Folded Notes from High School

by Matthew Boren

  Love,

  Stef

  Hi Stefanie,

  How are you? What’s goin’ on? How are things with you and Diego? How is your family? Are you all planning your next trip to Nantucket? So many questions, I know, but then questions are, in fact, the key to gettin’ answers from someone you just don’t see anymore.

  Thank you for hearing how beautiful my claddagh ring is! That is so sweet of you to say. I am not one to comment on my own ring, but I agree with everyone that it is quite beautiful. It’s 14-karat, so . . .

  It feels just wonderful to be, well, basically engaged to Christopher. No, I am not planning my wedding yet, but let’s just say I am tearing out some pages from some magazines. Just to have in a file for the when of it all, ya know? Do you know what I mean?

  Things are very different once your boyfriend buys you a ring. Things just slow down, and so much that seemed so big and important fades away.

  Just when I thought I had a busy life, things got even busier. I am certain you’re aware (as the whole town is) that Nationals are around the corner. Nashville, here I come! I’m definitely gonna buy my closest friends cute Nashville stuff there. Like key chains and magnets. Just little trinkets, forget-me-nots, knickknacks (and paddy-wacks) to bring back for them so I can share my long journey with them. I love gifting super good friends. I’m so like that, though . . . always wantin’ my closest to experience things along with me. I’ve even let some of my good friends try on my ring. I time them ’cuz you never know what kleptos are capable of when given enough leeway. But nonetheless they get to experience what I am feelin’. It’s nice to share gifts, rings, and INFORMATION with close friends. Are you into that, Stefanie, or nah, not really?

  You mentioned me bein’ mad about Stacey Simon and that Freshman kid’s “relationship.” Oh, dear Stefanie, I haven’t even thought about it. Why . . . is it big news around here? Not that I care.

  I absolutely hope to meet up with you one of these days and have a catch-up. I used to loathe catch-ups (as you might recall), but now, as a ring-wearin’ girlfriend, I’ve a newfound respect for them, especially ’cuz I’m the only one in this stage of life so I get the responsibility I have to those who aren’t quite there yet. And I am playin’ with the idea of throwin’ a “basically engaged” party for me and Christopher, and if that comes to light I will beyond consider invitin’ you, k?

  All my best to you and Diego,

  Tara

  Tara,

  I am worried about you. I have talked to my parents at length about this, and they are worried about you, too. We are here for you, Tara. We have always been a second family to you, and we always will be.

  We are worried about you staying with Chris. Look, you know that I wanted, more than anything in the world, for the Kathy and Chris thing to have been wrong. God, Tara, I was praying you were wrong. I was convinced you had it wrong. All wrong. BUT YOU DIDN’T! You were right. Kathy and Chris are having an affair. And as you said, “Now we have the pictures to prove it.”

  You know I was so blown away by how gracefully you had handled that. You were calm and collected. You meditated on it! That’s a big step for you. Not just you, Tara. For anyone. Meditating is not easy, but you did it! You considered things and you were ready to take action.

  Look, I am so happy you didn’t “ruin” Chris, because come on, we are graduating high school soon, we are too old to “ruin” people, but I understood completely your desire to take him down. I get it, Tara. Who wouldn’t? It’s beyond not cool that he’s cheating on you. If he wants to hook up with other people, fine! Then he should be a man and break up with you. I’ve never understood the cheating thing. Not on tests, not on people. Just communicate. Why don’t people just communicate? Why aren’t you communicating with me? Are you shutting me out because of Stacey and Matt?

  Look, I know you had a bizarre moment with him. I know you started to have weird feelings about him, but that was for, like, what, a minute? And that ended. Right? So Matt Bloom found Stacey Simon’s jean jacket and he returned it to her. And they started to hang out. She is single. He is single. I just don’t even understand what the big deal is. Tara, we don’t even know what their deal is anyway. Stacey is private, and I respect that. She went through so much having such a public relationship with Justin. Everyone in town, like, fed off of them. Every move they made was looked at and talked about. Don’t you get why whatever she has with Matt is something she wants to keep to herself? I do. And she deserves some privacy. You know her now. We both know Stacey is a good person. She’s just like us, Tara. Just a Senior girl trying to navigate the last months of high school.

