That is Stacey Simon, Stef. Under that jean jacket is a girl with needles for fingers.
How are you friends with our mortal enemy?! ’Cuz of some sewing machine? ’Cuz you were ON ISLAND together? Are you kidding me??!!
How is my world, you ask? There’s so much goin’ on and so much of it is just wicked intense.
I never imagined a world where I would NOT be Sandy in Grease. I was her for Halloween five years in a row. I deserved to be her! I don’t know. I just don’t know!
And things with C.P.C. are fine. We are definitely one of the rare couples in this town, but again I don’t know. I just don’t know, you know?
And this Freshman kid, you know Christopher’s across-the-street neighbor (now, in a parallel universe, also known as Danny Zuko) is really drivin’ me nuts. Here’s this kid who just arrived—A FRESHMAN—and he’s just disruptin’ the natural order of things.
My world. How is my world? I’m sure you’ve smelled me in the halls when I’ve rushed by you (busy, busy, busy), and yes, that’s Trésor. Long story I will tell you if we hang out. IF.
Best wishes,
Tara M. Murphy
Dear the most beautiful girl in the world,
I AM SERIOUSLY SORRY I DIDN’T CALL YOU LAST NIGHT! See, I spelled that in all capital letters, so you know I mean it.
That girl Joy may have gotten your part and taken your perfume, but she’s got nothin’ on you, T. You have bigger gazongas, anyway.
You pissed at Matty B.? Is he being a dick to you, ’cuz if he is I’m gonna have to say somethin’ to him. Let me know.
I’m just gonna buy a new answering machine after school. Hey, I have an idea. How about you come over after rehearsal and record my answering machine greeting for me? I’d like that. Why? ’Cuz you’re my girlfriend.
I smelled your note. Just me or does Trésor smell like sex? Me likesy.
Love ya, baby,
C.P.C.
To-est T. Murphs—
I will still write “To-est” to you no matter what. That is our official greeting, and I know you know that.
I have noticed you changed your perfume. I mean, at first it was hard to tell because you were basically sprinting by me—I was like, “Is she training for a marathon?”—but after a few times I figured that yes, you had changed your fragrance. I love Trésor, but I LOVE IT ON YOU THE MOST.
Your life sounds really heavy right now, and I know what that feels like, and I am so sorry you’re hurting right now.
You absolutely should have gotten Sandy! That is outrageous, and I feel like everyone knows it. I KNOW IT, and that’s all that matters. You are a gift to the theater, Tara. You are a true actress. And this Joy girl is a flash in the pan. There’s no way she is as talented as you. But I’m sorry you didn’t get the part. You were born to be Sandy.
As for Stacey . . . I think your history with her might actually be slightly different than what you’ve thought.
The balloon-day conspiracy is complicated, I’ll give you that. I’ve always said I never actually saw Stacey pop your balloon, but you are right I never disputed your theory on that. Maybe she did. Maybe she didn’t. But who she is now is not who she was when we were five. And I know how much you wanted to take your parents to Tony Roma’s, but I’ve told you this a million times and will tell you a million more . . . you are not the reason for any of their “stuff.” If anything, Tara, you are the reason they are still working hard to make it work.
And I don’t want you to think that I’m defending Stacey, but Tara . . . she did fall off the chairlift and her knee did pop out. She did go to the hospital, and she was on crutches for, like, three months. I’m your best friend, and I was the only one who knew you were scared of heights, and I was also the only one who knew you had a crush on the chairlift operator guy.
And I know how badly you wanted to move away and go to New York. Selfishly I half loved that time because you slept over almost every night, and it was like we lived together, and I loved that more than anything. My parents loved it, too. The other half of me hated it because of everything going on at your house. And no, I was not in Mr. Donovan’s class, but from what I heard Stacey didn’t laugh at you. That foul animal Dougie Fitz blew a boogie on Jessica Klein’s back and HE laughed. He also got suspended. And from what I heard Stacey offered you her aunt and uncle’s phone number in case you needed anything in New York . . . you know, when you moved there.
