.” Jac held her arm out for Sasha and stifled the gasp when Sasha’s fingers wrapped around her bicep. “I’m not interested in her, and I’ve told her that. It won’t stop her from trying again, though, and there’s nothing I can do until filming is done. I knew this would happen before I offered her the role.”

  “So why did you offer it to her?”

  Because of you. “Because she was better for the role than Gemma. Because your film is more important than a couple of uncomfortable comments from Vanessa. Because it was the right thing to do, even if it wasn’t the best thing for me.”

  “Ah, martyrdom.” Sasha chuckled.