When He Returns

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  “Hey,” she said, stepping back to let her friend into the apartment.

  Danica walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch. Wondering if maybe she and JD had had a disagreement or misunderstanding, Sierra detoured into the kitchen and got them each a can of soda from the fridge. Back in the living room, she handed one to Danica then sat down on the opposite corner of the couch, pulling her legs up as she opened the soda in her hand.

  “What’s up?” Sierra asked after she took a sip.

  “I was going to ask you that,” Danica said, arching a brow at her.

  “Well, I’m back to work full-time, and Ethan’s doing pretty well. That’s about all that’s up in my world.”

  “Really?” Danica managed to pack a whole lot of skepticism into that one word. “Things seemed a bit…tense between you and Dalton last night.”

  Sierra had gotten used to Danica not being very observant now that her time and attention were pretty focused on JD. It looked like maybe that had changed. She took another sip of her soda, trying to decide how much—if anything—to tell Danica, keeping in mind that she was Dalton’s sister.

  “You know you can tell me anything, right?” Danica said, her tone gentle.

  “I know,” Sierra said as she gave her a tired smile. “I just wasn’t sure what to say about it.”

  “What happened? Did Dalton say something to upset you?”

  Sierra shrugged. “He didn’t intend for that to happen, but I guess it kind of did anyway.”

  Danica sighed. “What did that brother of mine say?”

  “He asked me out on a date.”

  “He…what?” Danica asked, her tone perplexed. “And that upset you?”

  Sierra rested her soda on one of her knees, moving it around in small movements. She stared at the damp circle the condensation left on her pants. “Only because I had to turn him down, and I knew that would change things between us.”

  “You turned him down?”

  “Of course,” Sierra said as she looked up at Danica. “I didn’t really have a choice.”

  Danica didn’t respond as she continued to take sips of her soda.

  Knowing that Danica was just waiting for her to spill her guts, Sierra decided it was useless to try and wait her out. “He said he didn’t know where he was going to end up. If he was going to stay here or go back to Toronto. My life is here. Particularly after what happened with Ethan. I wasn’t going to move away.”

  Danica nodded. “I can understand that. Plus, you’re scared.”

  “Scared?” Sierra had felt a few different emotions that night, but fear hadn’t been one of them.

  “I think you’re scared of getting into a relationship.”

  Sierra frowned at Danica as her thumb rubbed back and forth along the smooth edge of her can of soda. “What do you mean? It’s not like I’ve had many opportunities.”

  Danica laughed. “Well, you’ve had opportunities, you’ve just made sure that no one could get close enough to even ask you out on a date, let alone get into a relationship.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sierra told her.

  “Don’t I?” Danica began to name guys that had been in their church groups over the years. “I think any of them would have not only asked you out on a date but also perhaps would have pursued something more serious, if not for the arm’s length you kept everyone at.”

  “How does Dalton factor into your theory?” Sierra asked. “I would have accepted a date with him if he’d asked me out when we were teens.”

  “Except I think you knew he never would, so he was safe.” Danica hesitated, her gaze dropping to her soda. “I’ve thought about this a lot since he came back, and the two of you struck up a friendship.”

  Sierra wasn’t sure what to say. Hearing this from Danica made her wonder how her friend had come up with her theory. Was it a theory if it was founded in truth? Because whether she wanted to admit it or not, there was some truth to what Danica was saying.

  Plenty of times over the years, she’d made sure to keep a distance between herself and most guys. She’d been friendly to all of the guys in their church groups, but if she sensed that any of them seemed to be thinking of making a move, she’d begin to avoid them. Sooner or later, they’d get the message.

  There had been a couple of guys who had persevered and asked her out, but she’d let them down as gently as she could. She hadn’t told Danica about those ones though, because she had no explanation for why she’d turned them down.

  “I was surprised to come back from our honeymoon to see you had struck up a friendship with Dalton, but maybe, you thought he’d be as disinterested in you as an adult as he had been as a teen.”

  “Okay. Let’s just say you’re right, why on earth would I be avoiding a relationship like you say I am?”

  “Your parents.”

  “Oh, that’s right. When all else fails, blame the parents.” Sierra couldn’t keep the sarcasm from her voice. Mainly because she hated talking about them, and Danica knew that.

  “Except in your case, it’s rather accurate.” Danica leaned forward to put her soda on the coffee table. “How likely are you to believe that someone will love you when your own parents didn’t?”

  Sierra gaped at Danica. Her parents were a subject that they didn’t talk about. In fact, she refused to talk about them with anyone. Even Ethan. The closest she’d come to discussing them recently was when she’d told Dalton about why she’d become a nurse. But even then, she hadn’t delved into her messed up relationship with them.

  “I believe that Ethan loves me,” Sierra said.

  “And he does. As do I.” Danica met her gaze head-on. “Our whole family loves you, but when it comes to believing that a man could love you enough to not reject you, I don’t think you do.”

  Was she right?