After spending so much time with her on Nantucket I realized Stacey Simon isn’t at all what we thought, Tara. She doesn’t think of herself as popular and doesn’t wake up and stare in the mirror going, “I am the most beautiful person in town.” She’s actually very insecure about stuff. She thinks everyone HATES HER. I know, shocking.
She struggles just like us. She and Justin have a ton of problems and have broken up a bunch without anyone ever knowing. She tries very hard to keep her private life private, but I told her that is hard when everyone makes up ideas about her or spreads rumors about her which then everyone thinks are trumors. She is even considering not going to Prom because she doesn’t want for her and Justin to win Prom queen and king because she thinks people will . . . well . . . that they’ll think the system is rigged in her favor. Stacey feels like no one in this town has ever understood her. I can relate to that. Can you? I think you can, Tara. I know you, and I think you can relate to that.
Stacey, who did wear her famous jean jacket a lot over the summer, asked if the three of us could hang out. Would you be open to that? Would you give her a chance? Would you give me a chance?
And I was thinking, you know . . . if you are willing to let me teach you how to sew that we could make matching purses out of your hearts-and-stars sheets. You know, like, the next version of our BEST FRIEND NECKLACE. Think about it?
Mwah, Miss Trésor.
Muchly and Moreso,
Soup
To Whom It May Concern a.k.a. my boyfriend Christopher Caparelli’s across-the-street neighbor a.k.a. you are a FRESHMAN so DON’T YOU FORGET IT—
Hey, a few things, Marty . . .
I wanted to cut something off at the pass, hon. Christopher is very, veeeerry upset right now ’cuz he has heard, as people at South High tend to do, that you are bein’ a little bit conceited since you got the lead in Grease. I have tried to calm him down, but he’s just really mad that you are acting different. It’s almost like you think you’re the real Danny Zuko. Well, that’s what people are sayin’, anyway. You are very young and impressionable. I can see that now. And yes, Matt, you have a great theatrical voice and sure you can dance super good, but that does not necessarily mean you’re a star.
I am and will continue to talk Christopher off the ledge. He wants to confront you, but I’m tryin’ to stop that from happenin’. And he listens to me, Matt. And you know I’m like your big sister, so I am just lookin’ out for you here.
I’m gonna first tell you about stars. Not the ones in the sky, Silly Young Person. Though I do love lyin’ on a blanket in Camel Lot and stargazin’. You don’t even know what Camel Lot is, Matt. And you might never know. ’Cuz it’s my special place where I go to think about all the chaos this town brings my way. It would take the specialest person in the world to experience Camel Lot with this girl.
Back to stars. A star is a person who carries themself with dignity. A star is someone who can sing, act, dance, and BE A GOOD PERSON. And be SMART ABOUT THEIR CHOICES.
I’m a star, Matt. Wanna know why? ’Cuz I’m incredibly talented (national cheerleading finalist three years in a row, lead in MOST of the plays when certain non-Catholic bitches don’t get in the way, and a very dignified, kind person).
I will be leaving this town in less than a calendar year, and I will most likely be leavin’ it forever. There’s nothing here for me, Matt. Besides my super athletic, gorgeous boyfriend, C.P.C. But he will visit me on Broadway. You heard of
Broadway, Matt? It’s this very important place where STARS end up. You could end up there too, Matt . . . but if you keep flyin’ too close to the sun you’re gonna get burned.
What is it about your fascination with this Joy Rebecca Bernstein? Just because she’s playin’ Sandy and you’re playin’ Danny does not mean you have to hang out with her. It’s a very, verrrrry Freshman-y thing you’re doing, hanging out with Joy. I know you think that if you spend private time together you will give a better performance come show night. But that’s a myth, Matt.
In order for me to protect you from Christopher’s wrath (he has a dark side when pushed) and to keep your reputation intact, I would suggest you let me in. Let me into your world.