  And look, maybe this isn’t about Stacey and Matt. Maybe you are shutting me out because you knew I would eventually write this note to you. Maybe you knew I would have a big issue with you staying with Chris. I care too much about you, Tara, to watch you put all your self-respect in the trash. You’re wearing a claddagh ring now? Come on, Tara. What are you doing? The more you wear that ring and flaunt your relationship with Chris, the more he gets away with CHEATING ON YOU. Now, do you have to “ruin” him to make your point? Of course not. Do you have to plaster the pictures of Chris and Kathy all over town? No! And I am so happy you didn’t do that. But you can communicate with Chris. You can tell him that you know what he’s been up to. And you can tell him that you are Tara Maureen Murphy! And the Tara Maureen Murphy I know would dump his ass! I don’t want to see you tarnish everything you’ve worked for. We’re so close to the finish line, Tara. Why chuck your reputation out the window now?

  I’m here for you. If you want to come over, my mom would love to make dinner for you. We can all sit and talk like the old days.

  And as for Nantucket, my parents offered us the cottage as a graduation gift. Think about it.

  Love always,

  Soup

  To Stefanie,

  I’m afraid you’re barking up the wrong tree. I’m more of a redwood. I think you’re lookin’ for a weepin’ willow. And do thank your parents for me. So kind of them to be “worried” about me. They always seemed like fine people, but you can gossip to them that Tara is doin’ just great. You can tell those parents of yours Tara has never been so good, so secure, so sure. And I got a mom who can make me dinner. I got parents, too, Stef, and just like me they have never been so good, so secure, so sure. K?

  And as for the graduation-gift offer to go to your Nantucket cottage . . . I have no idea what my plans with Christopher will be after we get our diplomas, so . . .

  Let’s just do this, k, Stefanie? You worry about you and Diego and your world, and I will worry about me, Christopher, and my world. Sorry if mine is more interesting and exciting, but it’s mine, so please respect that.

  Regards,

  Tara

  Tara,

  You got it.

  Trust me, I won’t give your life a second thought.

  Good luck with everything.

  Stef

  Dear Tara,

  First and foremost I want to apologize for not being in touch. I finally listened to all the messages on my answering machine, and there were so many kind and considerate ones from you. I very much appreciate you reaching out and checking in on me. And last night I finally read through all your notes. Those, too, were so generous of spirit and thoughtful.

  The reason I finally took the time to listen to my messages and read up on all the notes was because I am really on the other side of things now. I feel happier and more peaceful than I’ve felt in ages.

  I know that while we have known of each other for years and years, we don’t really know each other all that well. It was nice to sort of re-meet you through Stef. I know you know this, but Stef is just one of the most incredible people in the world. Certainly one of the best I’ve ever known. And for me, she is hands down the best girl friend I’ve ever had.

  Not sure if you know this, but girls haven’t
always seen me for me. They seem to have this preconceived notion of who I am or what I believe, but Stef just didn’t. I will be forever grateful that she ran into me on Nantucket. And because of Stef I got the great opportunity to get re-acquainted with you. Another reminder in this life that no story is ever over. A reminder that anything can happen and that everything is possible.

  It has been so lovely to get to know you, Tara, and while my breakup with Justin took me out of the loop for a while, I hope that this final stretch of high school can offer us the time to really learn about each other.

  You and I share a best friend, and I bet once we spend more time together, we will find out that we have a lot more in common.

  Thank you again for being so openhearted with me. For taking time to reach out to me over and over again. That means a great deal to me.

  Hope all is well,

  Stacey

  Stefanie,

  I am assuming you told Stacey Simon everything and that is why she wrote me a condescending, manipulative note?! Wow. Just WOW!!