  Sierra wasn’t about to let Danica know how much she didn’t like her theory, especially because it felt like maybe she was at least partially right. “I had my reasons for not wanting to pursue a relationship with Dalton. Do you really think he’s in a good place for a relationship right now? Plus, the last time I checked, he still had no interest in rekindling his faith. How would that work for me?”

  Danica sighed. “I’m not saying you were wrong to turn him down, but I think that if he was planning to settle in Winnipeg and was attending church regularly, you never would have struck up as close a friendship with him as you did. You would have kept him at arm’s length. He’s safe because you can use other reasons for not getting involved with him.”

  “Maybe you should have gone into psychiatry instead of teaching,” Sierra said with a frown.

  “I’m not going to force you to say I’m right, but at least consider it.” Danica smiled, her expression softening. “Now that I’m married to JD, I see how wonderful truly loving someone can be. Yes, it means being vulnerable and risking rejection, but when it’s someone who’s willing to be vulnerable and risk rejection as well, it brings a level of trust that is truly amazing. JD is trusting me with his vulnerabilities just like I’m trusting him with mine.

  “Consider it. If not for Dalton, for another man in your future. It’s one thing if you want to stay single by choice or if you feel that’s God’s will for you.” She hesitated, her gaze focusing in on Sierra once again. “It’s something else entirely if you’re choosing that option because of fear.”

  Danica was making more sense than Sierra wanted her to. But it stood to reason that if anyone would see this weakness about her, it would be the person who’d been her closest friend for more than a decade.

  “I’d better go,” Danica said as she got to her feet. She picked up her soda and headed for the kitchen. “Will you talk to me more about this?”

  Sierra followed her. “Probably. I mean, who else would I talk to about this kind of stuff?”

  Danica came and gave her a tight hug then stepped back. “You know I just want you to be happy. Whatever that means. I’m
not saying you need to be in a relationship with Dalton or anyone else. I just want you to make your decisions from a position of confidence. Not fear.”

  Sierra nodded because she knew that was how it should be for her as a Christian. “Now take yourself off to your husband and enjoy the rest of your evening. I need to read Makayla’s update and then go to bed.”

  Once Danica had left, Sierra locked the door and shut off the lights before going into her bedroom. She put away the laundry she’d been ignoring for a few days then went to take a shower. All the while, Danica’s words played in her mind.

  While she may have been right about why she kept her distance from men, for the most part, Sierra still knew she’d made the right decision when it came to Dalton. He wasn’t in a good place for a relationship, and she knew that she couldn’t be a girlfriend to him when he needed a friend more.

  Now if they could just get past the awkwardness and back to the friendship she’d been enjoying so much.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Dalton strode through the hallways of the hospital, making his way to Ethan’s room. For reasons known only to her, Makayla had called him the night before and asked if he could spend some time with Ethan since she had to run errands with the kids in preparation for school starting soon.

  It seemed that a lot of things had been set aside because of Ethan and Mitch’s accident, including the annual family trip to Hecla. Now they were facing the start of a new school year, not just for the kids but for Danica and JD too.

  Dalton was glad that it wasn’t him having to go shopping for school supplies and clothes. He had never enjoyed the start of a new school year. Not because of any particular reason other than it meant curtailing the time he could spend on his music and the videos he made for his YouTube channel. The only upside of school starting had been being part of the worship team once again.

  “Morning,” Dalton said as he walked into Ethan’s room.

  His brother-in-law lifted his head and stared at him for a moment. “Hey, Dalton. You on invalid duty this morning?”

  Dalton lifted the tray he carried. “I thought I was on coffee duty, but hey, if you’d prefer invalid duty, I can do that too. Just point me in the right direction.”

  Ethan gave a huff of laughter. “Nice one. Fine, let’s go with coffee for now.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Dalton said as he neared the bed. “Didn’t Makayla tell you I was coming?”

  “Of course not.” Ethan’s gaze was on his hands as Dalton worked one of the cups free from the tray. “I would have told her not to bother you.”

  “Well, it’s absolutely not a bother. In case you haven’t heard, I’m unemployed, so I have nothing else to occupy my time. I’m happy to help out.”

  Ethan took the cup Dalton set on the bedside table and slowly lifted it to take a sip. “Ahhhh… So much better than what they offer here.”

  Dalton dropped the tray in the garbage then took his cup and went to the chair near the window on the other side of the bed. “Have they said how much longer you need to stay in this place that serves bad coffee?”

  “Longer than I want to, that’s for sure.” Ethan grimaced and took another sip of his coffee. “No one is giving me a definite discharge date. There are things they want me to be able to do before they’ll allow me to go home. Stuff that is impossible at the moment given the casts I’m wearing.”

  “At least you’re in a position to be doing those things, if not now, at least in the coming days or weeks. It was touch and go there for a bit.”

  “Yes, you’re right of, course. I need to remember that, but it’s hard. I want to be home, dealing with the kids, or at work, handling my job. I feel like I’m inconveniencing everyone by not pulling my weight.”

  “Definitely not an inconvenience, dude,” Dalton said as he leaned back in the chair. “It’s not like you were injured doing something reckless. Pretty sure this was all out of your control.” Dalton hesitated. “But I do know how it feels to not want to burden those who love and care about you, with your struggles.”