Look, if you’re sleeping with Joy, you can tell me. And if you are havin’ a sexual dalliance with her, I am prayerful that she treats you with the respect you so deserve.
And are you aware that Joy is now wearing my fragrance? I’m not mad about it. It’s just perfume. Like, I don’t even care at all, buuuuuut it’s all very, veeeerry curious, do you know what I mean?
Anyway, I am here to protect you the way only a big sis could.
I look forward to your response. I promise to keep Christopher calm until I hear from you.
Fondly,
Tara Maureen Murphy . . . SENIOR!
Dear Tara,
I just read your note. How did you get it into my backpack? I’m not mad, I just didn’t even see you put it in there.
Let me start off by saying thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for telling Chris I’m not being conceited. I really appreciate that.
I didn’t even realize I was acting differently. I still don’t know exactly what I’m doing that’s different, but I definitely don’t want people to think I’m cocky. I hate conceited people, so I don’t want to be one of them.
You have been so nice to me since I got to South High. I will never forget that for the rest of my whole life.
I never want to bother you at rehearsals because you’re always with the other Seniors, and, I don’t know, I guess I feel a little uncomfortable because it seems like Joel Waldman and Ari Levy hate me because I got Danny Zuko and they didn’t. My mom and dad always raised me and my brother to do our best and go for our dreams, so I went for mine. I never meant to make anyone hate me. I wasn’t trying to take a part from them. But anyway, I always see you hanging out with them, and it feels like I shouldn’t interrupt you guys.
I’ve become really good friends with Joy. She just gets me. She does all these funny voices, and we have a bunch of inside jokes. Like our own language. That probably seems dumb to you ’cuz it’s kind of immature, but maybe it’s just ’cuz we’re younger so we like it. I gave her that perfume as a show present. She gave me Drakkar Noir, so my mom took me to the store to get Joy a perfume. I didn’t know which one to buy, but then I smelled Anaïs Anaïs and it smelled good and familiar, so I bought her it. But now that I’m thinking about it, maybe it smelled familiar ’cuz you wear it and maybe I smelled it on you. So thank you for being the inspiration for Anaïs Anaïs perfume. Joy loves the perfume soooo much. It smells awesome on her.
I really think it is so cool that you’re like my big sister ’cuz with my brother being at Syracuse and pledging Phi Kappa Psi he never even has time to talk on the phone so I can never ask him stuff right now. But I do have a crush on Joy. We haven’t had sex, but we did make out the other night, which was really awesome. I am thinking that I want to ask her out, like to be my girlfriend, but I’m nervous because what if she said no and then we have to be in love in Grease (which opens in like three weeks, which is crazy).
So what do you think I should do? Just ask her out? Or just keep hooking up but date other people?
And are you sure I shouldn’t talk to Chris so he knows that I’m not being conceited?
Thank YOU SOOOO MUCH, YOU ARE AN AWESOME OLDER SISTER!
Matt
P.S. I totally understand what you mean about being a star.
P.P.S. Camel Lot sounds so awesome. If I ask Joy out should I take her there to do it? Where is it?
Dear my angel, Christopher,
I will come over to your house tonight, and I will record your answering machine greeting. Because I love you more than life itself, Christopher.
I’m just sittin’ here in calculus, and I was thinkin’ about you . . . naked. I can’t wait to kiss you later!
Your Girlfriend,
Tara
T—
I know I told you this last night, but I gotta say it one more time: YOU ARE THE SEXIEST GIRL ON EARTH. Probably Mars, too.
You are such a good person.
I used my mom’s line to call my line just so I could hear your voice on my greeting. And then I had a solo mission.
Love ya,
C.P.C.
Dear Young Freshman Matthew Bloom,
I am really gettin’ a handle on your name, Matt, and I was wondering if I may call you Matthew. I think it suits you better as it is more of a statement. Matthew. Matt. See what I mean?