  Your Ex-BFF,

  Tara

  Tara,

  Not that I owe you a response, because god knows I don’t . . . but no. I have said nothing to Stacey about you. I have said nothing to Stacey about you and Chris. I have said nothing to Stacey about Chris cheating on you. And I knew NOTHING and KNOW NOTHING about Stacey and Matt Bloom.

  Goodbye, Tara.

  Stef

  To the Kid Who Thinks He Looks Like Keanu,

  Did someone send you from some heartless, evil planet to come destroy my life!? Who on earth (my native planet) do you think you are, Matt Bloom??

  At every turn you have taken my life off course. Every single turn!!

  I asked ya to transfer schools. Is that really so much to ask a life-destroyer?!

  I swear to god it’s as if your life before South High was spent plotting a way to ruin mine. One can’t help but think you are in cahoots with people to just . . . what? Wipe me out? Well, wiped out I am. I am tired. Oh so very tired, Matt, but I will not be stopped. I will win this chess game. Yeah, for a minute there the ball was in your court, Kid, but now . . . now you don’t even have a court!

  Not sure if you’re aware that because of you I have lost my best friend. You aware of that? Huh? Because of you I am staying with a boyfriend that is cheating on me. I have to wear a friggin’ claddagh ring from a cheating boyfriend because of you, Matt.

  So let’s just cut to the center of this Tootsie Pop, k? Enough with your ridiculous “I’m so private . . . Stacey and I are such private people” nonsense. You’re at South High, Matt. The place where a giant Freshman girl who works at a candy shop found a note and nearly killed my lifelong-built reputation. Nothing is private in this joke of a town. NOTHING. So stop fronting like you’re this super sacred person.

  How long have you and Stacey been goin’ out? Did you become official boyfriend/girlfriend and then start sleeping together or did you start sleeping together first and then become boyfriend/girlfriend? Are you goin’ to Prom together and have you already rented a tux? Knowin’ you I bet you’ve already picked out your cummerbund. Doin’ a solid color, Matt, or a more actorly one with paisleys? Huh?

  You think I have the time to deal with all this? Well, I don’t. I’m packing my bags for Nashville, and I am goin’ to clear my head (some of us meditate, Matt), and I am gonna win everything at Nationals. EVERYTHING!!

  You’d better answer me, Matt. You owe me that much. I will review your note on the plane, and when I return to this town a winner I will take action.

  Write Back or Else,

  Tara

  Dear Tara,

  Woah! Seriously . . . woah! There is so much here to discuss, but let me try to help you make sense of some things.

  I was not sent here from another planet to destroy you. I know you’re joking about that (at least I’m hoping you are . . . sorry for using your parentheses), but no, I wasn’t sent to South High to hurt you in any way.

  I’m not transferring schools. So you can stop asking me to do that. Again, hoping you’re joking about that, but I’ve gotta tell you I can’t really detect when you’re kidding and when you’re not. You didn’t say j to the k, so . . .

  I am so confused about you and Chris. Last thing I knew you asked me to call you when his friend in the Pinto was at his house. I did that. I called you. You thanked me because you wanted to surprise them. I thought that was so nice of you, to surprise him. Then you told me you had stuff to share with me and that you would do that at Camel Lot, but you canceled that plan and have been angry ever since.

  Don’t think I don’t see you giving me the finger in the hallways. I see it. And I also see you mocking the way I blow my hair out of my face.

  And the whole Keanu thing . . . I’m my own person, Tara, and I like me. I’m not trying to be Keanu. It’s not my fault I am Hungarian and Russian, which is why I sort of have Asian eyes. Believe me, I got made fun of for my eyes a lot when I was a kid. People said I was adopted and that I should go back to China. I cried about that a lot. But my mom and dad always told me I was a beautiful boy with beautiful eyes, and my brother always beat the crap out of the kids who made fun of me. One time David had a broken thumb and he had this metal cast kind of thing on it, a splint or something. Some dumb, mean kid was making fun of me, and David grabbed the kid and shoved the metal splint into his neck. The kid never said another word to me.