  “How are you doing these days?” Ethan said, apparently all too happy to shift the focus off his own situation.

  “I’m doing okay. Still a bit uncertain about what my future holds now that the band has disbanded.”

  “So it’s official?”

  “Yeah. The other members have already moved on. Not that they shouldn’t have since it’s been six months now since Angel died. They couldn’t just wait around for me to get my act together. Plus, we had major management issues that needed to be addressed. It just seems like maybe it was time for the band to end.”

  “Are you home to stay?”

  Dalton shrugged. “Not sure just yet. I’m exploring some options.”

  “Think outside the box, Dalton,” Ethan said. “You’re talented enough that you should be able to do anything in the music industry. I’m sure you’d be sought after regardless of which direction you decide to take.”

  “Only if people believe that I’m truly clean. A few will have to take a chance on me in order for word to spread so that others will do the same.”

  “Then you do that. I have no doubt that if you put your mind to something, you will work it out. I can still remember you as a teenager working on those videos with JD and Danica. You were very determined in what you were doing, and from what Makayla and others said, you were successful at it.”

  Dalton nodded. “I’ve wondered what happened to change me over the years. I need to find that teen Dalton again so he can point me in the right direction.”

  Ethan chuckled. “It’s not often we look to our past selves to inspire us. Too often we’re looking at who we used to be to try not to repeat the mistakes we’ve made.”

  In the past week, Dalton had become determined to learn from his mistakes. He didn’t want to stem the flow of words and music, but he couldn’t allow it to dictate his life the way it had in the past. To that end, he’d set a few alarms on his phone. One was for ten o’clock each night. When that alarm went off, he had half an hour before his next alarm to jot down any notes or music before he had to call it quits.

  He was determined to be in bed by eleven o’clock each night and up by seven the next morning, so he had time to exercise before starting his day. Some days, he’d been able to stay home and work on his music all day. Other days, he’d had driving lessons or appointments with his counselor. And on a couple of days, he’d made dinner for the apartment gang again.

  Dalton never would have thought that he’d want to live his life so structured, but he’d discovered that he felt better. He was getting good rest and exercise. He was eating better since he’d make sure to have breakfast before diving into whatever he had planned for the day. If he missed lunch, it wasn’t a big deal because he was determined to make supper each night whether he was cooking just for himself or for the others too.

  For the first time in a long time, he truly felt in control of his life. No one else was making him do these things, though when he’d shared them with the counselor, he’d agreed that they were all good things. Maybe he was finally making some good decisions without other people forcing him to. He was closer to thirty than twenty. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to get his act together.

  “I don’t know where you are spiritually,” Ethan began, “but if you’re struggling with direction in your life, maybe you should consider praying about it. If you aren’t already.”

  Dalton was a bit surprised that out of all his family, Ethan was the one who broached this with him so straightforwardly. Many of the family had told him that they were praying for him, specifically for wisdom as he made decisions about his future. No one had outright challenged him to take on the responsibility of praying about his future himself.

  As Dalton met Ethan’s gaze, for a moment, he felt like he was looking into Sierra’s eyes. They both had such a serious, direct way of looking at him that made him feel like they were completely focused on him. Which, to b
e fair, they usually were. But there was something more there too. Concern. It was something he’d seen in Sierra’s gaze frequently.

  “I haven’t, to be honest,” Dalton confessed.

  For some reason, he didn’t even hesitate to share that with Ethan. There was no judgment on the man’s face which made Dalton feel like sharing more stuff that he hadn’t divulged to anyone else. Not even Sierra.

  “I think I’m a bit scared to ask for God’s wisdom for my future.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I may not want that future. What if it has nothing to do with music? I’m not sure I want that future.”

  Ethan seemed to consider that for a moment before he nodded. “I think you’re not alone in that fear. I mean, if I’d known this was what lay ahead of me, I would probably have prayed for a different path. I certainly wouldn’t have welcomed it.” Ethan let out a sigh. “As you can probably tell, I’m having trouble accepting my current predicament.”

  “No one blames you for feeling like that,” Dalton said.

  “In my weaker moments, I spend a lot of time asking God why He allowed this to happen.”

  “And in your stronger ones?”

  “I trust that God knows what He’s doing and that He’ll see us through this.”

  Dalton leaned forward to drop his empty cup into the garbage. “I wish I could be that strong.”

  “You can be,” Ethan said. “But really, more than anything, it’s a step of faith to trust Him. We can spend all our time questioning why God allows certain things to happen, or we can continue to live our lives in the most glorifying way we can.” A look crossed Ethan’s face that Dalton couldn’t read. “Actually, this is a timely reminder for me. I mean, clearly I know this, but I haven’t been putting it into practice recently.”

  “I think you could be excused,” Dalton offered.

  “But that’s the thing,” Ethan said with a shake of his head. “I don’t want to be excused. I want to be reminded that God has been faithful in the past, and He’ll be faithful now. I don’t need to be grumpy with the people around me because I’m frustrated with my current lot in life.”