Look at you buying Anaïs Anaïs for Joy. I’m very flattered that I inspired that fragrance choice. Smells are a funny thing, Matthew. They define moments and memories. I don’t love Drakkar Noir (no offense), as my ex-boyfriend, Timmy Garabino, wore it, and every time I smell it I remember our breakup. It was a very, veeerry intense breakup, Matthew. I don’t usually talk about it, but seein’ as you shared with me your crush on Joy and other very intimate details about your sex life, I find it only fair to start lettin’ you in on my world.
Timmy graduated South High some years back. He was an exceptional lover. He had the biggest . . . well, he was a big boy, Matthew. It’s not like I’ve been with a lot of guys ’cuz I haven’t at all. I am no Kathy Connery! Don’t get me wrong, she’s a sweet girl and I’ve known her since nursery school, but she had a three-way with Steve Mazulo and Billy Moriarty and they’re total skids (people who smoke pot behind the school and won’t ever become anything). I am not a slut. I am a romantic girl stuck in a town that has no concept of romance.
Timmy and I were at the reservoir (I hate when people call it “the rez,” reducing it to somethin’ trashy when in fact it’s quite beautiful, especially in a town where strip malls with places called Wicked Good Nails and Wicked Good Shoes and Wicked Great Bagels make up the bulk of the geography), and things definitely went in a different direction than I had thought, and I have the best perception-compass, so you can imagine how shocked I was. Especially ’cuz I was wearin’ Timmy’s Drakkar Noir–doused flannel. Boys don’t let just anyone wear their flannels or jackets. Everyone knows that. Do you know that, Matthew? Never ever let just any girl wear your flannel or jacket unless you have love in your heart. K?
So anyway . . . we had been goin’ out for a while, and I just got caught up in the moment, Matthew. Who wouldn’t? The sun was goin’ down, which made the reservoir glimmer like a sea of diamonds, and the early springtime breeze was just right. Not too strong, not too weak. Just enough to blow my extremely long hair (it was longer than it is now even—I know, crazy, right?) right onto my lips, and a lot of it got stuck on my Lip Smackers (Dr Pepper, as I know you’re wonderin’). I was like basically a cat for a minute (tee-hee, tee-hee), no, but seriously, a few pieces got in my mouth, like in my throat, so I was literally a cat for a minute, no joke . . . but Timmy . . . he didn’t skip a beat. Nope. He just took his hands and unstuck my hair from my lips. I pulled the pieces from my mouth, and he just looked at me the way a boy looks at a girl when he loves her. It was as romantic as it gets for a Sophomore girl dating a Senior guy. I felt it. I knew it. So I said it. I said, “I know. I love you, too.” He smiled and stared at me and then he said, “Let’s get goin’.”
We got in his Volvo, and I was in my head thinkin’, “Oh my god . . . is he takin’ me to Ken’s SteakHouse? Is he takin’ me to see Say Anything? Whe
re is this boy taking me??” And you know where he took me, Matthew? Home. We got to my house, he pulled into my driveway, and he said, “Take care.” And I said, “Of what?” And he said, “Of you.”
He then reached over me and unlocked my door. I didn’t move, I couldn’t. I didn’t understand what was happening. I was young, world-weary, immature. Then he reached over me again and opened my door. I got out, and that was that. The last time I saw Timmy Garabino.
Was I sad? Sure. Of course I was, Matthew—I’m not a Nintendo game, I’m a human girl. But I’m also Tara Maureen Murphy, so what did I do? I threw myself into my acting. I got an amazing supporting role in A Chorus Line (Connie Wong), but bein’ me I turned it into a major role. I chopped my hair off to be Connie Wong (the things real actresses do, right?), and I once again found true happiness in the theater.
Do I still have that flannel? Yes. But it’s sealed in a bag, and it’s in my Sophomore year box. Needless to say, Drakkar Noir makes me sick, so definitely do what you want but DO NOT wear it around me. K? Also, I’m not sayin’ Joy doesn’t have class, but Drakkar isn’t the classiest fragrance around.
Folded Notes from High School Page 3