  Anyway. No, I’m not this conceited guy you’re trying to make me out to be. I have long hair and sometimes it gets in my face and so I blow it out of my face. You really don’t need to mock that. That’s mean, and I know deep down you’re better than that. And if you’re not, let me know, because I don’t like mean people. Like one of the buttons on Stacey’s jean jacket says . . . “Mean People Suck.”

  And about Stacey. I didn’t plan on my relationship with her. I never even knew her. I had heard about her, but it seems everyone in this school knows about her. But I never thought, “Huh, I should meet Stacey Simon.” I was never like, “Hmmm, how can I be calculating and meet Stacey Simon.” The way you’re viewing this makes it seem like I stole her jean jacket only to pretend to find it just so I could meet her. Didn’t happen that way, Tara. I found something that wasn’t mine, and I did what any decent person would do. I brought it to the school office. Lost and found. She lost it. I found it. That’s the story and that’s the truth.

  And Stacey almost never ever talks about other people, but she did say that both you and I were great in Grease and that she’s happy you guys are friends. That’s it. She’s said that one thing, and she has never said a bad word about you or anyone. Not even Justin.

  No, we’re not sleeping together. And no, we are not boyfriend/girlfriend. Stacey and I aren’t dating. We’re not hooking up. We are friends. Really good friends. And it’s a friendship that means a lot to me and to her. And guess what: It is sacred!

  Not sure why you and your best friend Stef are in a bad place, but that has nothing to do with me, Tara. Nothing!

  I go to school here. I do my best to do well in my classes. I suck at math, but I might be getting a tutor even though I’m begging my parents to just talk to the principal so I can get out of math. I am practicing my new audition songs for the Spring Musical. Auditions are first week of March. I heard a rumor that it’s going to be West Side Story, which would be unbelievable. Anyway . . . I hope you have a safe flight to Nashville. I hope you win everything you want to win. I hope I’ve answered some of your questions. And I hope this drama can stop. It’s 1992, Tara.

  All my best.

  Sincerely,

  Matt Bloom

  MARCH 1992

  To-est Tomato, Minnie Strone . . . Soup!

  BB Minkey, this is so unlike you to block my every outreach. But as I continue to reiterate . . . I get it. And man, do I not blame you. I am on my knees literally begging f
or your forgiveness, Stef.

  We are all changing so much as summer-after-Senior-year and first-semester-of college loom over us. I could always count on you taking me back with open arms no matter how crappy I was bein’, but you’ve grown up a ton, and I respect that from the very bottom of my heart. You have blossomed into someone who if I met today for the first time I would envy. Someone I would want so much to be friends with. Someone I would hope liked my clothes, my hair, my thoughts on society and the world at large. You’re just so multidimensional and wise and both book- and street-smart. Basically, Stef—you friggin’ get it. Whatever the IT everyone always talks about is . . . you get IT and have IT. All of IT.

  I just can’t bear to go another day having won Nationals and MVP without being able to share it with you. I mean this, those titles and the trophies and the new school banner, mean less than nothing to me because I can’t even share it (IT) with you. What’s a mansion, they always say, if you can’t share it with those you love most? A yacht is just some floating metal if it’s not filled with people you love. And titles are meaningless if your best friend isn’t in your world.

  Pleading with you, Stef. Let me be a part of your world. Mine is nothing without you in it. That I can say for certain.

  Ya know, I was so delusional coming into 1992 thinkin’ I had “evolved so much” and “figured it all out.” I am humbly admitting I don’t know much, but I know I love you. (Oh my god, I just remembered how much we sang that song, Steffed Animal. You were the most glorious Linda Ronstadt and I, an amazin’ Aaron Neville.)

  While I can’t do anything until West Side Story auditions are over, I am going to listen to my best friend (you might know her . . . her name is Stef Campbell . . . she is, oh, I don’t know . . . the best girl ever. Heard of her?) and end things with Christopher. Let me say that again. I AM GONNA END THINGS WITH CHRISTOPHER!